To Separate/Stay Together for Kindergarten?

QUOTE(BGTwins97 @ Aug 9 2008, 02:07 PM) [snapback]922283[/snapback]
I see this as an advantage, but not a reason. As to the final sentence, because our school does some individualization, our kids already have e.g. different spelling lists/homework. But in both third and fourth grade there was one teacher who assigned homework and one teacher who didn't believe in homework. Obviously when one has children in two different grades, there isn't a fairness issue, but there IS a fairness issue when the two kids are in the same grade. Again, absolutely not a REASON to separate, but an advantage of doing so.
Huh? Whatever makes you think that my twins didn't have the same opportunity to grow, and mature and gain confidence just because their sibling was in the same class? I'm COMPLETELY baffled by that statement. COMPLETELY. My twins are mature and have plenty of confidence in themselves, thank you very much, and not ONE of their teachers would disagree with that assessment, and not ONE of their teachers thought that either one of their personal growth or development was being stifled in any way. Unless they had a dysfunctional relationship with their twin, why would their own growth or development be stifled?
Then clearly in your boys' case, separating them was the right thing to do. Good for you for recognizing it, and good for them. But not necessarily good for twins whose relationship isn't dysfunctional in that way.

ETA: I did decide that if one was accepted to the gifted program and the other was not, that I would likely nudge them -- hard -- toward separation after first grade (testing is done in first grade; formal classes start in second). Both were accepted so this did not become an issue. They both really wanted to do it, and I thought that if one hadn't been admitted, it would be difficult for them to watch their sibling going off with the G&T teacher for pull-outs.

I thought you may want to read the quote below in case you missed it.

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Just want to clarify, Tristen, that I wasn't trying to attack your choices or be judgmental. No hard feelings, I hope. I just wanted to share what happened for my boys. Before K, they had been with me together full time at home their whole lives, and then together in preschool only three mornings a week. They had to adjust to being away from me, being away from each other, and being in school for a full day, all at the same time. Two weeks of occasional tears and they were fully adjusted. Had I kept them together, we'd still be facing that hurdle this fall, and it might be an even greater one.

Of course all children are different and have different needs, and I don't presume to tell you what will work best for your children at this stage in their lives. I do maintain, though, that kids need to have the chance at some point to blossom on their own and be independent -- and that's always a challenge, whether singleton or twin, whether in school or some other social situation. Perhaps that is better delayed for some to avoid a huge emotional trauma, but I do think it's important. JMO.

 

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Obviously when one has children in two different grades, there isn't a fairness issue, but there IS a fairness issue when the two kids are in the same grade.


This stood out to me since I am a teacher and have had a many kids who are a twin, in my class. There were many times when a twin in my class had a project to do that their twin in another class did not have. I dont see it as a fairness issue at all. I see it as a life lesson if anything. Things are not always going to be the same for both children throughout their life. I think that is a very important lesson to instill early in their life.

 

QUOTE(seamusnicholas @ Aug 9 2008, 03:53 PM) [snapback]922302[/snapback]
I thought you may want to read the quote below in case you missed it.


Yes, I did see that. Nonetheless, it came off as judgmental, and I find it similar to prefacing something with "No offense, but...". :unknw:


QUOTE(seamusnicholas @ Aug 9 2008, 04:05 PM) [snapback]922309[/snapback]
This stood out to me since I am a teacher and have had a many kids who are a twin, in my class. There were many times when a twin in my class had a project to do that their twin in another class did not have. I dont see it as a fairness issue at all. I see it as a life lesson if anything. Things are not always going to be the same for both children throughout their life. I think that is a very important lesson to instill early in their life.


For occasional issues, yes, I would completely agree. However, when two 8-year-olds are performing identically academically, but one child has 45-60 minutes of homework EVERY NIGHT for a full year, PLUS projects, etc., and the other has none, nada, zip -- no projects, no reading, no reports to write, no spelling/vocabulary definitions/sentences, NOTHING; one can do play dates three days/week before soccer practice but the other has to go home to do homework every single day, then sorry, I do find that to cross the line from a "very important life lesson" to unfairness.

