Twins 12 fighting... They hate each other and me :(

Omg someone please give me good advice. My twins are identical girls. They have recently started just not caring about anything.... Seriously like aliens! I know I am going to get slammed for this but I read their diaries. Somethings about how they are plotting against each other and say they hate each other bothers me. They even called me a B****. Sometimes the are best friends though. They share a room and i think they need their own..... But why? I had to share a room with my older sister when i grew up and I was fine! I feel like they should have to deal with it. I had enough the other day and smacked both of them in their face it broke my heart and I couldn't beleive I did it. Some thing I read scare me.... Like saying they could do drugs... Run away... Make out with boys..... And they cuss like sailors! The only reason they didntdo those things is because she wasn't raised that way.... I know all this is normal probably but how can I make itbetter. Right now they are grounded for going to a friends after they were told not to. Oh and I stay at home with my 11 month old and they say I don't do anything LOL! And they have to do clean dishes and trash!!!! Woahhhhh that's alot!!!! God I may loose my mind.....

 

Have you considered summer camp? I know mine get sick of each other and need breaks. How about visiting different relatives for a weekend/week?

 

QUOTE(Laura3078 @ May 20 2009, 03:33 PM) [snapback]1321733[/snapback]
Omg someone please give me good advice. My twins are identical girls. They have recently started just not caring about anything.... Seriously like aliens! I know I am going to get slammed for this but I read their diaries. Somethings about how they are plotting against each other and say they hate each other bothers me. They even called me a B****. Sometimes the are best friends though. They share a room and i think they need their own..... But why? I had to share a room with my older sister when i grew up and I was fine! I feel like they should have to deal with it. I had enough the other day and smacked both of them in their face it broke my heart and I couldn't beleive I did it. Some thing I read scare me.... Like saying they could do drugs... Run away... Make out with boys..... And they cuss like sailors! The only reason they didntdo those things is because she wasn't raised that way.... I know all this is normal probably but how can I make itbetter. Right now they are grounded for going to a friends after they were told not to. Oh and I stay at home with my 11 month old and they say I don't do anything LOL! And they have to do clean dishes and trash!!!! Woahhhhh that's alot!!!! God I may loose my mind.....

Dear Laura,
Yes they hate each other and plot against each other but that is normal. At least it was for us. The problem is that at that age they are striving for individuality and to decide upon and discover "Themselves" (meant singularly) and that can't because that are each only one part of the whole. It is hard I would imagine but I know it is hard for them as it was for me. Try to help them and encourage their individuality and their display and pursuance of it. Talk to them, tell them what part of the problem is as I wrote it here (this is only part and I am no expert but after 3 children of my own I know teenage girls especially are crazy for about 5 years). They will rediscover their love and bond as I did about 16 or so and anyway they never really lost it. I lost my brother at sixteen and have been looking to fill that loss for over 30 years. Take care and good luck. I will pray for them and things will get better.
Arthur

 

QUOTE(bem @ May 27 2009, 07:56 PM) [snapback]1330549[/snapback]
Dear Laura,
Yes they hate each other and plot against each other but that is normal. At least it was for us. The problem is that at that age they are striving for individuality and to decide upon and discover "Themselves" (meant singularly) and that can't because that are each only one part of the whole. It is hard I would imagine but I know it is hard for them as it was for me. Try to help them and encourage their individuality and their display and pursuance of it. Talk to them, tell them what part of the problem is as I wrote it here (this is only part and I am no expert but after 3 children of my own I know teenage girls especially are crazy for about 5 years). They will rediscover their love and bond as I did about 16 or so and anyway they never really lost it. I lost my brother at sixteen and have been looking to fill that loss for over 30 years. Take care and good luck. I will pray for them and things will get better.
Arthur


The bolded part is why I think time apart would be a good thing. It would give them time to discover who they are as an individual. Maybe some one on one time with you would be good also.

 

I agree with Donita. It also seems to me like they need some time apart.

What is different about having to share with your twin as appose to another sibling is that people can continuously lump you together when you are twins. People treat you the same because they assume you are the same so mostly you have to share things at school because the teacher thinks you can or people give you one present because you are the same etc. There are many examples. Sometimes this makes twins fight with each other in order to try and break free from everything they feel they have to share and to get things they can call their own. It's a way of trying to show their individuality. The more things people see they do together or share, the more those people lump them together and refuse to see two people instead of one. It can get quite frustrating especially then if everyone adds that you are twins and is suppose to be best buddies.

It sounds to me like they are screaming for some freedom from the constraints of being twins. That is why I agree with Donita to give them some space.

If you have more questions feel free to ask. I am also one of an identical twin like your girls and I also struggled with all the comparing and stereotyping as a teen. I never rebbled in the way your girls seems to be though, I pulled away mostly and kept to myself but each of us take stress differently, this is their way of dealing and trying to control their own lives.

A lot of what you describe is also teenage rebellion and not neccesarily connected to being twins. Some teens take teenage years harder and experiment more and make more mistakes. All you can do is support them as much as you can and try to understand them and give them some time apart and one on one time with you. Building trust is also very important... Good luck!

edited for spelling