Selective listening...

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by SMax, Mar 29, 2011.

  1. SMax

    SMax Well-Known Member

    How do you handle this? This is a newer issue for us and it has me stumped. For example, I was doing a quick run with the vacuum today before leaving for work. I pulled the plug out of the socket and started to wind the cord. DS was right behind me, trying to put the outlet protector back in. I said, "Keegan. Please stop." Again, "Keegan. PLEASE STOP." Again, "KEEGAN! Please stop!!" Nothing...he keeps working to put the protector back in until DH steps over and makes him stop.

    The issue is not the outlet protector. That may or may not be worth getting upset over. But, it is the complete ignoring that is bothering us!

    Thanks for any words of wisdom. I keep telling DH that they are just acting their age, but I would still like to know if there is something that might work.
     
  2. cjk2002

    cjk2002 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like my house. That is one thing that drives me :grr: I've tried being nice and explain to them why they should not do ______, but that makes them do it even more. Both of them have looked at me with a big smirk on their face and gone right back to doing what I just asked them not to. It when I raise my voice and tell them STOP, I get results.

    ETA:
    I've started using 123 Magic again for these types of situations and it has seen to help.
     
  3. Minette

    Minette Well-Known Member

    He sounds like a very persistent child and one who is determined to finish what he starts. Just trying to put a positive spin on it! :ibiggrin:

    I recommend Raising Your Spirited Child (not that he is necessarily spirited, but those are both spirited traits, and the book has a lot of great advice in general).

    When we have that "talking to a wall" situation, one thing that helps is to get right in their faces (gently -- not angrily, but just put your face where they can't avoid looking at you) and touch them gently on the chin or shoulder until you're sure they're really listening. Kids are not necessarily ignoring you on purpose -- they are just so focused on what they're doing that they literally have no idea you're talking to them.

    If you're sure he heard you and he still insists on doing his thing instead of following your instructions, you might have to remove him from the situation (again, gently) for his own safety. Or, if all else fails, there are some things (like vacuuming) that you just might not be able to do when he's around. Sometimes it's easier to avoid the battle than to fight it!
     
  4. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    I second Raising your Spirited Child book.

    I try to get down on their level and put a hand on them gently and ask them to stop, in a very mono tone voice. As the above poster suggested. It really does help. If it is a safety issue then I deal with it more quickly but yelling or saying it without getting down on their level doesn't do a thing. Other then annoy me.

    I've also started playing green light stop/red light go a lot to work on listening skills. This has improved their response to "stop". But again I say it with no emotion and I don't yell it. Freeze might also work.

    If I am doing something I assign jobs. They know that when the vacuum goes off they get to unplug it and wind up the cord for me. Then one runs and opens the closet door and the other helps me push the vacuum to the closet. So instead of getting into trouble they get to “help mommy”. Takes more time but worth it with persistant children.
     
  5. Twin nanny

    Twin nanny Well-Known Member

    This is basically what I was going to say. I try not to continue with the instruction until I'm sure I have their attention. I will call their name until they look at me and only finish my sentence once they're looking. If I've said their name three times and they haven't looked up I go over to them and get down to eye level then say "name, look at me please, I'm talking to you." Then I can tell them what they need to do/stop doing. It's a lot harder for them to ignore/disobey an instruction said to them at close quarters with eye contact than one called out across a room. It also makes it easier to follow through with whatever consequences you use if he does ignore you.

    I also really like the idea of assigning him a job for anything you consistently have problems with.
     
  6. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    Oh my goodness!!!! When my ds #. 2 was that age, I Swore the kid was deaf - totally deaf. I even had him tested multiple times. I had to get in his face.and talk to him, I had to take away what ever it was he had in his little hands and if the tv was on I turned it off and talk to him at eye level and make him answer me. Or make him stop doing whatever it was that he was doing. It was frustrating but he finally outgrew it for the most part - now at puberty he is doing it again, very frustrating.
     
  7. ckreh

    ckreh Well-Known Member

    Sorry no true words of advice since Max does this to us almost daily. What I have started doing is making him look me in the eye when he is trying to ignore me. That means tilting his chin with my hand sometimes so he doesn't look down, but at least this has helped some since he has to have eye contact with us.
     
  8. heathertwins

    heathertwins Well-Known Member

    our daughter had hearing issues so that is always something to be aware of. I will repeat repeat repeat "shoes on shoes on shoes on" sometimes that helps. I find often that touching the back of their head and guiding them away from something can help, or shoulders. Touch seems to help often more than words. Raising our voices so often is the only thing they seem to hear.

    Heather
     
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