Please someone tell me I am overreacting....

I am a regular TSer, but signed on with a different name to protect my family. Tonight during bath my DD (almost three year old) was playing with these bathtub flutes/horn/recorder things. I noticed she was trying to put it in her private area. She was really trying and crying. I told her to stop and then asked her who showed her that....she didn't answer, so I started asking did "A" do that or "B" do that and on down the list of all the people who have daily access to my children. When I got to Daddy, she said yes. I don't know what to think. I am completely freaking out and have no idea what to do. My husband is a wonderful man and father, I just cannot even begin to fathom he would ever hurt one of his children. He also knows I was sexually abused as a child and we have discussed it pretty in depth and he has always agreed with me, although who wouldn't! She isn't scared of her Daddy, she goes to him and kisses him and hugs him and has never acted afraid or clingy to me. Please someone tell me that this isn't what I am thinking.

 

i dont even know what to tell you!This is an awful thing. On one hand i want to tell you to wait and see if another sign pops up.. on the other hand i dont want you to wait because if this is going on..

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

Often children who have suffered sexual abuse show no physical signs, and the abuse goes undetected unless a physician spots evidence of forced sexual activity. However, there are behavioral clues to sexual abuse, including:

Inappropriate interest in or knowledge of sexual acts
Seductive behavior
Reluctance or refusal to undress in front of others
Extra aggression or, at the other end of the spectrum, extra compliance
Fear of a particular person or family member

I found this here : http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abus...lect.htm#sexual


ETA: http://www.coolnurse.com/sexual_abuse.htm

 

:hug99:

Do you think your DD saw something on TV without you knowing?

Maybe she just said yes, when you asked her about Daddy, and really didn't mean it.

If you are concerned take her to the pedi.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

 

She has none of those. She loves to run around and dance naked, she's almost three, do they really know how to be seductive? I have not seen her touching herself inappropriately at all, except pinching her nipples one day which I thought was strange! I am so freaked out. My husband travels a lot for work so he isn't here for me to confront him and I honestly don't know what I would say or if I should say anything.

 

No, she could not have seen it on TV. We only watch Disney or Noggin when they are awake. I keep asking her if daddy was playing and she says yes. I asked her if daddy hurt her and she said yes. I asked her to show me on her dolly what daddy did and she showed me! I am so freaked out!

 

QUOTE(helpme @ Jan 27 2008, 04:48 PM) [snapback]592297[/snapback]
She has none of those. She loves to run around and dance naked, she's almost three, do they really know how to be seductive? I have not seen her touching herself inappropriately at all, except pinching her nipples one day which I thought was strange! I am so freaked out. My husband travels a lot for work so he isn't here for me to confront him and I honestly don't know what I would say or if I should say anything.

Im sure if you confronted him he would deny if he really was doing it. And if he didnt do it he would get really offended and maybe angry that you would even ask him a question like that... Maybe you could get her checked out at the ped office.. see if something has happened down there? Just like in a ape case..
My DD pinches her nipples too.. I am pretty sure its normal.

 

Wow, what a lot to have to deal with- hugs to you. :hug99:
I would have no idea how to address this either. I do find it hard to believe that a child less than 3 would just make up something like that- or try to put something in her privates with such "effort and emotion" as your DD did without being shown or having seen something similar. The part about her showing you on her doll really stands out to me as a sign- but, I have NO professional background in this area at all. I guess I think if if were me, I would rather pursue figuring this out- and pray it was nothing than just let it go for now and find out later it was something. I would call your pediatrician and ask their advice. Perhaps they see things like this and have an opinion that we wouldn't think of?

 

:hug99: I hope you find out it is nothing, but I do think you should try and get to the bottom of it!

 

I certainly feel for you having to go thru this. I really have no knowledge regarding this issue but wanted to say this. You say you are freaking out which is certainly understandable. However, can your daughter sense you are freaking. If she can feel your emotions then she is going to respond to those emotional clues in you. As hard as it is going to be you need to stay cool calm and collected for her sake. Do not make a huge deal and demand answers from her. She does not need to feel guilty for what may or may not have happened or for telling. I would get an appointment with her ped a s a p and have her checked out. Hopefully they will know the questions to ask in such a way you, your daughter and your family can start down the road to resolution and healing. My prayers are with you.

 

I dont know what to say. I am sorry you have to go through this. :love0028:

 

I am freaking out for you! I couldn't imagine going through what you are dealing with. I guess I would call the doctor and ask for some professional advice. It definitely sounds fishy.


:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

Oh honey, many hugs to you!!!