 

QUOTE(BGTwins97 @ Aug 9 2008, 03:26 PM) [snapback]922319[/snapback]
For occasional issues, yes, I would completely agree. However, when two 8-year-olds are performing identically academically, but one child has 45-60 minutes of homework EVERY NIGHT for a full year, PLUS projects, etc., and the other has none, nada, zip -- no projects, no reading, no reports to write, no spelling/vocabulary definitions/sentences, NOTHING; one can do playdates three days/week before soccer practice but the other has to go home to do homework, then sorry, I do find that to cross the line from a "very important life lesson" to unfairness.

That must be extremely rare and something I would talk to the principal about. I cant imagine a 8 year old not having to read at home during the week. Where did this scenario come from? If this was a real scenario, personally I would tell my child who had no homework that like his sibling, was going to read and go over spelling words anways.

 

QUOTE(seamusnicholas @ Aug 9 2008, 04:31 PM) [snapback]922321[/snapback]
That must be extremely rare and something I would talk to the principal about. I cant imagine a 8 year old not having to read at home during the week. Where did this scenario come from? If this was a real scenario, personally I would tell my child who had no homework that like his sibling, was going to read and go over spelling words anways.


It is, in fact, exactly how things are at our school in the third and fourth grades. In second grade, both teachers assign the same homework (identical homework for both classes), and in fifth grade, both teachers assign homework (different homework, but similar workloads), but in third and fourth, one teacher does, and one teacher doesn't.

Both of my kids love to read and I never have to ask them to do so, and neither of my kids has ever had difficulty learning their spelling words (I quiz them on their words once each in the car on the way to school each AM, and that is always enough drill for them). But one BENEFIT to their having been in the same class (and both years, they were in the class with nightly homework) is that I didn't have to tell one of them to copy the complete definition and word origin of "available" from the dictionary, just because their sibling had to. That is probably the route I would have taken -- "assigning" homework to the non-homework child, and having one do third grade with the homework teacher, and then switch homework/non-homework for fourth -- but since they were in the same class, I had the benefit of not having to do that. It surely wasn't a REASON to keep them together, but it was an advantage of them being in the same class.

ETA: I would imagine that the principal is fully aware of it as the teachers' styles are well-known; if so, it doesn't seem to bother him, nor does it seem to bother the parents. Just different styles. Our school, however, allows parents to request specific teachers if they so desire, honoring as many requests as they can while keeping classes number-, gender-, and ability- balanced, so I imagine that parents who do not like homework gravitate to one, while parents who do like homework gravitate to the other. FWIW, my kids' 3rd grade teacher moved to a different grade; I'm not sure whether her replacement assigns homework or not. It's possible she doesn't, as she's fairly new and may be following the lead of the non-homework teacher, who has about 30 years of experience.

 

You are right, in that scenario, it is a benefit.

 

QUOTE(seamusnicholas @ Aug 9 2008, 04:46 PM) [snapback]922332[/snapback]
You are right, in that scenario, it is a benefit.


Definitely. And fwiw, I just edited that post to respond to your comment about alerting the principal.

 

I realized the homework issue could be a thread of its own! lol

I dont know why that example surprised me so much at first. I am sure across the country that is not totally uncommon. But I personally believe it should be the same across grade level.

 

QUOTE(Sullyirishtwins @ Aug 6 2008, 05:20 AM) [snapback]916288[/snapback]
Ladies,

I've been reading and want to get ahead start and know my rights in our State (Illinois). I found out that at the moment we would have to separate our twins' when they start school with pre-K and 1st-12th grade. However, we have a few years before they start school.

I can understand for those parents who have identical wanting their twins' to be in the same class room. It is because they both share the same interest, and etc. But for those parents who have girl/boy wouldn't mind having them to be separate for school so they can have their own friends and etc.

