Please help me before someone calls CPS on me!

First of all, I love my boys, but I am at my wits end regarding dinner or meal time. It is such a struggle and I am grasping at straws at how to fix things. Here is a little background before I get to the meat of the issue.

My boys are close to 30 pounds and started to crawl 10.5 months. They have become super busy bodies now. Its hard to make them sit still outside of their high chairs. They are very happy boys who love to play. It seems like the only time they cry is the moment I put them in the high chair to eat. I give them their cheerios and sippie of milk. They happily eat and drink...then I take their sippie away and the fight it on!

I will give them a bite of food and we are good for about 5 bites. Then they reach for their milk and I a play a tug of war with them. They dont eat, they want their milk.

I am so tired of fighting with them. I do not want to give in to their tantrum because I do not want to start those habits, but WOW! I literally had to walk away from them. Unfortnately, DH works nights and we do not have help other than our nanny when we are at work.

Please help me...I need some suggestions.

Thank you,
Jenn

 

seeing that your boys are just past one i would recommend limiting their milk intake to 16-24 ounces. When you serve them meals, do so with water. Or if you can offer them the milk after the meal. When parker was having issues with weight gain, this is what his ped. gi doc told us to do and although it was a struggle to get him to eat... he did it eventually and started gaining weight soon after. The goal was to get him to eat more solids than just filling up on milk. I wouldn't worry though because the ped. gi doc also said that at this age your lucky if you get 3-5 good meals in a week. just try to be patient and it'll come.

 

Have you asked your nanny what she does? Maybe they are freaking out because she allows them to drink all the milk they want and they don't understand why you are taking it away. ardon:

Another idea would be to put less milk in the cup at mealtime and once it's gone, it's gone. You could let them drink more milk during snack time to make up the difference.

 

I agree with asking your nanny what she does during the day...if she is offering milk at meal times and you want to change that, you and the nanny can workout a different a milk schedule.
I also remember reading somewhere that a serving size for a toddler is 1 tbsp for their age (so at 1, their serving size would be 1 tbsp per item that you offer...mine sometimes ate that much or ate more) and to also look at how they eat weekly and not daily. Another suggestion is that you offer a sippy of water with meal time and then try the milk afterwards. Good luck!

 

So why are you taking the milk away? Do you think that they're drinking too much and it's interfering with their food intake? How many ounces do you figure they drink in a day?

I've always offered milk with the meal and let them have it the entire time. I figure I have a drink throughout my meal, so why shouldn't they? ardon: They can drink as much as they want, and eat as much or as little as they want. When they were 12 months, I would always give finger foods first then offer baby food meals/veggies to "top them off" and give yogurt for dessert (my guys were and still are super skinny).

I *will not* make meal times a struggle; I think that's how eating problems are developed. Maybe if you try letting them have their milk throughout the meal, it will lose its novelty-factor and they can focus on eating. Things I've read seem to indicate that food restriction can lead to conflict; I think this would hold true for liquids as well.

Good luck!

 

We had that same problem in the beginning and whats worked for us is not giving them ANY milk (or even letting them see the sippies) until they are almost done eating. Mine are always super hungry when they sit down and if I gave them their milk first they would chug that! So instead I give them food and then once they move on to the fruit and are almost done I give them the milk.
I agree with talking to your nanny, you both have to be on the same page about this. GL!

 

We actually hide the milk too! We get the sippy ready but now hide them in the fridge because once they see them they go nuts! Now they are a bit older and ask for them in the middle or towards the end of the meal. They really want them because they've been eating and are thirsty. You might want to try this before offering them water with their meal, I tried that and it just made my girls crazy! They were upset that their sippy was water and cried because they were so confused... ardon:

 

I've found that any time I make an "issue" of something at meal times or whenever, the problem gets one-hundred times worse. Can you just let them keep the milk sippie and not make an issue of it? Recently, mine started banging their milk sippies and I tried to stop it, and all they did was get more of a kick out of it and it got worse and I got mad. I took some advice from here and ignored it instead of fighting it, and guess what...they stopped because it wasn't fun any more. I think kids this age try out behaviors and if we don't react at all, they experience it and then move on to the next.

