?'s for those with older girls

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by rissakaye, Apr 9, 2013.

  1. rissakaye

    rissakaye Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    As much as I would like to ignore the fact that my little girl is growing up, I can't. Sarah is 9. I guess my questions are more about helping her mature as gracefully as possible.

    My mom pretty much ignored that with me. My clothes seriously never fit. I clearly remember in 7th grade when the other kids congratulated me on my mom finally letting me shave my legs because I had dark, coarse hair and you couldn't miss that. And my pants were always about 4-5 inches too short, so everyone always had a good view of my legs. I have never learned much about any skin care or any product. I just honestly would like to give Sarah a bit more guidance than that. I'm still extremely low maintenance so I feel a bit out of my league.

    Sarah's already been using deodorant. She inherited a few things from me and needing deodorant was one of them. She's good with that. I just started letting her shave her armpits. Once again, she needed to with short sleeve/sleeveless weather coming. She was already getting self-conscious about raising her hand at school. She asked about her legs, but her leg hair is so fine and blonde that I told her "no" on that part. What age do I need to relent by to be socially acceptable at school?

    So what age/factors would you consider for a face wash or skin care/moisturizer routine? I honestly don't use any special wash for my face. I do use a moisturizer with spf everyday because I sunburn quite easily. What products are gentle and good? She hasn't had any acne yet.

    What else should I know/consider? Sarah has the AG body book. She's studied it cover to cover and she's pretty good about coming to me. I just don't feel that prepared.

  2. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    I still don't really use face wash or skin care on my face, lol! I wouldn't bother until she starts having acne or something, then I'd get something appropriate for it.

    I think you're doing well! I was 13 when I started to shave. Wow 9 just seems so young to me. I don't even think I had hair then.
  3. jolcia17

    jolcia17 Well-Known Member

    Hi. Just wanna say That you are already doing a great job :) I'm sort of in the same shoes...well not quite yet though. My girls are only 2 but I grew up with the same kind of mom. Never taught me anything, showed me anything, etc about all these girly things. And I feel like I failed on my first attempt at a lot of things. Therefore, I always have said that I will have a completely different relationship with my girls. With showing them things and teaching them about growing up pretty much.

    Kids now a days grow up so fast, it's honestly sad. Therefore I'm not surprised she wants to shave at 9. You should ask her more about why she wants to shave her legs. Maybe she is getting made fun about it already? You wouldn't want that.

    However face wash and such can wait a bit longer. She's still young and unless she has acne that try something,
  4. Meximeli

    Meximeli Well-Known Member

    Wow. My girls will be 9 in September and they still seem like little girls to me. They've been fairly hairy since birth (when I assured DH that was because they were a bit premature and it would go away, but it never really did) but I haven't noticed anything like hair in their arm pits. just arms, legs, back, :eek:!

    I think just being aware is a good step and I think you are on the right track.
  5. ljcrochet

    ljcrochet Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Sounds like you are on the right track. Which AG body book does she have? When did you give it to her? I'm so not ready to think about my girls shaving legs or arms.
  6. rissakaye

    rissakaye Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    She has the first Body Book. I've skimmed through it and it seems pretty basic, but thorough. It also covers things like nutrition and nail care besides the physical changes. Sarah's been reading it since 1st grade. (She's very mature intellectually so I figured out a long time ago to just tell her the truth because she will keep needling you till she finds out what you're not telling. So, this book was the easiest way to accomplish that.)

    Honestly, I was about her age when I needed to start shaving my armpits. My mom didn't let me till I was much older. Everything else developed much later though (about 12 or 13). I'm not worried about her being 9 with that since I was the same way. About the legs, we're not really in shorts season now, so nobody has seen her legs in months. I doubt there has been any teasing there. Also, I'm in and out of her classroom and Sarah has told me about other teasing so I think she would tell me about this. I have to get 6 inches away to see she has leg hair since it's fine and blonde.

    I know I'm just a bit paranoid about this since my own mom pretty much ignored it. My kids don't have fancy clothes, but their clothes always fit since I remember getting made fun of for many years because of how my clothes didn't fit. I also remember teachers asking questions because I wasn't weather appropriate in winter and them trying to feel out what was going on. Now I get what they were fishing for. Luckily, my dh understands my paranoia about it. He also understands my need to have the next size in their closets waiting for them so if they grow quickly, we're still good. I've also probably been a little over honest about sex and body changes since there was never info. about that. It makes me wonder what Sarah and Timothy will grow-up to compensate with their kids about.

