Spanking

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by j_and_j_twins, Dec 2, 2006.

  1. sharon_with_j_and_n

    sharon_with_j_and_n Well-Known Member

    Amanda:

    I just did a similar poll around the office with all the moms here and they all seemed to have the same understanding as you did. I also thought that spanking was almost a thing of the past, but I've seen threads about it on TS and realize that this is not the case with everyone. I don't personally know any parents who spank or would defend spanking. Maybe it's a Canadian thing? An Ontario thing? Interesting though.

    [​IMG]
     
  2. bkimberly

    bkimberly Well-Known Member

    I think maybe you are being a bit sensitive to PurpleNurple's comments. I don't think she meant to be offensive...maybe sarcastic! [​IMG] However, I do agree with her thoughts on spanking. I have had my own children pummeled by other kids who are not spanked and it is poohed-poohed as just "Oh, he's two, he doesn't know better!" Ahhh, yes he does and I don't appreciate my children getting beat up because others don't discipline their children.
    My children get compliments on their behavior everywhere we go, they aren't shy and are very precocious. They are normal 20 month old babies, but they do realize there are consequences for their actions.
     
  3. PurpleNurple

    PurpleNurple Well-Known Member

    It's not an Ontario or 'Canada' thing....[​IMG]

    From the Merriam Webster Dictionary:

    DISCIPINE:
    Pronunciation: 'di-s&-pl&n
    Function: noun
    Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French & Latin; Anglo-French, from Latin disciplina teaching, learning, from discipulus pupil
    1 : PUNISHMENT
    2 obsolete : INSTRUCTION
    3 : a field of study
    4 : training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character
    5 a : control gained by enforcing obedience or order b : orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior c : SELF-CONTROL
    6 : a rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity
    - dis·ci·plin·al /-pl&-n&l/ adjective

    PUNISHEMENT
    Pronunciation: 'p&-nish-m&nt
    Function: noun
    1 : the act of punishing
    2 a : suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution b : a penalty inflicted on an offender through judicial procedure
    3 : severe, rough, or disastrous treatment

    I was not saying they were one and the same, I was saying that you can't have one without the other!!

    For our family, we base our decisions on the Word of God:
    Proverbs 13:24 (He who spares his rod [of discipline] hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines diligently and punishes him early.)
    Proverbs 22:15
    Proverbs 23:13
    Proverbs 29:15
    Proverbs 20:11
    Ephesians 6:1-4
    Colossians 3:20

    I think people see discipline as something done TO you, rather than FOR you. I personally don't see how someone can properly and effectly instruct someone without punishing wrong doing.

    And I was not laughing at the person, I was laughing at the idea. Reminded me of a girl in school who said her dad "padded" the Paddle at home so that he would not hurt her. Ya, it seemed like a good idea to her at the time, but in reality sometimes kids need to experience some pain on their behind!! I believe that there is a direct nerve from the butt to the brain that sends very, very strong messages!!
    Our kids got "swats" long before they turned 1. Throwing tempers on the change table was the usual offence....
     
  4. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    You CAN have discipline WITHOUT punishment.
    I have discipline, I am going to the gym in a moment, there'll be no punishment for me.
    My children have discipline, there are rules in my home.
    If I notice someone about to break a rule, I catch it and reinforce my discipline.
    If they break the rule after a warning, then there's punishment.
    They're not the same.

    I have people me stop on the way out of restaurants to tell me my children are amazing or that they're very well behaved, and my children aren't spanked.
    You can't say 'mine are well behaved because they're spanked and people who don't spank have terrible children.'
    That's a nasty generalization.
    Every one is different we're INDIVIDUALS, what works for one child or family doesn't work for them all.
    My children, who are not spanked, DO NOT 'pummel' other children, you just can't generalize.

    We all have to just agree to disagree.

    I don't have an agenda, I'm not trying to change people's parenting styles, just telling mine.
    But I will snap back if people try and tell me I'm wrong for not spanking and that children who are't spanked have behavior problems.
     
  5. PurpleNurple

    PurpleNurple Well-Known Member

    quote:
    Originally posted by Amanda:
    You CAN have discipline WITHOUT punishment.
    I have discipline, I am going to the gym in a moment, there'll be no punishment for me.
    My children have discipline, there are rules in my home.
    If I notice someone about to break a rule, I catch it and reinforce my discipline.
    If they break the rule after a warning, then there's punishment.
    They're not the same.