For what is is worth, I have seen my DD put wash cloths or other toys near or on her private area in the bath tub as a means of exploring. Did she put the flute INSIDE or just touch the outside? To me, inside would be a red flag, because (I may be in the minority here) but I don't I ever realized there was an entrance to "up there" until jr high school! I would bring to the pd ASAP if that is the case. They should be able to tell you if there is forced entry. What other persons have access to your children that you might suspect? Keep us updated! :love0028:

 

I am sorry you are going through this, I can't even imagine.

I wanted to share a story that happened to me this week.....please know I am not at all trying to say that your child is lying or anything even remote to that just saying that children sometimes don't really know what they are answering..........................one of my children told me they were sent to the nurse with a note where the nurse asked alot of questions. She asked me child about clean clothes, how often baths happened, if we have pets, if my child has older siblings etc etc etc. My child told me the answers given and I was dumbfounded so I called the nurse the next morning.

How often do you bath? Child's response to me was once a month......when I spoke to the nurse I found my child's response to her was every other night.
Do you have pets? Child's response yes, a cat. (the cat died when my child was 2 months old.........years ago!!!!!)
Do you have older siblings? Child's response yes. (ummm only if you count the one who is 29 minutes older, probably not what the nurse was getting at)


Anyway, just giving a few examples of weird answers to questions that are important and how the nurse and I didn't even get the same response on the same day (big difference between bathing once a month and every other night). I don't know the best response to this but part of me is thinking it might be good that he is out of town right now and give you some time to collect your thoughts and emotions.

(oh and in case anyone is wondering, the reason for the nurse interrogation was the a teacher thought she smelled an odor that usually goes along with strept throat so they wanted to check into it, no strept throat...........some kind of smelly false alarm........who knew strept throat has an odor???!!!)

 

Oh wow, I am so sorry.....I guess what I would do is take her to the ped immediately and have him check for any signs of abuse. Also I would ask him to refer us to someone neutral who your daughter could talk to about this and make sure it is the truth. I couldnt imagine confronting my dh with something like this with nothing to back it. If she is lying and you confront him, it will break his heart and all trust he has in his family. But if she isnt lying, you need to keep him away from her.

 

ALso, is she still in diapers? Has daddy ever had to put cream on her vagina for a rash?

 

I have no advice/suggestions. I am so sorry you have to feel this way and go through this. :hug99: I would definately take her to a pediatrician before confronting your husband. Plus the ped. could get you to someone who is experienced with these things that could help you, and talk to your daughter more indepth. :hug99: I pray that this isn't true. :hug99: :cray:

 

Wow, I am really sorry to hear this. Don't mention anything to your DH until you get her checked asap. Try to have the Dr check her and speak to her to get to the bottom of this. I am sure this is very scary and you are probably reeling...but for your daughter's sake, remain calm and get her checked immediately. I know it will be hard to do that..I would want to hang someone up by their you know what's if my DD's ever told me this..even if it is their dad.

 

QUOTE(hanknbeans @ Jan 27 2008, 09:00 PM) [snapback]592390[/snapback]
ALso, is she still in diapers? Has daddy ever had to put cream on her vagina for a rash?


Yes, whenever he is home he changes her and her twin. He also gives them baths and I am always in the house, I honestly cannot remember the last time he would have been alone with just her. Not because I don't trust him we just always do things as a family.

 

I would definitely take her to the doctor to be examined. However, I do know that children this age can be unreliable witnesses. I have asked my kids things just for the heck of it to see what they say, and they give incorrect answers. For instance, five minutes after lunch, I asked "Did you have ice cream for lunch?" and they will say "yes!". No, they didn't. You get the idea.

As someone who was molested as a child though, please do take it seriously. It might be nothing, but it could be, and it would be awful to ignore it. The professionals know how to interpret what a child is telling them better than we do. In the meantime, I wouldn't say anything to DH. Just in case, you wouldn't want to tip him off and have him start covering his tracks. Just don't leave them alone. I am so sorry you all are going through this! :hug99:

 

I would be freaking out, too. The part about her showing you with the doll is upsetting.

But I agree with PPs that children of your DD's age are unreliable. If you ask my grandsons "are you mama's boy or daddy's boy" they will say the name you said last. If you reverse the order of the names, they reply with the other parent. They think going through a list of people or things is a game, and will often say silly stuff because they think it is funny. So, she may just have decided Daddy was the right answer or the one she liked the most. Does that make sense?

I would still have her checked out, but try to stay calm till you have more information. And I agree that a neutral person talking to her would be good. In the meantime, I wouldn't talk to her about it anymore, in case she starts to feel like it is a big deal and tries to figure out what she is supposed to say.


You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

QUOTE(debbeeanne @ Jan 27 2008, 09:31 PM) [snapback]592463[/snapback]
I would be freaking out, too. The part about her showing you with the doll is upsetting.

