Raising girls

Hi ladies,
 
I'm conflicting myself in term of how I'd raise my girls on dressed-up, make-up aspects.
I don't want them to be too dressy (i.e. peers influenced, keeping up with the jones later etc...), but I want them to be somewhat girly.
I rarely dress up now but do have rings, necklaces etc... that they love to find to wear.  The girls appear more girly than I am, but I think I was more tomboy due to what expected of me when I was little. So I don't want them to be less girly than naturally is , because of what I expect them to be.
 
I wonder what age do you start letting them wearing facepaint , paint nails and how often?
 
How do you say no when they ask for those ?
 I havenot let them facepaint or nail painted personnally yet. (Except for my x-nanny and school teachers who did for them.)  They know that I'm not too pleased when I see that on them.
 
My girls still have infant hair and they love the long hair. I do too, but I think we need to cut them sometime before they happen to get lice from school. (I do want to save their 1st hair cut.)  How did you talk your girl into cutting her hair the 1st time at 3+?
 
Also which book do you recommend on raising girls subject?
 
Thanks much for the inputs!
 
 
 
 

 

No makeup here other than ill swipe the brush (nothing on it) on her face while I'm getting ready. I'll paint nails now and then, doesn't bother me but I rarely paint my own. Haircuts, she had her first at 18 months and a second shortly after but she's obsessed with long hair too so I haven't taken her in awhile. Gonna take some convincing that she's going to *trim* it and not cut it!!!

I guess my overall opinion is pretty relaxed. I was a tom boy growing up but in HS still wore make up and curled my hair. I think it's more age appropriate than anything. I won't let her wear makeup (except maybe special occasions or dance) until jr high (7th grade) and then it will be limited to powder and lip gloss. That's the rules my mom had for us and in HS we could wear what we wanted....we never got that much into it. Actually I love to look and buy makeup but I never wear anything other than my usualy foundation, blush and mascara!

 

I don't put makeup on mine but if they are at a fair or something and want to get their faces painted I'm fine with that.
I kept their hair short until recently because they didn't want me to put it up in the morning and I don't want them going out with messy looking hair. So with short hair I could just brush it and go.
I let mine paint their nails, I see nothing wrong with that. For me it's a matter of if I want to take the time to do everyone's nails.
I encourage dress up, they love it! It keeps them occupied for hours.

 

No makeup at 5 1/2 except for dance recitals. Then I'll do blush and lipgloss since they encourage stage makeup.

I have painted nails and don't mind doing that. It's fun.

I've never given Anna a choice about haircuts. Usually, it's around shoulder length because her hair is thin and it looks better that way. She hasn't complained and actually likes it.

 

Lipgloss when ever. I don't wear make up but my mom puts in on them here and there. We have kept their toenails painted since they stopped putting them in their mouths

 

When they want to wear makeup I also let them play with my makeup brushes with nothing on them. At this age, they still love to just pretend. I haven't really thought about when we'll let them wear make up. I think we'll discuss it as a family once the girls express interest. They do wear lip gloss (well, more like chapstick) that we make at home with olive oil and beeswax but that's because it's cold and dry here - lips will dry out and crack in no time flat. It's really needed. For that matter, my son gets lip glossed regularly too.

As for hair, the girls were begging me for a hair cut by the time I finally felt there was actually any point to cutting their hair (just after their 4th birthday). Their hair is currently shoulder length and for school we just pull it back in a ponytail or braids. We talked about lice and they like to pretend the animal on their ponytail elastic is scaring the lice away. :laughing:

The girls got Piggy Paint nail polish for their 4th birthday. It's non-toxic (they're thumb suckers). They usually ask to have their nails painted every couple of months. They have two colors - bubble gum pink and bright purple. For me, those colors are clearly for young children so I have no problem with it.

I think my biggest concern with raising girls is helping them grow up confident in themselves - I want them to know what they are and aren't comfortable with and to live according to that rather than what is "expected" of them (by me, their father or society at large). I suspect that there are many conversations in our future about why culturally women are expected to do x, y, z and what they think about it.

I haven't come across any good books about raising girls specifically but I'm sure they're out there.

 

I have an older girl.  Probably the best answer I've come up with on most of those questions is "I don't know when, but not yet."  
 
I let Sarah wear make-up for Halloween last year.  On a daily basis, she won't wear any for a while.  I don't wear any so it's not really even a topic around here.
 
Sarah usually gets her toe nails painted through the summer.  I keep mine painted through the summer. We usually do them together and pick out colors together.  It's just some girly fun we have. Our boys go to the shooting range.  Sarah and I paint toenails and watch My Little Ponies together while they dry.
 
I have long hair and Sarah does too.  We've just always kept it long.  We use tea tree oil shampoo as a natural lice repellant and I pull it back most of the time or braid her hair for school.  We've never had lice.  If your girls love their long hair, just use product on it to keep the lice away.
 
I let Sarah pick her own clothes and she still goes through spurts of girly to less girly.  In kindergarten, we had tears because she actually had to wear tennis shoes to school for pe. She went to school in a dress almost every day.  Now she usually wants yoga pants and a horse t shirt with a hoodie.  Then she'll pull out the dresses again.  I let her be her.
 
Marissa

 

I haven't decided exactly what our boundaries will be but I'm not overly concerned about it yet since they only want to wear what I wear so far and that's not much.  My oldest has been having her nails painted since she was between 2.5 and 3.  Started by accident but I have kept it up when she asks (which is normally when she sees me painting my nails).  That's something I'll have to re-evaluate with the twins because they are thumb suckers.  We'll probably have to get some of the Piggy Paint mentioned above or only do toes or all but thumbs or something.
 