    I'm not talking about being a disciplined individual...I am talking about the act of disciplining someone. To become a disciplined individual, should there not be a process of discipline? You yourself said that if the children break a rule that you have set out for them to teach them to become disciplined, they get punished. So, if there were no punishment for them breaking a rule (that you have made to teach them disipline), how would you help them become disciplined?

    Alot of children that I have worked with in the public sector as a sports coach, have not been disciplined (I'm not just speaking about spanking or paddling). They had no respect for their parents because their parents never enforced their authority. I often stepped in and told the child to obey their parent NOW. And they did. They were pretty shocked, but they did. Kids want someone to be in charge and give them that sort of correction.

    quote:
    I have people me stop on the way out of restaurants to tell me my children are amazing or that they're very well behaved, and my children aren't spanked.
    GOOD FOR YOU!!

    quote:
    But I will snap back if people try and tell me I'm wrong for not spanking....

    So, who told you were WRONG?? I believe that you are putting words in people's mouths, getting all deffensive! And no one said YOUR kids would have behavioral problems, no one said that ALL kids who have not been spanked do. But I have heard the same generalizations that you are concered about, when it comes to anti-spanking....ie: Spanking is never right,Spanking destroys self esteem,Spanking makes kids be sneaky....ect ect Those generizations bother me!
     
  6. me_and_my_boy

    me_and_my_boy Well-Known Member

    I didn't vote, but I don't think we're at that point yet. I was rarely spanked as a child, but when I was, it was for something like running in the street after being told not to and I probably deserved it.

    I have not spanked my kids, but I won't say never. I will probably reserve it for something that is very dangerous for them (like running in the street or grabbing a hot pan after being told not to). I think there is a difference between the occasional spanking and abuse and occasional spanking for the right reasons wouldn't be the end of the world.

    Mendy
     
  7. sharon_with_j_and_n

    sharon_with_j_and_n Well-Known Member

    quote:
    When you say "Discipline is not supposed to be punishment"...how does that work? So when you get pulled over for speeding and the police hands you a ticket for $175...$175 that you have to pay out of your own bank account, that you had to work for, that you could have spent on nice things for yourself or your kids....is that not a punishment? Is that not a consequence for your actions? Is that not DISCIPLINE?? Does that not HURT??


    I didn't want to get too far into the subject, but my comment was quoted and met with rolling eyes, so I will defend my POV.

    I'm not anti-discipline. I am anti-spanking and for some very good, very well-researched reasons. The quote above would read very differently if the speeder was pulled from the police car laid over the policeman's lap and given a stern spanking (not in anger, mind you, strictly non-emotionally with the good of the speeder and society in mind). If corporal punishment is not a good and accepted form of discipline for adults, then it is not a good form of discipline for children.

    Monetary penalties don't hurt PHYSICALLY, neither does getting fired from your job. I agree with you, however, that they are both effective forms of discipline. So really, I think you make a good argument AGAINST spanking. If these forms of discipline are effective for adults, then surely there are equally effective forms of discipline and consequences for actions for children that do not require inflicting physical pain.

    [​IMG]
     
  8. PurpleNurple

    PurpleNurple Well-Known Member

    I was not using that example to speak for or against SPANKING...I was trying to connect the two terms DISCIPLINE and PUNISHMENT. Because there is a the thought that these two things don't go together and should not go together. Punishment for wrong doing (not to be understood as SPANKING) must be present in order for Discipline to be inforced. If your choice of punishment is standing in the corner (which I did alot as kid, too!) then, fine. But recognize that as punishment to help a child learn discipline.

    I am not compairing Spanking to receiving a ticket for a criminal offence...that was not the intention.

    So you are saying that toddlers should be treated the same way adults should be treated, even though their mental maturity is much lower than that of an adult?
     
  9. KYsweetheart

    KYsweetheart Well-Known Member

    quote:
    I did not vote, since mine are still young and we have not been put in a situation where spanking would even be considered.


    I did vote, but I voted yes... I haven't spanked them, because of the same reason as Kate. They are still young. But, when they get older, if I HAVE to, I will. I will definitely look at my other options, like Ignore and Isolate. Spanking will be my last resort, but I am not against it.
     
