Our girls are really gone

Awww I'm soo sorry. Don't feel guilty for not looking at them, that's probably how I would be too. How far along were you? Remember everything happens for a reason, so for some reason, now wasn't the time to have them

 

:hug99: I am so sorry for your loss.

 

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

I am so sorry! I cannot even imagine your grief. Your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

I am so sorry. No one should have to go through what you are right now. :hug99:

 

:hug99: Don't question or beat yourself up about not seeing them. It is truly a personal decision.

 

:hug99: :love0028: :hug99:

 

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you grieve for your little angels. :hug99:

 

I am sooo sorry to hear of your loss!!! As for questioning your actions on that day, don't stress yourself over something that you cannot go back and change. Go on with the day and know that you loved them with all your heart and that's what a mother is supposed to do. And know that they felt your love with them!!

 

you are in my thoughts and prayers :hug99:

Heather

 

I am so very sorry for your loss. My daughter (singleton) was born still last May at 31 weeks. I will never in my life forget that pit in the bottom of my stomach when the nurse couldn't find Gracie's heartbeat, then another nurse couldn't find it either, then the doctor couldn't find it...and finally, the ultrasound tech showed me a baby that wasn't moving. I was so used to seeing a baby kicking and flipping during my ultrasounds. I can't say that I understand exactly how you feel because every experience is different, but having to deliver a baby who is already gone was insult to injury. What sticks out most, and what I have had to get therapy for, is how quiet the delivery room was. When it was time for me to push, all I could do was sob her out. I briefly held her, but I honestly don't remember what she looks like and I haven't been able to look at her picture. My husband spent more time saying goodbye than I did, but that's what felt right to me. I have my happy memories of her moving after lunch or whenever I turned over in bed at night. I even remember her first case of the hiccups. Those memories are just as real as you holding her and taking a good look.

My prayers are with you. Please talk with someone about your giref and know that you have a wonderful support network at this Website. God bless...

 

My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and your family. :hug99:

 

OMG! Iam so sorry to hear that. :hug99:

 

I am so sorry for your loss. It's not easy to loss a child, let alone 2. I lost my daughter at 24 weeks due to a placenta infection caused by incompetent cervix that wasn't diagnosed.

As for seeing your babies, that is up to you. Do what you feel is right for you and remember your twins as beautiful children that you deeply love. (Read if you feel it will help, these are what I did for my own closure to what happened, I love my daughter and always will, just like you love your twins no matter what.: Personally I held my daughter from 7pm until 4:30pm the next day. I slept with her in my arms, I held her the whole time aside from letting my husband and my mom hold her. For me I had to keep her with me until they needed to take her back and I planned to leave within mins of them taking her away in the bassinet. Even before the funeral I told the director I wanted to see her one last time. I got a call to come on Thursday (her funeral was to be that Saturday) to come and see her and we could finish the arrangements. I even slept with her dress for 2 days before we had to take it to the funeral home for her to be buried in it. Those are just things I had to do for my closure. )

I will be praying for you and your husband during this time of loss; grieve, cry and be angry those things will pass with time, but for now just do what you feel. You suffered a huge loss.

Cyber hugs to you

 

I am so sorry... :hug99: :hug99:

 

I am so sorry . :hug99:

 

I'm sorry. We lost our boys to TTTS at about the same gestation. It was devastating. We chose not to see them either. It's not how I wanted to remember them.

pls visit: http://p198.ezboard.com/ftheofficialtwinto...essageboardfrm9

cross post from that website:
Recent Loss or Board Newbie - Advice from us to you I've started this thread to share some information and advice that has helped me through the ongoing grief of loosing my twins. I encourage all the parents on this board to share your words and wisdom on this thread. Hopefully, we can keep this up on the front page as a sort of "welcoming" message.


To those of you who just recently suffered the loss of twins and to those who are new to the board....

