Surviving Twinfants

CIO = Cry It Out

I know when I first came to this site I had no idea what half the people were talking about with so many abbreviations. Here are a few others that confused me initially:

STTN= sleep through the night
HSHHC = Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book
PP = previous poster
OP = original poster
EBM = expressed breast milk
DH/DS/DD = dear husband/son/daughter
SAHM = stay at home mom

I'm sure there are others that I am forgetting that confused me too but I guess that's a good start!

 

I don't have time to really sit and write it all out, (shocking, I know!) but I do blog about the experience and I'm sure lots of other twin mamas do too! If nothing else, that's a great resource too...the blogger community!

But above all else: YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!

 

I'm so sorry for those of you who have had such a tough time. I hope it's getting easier!

I am glad I didn't find this thread while pregnant though. It would have scared the heck out of me! Newborns in our house have never been "hard" though - and we expected the same out of the twins. Yes, my first had latch issues nursing, we worked through it. He cried a lot from milk protein intolerance until I cut dairy from my diet. He NEVER slept not touching me - I got 20 minutes to put him down when he was 10 months old and that was the FIRST time. I learned to use a sling and we co-slept. We're very relaxed parents and go with the flow on a lot. We don't schedule very much and don't sweat the small stuff.

I learned to organize my life when I had five kids four and under here (daycare children and my own). I'd pack everything we needed to get out the door (to storytime, open gym, etc) the night before. Set up clothes and everything. I also keep extras of everything in plastic drawers in my suburban - they have saved my outing more than once. I do the same now and can easily get out with the twins and my older two.

Slings/carriers/wraps are also key around here. Wearing at least one baby I can get a lot done. We don't have help - we had meals from people for a week or so and that was great, but can't afford to hire any help. DH works 13-16 hour days so I'm on my own. Yes, I'm tired, but there's not much to be done about that. The babies sleep with us - I roll over, offer a breast, and go back to sleep - sometimes they're up 7-9 times a night but sleeping through nursing helps a lot. I need to cut dairy again to get rid of some of the fussiness issues. They had a LOT of latch issues/weight gain issues/nursing problems in the first 6 weeks, but we all got through them. We are still battling thrush, but it's ok. Homeschooling suffers sometimes, I catch up with it sometimes. It all evens out in the end.

Oh! I also get through stores with a carrier/sling/whatever. I live rurally - 25 mins from a store. So when I get there I want to get in and get out and home before the babies need to eat (doesn't often work, though). To avoid everyone stopping me to comment on the "TWINS!" I wear one and leave the other in the infant seat- people assume the seat is empty and the baby is in the sling if they don't pay attention. I only get stopped once or twice rather than every asile! I call it "stealth twins". I'm also able to nurse and shop at once in a sling to save time. I keep a small bottle of hand sanitizer in my pocket for when I have to touch the baby after touching things in the store.

I guess I'm just trying to offer a ray of hope. You're not going to ruin your child for life if you don't do everything exactly as it is spelled out in a book. Well, I don't think so at least - my oldest is only 6, but so far so good and we did a lot "wrong" - but it felt right to us. Yes, two babies is harder than one, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world (disclaimer - my twins were born at term and I fought hard for a vagnial birth- one was breech and it was fine). I'm tired, forgetful and the house is messy on and off, but I'm enjoying my babies AND my big kids most of the time. It's such a short time! I took back one of the boys I watched at four weeks postpartum without an issue (he's in between my older boys' ages and I've had him here since infancy). It IS do-able!

Jean
DS1 - 6, DS2 - 3.75, DS3, DS4 - 3.75 months, daytime boy 4.75

 

Darnit, wanted to edit my post again and can't. I just bathed the babies and thought of something else that saved my butt - a good baby scale. When we had issues nursing it was SO helpful and reassuring to have one at home. The ped was fine without doing weight checks there if I called her every few days with what I had here - a bonus during flu season, and she's an hour away from us, so double bonus!

That and one piece footed outfits. I'd have never DREAMED of taking my older boys out of the house not all cutely dressed up, but the babies? Live/d in footed one piece outfits. Way easier! Just watch for loose hairs of yours migrating into the toes at laundry time.

 

Thank you so much for this thread. Its a great topic and reading all of these posts makes me feel so much better. I will certainly be back when my girls are a few months old to add any of my experiences that might be helpful to others.

Our girls are nearly 3 weeks old and the first few weeks has been both good and bad. The sleep deprivation is so hard and the constant pumping is exhausting. I decided not to feed from the breast cause we were having issues with one of them switching back and forth from the bottle to boob. It takes about 30 minutes longer to do it this way each feed but my goal is to get to 6 weeks, so I'm hoping we can do that. My supply isn't great though and I'm already doing about 2 or 3 formula feeds a day.