But I agree with PPs that children of your DD's age are unreliable. If you ask my grandsons "are you mama's boy or daddy's boy" they will say the name you said last. If you reverse the order of the names, they reply with the other parent. They think going through a list of people or things is a game, and will often say silly stuff because they think it is funny. So, she may just have decided Daddy was the right answer or the one she liked the most. Does that make sense?


I wondered as I was asking her if I was misleading her. Also the doll, maybe I pushed her to hard to show me. She loves her daddy so much, and he her, I just do not want to believe this to be true. He is so good with both of them. I would like to think that had there been anything going on I would have noticed something down there. I am change her several times everyday it isn't like I wouldn't have noticed, you know what I mean? I am calling the pediatrician first thing in the morning. I am terrified though that they will take her away if they find something.

 

:hug99: I would take her to the ped like pp suggested. I know that you know, you can never be too careful with these types of things, especially having been through it yourself. Saying a prayer for you. :hug99:

 

a ditto on the get her checked out asap & praying hard that whatever you find out, you'll have the wisdom & strength to help yourself & your little girl through this.

it'd be a big red flag for me, too. out of 5 girl cousins, I was the only one un-harmed and it was all the same guy (an ex-uncle) and I remember that was one of the things my cousins would do- playing "inappropriately" and no one believed anything was up until way too late.

I am so, so sorry for you even to begin dealing with this, but it's time to tap into brave mama bear and protect your daughter. really hoping it's not your dh. I think my heart would stop.

will be holding you in my thoughts & prayers, take very good care,

:love0028:

 

Like the pp said, I would get her checked out by the pedi and not talk to DH about this. That was the right thing to do ....to get her to show you on her dolly. That is how child psychologists, social workers and DHS workers get abused children to show them what happened. It concerns me that she did that to her dolly like that.

I'm a teacher, and a mandatory reporter, so I have had to deal with young children who have been sexually abused and had to report the matter. I've had to sit on the other side of the one way mirror and listen/watch as a social worker questioned a 3 yr. old.

I hope and pray that this isn't the case, but please, get her checked out as soon as you can.

Bridget

:hug99:

 

I think you have gotten some good advice. I too would recommend a trip to the pedi (or, if you're concerned about confidentiality/privacy, take her to a different clinic).

I can imagine this experience must be even more stressful having been a victim yourself.

I hope you find the answers you need and that there she is okay.

We'll all be thinking of you. :love0028:

 

I will say that I wouldn' t mention any suspicion of your DH to the pedi. They are obligated to report anything and everything. Even if it turns out to be nothing, the dr. would still have to report your suspicions and it could ruin your marriage and the life of an innocent man.

I would tell the pedi about what your daughter was doing with the toy and that you asked her to point on a doll, but not mention the part about your DH. Some people may disagree, but I think that that part can come later if you find out something really has been going on.

 

That is a tough predicament. I am not sure on the details, but you do need to be your child's advocate and get her checked out.

 

I do not have any experience in this. I am so sorry. But, take her in, like pp said try not to respond or stay on the topic. If something is happening, you want someone w/experience talking w/kids to talk to her and not accidentally add to the story. It seems that I have heard somewhere that if it is something, kids can sometimes get the people confused.? Does this sound familiar to anyone else. If they are intimidated or scared to say they may say someone that actually is safe, at this age?

Call your doctor, they can guide you and talk to her

take care and good luck

 

I'm so sorry.

You may have already taken her in by now, but I wanted to second what a pp said regarding not specifically naming dh yet. Let the doctor know you have a suspicion of potential abuse, but then let the doctor take it from there. Both to protect dh in case this is all a big mistake, and also to avoid guiding the diagnosis or your daughter in any way.

You are doing the right thing by taking her in. Of course you--and all of us, by the way--hope and pray this is a misunderstanding, but in case it's not, you need to protect her.

You're a great mommy, and your daughter will be okay.

 

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this right now. I really hope it turns out to be nothing more then her exploring.

I did agree with pp about not naming Dh to the ped. Just incase theres nothing going on. But if in deed there is to throw his name out there later for sure.

I hope you get good news at your appt..

(((HUGS)))

 

I am so sorry you are going through this, you've got to be going out of your mind! I agree with pps, don't mention DH to the doc, and get her in to see them asap. I hope everything turns out okay! :hug99:

 

Just wondering how you are doing today...

BTW- I sent you a PM (didn't know if you were checking your helpme mailbox)

 

:love0028:

Hugs to you and your family. Hopefully you'll get the answers you need soon!

 

:love0028: I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I am hoping and praying that it is not what she is saying. Although a 3 year old can have an active imagination, this isn't something that I can imagine them dreaming up. Maybe she is saying Daddy because he is away a lot? I don't know. I hope that you are okay today and that you have seen the pedi. Let us know how you are doing. :love0028:

 

I'm sure your pedi squeezed her in today so I'm wondering how you both are!