Your mom or his mom?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Help' started by Millie&twins, Feb 14, 2008.

  1. Millie&twins

    Millie&twins Well-Known Member

    Hey (I am posting it here since it is about a singleton birth),
    my friend's wife is having her first child March 13 (well that is her due date) and she told me the other day that she is still deciding if she wanted her mom or her MIL in the room with her while giving birth. Her husband will not be there (they are russian, and apparently that is how you do it in russia).
    Now, I can barely imagine MY mom there with me in a moment of total uncontrollable pain (I had mine all 3 vaginally without any pain relief... my choice I am a sadist), but HIS???

    Would you let your MIL be in the room with you while you give vaginal birth? Or any kind of birth for that matter?
    I mean I think my MI is fine, she is a nice kind woman, but NO WAY would I want her there while I huff and puff and insult her son and am naked... with my vagina highly exposed! And to be honest I don't think mine would have wanted to be there either!
    So what about you guys?
    Millie
     
  2. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    I am toying with the idea of having my sister in (if she would like) IF I get to deliver vaginally. She is not married and might never experience childbirth. SHe got a kick out of feeling the twins move and attending an NST with me once. I will NOT Have my mom and certainly not his mom. What are the traditions of the family? That might be a huge consideration.
     
  3. twinzmom2b

    twinzmom2b Well-Known Member

    I think it would all depend on her relationship with each person. She may very well be closer to her MIL than her own mom.

    For me, I am very close with my mom and if for some reason DH was not present, I would have my mom there. But, not MIL. I get along with MIL and all, it's just awkward.

    Goodluck to your friend...my baby is coming March 13 too!
     
  4. axpan

    axpan Well-Known Member

    Here in Greece the delivery room is also usually full of mothers and mil. I can't imagine that happening for me. Neither my mother and deflinetlly not my mil are people who I would want with me. A friend, actually any friend would be better. Some men here will not go in the delivery room but pace outside like you see in old movies. I find if they're involved in dr visits and ultrasounds they are more likely to be in the delivery room. My dh although very Greek himself wouldn't miss it for the world.
     
  5. summerfun

    summerfun Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    My Mom definitely! I would not want my MIL in there as she would not want to be in there either, she wasn't even for her own DD. She just does not do things like that.
     
  6. jjokitty

    jjokitty Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't have minded my mom being there if I'd given birth vaginally (which I didn't) but we have grown apart over the last few years so it would have been more for her than for me. I would not have minded MIL being there either, but then again she is an RN and she helped so much after the babies came. I would BF in front of her and everything. At that point I didn't care anymore.

    Jen
     
  7. RondaJo

    RondaJo Well-Known Member

    My mom was in when I delivered DS. I was too terrified to do it with just DH in the room (I was afraid he would pass out--and he almost did). If her and my sister weren't going to be the ones watching my 3 others one of them would be in this time around too. I could never have my MIL in with me though. I never really felt comfortable BF around her so there is no way I could give birth in front of her.
     
  8. twoplustwo

    twoplustwo Well-Known Member

    My mom was with me for dd
    my sister for ds

    I did offer to let MIL come in for next pregnancy but it ended up being twins and no one else but dh allowed in. That was really hard for me since we don't really get along. It was a peace offering.

    The bottom line is YOU have to be comfortable with it.
     
  9. avd1995

    avd1995 Well-Known Member

    If Dh could not be with me, I would pick my sister.

    I get along great with my MIL, but I wouldn't want her in the delivery room. The same goes for my Mom
     
  10. Lilpark

    Lilpark Well-Known Member

    I would absolutely not have my mil. Maybe my mom but probably my sister.
     
  11. candctwinfactory

    candctwinfactory Well-Known Member

    My children are the only grandchildren that my mother has not seen being born. She would have killed to be in the delivery room but we had C/S with the twins, then she was the only one that could watch the twins when we had our singleton.