Some things that have helped us:
- Read books. I recommend "A Silent Sorrow", "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" and "Pregnancy After Loss".
- Search out websites and online support groups.
- Talk to someone experienced with pregnancy loss/infant death (therapist, clergyman, support group). Ask your Dr, hospital, online for recommendations. Many times parents go to a therapist who doesn't have much experience on the subject. This can often be more frustrating, so search out someone with the proper qualifications.
- Create a Memory Box. Fill with ultrasound photos, sympathy cards, letters, poems, etc. Whatever you have for the twins.
- Write letters to your twins. Read them aloud and put them inside the memory box. This helps to keep them a part of our lives. Write letters whenever the mood strikes, happy and sad times.
- Create Christmas ornaments or other momentos. We have angel xmas ornaments with their names engraved. We have them for our tree and gave them to their grandparents and great-grandparents. We don't want the family to forget the boys. It's bittersweet, but important.
- Surround yourself with people who understand. Or atleast people that don't criticize your choices or grief process. We've lost touch with many friends and family. And honestly that's been a much easier road, isolating from them.
- Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief. Sadly, none of us will ever fully get over the loss. We'll always have a hole in our hearts. But hopefully over time that hole gets a little smaller.
- Don't be hard on yourself. Remember you did everything you could for your babies. It's normal to sometimes feel guilt, anger, and many other emotions.
- Remember that men and women tend to greive differently. Even if your spouse isn't showing the emotions, it doesn't mean he/she isn't experiencing them. He/She might be trying to be strong for you. Try to open up the lines of communication. It's important to support each other during these difficult times.
- Remember it's normal to experience good days and then bad days again. Anniversaries of conception, birth, due dates, death, etc. are always going to be difficult and important.
- Visit this website frequently. If and when you are ready, visiting the "During Pregnancy" board to help others going thru TTTS. There is something very empowering about helping to educate others.
- Consider Antidepressants or Anti-Anxiety Medications. Don't rule out meds, even if you want to get pregnant again right away. Sometimes it's necessary.
- On the topic of trying to conceive again. Each set of parents must reach this decision together. Some couples can't even think of going through another pregnancy. Other couples want to try again immediately. There is no right or wrong answer. Ask your Doctor how long you should wait based on physical factors. Some doctors will tell you to wait up to a year, but that may be based on emotional factors and ultimately the emotional factor is something to decide as a couple.


Mom to twin angels Parker & Walker



edited to add:
Consider adopting a pet. After our loss, I adopted a 5 month old kitten from a local shelter. Jasper likes to be cuddled and held. It's been a healing experience for both of us to have this little creature who needs love and "parenting". Plus he entertains us and makes us laugh. We all need a little more laughter in our lives during this.

Edited by: Safari at: 10/19/05 1:57 am

 

I am so sorry for your loss. TTTS is confusing and devastating.

Their footprints and your memories are important, and it is so wonderful that you have that. :hug99:

 

I am so terribly sorry. I can't believe people actually have to go through this stuff and then pick up the pieces of their lives after. I will pray for all of the strength you need to be on it's way to you. I don't know if I could have looked either. I think whatever your instinct was at that time was the right one. I hope you will find some grief counseling or some help with this. I'm heartbroken for you. Please let me know if I can do anything besides pray for you.

 

I am so sorry. I don't think I could bear to look, either. You can just carry their sweet little spirits in your heart and not have a sad image to remember them by. Don't beat yourself up for your decisions. We all do the best we can in the most dire of circumstances. Many prayers for your heart's recovery and for your sweet girls.

 

:hug99: :hug99:

I am so, so sorry this happened. Please know that my family and I are thinking of you and praying for you.

 

:hug99:
I'm so sorry for your loss...

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my twin boys, one @ 18 weeks and the other @ 20 weeks. Parental grief has helped me so much and everyone is caring and willing to listen. You and your family are in my prayers. There is nothing that can be said about teh pain you are feeling, the pain is real. Your decision to look at them is completely understandable. I believe the hospital keeps a picture on file just in case in the future you want to see tham you can. Again i'm sorry for your loss! :love0028:

 

so sorry. our thoughts and prayers are with you.