What are the pros/cons for identical twins vs. fraternal twins (girls/boys)? It is such a touchy topic, so no offense to anyone! I want to 'open my eyes' and just learn more about the school system such as lottery/favor of 1 of the other twins, and etc.

Thanks,
D, w/Rianna and Justin (22 mos)

*To know more about your twinslaw check your State -- www.twinslaw.com


I know you are up on the law, but I am surprised that in Chicago they are forcing you to separate. Springfield did pass a resolution regarding twin separation, which I used in order to keep my twins together. I am in the Chicagoland area. My school district had mandatory separation, which I was not ready to have my boys go through. (they were 3 and qualified for the at risk preschool) Since I did that, other twins in the district have been able to be together.

I don't really feel like going through the debate regarding separation. Honestly, it should be up to the parents, not the school district. Arbitrary separation policies make no sense to me. All twin groups are different and have different needs. If a parent wants to separate, great. If they don't, then don't.

It is a non issue for me now since my boys will be at private school this year for Kinder that only has one class per grade.

 

QUOTE(Cristina @ Aug 9 2008, 05:40 PM) [snapback]922360[/snapback]
I know you are up on the law, but I am surprised that in Chicago they are forcing you to separate. Springfield did pass a resolution regarding twin separation, which I used in order to keep my twins together. I am in the Chicagoland area. My school district had mandatory separation, which I was not ready to have my boys go through. (they were 3 and qualified for the at risk preschool) Since I did that, other twins in the district have been able to be together.

I don't really feel like going through the debate regarding separation. Honestly, it should be up to the parents, not the school district. Arbitrary separation policies make no sense to me. All twin groups are different and have different needs. If a parent wants to separate, great. If they don't, then don't.

It is a non issue for me now since my boys will be at private school this year for Kinder that only has one class per grade.

I'll have to wait until next year as the twins' will be 3 after Sept. 1st cut-off date and knowing they won't be in preschool until '4'. Right now, I just wanted to open my eyes on school system and etc.

I was just curious about identical/fraternal situation. I do agree it should be up to the parents to decide and not the school district all of this time. So, we'll see when that time come around. They'll be joining a few class this Fall together through park district and then some class will have their special time with either me or DH to attend.

It was a very interesting to hear others 'voice' but every child is different.

D, w/Rianna and Justin (22 mos)

 

QUOTE
Huh? Whatever makes you think that my twins didn't have the same opportunity to grow, and mature and gain confidence just because their sibling was in the same class? I'm COMPLETELY baffled by that statement. COMPLETELY. My twins are mature and have plenty of confidence in themselves, thank you very much, and not ONE of their teachers would disagree with that assessment, and not ONE of their teachers thought that either one of their personal growth or development was being stifled in any way. Unless they had a dysfunctional relationship with their twin, why would their own growth or development be stifled?


As Nicole pointed out, I was simply sharing how things were with my boys, not judging you. In fact, I hadn't even read your post and was not commenting on you at all. I was responding to those who have already determined that their children wouldn't do well apart (presumably emotionally) when they haven't tried it. For those who want to keep their twins together because they think it would be too upsetting to the children to separate them, I was simply saying that if they are that dependent on each other emotionally, maybe separating them would allow them to grow beyond that. I'm just showing a different point of view. I don't care if people separate or not -- simply participating in a discussion and explaining my thought process.

I went back and read your post, and I see your children have been in the same class for years. I'm glad that has worked so well for you.

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Then clearly in your boys' case, separating them was the right thing to do. Good for you for recognizing it, and good for them. But not necessarily good for twins whose relationship isn't dysfunctional in that way.


My sons are not dysfunctional in any way, thank YOU very much.

 

QUOTE
Honestly, it should be up to the parents, not the school district. Arbitrary separation policies make no sense to me. All twin groups are different and have different needs. If a parent wants to separate, great. If they don't, then don't.