    DH doesn't even talk to his mother so I would never have MIL. I would definitely go for my mother or one of my sisters if DH couldn't be there.
     
  12. Renald99

    Renald99 Well-Known Member

    If DBF (DH by time kids come into play) couldn't be there, my mother or my best female friend would be my back-ups. He's not close to his mom, so thats not an option.
     
  13. 2IrishBlessings

    2IrishBlessings Well-Known Member

    My mom has had 8 kids herself and although I would want her there for moral support. My MIL had fertility problems and wasnt able to get pregnant so she adopted a whole family, my DH, his older sister and handicaped brother. I know she is very curious about it and I would want her in there to experience it with us. I am not having a vaginal birth but will have my MIL in with DH and I for my c-section.
     
  14. Her Royal Jennyness

    Her Royal Jennyness Well-Known Member

    My mom was there for Emma and James. Nobody was there for Sean's birth since he was an emergency c.

    My MIL was there for David. I was a bit embarrassed that my MIL came in but I got over it. I figured she was there to see my baby, not to see my cha-cha. Also, my DH pointed out that David was her first grandchild to be born vaginally and therefor the first she was able to be there for. I wouldn't say I'm super close to my MIL but I 'm closer to her than my own mother.
     
  15. laurajrad

    laurajrad Well-Known Member

    Is it rude to say I wouldn't want either my mom or MIL?
     
  16. New Mom

    New Mom Well-Known Member

    Everyone has different levels of being comfortable in those types of situations. I personally wouldn't care who was in the room with me. I wouldn't mind if it was my MIL but I don't think she would want to be in there.

    Do what makes you comfortable.
     
  17. Cristina

    Cristina Well-Known Member

    I love my Mom and just tolerate my MIL, but I would not want either one there. My Mom isn't the best at given emotional support, she is all about logistics and way to matter of fact for me. My MIL is an alarmist and would freak out. (Plus, she never gave birth herself and is very weirded out about the whole thing. She was great when we adopted Joel, but not so much when we had biological children)

    The only one I would even consider being there beside DH is my oldest sister. She gave birth to all three of hers vaginally with no meds and has considered becoming a midwife. She loves that kind of stuff and is very emotionally supportive.

    All of this doesn't really matter since mine were all c-sections and I am done! :)

    I really think it doesn't have so much to do with who it is, but who can provide the help and support you need. For some people it would be a MIL, for others a sister and for others a Mom. All relationships are different.
     
  18. Susanna+3

    Susanna+3 Well-Known Member

    My mom was there for my first dd. Just dh for the twins...it was a c/s... and for my most recent dd it was just dh and a doula. During the birth itself I could careless who is in the room watching...but after the birth...well, that's a different story. Then I start to think "what the heck was I thinking??" So I'm glad I never got crazy enough to invite my MIL in!!
     
  19. UD Flyer

    UD Flyer Well-Known Member

    I would not want either my mother nor my MIL in the room. I think they were both kind of hurt that I didn't ask them to come in for A&K's delivery - they were the first grandkids on either side. In the end, they were'n't allowed to be there anyways because of it being twins and haveing to deliver (vaginally) in the OR anyways. I was only allowed 1 support person. They both live 5.5 hours away, so DH and I decided even before we knew the hospital twin delivery policy that we wouldn't even call them until it was time to push and it was too late for them to get here!

    This time there is no way either of them will be in there again. If DH can't be there, I've already told my 2 closest friends that they are my back ups!
     
  20. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    My MIL was there for my ds#3's birth - with all 3 of my vaginal deliveries I was so preoccupied with the pain that I didn't care if my mom, MIL or the entire news crew was there - JUST GET THIS BABY OUT!!!!!
     
  21. BaaRamEwe

    BaaRamEwe Well-Known Member

    I don't even want my mom in the room with me, so my answer is no one if it couldn't be my DH.
     