  10. japhy311

    japhy311 Well-Known Member

    quote:
    All the children that I know that aren't spanked are brats


    This statement is offensive to me. I do not spank and my children are definitely not brats.


    quote:
    don't have an agenda, I'm not trying to change people's parenting styles, just telling mine.
    But I will snap back if people try and tell me I'm wrong for not spanking and that children who are't spanked have behavior problems.


    Well said, Amanda. This topic is such a heated one and I think trying to discuss it respectfully is key. To me, and for my family, any form of physical punishment is what we avoid. No flicking, hitting, spanking, tapping--to me, it is the same, regardless of the "type" of physical contact administered. It is taking advantage of the fact that the parent is bigger and can overpower the child and cause physical harm. I never want my children to feel pain for any reason that was inflicted by me. I'm not so sure I want them to be afraid of me, either. I want them to respect me, and I do this by respecting them.

    Not spanking is the right choice for us. We choose to use Harvey Karp's "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" as our parenting toolbox and it works very well.

    For those of you that do spank, I would not and am not judging. However, spanking is not the right choice for us.
     
  11. sharon_with_j_and_n

    sharon_with_j_and_n Well-Known Member

    I'm not saying that toddlers should be treated the same way adults should. I am saying that good discipline techniques reflect what is accepted by society in general. As a society, we don't find corporal punishment an acceptable form of discipline. By law, a teacher cannot hit a child. An employer cannot hit his/her workers. If corporal punishment really were an effective form of discipline, then we would accept it across the board and carry it into our classrooms and legal system. If it is good discipline for a parent to spank a child, then why isn't it good discipline for a teacher to spank that child at school? Good discipline techniques carry through our societal systems. Time outs amount to the same thing as suspensions from school/work. Taking away privileges like TV or toys translate to detentions at school, or losing your driver's license.

    It may just be semantics, but to me, there is a separation between discipline and punishment. Discipline is an active process with the purpose being to change behaviour. It involves consistency and there are consequences involved. The definition that you provided for punishment describes a single action, "suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution". I think that the term consequence works better for my idea of good discipline. I think we both agree that there has to be a consequence for bad behaviour. I just think we disagree on whether spanking is an acceptable consequence.

    It's OK to disagree. I don't think either one of us wants to be argumentative, just understood. I hope you're not offended.

    Sorry Amanda for heating up your thread.

    [​IMG]
     
  12. 2for1

    2for1 Well-Known Member

    Has anyone other than me noticed a difference in kids today compared to kids, say, 15-20 years ago? Teen pregnancy is at it's highest rate ever, church attendance is down, voter registration is down, meth labs are popping up EVERYWHERE all over the U.S. in very high numbers, teens are wearing their pants around their ankles, with their underwear showing, girls couldn't dress in tighter clothes if they painted them on, etc., etc., etc. Now...think about what has changed in this time period. The disciplining on the parents' part. Parents do still spank, but too many parents are trying to be FRIENDS with their children rather than their gaurdians, IMO. Spanking was taken out of schools, now they're trying to take God out of our Pledge of Allegiance, for Pete's sake. And, we wonder why kids have no discipline. They aren't taught discipline or respect for their elders like they used to be. I used to be a teacher before my boys were born, and I was amazed at the very thing I'm talking about. Kids, in general, have no fear these days.
     
  13. PurpleNurple

    PurpleNurple Well-Known Member

    quote:
    Originally posted by 2for1:
    Has anyone other than me noticed a difference in kids today compared to kids, say, 15-20 years ago? Teen pregnancy is at it's highest rate ever, church attendance is down, voter registration is down, meth labs are popping up EVERYWHERE all over the U.S. in very high numbers, teens are wearing their pants around their ankles, with their underwear showing, girls couldn't dress in tighter clothes if they painted them on, etc., etc., etc. Now...think about what has changed in this time period. The disciplining on the parents' part. Parents do still spank, but too many parents are trying to be FRIENDS with their children rather than their gaurdians, IMO. Spanking was taken out of schools, now they're trying to take God out of our Pledge of Allegiance, for Pete's sake. And, we wonder why kids have no discipline. They aren't taught discipline or respect for their elders like they used to be. I used to be a teacher before my boys were born, and I was amazed at the very thing I'm talking about. Kids, in general, have no fear these days.


    I could not have said it better myself. Thank you!!!! I think that "TRAINING" has been replaced by "RAISING". You raise cattle, not kids!!
     
