What is wrong with me?!

Well, I can officially join this forum as of yesterday.. DDs turned 2! I feel like I am going nuts here! I can honestly say I haven't hada break other than to go to Zumba 1 time per week for the last 4 months.. My girls have decided they will not nap.. They cry through naps... Only for me though.. I work part time and they don't cry for the babysitter or for daddy. We are very big advocates of good sleep habits and up until this point my girls have been fab sleepers and my ds, who is 8 months, has been so difficult at night since birth... So, I guess what I'm asking is if anyone can relate... I feel like I am going to lose it during the days that I am home by myself. Our car broke down and my dh has just made a job switch so we are waiting to get a new car... Which leaves us trapped at home other than outside time. I used to be so energetic and have a great sense of humor about things.. We used to sing and dance and have a lot of fun during our days.. I just don't see an end in sight.. I need a break but financially things have been tight lately so spending has been very limited lately so DH and I don't have any hope of going out just the two of us anytime soon... On monday one of my girls is goin in for a 24 hour eeg inpatient and then a sedated MRI and i just feel like crying when i think about it. I used to take this all in stride.. What has happened to me?! I just don't have any energy anymore for all of this! Does this ever get easier? I just feel so guilty. I seriously am not being the type of mom I want to be anymore. My nerves are so frayed and my patience with my kids is nada right now... That used to be what i used to take pride in... But now they push me over the edge of insanity constantly... I just want to give them more than I have but I am tapped out... Thanks for listening to my vent!

 

:hug:

Oh my! I am so sorry. First, you have to make the time to take a break. Leave DH with the kids and go out for coffee, or a walk, or just sit in your room reading or thinking by yourself while DH takes over. Don't open that door or give up your "me" time for anything! You have your hands full and you need it.

Second, yes, it does get easier. There still will be challenges but they will be different.

Your kids probably still need naps if they are napping for others. I recommend that you don't insist on sleeping but tell your lo's that they must stay in their beds for quiet time. Dim the lights, let them have a quiet toy or book, but insist that they stay in their beds/cribs for the duration. Don't give in to the cyring.

I also recommend that you get them out of the house. Whether it is to a park, your backyard, or the sidewalk, my belief is that fresh air will help them to sleep.

Do you have family? Can they help you by either watching one or more of your lo's or doing some light housework so that you have some time to concentrate and spend some carefree time with your DD's?

GL with the eeg. I hope everything turns out okay.

Everyone loses their patience now and then. It's part of being human. Just realize you need a break to do something for yourself so you can go back to being the person who takes everything in stride.

 

Agree with PP - even if it just stopping at a cafe on your way home from work for a half an hour or going to get a pedicure. You need to make time for yourself. It sounds like you have a lot going on.

 

I had a bit of a breakdown when my oldest was a little over 2 and I had a small baby (not even twins). I remember feeling like I had lost myself and had no way to find who I was again. I had always wanted to be a SAHM, adored my children and loved my husband. But I craved adult conversation and a little alone time. And we also had a very tight budget with no money for extras. I broke down sobbing to my husband one night about it. Talking through it, I decided I needed a couple of things... A girl friend and some time alone with adults. I joined a book club. It was free and the books were all classics, so available at the library. It only met once/month, but pushed me to read and think about something other than the needs of a toddler and baby or making dinner. And I reached out for a friend. There was another young mom at church that I was an acquaintance with and liked but didn't know well. I made a big effort to turn that into a friendship. We would go for walks with our kids in strollers, meet at the park, etc. My DH supported me and made the effort to help me get out a little more often, even if it was just going for a walk or letting me do grocery shopping alone, LOL.

And one little coping mechanism I have when my patience is stretched thin, I try to sing. Sometimes I sing the things that I want to yell, making it into a silly song or singing to the tune of some song I know. It makes my kids laugh and diffuses the tension. If I'm just feeling generally impatient and stressed out, singing hymns can calm me down and help me relax. If I'm feeling blah and need a pick me up, cranking up show tunes, or Michael Buble and singing along at the top of my lungs gives me some energy and a better outlook on life. And I don't have a fabulous voice... so-so at best.

 

If the feelings of being overwhelmed and not being the mom you used to/ want to be have been going on for more than a month, talk to yor doctor. It took til the twins were 15 months old for me to be diagnosed with PPD. (((hugs)))