I agree...to an extent. We all know *those* parents who have on rose-tinted glasses and can't see the truth about their kids. Little Johnny is just an :angel: and cayn do no wrong type of parents. I can see where these parents would insist on a course of action that is clearly detrimental to both kids and their classroom(s). So I really think it should be a joint decision between the parents and the school. But I agree that arbitrarily separating or keeping them together doesn't make sense.

 

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Nonetheless, it came off as judgmental, and I find it similar to prefacing something with "No offense, but...".


Amy is truly one of the most non-judgmental people on this Board.

 

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I can understand for those parents who have identical wanting their twins' to be in the same class room. It is because they both share the same interest, and etc. But for those parents who have girl/boy wouldn't mind having them to be separate for school so they can have their own friends and etc.

What are the pros/cons for identical twins vs. fraternal twins (girls/boys)?


To answer your original question, I actually think it would be opposite. I have IDs and have separated them because I don't want them seen as the same person. I want teachers to identify their individual strengths and weaknesses, not see them as one entity. Not to mention they hate being called the wrong name! With B/G twins, I think it would be much easier for them to be in the same classroom and still be treated as individuals.

ETA: Thank you, Cathy.

 

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My girls thankfully do not have a leader/follower relationship they constantly show their individuality. I fully intend to keep them together for Pre K and possibly Kindergarten depending on what their teacher thinks and how they do.


My boys are a few years older, and I can tell you that my intentions have changed as they have changed and matured. Mine do have a follower/leader relationship that inhibits the follower from acting or thinking independently. He gravitates to whatever his brother wants/does. So I intended to keep them together to start school because I feared the emotional effects of separation on the the follower. But as they've grown, I've realized that they need to separate in K, even if it's initially hard on the follower.

But they have another year before K, and my decision is no set in stone. DH and I will make the decision at K registration based on their evolving relationship. So all I'm saying is that your children are very young still and what's best may change over time as they change.

 

QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Aug 10 2008, 08:06 AM) [snapback]922844[/snapback]
As Nicole pointed out, I was simply sharing how things were with my boys, not judging you. In fact, I hadn't even read your post and was not commenting on you at all. I was responding to those who have already determined that their children wouldn't do well apart (presumably emotionally) when they haven't tried it. For those who want to keep their twins together because they think it would be too upsetting to the children to separate them, I was simply saying that if they are that dependent on each other emotionally, maybe separating them would allow them to grow beyond that. I'm just showing a different point of view. I don't care if people separate or not -- simply participating in a discussion and explaining my thought process.


And I'm responding as well, as someone who wore those same shoes but took a different tack. When my kids started kindergarten, DD was at the tail end of a long phase of separation anxiety that had been particularly manifest when I dropped the kids off at preschool. She and DS were in the same preschool class (small school, only one class); she was a bit shy in preschool, probably due to the separation anxiety making her a bit withdrawn. Anyway, the kids had never been apart from one another, and my gut was telling me that emotionally, my kids would be better off together, the kids wanted to be together, they got along beautifully, were both reading at the same level, neither was dominant, and the school was fine with it either way. A win/win/win for us all of the way around.

Anyway, when I went to the parent/teacher conference ten weeks into school, I asked the teacher about DD's shyness. She looked at me with a shocked expression, jaw literally dropped, and said "DD? Shy?!?!?!?!? Are we talking about the same child?!?!?!? She has NEVER been shy in my class. She's my social butterfly!"

Sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I had ignored my gut and separated them. Maybe DD would have been fine. But maybe DD would have forever been known as "That girl who cried for the first four weeks of school".

QUOTE(jxnsmama)
Had they stayed together, (Hayden) would have taken a back seat all year and let Brady do everything. I witnessed them being together in a class for just one day, and they immediately went into leader/follower mode.


QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Aug 10 2008, 08:06 AM) [snapback]922844[/snapback]
My sons are not dysfunctional in any way, thank YOU very much.