  14. ames4

    ames4 Well-Known Member

    I do spank in extreme circumstances, although I always said I never would. I spank if my daughter is endangering her life or health. For example running out in the street, we tried to talk about it, take her in the house etc.. nothing was working so she got a spanking, and she has NEVER ran out in the street again, she now waits until someone takes her hand.

    I would rather have my daughter alive and take the risk that a few spankings is going to do her some kind of emotinal damage down the road, which I don't think is true. I think depending how the spanking is administerd plays a crucial role also. If it is done out of anger it is different then doing it because you are trying to keep your child safe.

    Just my opinion.
     
  15. PurpleNurple

    PurpleNurple Well-Known Member

    quote:
    Originally posted by Sharon with J & N:
    I'm not saying that toddlers should be treated the same way adults should. I am saying that good discipline techniques reflect what is accepted by society in general. As a society, we don't find corporal punishment an acceptable form of discipline. By law, a teacher cannot hit a child. An employer cannot hit his/her workers. If corporal punishment really were an effective form of discipline, then we would accept it across the board and carry it into our classrooms and legal system. If it is good discipline for a parent to spank a child, then why isn't it good discipline for a teacher to spank that child at school? Good discipline techniques carry through our societal systems. Time outs amount to the same thing as suspensions from school/work. Taking away privileges like TV or toys translate to detentions at school, or losing your driver's license.


    Ahh....this is all true, but unfortunatly it is not the school's, police's, employer's or even the church's job to train your children.
    You are responsible to create and maintain your own system by which you and your household will live by. Even though the government of Canada has ruled against spanking in public or by anyone other than the parent or legal gardian, and only within reason, they have not taken the right away from parents to PARENT! And I couldn't give a flying flip what society says is acceptable - I mean, the same society which calls Prostitutes "Sex Trade WORKERS" and teaches humanism in schools! Canada has one of the worst criminal sentincing in Canada - usual sentincing for a crime like murder or rape could be about 5-15 years, and they could get out sooner. I would be hardpressed to find a Canadian case that handed out a life sentence in the last few years. That system is not qualified to parent my kids or tell me what is socially acceptable.
    My kids will learn that sin (disobeying) hurts. In life, disobedience might not hurt right away, but over time, it will. As the Bible says, spanking a kid won't kill him/her...but sin will!
    If they learn to obey, respect and honor their parents & leaders, they will obey, respect and honor God.
     
  16. 2IrishBlessings

    2IrishBlessings Well-Known Member

    Originally posted by 2for1:
    Has anyone other than me noticed a difference in kids today compared to kids, say, 15-20 years ago? Teen pregnancy is at it's highest rate ever, church attendance is down, voter registration is down, meth labs are popping up EVERYWHERE all over the U.S. in very high numbers, teens are wearing their pants around their ankles, with their underwear showing, girls couldn't dress in tighter clothes if they painted them on, etc., etc., etc. Now...think about what has changed in this time period. The disciplining on the parents' part. Parents do still spank, but too many parents are trying to be FRIENDS with their children rather than their gaurdians, IMO. Spanking was taken out of schools, now they're trying to take God out of our Pledge of Allegiance, for Pete's sake. And, we wonder why kids have no discipline. They aren't taught discipline or respect for their elders like they used to be. I used to be a teacher before my boys were born, and I was amazed at the very thing I'm talking about. Kids, in general, have no fear these days.[/QUOTE]
     
  17. 2for1

    2for1 Well-Known Member

    Becca...I agree with you about that! What I was trying to get at is this....remember how the original poster asked if anyone ever spanks anymore? Well, that's how far away we've gotten from where things used to be....that some people don't even think others spank because it's so "outdated." Back when parents weren't worried about what was PC and what wasn't, IMO, things were better...kids were better behaved, more respectful, etc.

    I feel like i'm typing in circles! But, no, I don't want to give a teacher the ability to spank my child. But, BTW...I did have a parent one time when I taught that told me to spank his child anytime time he needed it...against the law, or not!! [​IMG] Of course, I never did! He was actually really well behaved at school!
     
  18. bkimberly

    bkimberly Well-Known Member

    quote:
    By law, a teacher cannot hit a child.


    This may be true where you live, but is not true everywhere. I have taught in many schools that do still paddle.
     