Hair cuts - their hair is baby-fine and pretty short.  But their bangs get in the way a lot so I cut Vivi and Livie's bangs myself (Sophie's aren't quite long enough to need it yet).  It's a pretty utilitarian cut.  We'll see how willing they are to take care of their hair (or let us take care of it) when it's long enough to be an issue.  But they also aren't in daycare or school yet so lice isn't something I've had to worry about.
 
Makeup - Vivi wears chapstick a lot because Carl does and every time she sees him put it on she wants some.  Total daddy's girl.    She has asked to wear some lipstick when she sees me putting it on for a special event.  I'll put some on her and show her how to blot.  By the time she's done blotting, it's mostly gone.    All-in-all, I don't mind if they wear a little makeup for play but for leaving the house/day-to-day wear, it will be a while before I let them wear more than lipgloss (middle school?  high school?  not sure how far out yet).
 
My one thing is that if Vivi starts talking about how beautiful/pretty she is right after she puts on a particular dress or has her nails painted, I reinforce the idea that she was already beautiful before and the dress/paint/makeup are not a precondition to being pretty.

 

My girls are 7 and 4.  I do wear makeup, I've had acne since I was very young and still have adult acne which drives me crazy.  So I do use makeup when I leave the house.  But my girls do not yet, it's far to early for it.  They actually have no interest in it either.  Once they are closer to teenage years we'll discuss it if they bring it  up.  I have no set age for when this will be appropriate.

Nail polish, I paint their toe nails during the summer (and my 4 yr old sons too ), and fingernails if they ask for it.  It's pretty sporadic, but I've been doing it off and on since they were about 2 yrs old.  I don't see an issue with it, we don't associate it with being "beautiful", just something fun to do with mom.  My little man was sporting some bright pink toesies this summer and he loved it
 
My oldest dd had her first haircut at 6 months old.  She was born with a mop head of hair and it was all in her eyes.  I had no choice but to cut her bangs, she kept pulling pony tail holders out.  She's had long hair ever since, and we've since grown her bangs out.  I read if you put hair spray or gel or something in their hair it will help keep lice out, I use a "smoothing cream" on her hair, she has thick blonde hair that's as smooth as silk, but creates a ton of fly away's.  So I use the smoothing cream,, *knock on wood* she's 7 and no signs of lice, she's been in school since she was 3.  My second dd had her first hair cut around 18 months old.  She has thin fine hair and we keep it shoulder length.  I use the cream on her as well.
 
I have no good book recommendations, I'm a pretty fly by the seat of the pants type of person   I'm just doing my best to raise strong, smart, independent girls

 

I've been painting my girls fingernails and toenails since they were two.  But last year, Sarah decided she didn't like having her nails or toenails painted, and Allison very rarely asks for it.  Neither are allowed to wear makeup unless they are onstage for recitals.  On very rare occasions one will ask me if she can have a little shadow, but its rare.  I don't wear a lot of makeup, so maybe that is why it isn't a big deal.  Plus, my husband is one of those who thinks women look better without makeup than with, so he is constantly saying things aobut women who wear too much makeup, and I'm pretty sure this has made a huge impact on their opinion of makeup.  As far as hair, they may wear it however they choose.  My girls are identical, and can't stand looking alike because no one can tell them apart, so as long as it is within reason, they may cut it as short or keep it as long as they wish since it is their hair.  They are pretty girly, so I'm pretty sure them cutting it boy-short will not be something I have to deal with...at least not yet.

 

I think many moms here will disagree with me. But I don't allow my girl wear makeup, nail polish period!!! Not until 10 not until teen. I'm a runner. I don't wear makeup. I am always in my running clothes. Pretty much a tomboy lol. So I don't expect my girl is too girly. And I don't treat her like a princess. Actually I don't allow anyone in the family call her princess.

My girl got long hair. 3 months ago, her hair was over waist. But I just cut it. Now she got over shoulder hair. She got so many hair cuts already. First was like 6 month (??!! or 7 or 8). Lol. Too much work with long hair. She is very girlish. She likes pink/purple clothes. but i got Girl clothes in different colors as well She refuses to wear her bros clothes. As long as its girl cloth, hes ok. And she likes long hair. It's ok with me

It's just how do you wanna raise them, tomboys or princesses or girly girls? I prefer a tomboy lol. Good luck. By the way, I figure out raising a girl is harder than raising a boy. It's just my opinion.

 

I think raising a girl is so hard because we tend to project our issues into our children. It took me until adulthood to be a confident woman (confident as compared to my youth) and all I want is for my girls to be self assured and happy. But the mistakes I made (some fun and harmless, some life changing) and the girls I knew growing up color my experience and the way I raise my girls. It's exhausting to think too much about my parenting goals for them.

But, for now- we paint toenails and not fingers. If they stop thumb sucking, I will paint fingers as often as I do toes (every month or so). They have shown zero interest in makeup. I only wear it on weekends, so I don't think they get it. They can wear absolutely anything they want from what I buy them. I buy pretty age appropriate Target and Old Navy clothes, so that's easy (though we don't do logos or saying- not something I'm into).

That's it! I praise generously for everything. I do compliment their appearance. I think it's important to feel confident. I tell them that they're smart, funny, silly, quick, etc. Because I really think they are!