Apologies, I only made that statement based on your own desire to have them in separate classes because Brady dominates so strongly that Hayden is unable to be a leader with Brady there and lets Brady do everything. I thought you meant that you don't like that particular dynamic, and you don't think it's healthy for Hayden to always let Brady do everything, and that you separated them to change it. I thus assumed that you considered this sort of interaction to be "dysfunctional" and it didn't occur to me that you would object to the word, but if you do, then my apologies.

 

QUOTE(Mellizos @ Aug 10 2008, 08:25 AM) [snapback]922857[/snapback]
My boys are a few years older, and I can tell you that my intentions have changed as they have changed and matured. Mine do have a follower/leader relationship that inhibits the follower from acting or thinking independently. He gravitates to whatever his brother wants/does. So I intended to keep them together to start school because I feared the emotional effects of separation on the the follower. But as they've grown, I've realized that they need to separate in K, even if it's initially hard on the follower.

But they have another year before K, and my decision is no set in stone. DH and I will make the decision at K registration based on their evolving relationship. So all I'm saying is that your children are very young still and what's best may change over time as they change.


Cathy, this is soooo true! And Amy, you bring up some great points!

I remember a year ago, in the spring there was a poster (I honestly don't remember who) was adament about keeping her twins together for K. As the school year finished, and summer came along, she realized that she NEEDED to separate them, and was then going to the school to fight FOR separation, since classes had already been set.

I also have to say that 5 year olds, don't always know what is best for themselves. So, to ask a 5 year old, who has never been apart from their sibling if they want to be apart or together is kind of a loaded question. 90% of all chilren will want what is familiar, and will vote stay together. My boys have never been in the same class--for various reasons. Every once in a while they say they want to be together, and then when we talk about it, 10 min. later they remember why they need to be apart. One of the big reasons is that they can push each others buttons, and I really don't think that would be fair to the teacher--and the rest of the class. My MIL was an ID twin (her sister passed away when they were in their 20's). As a child she liked dressing alike, and being in the same classes as her sister. As an adult, she realized how much she was handicapped by having the crutch of her sister there--especially once her sister was gone. To this day, it is too painful for her to even talk about her sister--almost 40 years later. So, what may not seem like a dependent relationship now, there is probably a greater dynamic than you realize.

As for homework, even in K, we had an inequity. One would have homework 2-3 days a week, and the other only one day. The boys didn't think anything of it--granted all homework was finished within 5 min. for either boy.

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Aug 10 2008, 09:01 AM) [snapback]922887[/snapback]
I also have to say that 5 year olds, don't always know what is best for themselves. So, to ask a 5 year old, who has never been apart from their sibling if they want to be apart or together is kind of a loaded question.


I COMPLETELY agree with you here; my kids' response that they wanted to be together carried very little weight at that age, but if one had said they wanted to be separated, I would have wanted to know why and would have considered it more seriously.


QUOTE(sharongl @ Aug 10 2008, 09:01 AM) [snapback]922887[/snapback]
One of the big reasons is that they can push each others buttons, and I really don't think that would be fair to the teacher--and the rest of the class.


But let me offer the flip side to this, too: My two get along beautifully 99% of the time. But every so often, they go through a brief bickery period. Nothing major, but enough that I think "Uh oh. I hope they're not doing this at school." And on a few of these occasions, I've asked the teacher whether the kids are having any negative interactions at school. I have yet to get an affirmative. They apparently know that more self-control is required for their interactions at school, and I actually think that practicing that sort of awareness can be a good thing.

That said, if they WERE pushing each others buttons in school or interacting negatively, then they would lose the privilege of being in the same class.

 

I've never thought much about this issue. My boy/girl twins will be together in kindergarten because the school they are attending has only one class. When they enter first grade, they will go to a larger public school and will most likely be separated. But, if they had to be together, it wouldn't be the end of the world. After all, in the past, one room schoolhouses with multiple grades and siblings together were common.