  19. stinabina

    stinabina Well-Known Member

    i'm not a spanker, but i have spanked... ex: dd ran across the street when she was 2 and my gut reaction was a swat on the bottom...

    we are very physical family, huggy and kissy, and if we ever do spank it will be because of something like what happened before, but i will never just spank. we try time outs and punishments of taking away things until the behavior changes. but i also have pretty good children that don't do bad things.

    i was spanked too, not often, but enough to remember it WASN"T fun, but i harbor no ill will against my father for doing it. he would always give us fair warning and he would never hurt us... he never spanked any harder than my big brother hit me... [​IMG]
     
  20. ads3046

    ads3046 Well-Known Member

    quote:
    If it is good discipline for a parent to spank a child, then why isn't it good discipline for a teacher to spank that child at school?


    They did when I was in school and IMO, the day we did away with that was the day our children and society started to go to he## in a handbag. Children these days don't respect their parents, their teachers or any authority figure. (not all of course) Children who are not taught boundaries at an early age will most likely be out of control. We as a country are giving children rights that their parents should have over them until they are of legal age. When your underage daughter can get an abortion and the parents don't have to be notified, YOU KNOW we as a country are in BIG trouble. I wouldn't and won't send my kids to public school these days. The teachers have no control anymore because we have taken it from them and a lot of parents see school as a babysitter.

    Angela
     
  21. sharongl

    sharongl Well-Known Member

    When I was teaching in Georgia, it was in a district that did/does still paddle children. First of all, teachers don't paddle children, the principal or vice-principal did it. Also, it was a last step in a long line of discapline tools. Here are a few interesting observations I had about paddling.

    First of all, parent consent was needed before a child could be paddled. Once it got to that point, the parents who hadn't consented, would recieve a phone call--telling them about the problem that was happening, and then give them a choice. The child could either recieve 3 days of in school suspension or 3 licks with the paddle. And guess what--all those parents who swore no one would ever paddle their child almost always gave consent.

    Also, most times, it was simply the threat of the paddle that kept the kids in line. One of my student would never have been paddled--he had quad spastic CP--BUT he never knew it! Just the thought that he could possibly get paddled kept him in line. On the flip side, the foster kids in the school--also kids that could never be paddled due to being in the foster system, knew they couldn't be paddled, and would basically throw it at the teacher-"I can do what I want, since you can't touch me"

    I think that like anything else, spanking is a tool, that no one ever wants to use, but just keeping it in the tool bag, is sometimes enough to help mold behavior--which is truly what discapline is.
     
  22. Snittens

    Snittens Well-Known Member

    quote:
    Originally posted by Sharon with J & N:

    I don't personally know any parents who spank or would defend spanking.


    I really didn't know that anyone spanked either until I got onto TS.
    I think this topic is moving way OT and getting into one of "those" discussions.
     
  23. Dianne

    Dianne Well-Known Member

    Just saw a preview for Supernanny, looks like she is going to address spanking in the premiere episode. I will be interested to see her take on it.
     
  24. kma13

    kma13 Well-Known Member

    This is an interesting topic. And a hard question to answer until youare in a situation wher eyou really have to choose, i saw a woman SCREAM her child up one side and down the other in a rest area, she screamed at the child until the little girl cried and my husband was horrified. Unitl I told him why, the 8 year old girl twisted away from Dad and disappeared into a crowd in a Mass. Pike Service area, I agreed with the mom...can you imagine what could have happened to her in that place????

    You do what you have to to keep your kid safe. Including making runnign away very scary, I may have approached it differently but I get that fear.

    As parents we are doing the best we can adn often it is trial and error. I don't believe I will spank... but I don't know for sure. I was spanked, with a wooden spoon, often enough to rub my bottom when I think about it. Did I deserve it? Probably. My younger brother was never spanked, did my parents love him more? I don't think so. But he didn't need it!!
     
  25. Ali M

    Ali M Well-Known Member

    quote:
    Originally posted by Sharon with J & N:
    I just did a similar poll around the office with all the moms here and they all seemed to have the same understanding as you did. I also thought that spanking was almost a thing of the past, but I've seen threads about it on TS and realize that this is not the case with everyone. I don't personally know any parents who spank or would defend spanking. Maybe it's a Canadian thing? An Ontario thing? Interesting though.



    I have to wonder how many of those moms have spanked but don't feel comfortable admitting it to another group of women who are all saying they have not. The poll on this forum is up to 60% and the (almost) yearly articles in parents magazines on the issue usually have a much higher percentage of parents saying that they are spankers. Spanking has been demonized by our society and it's a little easier to admit you have done it to a faceless forum or magazine poll than to a group of women you work with.