Some other great advice I've taken from here for babies 1-2 years old is to keep things very light and playful. I have one more willful child and I'm always telling her that we're on the same team so we need to figure out how to work together. This pep talk is more for me and I figure out a way to get her giggling and redirected, and then we both win. I do this during feedings too, and overall, we're all enjoying ourselves much more! I would try to have fun at meal times and sing silly songs about the food, make the cheerios dance around, etc. We've also gone through phases where they've eaten better if I go into the kitchen and leave them alone, but obviously keeping an eye and ear on them to make sure they don't choke. Other times, like now, they eat better when someone is eating with them.

My nanny and I spend lots of time talking about how she handles things that I have trouble with, and vice versa. We make sure we handle the challenges exactly the same way, and do the same things at the same time every day so the babies know what to expect, when. I also try to keep meals a "stress free" zone and not try to push food, make them eat something in particular, comment on how much/little they ate, etc. I offer everything on their trays and one meal they just eat fruit and the next just meat and tons of broccoli, then they won't touch broccoli for a few days. It's up to me to serve it and up to them to eat it and we talk about what we're going to do the rest of the day, what colors are in their food, etc.

 

I do agree with the posters above. You do not want to make this an issue. You want mealtime to be fun for them and not a struggle. Have you tried eating at the same time? If they see you eating and enjoying your food, they may want to try it themselves. I wouldn't worry so much about the milk. Though if you want to limit the amount, go ahead, but don't make it an issue or they will resist more.

I usually give them their milk about an hour before their meals. During their meals they can have water or juice, but even then I don't offer them the cup until after they ate something. They haven't complained so it works for them. In your case, if yours do, then offer them something if you wish, but the main point is to not make this a struggle.

I did notice they eat better if they see me eating. It's a kind of monkey see monkey do sort of thing. Offer them a little of your own food. They are old enough to pick at your food too. Be casual about it. Eventually, they'll be more interested in eating cause if it's fun for you, it's fun for them.

 

It sounds like they weigh enough, so I wouldn't worry about that. I would limit their milk intake to 24 oz. a day because I don't think they really need any more than that. I agree with not making a big deal out of it (easier said than done).

 

Many, many years ago, I worked in a daycare, and they never offered a drink until the children were done eating. I asked why, and they told me it was because the children would fill up on the liquids, and not eat the food. I followed that basic rule with my kids. Most times, I still don't give them a drink until they ask for it--and they are almost 8!

 

Seems like you have gotten plenty of responses on the milk issue. We do give them milk to drink throughout the meal but if they throw their cups (which they usually do) then they don't get it back so rarely do they have the milk throughout the meal.

I just wanted to suggest that maybe, if you aren't already, you should try some more finger foods (I know you mentioned cheerios so you may already do this). At that age (and before actually) they got very independent about meal times and would not let me feed them or take bites off of a spoon or fork held by me or their daycare. They eat a ton, though, when I just put foods on their tray that they can feed themselves. We are a little behind on utensil use at this point because my kids love eating with their fingers so much, but I try not to let it stress me. When they are excited about feeding themselves the things on the tray they often forget about the sippie and will even sometimes set it on the table out of the way now so they can dig into their meal.

Good luck!

 

I always give them their sippy's...they only get milk at breakfast and dinner time, and watered down juice at lunch time. I was having that issue once before, they only wanted their sippy's, so i took it away and had a struggle, now i just let them have it, they do put the sippy down to eat their meals. I do not want a struggling match with them, not worth it. If they are really hungry they will eat, at this age their appetite slows down, so sometimes they do not eat alot, sometimes they do, i figure if they get all their milk in then we are good, and my boys are both happy and healthy and perserving....good luck!!

 

I was also going to suggest more finger foods. Around 1 yr they start to realize that they are independent little people who are quite capable of feeding themselves. Is it messy...YEP! But they have much more fun and it makes mealtime much easier if they can do it themselves.

You can try scrambled eggs and cut up toast, grilled cheese sandwiches, cut up fruit, pasta and veggies..etc. And also gauge by how they've eaten of a week, instead of per day. Some days mine eat like horses, and sometimes they won't eat anything at all!

 

I don't let my kids see the sippy cup until after supper. Or I limit the amount in their cups. Other option is just water with each meal and milk inbetween meals two hours later.

Heather

 

Call your pedi and ask how much milk they should be getting every day (based on age and weight). Ask your nanny what she does at meal times and the two of you figure out if your kiddos are getting too much milk. If they are getting too much milk, give them water alone at meals. I think it is cruel not to let them have some type of liquid throughout the meal. Water is fine if you think they are getting too much milk throughout the day and not enough food. Good luck, this too shall pass!