The general view seems to be that separation beginning in elementary school is a good idea. If nothing else, it lets kids have a chance to shine as individuals. Yes, it is intimidating to start school alone, but stress can be a good thing. Dealing with unfamiliar situations is a part of growing up and at some point all twins will have to separate. Obviously, there are scenarios in which separation wouldn't work well, and in those cases I think there should be flexibility on the part of the school.

It seems to me this is an issue that parents can overanalyze. We assume we know so much about our kids, their personalities, and their relationship. But, the relationship between siblings is much deeper than what is visible to parents. You can't control everything in your kids' lives, and I'm not sure it is a good idea to try.

 

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I thus assumed that you considered this sort of interaction to be "dysfunctional" and it didn't occur to me that you would object to the word, but if you do, then my apologies.


Thank you, BG. My apologies to you as well. Sorry we kind of miscommunicated in this thread. I sure didn't mean to step on any toes.

 

QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Aug 9 2008, 08:39 AM) [snapback]921907[/snapback]
Two twin moms I know IRL have told me they want to keep their twins together in the same class, and both said it was for their own convenience. They didn't want to deal with two sets of homework, two sets of field trips, etc. Any other parents with two or three kids have to deal with more than one set of homework and activities, and they do just fine, so I can't quite understand that argument.

Yes, starting school is a big deal. My singleton did it all by himself. It was an adjustment -- it took a couple weeks, but he ended up being fine. He didn't have a twin to lean on, so he had to be independent and strong and brave, and he rose to the occasion. Why not allow twins to have the same opportunity to grow and mature and gain confidence in themselves? For those that say your twins need each other and wouldn't thrive apart -- how do you know if you never try separating them?

I separated my boys for K. They were upset for a couple weeks. Hayden was very shy. He wanted his brother, and he was hesitant to participate in class. Had they stayed together, he would have taken a back seat all year and let Brady do everything. I witnessed them being together in a class for just one day, and they immediately went into leader/follower mode. It was amazing!

Instead, being in a separate class, Hayden was able to stretch his boundaries and become a classroom leader. He gained confidence in himself, which is much of what school is about. Had he been with Brady, I know that wouldn't have happened based on what I observed when they were together. I will continue to keep my boys separated. They are identical twins, but they are individuals with very different personalities, capabilities, and interests. I want them to be treated as any other siblings are.

I had much the same experience with my boys, Amy. The other thing was my boys were so tired of continually being mixed up by their teachers in preschool where they were always together. While they were somewhat dependent upon each other, they were ready to spread their wings and fly in "big school." They actually thrived on the independence and loved to relate back to each other all about the day's events. It was a growing experience for all of us.

I think having an older sibling at home also influenced our decision to separate them. We knew Sean had done it alone, and were confident B&C could too. They still had each other at lunch and recess and going to and from school. Plus we requested placement which would allow them to see each other and connect throughout the day, so they were placed in adjoining classrooms. It was ideal. If they needed to see each other during the day, they could often get a glimpse of their brother or sometimes the teachers would even allow them to visit one another if they had a pressing need. It was cute actually.

My basic feeling is that kids are resilient. Either way, whether separate or together, we're most likely not doing any lasting damage. Kids adapt and adjust to whatever situation they are placed in. It was much harder on me as the parent to watch them go their separate ways than it was for them to adjust to being separated.

 

Good Morning!

I'm glad everyone not stepping each other toe. I think no matter what we say this will be a debate because as Parents we know what may be best interest with our twins' whether they are identical or fraternal when entering the school system.

*I just don't like the fact how school district make a decision basis on arbitrarily separating or keeping them together doesn't make sense. It should have Parents' input along with the teacher.

Thanks for all of the input! It has been a great insight on a lot of issues pointing such as friends, homework, and etc.
D, w/Rianna and Justin

 

My girls start K this year. They will not be in the same class. Why would they need to be together? Just because they have been together at home??? If I had 2 kids 11 months apart they would have been together at home but I would not hold one back a year so they could be in the same class and not be seperated. They are siblings, not just twins.