    I have spanked the girls hands for big offenses but that's because that's what works for them. Sometimes they need timeouts, sometimes they need to lose privledges, and sometimes they need a spanking. Just like with CIO/breastfeeding/co-sleeping etc., you do what works best for your child.

    If anyone has a link to the actual text of a study showing that spanking was bad then I would be very interested in reading it. All I ever see is second-hand information, like magazines saying that there are studies in existence. So many studies (not just those related to spanking) are not only preformed incorrectly but the statistical analysis is flawed that I find it hard to believe any information related from a study until I've actually read it and seen their methods. You'd think with peer review that badly done studies would be caught, but (in every discipline) a large amount gets through. I take studies with a grain of salt.
     
  26. JeninSF

    JeninSF Well-Known Member

    I should start by staying on topic. I don't spank. I was not as a child and my DH was. I believe the tools we are using are working well for us, so will keep going with it.

    I am a market researcher by training, so I can not let the following statements go unnoticed.

    quote:
    Teen pregnancy is at it's highest rate ever


    This is actually not true. The teen pregnancy rate in the US has seen a decline every year since its all time high in 1991. While it varies by state, the average decline from 1990-2000 is 28%. Do I think this has anything to do with spanking or dicipline? No, i belive is it a result of better access to contraceptives.

    quote:
    church attendance is down


    Church attendence is not really down as much as people think. There are lots of different studies on this, but according to a study by the American Church Research Project "... overall church attendance is virtually unchanged from 15 years ago, even though the United States population has grown by 52 million people..." So while the % of Americans attending church might not be as high, the number of people attending is virtually the same.

    quote:
    voter registration is down

    This is not the case. (all the following are for presidential year elections) In 2004, 65.9% of the voting eligible population was registered to vote (this was up 5% from 2002) In 1978 it was 62.6%. In fact, since 1970, the % has really only fluctuated a couple of points between 62-68%. THe lower numbers are people getting out to actaully vote. That number was at a high in 2004 with 41.9% but typically over the past 15-20 years, that number has been as low as 20% and as high as it was in the 2004 election.


    quote:
    meth labs are popping up EVERYWHERE all over the U.S. in very high numbers,


    Not too much historical data, but according the DEA, in 2003 there was a reported 17,356 Meth sites (includes labs, dumpsites, glass/equipment/chemicals). In 2004 the number dropped to 17,170 and in 2005 a significant decline to 12,484.


    quote:
    teens are wearing their pants around their ankles, with their underwear showing, girls couldn't dress in tighter clothes if they painted them on, etc., etc., etc.


    ok, i could not get any data on this! But adults have battled with youth on clothing and appearance for ages.

    ok, sorry to get so far off topic.
     
  27. nessas3girlsandtwinboys

    nessas3girlsandtwinboys Well-Known Member

    I was spanked and I too spank my kids.
    I didn't have low self esteem or think my parents didn't love me..or distrust my parents, and I certainly didn't hit other people (who would do that anyways..that would just get you another spanking lol)

    I do think there is a big difference in spanking and beating.
    I always get compliments how well behaved my kids are. My two oldest daughters (ages 12 and 9) no longer get spankings. They would rather take a spanking than have their prized possessions taken away though lol

    Do what works for your family.
     
  28. 2for1

    2for1 Well-Known Member

    The SUpernanny premier last night was a prime example of what spanking is NOT. That mother was hitting, grabbing, and everything else, and it was all in anger. I watched it, the whole time thinking, "Well, this is obviously what gives "spanking" a bad name." Some people see spanking and abuse, which is what she was doing, as the same thing. IMO, it's not.
     
  29. Smartycat

    Smartycat Well-Known Member

    I don't ever want to spank my kids. But this week I once lightly swatted Reid's hand when he hit me very hard, after I asked him not to. And I felt terribly about it. Still do. My parents spanked me and punished me in other ways (slapping, kicking etc) and I remember every time they did that like it was a photograph I took yesterday. Of course, the punishments my parents doled out were not within the context of an other-wise loving home. They were kids when they had me and my brother. My mom was just 18. Maybe if they spanked but the rest of the time were great parents I wouldn't even remember the spanking. I'm sure my own feelings of intense guilt over swatting Reid have everything to do with that. But I still feel in my heart that spanking and slapping are not the way to teach right from wrong. I just hope I can stop myself from "swatting" next time I'm in the thick of it with one of my boys.
     