  22. Reggie95109

    Reggie95109 Well-Known Member

    I'd be comfortable with my mom but not my MIL but I think as others have said, it depends on the relationship. Thankfully, my MIL lives too far away for this to be an issue.
     
  23. Millie&twins

    Millie&twins Well-Known Member

    With the twinnos there was no way anybody could be there since I went into spontaneous labour at 31 weeks, arrived at hospital at 7 cm (sees like I was unable to distinguish braxton hicks from actual contractions) and with 1 of my waters broken and barely had time to be wheeled into the OR before pushing Alex out. Really no time for calling any parents. But...

    To be honest I was too afraid I would be crying for pain relief and my mom would then lecture me about how she gave birth 5 times without any pain relief and how women now are so weak.
    So my mom was outta the picture there!
    My MIL I was never shy in front of (I'd breastfeed in front of the prime minister if he happened to be in the same room... but that has not yet happened!), but again screaming and all, I would have not wanted her to be there. Maybe not that very moment (that very moment I was just not thinking) but afterwards for sure!

    Thank you everybody for your input, Millie
     
  24. anippy

    anippy Well-Known Member

    I didn't have anybody in the room except DH when my son was born. I love my mother but, to be painfully honest, she is weak and I don't feel that I could count on her to support me - I would be the one supporting her. Besides, I looked like a freaking science experiment since I was induced - tubes and lines going every which way, plus having to pee in a bedpan because they wouldn't let me get out of bed once the pitocin started (even though I didn't get the epidural until 12 hours into it).

    If DH couldn't be there, I don't know what I would do. Probably go it alone.
     
  25. Ange2k25

    Ange2k25 Well-Known Member

    My mom was there for Katelyn's birth(vaginal delivery). I had to have an emergency c-section for Jessica's birth due to cord prolapse. They sent DH and mom out once they decided to do the c-section. But then the anithesiologist said mom and DH could both come back in, but I opted for just DH at that point because my mom, God love her, was annoying me during Katelyn's delivery. She and the anithesiologist were yakking away in German and she kept holding onto my head even though I asked her to cut it out, lol.

    Still, if we decide to have another child and can have a VBAC, I would let my mom back in for the delivery as long as we set some ground rules like no holding my head! I would wager that if we had a c-section, no other anithesiologists would let me have more than just DH in the room though. My OB was very surprised that the anithesiologist I had for my delivery would have allowed mom back in for Jessica's c-section. (The anithesiologist was from Indonesia and went to university in the area of Germany my mom is from and they really hit it off-he loved Germany and was thrilled to have someone to speak German with.)

    My MIL, on the other hand, would just weird me out in the delivery room. My mom is my best friend, so it was a no brainer for me. But my MIL and I am just not close enough for the intimacy of the delivery room.
     
  26. j171978

    j171978 Well-Known Member

    If I would have had a natural birth I was going to have my mom and my mil in there... both of them. I was even going to have my Dad but have him up by my head.
     
  27. Mum2TwinBoys

    Mum2TwinBoys Well-Known Member

    My SIL was in with me and i asked if MIL could be but the hospital would only allow 2 people. I wasn't cursing my dh (I don't understand that), I was begging them to take her out but I was so occupied with having Molly vaginally as opposed to c/s that I think if my FIL were there with all of his students I wouldn't have batted an eyelash!
     
  28. Millie&twins

    Millie&twins Well-Known Member

    I cursed him because he was so darn unhelpful (not for getting me pragnant in first place), he would walk around nervously and every 20 seconds he would ask me if I was ok. If I didn't answer cause I was breathing through a contrax he would then freak and mumble about ALL the dangers of birth (imagine trying to give birth with someone saying "blood clots, pulmonary embolism, shoulder dystocia" like a chant all through your birth!).
    So that is why I cursed him! He is a great man, but he gets very nervous when he can't do anything and obviously birth, other than being there and holding my handm he couldn't make it go away or be better!
    Millie
     

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