 

I live in Metro East Saint Louis area...IL side of the river and I am shocked that the school is saying they have to be seperated. Down here that isn't the case. Last year, my boys first year of pre-k in the schools, they were together. They ASKED me what I wanted for this year and I wanted the seperated. Unfortunately, we moved to another school district and they automatically put them in the SAME class. I personally don't want them together. My opinion is from being in a daycare teacher for over 4 years, college psychology courses, and now being a certified teacher. My boys are both independent but they sometimes gravitate towards each other. In my opinion, they need seperate friends, seperate teachers, seperate homework, and etc. In the real world twins are usually seen as the "same" whether they are fraternal or identical. I don't want them to be called the "twins" or seen to have the same abilities because they are twins and this WILL happen if they are in the same class.

 

Our girls go to a very small UMS (University Model School = T, TH classes then homeschool on Wed,Fr) so there is only one kindergarten class and they have to be together. They are identical but, due to their personalities and how they interact, I would have separated them if it was possible. They feed off of each other and get way too wild when together. Today is their first day of school and I was going to tell the teacher to make sure to put them at different tables but didn't have to since she had already done it.

Separating vs. staying together really depends on the kids themselves. Like any kids, no two set of twins are alike. There are boy/girl twins who would really benefit from being together in school while there are identicals that need to be separated. For a school to have a set way of dealing with classroom placement of twins is just dumb. It's like they don't see them as individuals (even though the excuse for separating is often so that they can become individuals).

 

QUOTE
My boys are a few years older, and I can tell you that my intentions have changed as they have changed and matured. Mine do have a follower/leader relationship that inhibits the follower from acting or thinking independently. He gravitates to whatever his brother wants/does. So I intended to keep them together to start school because I feared the emotional effects of separation on the the follower. But as they've grown, I've realized that they need to separate in K, even if it's initially hard on the follower.


First of all I would like to point out that my girls are 3 and will be starting pre K next fall. It's not like they are 2 and I have 2 more years before they start school, and if you truly do the math your boys are not even a year and a half older than my girls. I know that my kids will evolve they already have. I used to worry about Rebecca being overshadowed by Lorelei and going along with whatever her sister wanted, but lately these things have changed. Becca has really started asserting herself so I am no longer worried about this. I intend make all of these decisions with my eyes open. I plan on discussing with their pre K teacher what they think before I make a final decision on whether or not to keep them together for Kindergarten.

 

I went to my boys prek meeting tonight and half of the 20 student class is made up of multiples!! I don't know how I felt about this actually. One family was a set of sextuplets and then the 2 sets of twins. I'm actually considering getting them moved out of the school because they only have the one class. As a parent of twins, I feel that other children don't get "as much attention" because they are singletons. In reality, twins or higher multiples generally get more attention just because of how many there are. So with having a set of 6 siblings in one class...those kids have a different type of relationship already. How are other kids going to develop and socialize when half the class are siblings?!

 

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First of all I would like to point out that my girls are 3 and will be starting pre K next fall. It's not like they are 2 and I have 2 more years before they start school, and if you truly do the math your boys are not even a year and a half older than my girls. I know that my kids will evolve they already have. I used to worry about Rebecca being overshadowed by Lorelei and going along with whatever her sister wanted, but lately these things have changed. Becca has really started asserting herself so I am no longer worried about this. I intend make all of these decisions with my eyes open. I plan on discussing with their pre K teacher what they think before I make a final decision on whether or not to keep them together for Kindergarten.


I get the sense that you felt I was attacking you. I certainly wasn't, and I'm not questioning anyone's parenting decisions. Yes, my boys are merely 4 , turning 5 in Nov. But they have two years of full-time M-F preschool under their belts. They started at 2 turning 3. They have changed so, so, so much in those two years. They have one more year before K - but we can no longer afford preK so they will be home with Daddy. My intentions changed specifically because Aaron blossomed only when forced to go to preschool without Jacob. It made such a HUGE difference in him that the teacher and director immediately noted to me the impact that a few days "on his own" made in his behavior and attitude.