  30. Ky_sweet_tea

    Ky_sweet_tea Well-Known Member

    quote:
    KY sweet tea all kids u know who are not spanked are "brats", so our kids who are not spanked are brats???


    I don't know you or your kids! But as I said all the children I DO Know or that are involved in my life aren't well behaved when their parents rely on talking or timeout only.
     
  31. Ky_sweet_tea

    Ky_sweet_tea Well-Known Member

    quote:
    This statement is offensive to me. I do not spank and my children are definitely not brats.


    Sorry you wasted your time getting offended for no reason, my statement doesn't apply to you unless I've seen your kid at a shopping center screaming and running away from you! Just kidding people lighten up! Once again just my observation on people in my life!
     
  32. sharon_with_j_and_n

    sharon_with_j_and_n Well-Known Member

    Thanks to Jen for clearing up some very important misconceptions about how the world today (teen pregnancy, church attendance etc) is SOOOO much worse than it used to be --a broad and largely unfounded statement. I, too am guilty of using bad statistical analysis by doing my "brief poll" around the office. I think that when you imagine that everyone thinks the same way as you do, and you base your opinion on experience and not facts, it is difficult to back up your argument well for or against spanking...although sharing experiences is what we do here, so there's certainly nothing wrong with stating your opinion.

    I think what it comes down to is that some people, like Amanda stated in the thread opener, and others (including me) are surprised by the adamant defence of spanking. I just do not run across it very often. Clearly spanking is alive and well and actually tips the scales in popularity on this site. I find that interesting.

    [​IMG]
     
  33. texastwinks

    texastwinks Well-Known Member

    quote:
    Originally posted by 2for1:
    Has anyone other than me noticed a difference in kids today compared to kids, say, 15-20 years ago? Teen pregnancy is at it's highest rate ever, church attendance is down, voter registration is down, meth labs are popping up EVERYWHERE all over the U.S. in very high numbers, teens are wearing their pants around their ankles, with their underwear showing, girls couldn't dress in tighter clothes if they painted them on, etc., etc., etc. Now...think about what has changed in this time period. The disciplining on the parents' part. Parents do still spank, but too many parents are trying to be FRIENDS with their children rather than their gaurdians, IMO. Spanking was taken out of schools, now they're trying to take God out of our Pledge of Allegiance, for Pete's sake. And, we wonder why kids have no discipline. They aren't taught discipline or respect for their elders like they used to be. I used to be a teacher before my boys were born, and I was amazed at the very thing I'm talking about. Kids, in general, have no fear these days.


    I totally agree with this! My two DO get swats on the hand if they repeatedly keep doing something I've asked them not to do. Do I do it every time? NO! Does it get their attention when I do? YES! My kids are almost 15 months old, many of you may think they are too young for swats, but I KNOW what's best for my kids and I do not walk around beating them all day long. They MIGHT get two swats each in a weeks time, but if I have asked them not to do something for the 4th or 5th time, I feel a little swat is helpful in getting their attention.
     
  34. Cake

    Cake Well-Known Member

    I’ll have to come back and read all 4 pages later but I voted no. It would not be appropriate for my husband to hit me when I’ve done something wrong so I don’t think it’s appropriate for children to be on the receiving end either.
     
  35. Jersey_Girls

    Jersey_Girls Well-Known Member

    Well done Jen for getting clear statistics on teen pregnancy, church going and meth labs! I love statistics and have a pet peeve about false info when trying to make a point.

    My point though-

    It seems from reading all of these posts that the people who DO spank have made an informed decision about using it as a form of discipline-and use it only as a form of discipline and not as an extension of anger or in order to physically or emotionally harm their children.

    Those who DO NOThave made an informed decision to use another form of discipline that will neither physically or emotionally harm their children.

    I do not spank but my parents spanked me. It worked for my parents but it doesn't work for me. Every family is different.
     
Loading...
Similar Threads Forum Date
For those who do not believe in spanking The Toddler Years(1-3) Nov 19, 2008
mom ticketed for spanking daughter in public The Toddler Years(1-3) Jul 10, 2008
The twins got spankings tonight The Toddler Years(1-3) Sep 12, 2007
Jail for spanking a child under 3. The Toddler Years(1-3) Jan 19, 2007

Share This Page