  7. Sofiesmom

    Sofiesmom Well-Known Member

    My oldest will be turning 9 next month. Definitely no need for shaving, but I have been talking about cleanliness and the fact that she'll need to start using deodorant, etc. at some point. I bought her the Usborne What's Happening to Me (Girls, there's a boy version too) so she could read a little. I told her she can ask questions, and she asked me once about periods, etc (I was 13 1/2 years old, so not too worried yet). In Year 5 (currently she's in Year 4) they'll do a small puberty unit as we've had several girls in school who had their periods in year 5/6 (about 6 or so out of 60, 120 per year level, mixed), so we tell them the more prepared you are, the easier it is to deal with puberty. We also face all the different nationalities and cultures (we have about 40 in our school, easily 10-15 per class of 30, and many bi-racial), and every culture is different. I did buy her a face wash (she sweats easily) and tell her to wash her face with it. I have some basic cream as she does get dry spots (change from fairly dry to extremely humid and vv).

    I think shaving her legs at this age is very early, as you say, it's still kind of blondish baby hair, same here. Maybe tell her to revise when she's 10 and see how you feel then. I don't think I would allow it at 9 either, so you're not alone ... oh boy, we still have lots of excitement ahead of us, don't we!?
  8. summerfun

    summerfun Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    My oldest DD is 12 and doesn't have any hair under her armpits yet, so she isn't shaving under there yet. She did start shaving her legs last summer before she went into 6th grade. :good:

    As for daily face care, she (and myself) use the face wipes from Costco and my DD will also occasionally use Cetaphil derma control oil free acne wash. She only uses that when needed. Last year she did use Cetaphil face wash though and she liked that. She doesn't use any daily moisturizer on her face yet.

    I agree the AG book is great. :good:
  9. 4jsinPA

    4jsinPA Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I think the most important thing is to just keep talking to her. Letting her talk to you. I told my oldest things that I was paranoid about growing up and things I wished my mom would have talked to me about. She has been very open with me about stuff and we have been able to talk about so much. She tells me what her friends are doing, I remember when she first asked if she could wear a bra. I almost cried but I was so glad she talked to me about it. For the face wash we have just bought those Clearasil pads, my two oldest wash their face with them at night. It gets a lot of dirt of my sons face especially and since my daughter works out so much it really helps clean all that off. She actually uses my Oil of Olay moisturizer and loves it!
  10. Dielle

    Dielle Well-Known Member

    It's my experience that starting to shave means you need to keep it up. It got coarser and darker with shaving. About 15 years ago I stopped shaving above my knees and after awhile it went back to baby soft and super blonde. But from my knees down is a different story! So that's something you might mention to her, since you can't really see her leg hair now. My oldest started shaving at 12. She asked and I gave her a razor. My guess is that Sabrina won't need it until even later, but Sydney will probably want to earlier. They're 7 and Sydney's body hair is blonde, but there's a TON of it. Except that the hair on her legs is blonde and fairly fine, you'd think she was a man with that hair, I swear. Still, I think I wouldn't probably have her shaving before about 11.
  11. Monica O

    Monica O Member

    My C is 9 (turned 9 in Jan). She has been wearing deorandant the past 2-3 months. She wasn't overly stinky but the odd time I'd get a whiff of her armpits. She has justed started using a very mild cleanser and moisturizer (geared for the younger set - the brand name escapes me at the moment) and I encouraged the use of the cleanser as I'd notice little tiny "sweat" pimples after a particurly busy or active day. She's pretty tall and lanky. Otherwise there is no other noticeable sign of puperty at this stage (except 9 year old angst..which I didn't seem to notice so much last year but she's always been a more sensitive kid). She has the same AG book as well.
  12. Chrissy Nelson

    Chrissy Nelson Well-Known Member

    I am following the girls lead with everything. They are 10 but here is what we do....

    They use deodorant EVERYDAY- no exceptions.

    I shave their armpits once a week- I am not comfortable with them with a razor yet

    We have had the period talk- I purchased pads, they know where they are and how to use them. They know to come to me or Devon (If I am not home if they start) They also know what to do if at school or my moms house or at a sleep over.

    They will come to me when they decide they are ready to shave their legs and we will discuss it together and I will buy them shaving gel and help them the first couple of times to make sure they are shaving them properly and carefully.

    Facial cleaning- Zoe has acne on her forehead and they both use Clean and Clear foaming Face wash.

    SPF- I am teaching them at an early age how important healthy skin and not TAN skin is. When I was young less SPF and a tan body was in, I want them to never touch a tanning bed.

    OPEN COMMUNICATION- Growing up my mom basically left all the education of my body to the school. I want the girls to know that they can come to me with anything and not be embarassed or afraid. Hopefully having this open door of communication the girls will take advantage of and use it for anything.
  13. akameme

    akameme Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Can I go back to the 2-4 forum? This thread is making me sad...

    Mine are only six (b/g) - but 9 doesn't feel so far away!
    1 person likes this.
  14. momotwinsmom

    momotwinsmom Well-Known Member

    My girls are 12, and have been shaving armpits and legs for about a year now. They use deodorant every day, too. They also use make-up remover at night when they wear makeup, which is just about everyday for Brooke.
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