I've only tried to point out that parents of younger twins, me included, should wait until K enrollment to make that decision. The changes from 2 to 3 to 4 to 5 are enormous. What may be best for them at age 3 may not be best for them to start K.

I'm just trying to figure out where the chip on the shoulder is coming from. Who knows, maybe your girls' relationship will change significantly in the year until they start preK, so much so that you change your mind about separation vs keeping together.

 

QUOTE(Mellizos @ Aug 12 2008, 10:47 PM) [snapback]927385[/snapback]
I've only tried to point out that parents of younger twins, me included, should wait until K enrollment to make that decision. The changes from 2 to 3 to 4 to 5 are enormous. What may be best for them at age 3 may not be best for them to start K.

I would agree with this. All the way through preschool (age 3-5), we had thought we would place our boys together. But by the end of the year in Fabulous Fives, we began to see where separating them might be a better idea for them. If you had asked me six, even three months, prior to their K roundup, I would have been adamant about keeping them together. A lot can change in a few months with kids at this age.

 

QUOTE(MamaKim @ Aug 13 2008, 06:28 AM) [snapback]927668[/snapback]
I would agree with this. All the way through preschool (age 3-5), we had thought we would place our boys together. But by the end of the year in Fabulous Fives, we began to see where separating them might be a better idea for them. If you had asked me six, even three months, prior to their K roundup, I would have been adamant about keeping them together. A lot can change in a few months with kids at this age.


Oh Kim I am struggling with that right now. We decided to keep the boys together and also they are going to private school so it isn't an option. We have been paying for it since June, even though they don't start until late this month. This summer has shown me that maybe they need to be separated. They are showing signs of it. We decided to keep them together for Kinder this year, especially since we have already paid a ton of money, but they might have to go to the public school next year. I never thought separating them would be what was best, but they are certainly showing me that right now.

 

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I get the sense that you felt I was attacking you. I certainly wasn't, and I'm not questioning anyone's parenting decisions. Yes, my boys are merely 4 , turning 5 in Nov. But they have two years of full-time M-F preschool under their belts. They started at 2 turning 3. They have changed so, so, so much in those two years. They have one more year before K - but we can no longer afford preK so they will be home with Daddy. My intentions changed specifically because Aaron blossomed only when forced to go to preschool without Jacob. It made such a HUGE difference in him that the teacher and director immediately noted to me the impact that a few days "on his own" made in his behavior and attitude.

I've only tried to point out that parents of younger twins, me included, should wait until K enrollment to make that decision. The changes from 2 to 3 to 4 to 5 are enormous. What may be best for them at age 3 may not be best for them to start K.

I'm just trying to figure out where the chip on the shoulder is coming from. Who knows, maybe your girls' relationship will change significantly in the year until they start preK, so much so that you change your mind about separation vs keeping together.


My problem was that you automatically assumed that I didn't realize that my children would change by then. Also I alredy have stated more than once that I am not dead set on them being together for K but that I will make that decision after preK and talking with their preK teacher.

 

QUOTE(Cristina @ Aug 13 2008, 12:02 PM) [snapback]928211[/snapback]
Oh Kim I am struggling with that right now. We decided to keep the boys together and also they are going to private school so it isn't an option. We have been paying for it since June, even though they don't start until late this month. This summer has shown me that maybe they need to be separated. They are showing signs of it. We decided to keep them together for Kinder this year, especially since we have already paid a ton of money, but they might have to go to the public school next year. I never thought separating them would be what was best, but they are certainly showing me that right now.

This is sort of what happened to us (minus the private school issue). It surprised us too because we had always thought we would keep them together. I will say separating them at school had an added benefit at home: some of their squabbling actually decreased because they had had some "me" time at school and were actually happy to see each other at the end of the day.