Anyhow, all of these stories were really great. Made me feel like I'm not so crazy and actually very similar to all you women who have gone through raising twins infants....no other way to put it than its just really hard. I wish I could enjoy this phase so much more as they are growing so much already that I know looking back I'll miss seeing them this little

 

I think the biggest thing that got me through the first few months was realizing that sometimes, they are just not going to be happy. When one would cry to eat or be changed or held, I would run all over the house trying to fix is as soon as possible. So when I was busy with one and the other would cry, it would really bother me. Eventually I just realized I am only one person, I can only do my best and sometimes they will just not be happy no matter what you do. My babies were and still are generally happy, but it took us a couple months to realize Michael had reflux and he was constantly cranky until about 2 mos old.

The first few months I tried really hard to feed them at the same time. It took nearly 3 weeks to get them to nurse and I was so upset that I had to give them bottle all the time. There is so much pressure to make sure they are breastfed as much as possible, but it is one of those things you just have to do your best, and if that means only a couple breast feedings a day, that is OK. Eventually, I was able to nurse them both or nurse one and bottle feed one (then switch the next feeding) while they still took est. 20-30 minutes to eat. Once they were down to about 10 minutes to eat, I just fed one at a time. I liked the alone time with each baby and still always feed them one at a time.

I also let them sleep where ever they wanted. They have only slept with me a few times because I just cannot sleep if they are in bed with me. So I rarely did that. I rarely held them/rocked them until they were asleep. I usually soothe them until they are tired and sleepy and then put them in a crib/boppy/swing awake to let them fall asleep. Both go to bed awake now and fall asleep on their own. One does like a paci though to fall asleep and then spits it out.

Even though I have lots of family close, they all have 2+ kids, so most of them couldn't help me with all of their kids running around. But I got lots of meals brought over. I don't think I made a meal for the first 3 months. Lots of people that wanted to do something, but couldn't really afford to buy gifts brought us meals and I would have taken that before baby clothes any day!

Since these were our first kids, my DH and I had some adjusting to do with our roles and responsibilities. Chores I always did, I just didn't have time for and we would constantly expect the other one to do something, and get mad when it didn't get done. We realized we just were hoping the other one would read our minds and do it. Sit down with DH and go over the chores and "baby duty" and work out a plan. At the beginning I would nurse one and he would bottle feed one and then we would switch. Then we moved to taking turns getting up at night. Now they mostly sleep through the night, but we still take turns if someone does wake up.

I hope this helps! Feel free to PM me at anytime! I am not on here much, but check my email regularly.

 

What a great thread! Our boys are only five months old, so we have many bridges yet to cross. It is so interesting reading these stories.

I agree with some of the pps---slings are where its at!! Iknow what got us through those first few months was baby wearing, specifically a dual twin sling. Our baby slings were without a single doubt the best investment we made.
My MIL was here for the first three weeks, but after that I was pretty much on my own from about 6:00 AM-6:00 PM. And I was nursing, so my husband could not take feeding shifts. When the boys got fussy I could put them in their slings and they would quickly calm down. The dual twin sling (link included below) allowed me to hold them at the same time, and I think the shape of the sling also helped remind them of the close quarters of the womb, which greatly helped with those times when they would NOT stop crying. The slings also allowed me to walk around the house, get outside for a few moments, throw some laundry in, talk on the phone with my lactation consultant, you name it.

I know that baby wearing is not for everyone, but we found it to be a lifesaver. We did have a swing, bouncies, etc, but it was the baby sling that saved my sanity.

Here is the twin sling we used:
http://www.doubleblessings.com/servlet/Detail?no=338

I have heard of moms using two Moby wraps to get the same kind of set up. The drawback to slings is that they can be expensive. We are on a VERY tight budget, and so we asked for people at our shower to donate money to the sling fund, so that's how we could afford them. We also invested in other slings (buying them used or receiving them as presents)such as the Baby Bjorn and a homemade Moby wrap. The babies love them, and they allow me to have my hands free while also allowing the babies to be held. They can be worn together or separately. They are not the most comfortable things at first, but we quickly got used to them. And they sure beat hearing constant crying.

Other things that helped from 0-3 months:

*Keeping the babies with us at night in a co-sleeper.
*Swadelling
*Establishing a nighttime routine early on and allowing for fluidity within the routine. I found the book The No Cry Sleep Solution to be very helpful in offering suggestions that worked for our family. I knew that CIO was not an option for us, and this book was very helpful in helping us explore ways to help the babies sleep for longer stretches. At five months we still have many sleep hurdles to cross, and I know this book will prove useful during all those stages. Plus it's quite easy to read, which is great for the sleep deprived mom.

If you are breastfeeding the book Mothering Multiples (published by the LLL) is probably the greatest resource there is. Buy it. Refer to it daily. Seriously. Or at least this really helped me. Also, work with an LC. Breastfeeding twins can have its challenges. If it's important to you to breastfeed, *don't* wait until problems develop to see a LC. Be pro-active and make sure you have your support and resources lined up.

 

Mods...I really think this thread should be "stickied" for all the new mom's joining the group.

 

My only advice comes in 2 words.... Wegman's Muffins. It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning. I'm really not joking. After a discouraging night with little sleep it's so nice to have one happy thing to look forward to shoving in your mouth while you feed your twins. I ate them for months. LOL. Yeah it might've killed the grocery budget, but I figured I was saving us money by nursing as much as I could.