need serious bedtime help

my LOs have never had serious issues during bedtime.

bath
bottle
bed

now - one of the LOs stands and screams and cries and works himself so sad that he does not go to bed unless DH and i are in there.
i rub his back - shhhh him, tell him everythings ok - etc.

when i walk out - screaming central!!!
last night took TWO HOURS FOR HIM TO GO TO BED!

please help!!

 

i can tell you from LOTS of sleeping issue experience that the worst thing you can do is change your routine and give in to his screaming fits...i know it's hard to do, but you really have to stick to your guns and let him scream for a few minutes...i know because i have one twin who is a great sleeper night after night, and one that likes to keep me on my toes...everything will be fine for awhile and then she'll end up screaming and throwing a fit before bed or nap...if i give in to her and do what you're doing, she will eventually go to sleep but only with my help and that's what i've worked so hard to get away from! whenever i give in to her i regret it instantly and go back to just letting her put herself to sleep the next night...and it might take a few minutes or even 30min but eventually she will do it and then each night will get easier, until we're finally back to where it's not so painful and she's asleep within 5mins...so as long as you know that everything is fine with him, just tell him that it's sleepy time and you won't be coming back in and that you'll see him in the morning and love him and then just wait for him to fall asleep...i know it sounds harsh but it really does work...and i promise you that at this age he won't remember it in the morning...ha! good luck!

 

It is separation anxiety at this age. We are going through this with Henry. I have no solutions because frankly, I think we handled it badly last night (we rocked him to sleep). I am not going to make him CIO but at the same time, I don't want to start a habit of rocking him to sleep. I'd really like to hear advice from people who've BTDT.

 

We just put the twins in their toddler beds a few weeks ago, and because it was new, they were a bit nervous, so i just kept the exact same routine as before, but instead of just walking away when they were in bed, i just sat on the floor on the opposite side of the room with my head turned away, so they could see me but without eye contact, if they cried or got out of bed, i just went and tucked them back in with a kiss and went back to sitting down until they went to sleep (usually within 10 minutes), it worked a treat, i did it for a week and now it's back to normal, they stay in bed and go to sleep happily.So they might just need a bit of reassurance now, so that might work for you too.

 

Do you think it could be a form of separation anxiety? Maybe you can gradually wean them off of you being there - stay in the room until they fall asleep, then sit at the door, then outside the door? I had a friend who had to do that with her toddler - it took a week or so to wean him off of it, but it worked.

 

i just want to add that these other methods work great for some children but not all and that is something you have to figure out the hard way...i tried doing all this stuff with mine at first too but it just seemed to make her more angry at me for being there and not responding to her the way that she wanted...so in the end she goes to sleep much better if i just go...

sorry, just needed to add that so you didn't all think i am heartless and just let me kid cry it out without exhausting all other avenues first...i tend to forget about those first ventures since they were more than a year ago and we still go through rocky times every other month or so!

 

I never thought that - I was just giving a suggestion in case the OP hasn't tried that because I know it works for some people. No worries! :grouphug:

 

I did this tonight

http://life.familyeducation.com/sleep/toddler/52585.html

And it worked. Every time I went in, I told him "daddy go night night, mommy go night night, Henry go night night". After 4 tries, he stopped throwing pig on the floor and decided it was ok.

 

i really am at my wits end.
i think its separation anxiety. lately i cant do ANYTHING around my house without holding him either.

 

well i laid next to him until he fell asleep
i was starting to lose my patience and was about to lose my mind. its much easier laying with him than anything else.

ugh. please tell me this too shall pass.

 

HI there! I think I agree with what someone said about keeping the routine consistent. All of my 4 kids have gone through something similar. They have all been great sleepers and really good about going to bed. We always used to laugh because one of our twins (at the age of 18 months) would cheerfully say, "BYE!" after we put her in bed and walked out of the room. And then she hit that stage, just like the others did. I'd go to put her in and she would scream and cry and try to climb out of the crib. And I would give her a couple of extra minutes of TLC but then I would just try to leave as usual and she would take some time to settle down but she would eventually go to sleep. It's hard to let them cry when they usually don't but I usually found (and I learned this the hard way) that the more I tried to help, by rocking her and going back in, etc. etc. if just made it even worse and perpetuated the situation each night. So if I try to keep it consistent, they usually settle back into things in a few days or a couple of weeks at worst. But they do settle back in. Sometimes they are better going to bed for my husband so on those nights, he would put them in bed and that seemed to help. And then obviously, we all know our own children, so if I knew if they were really really acting way out of character or sick or something like that, we would go in to comfort them. So I don't know if that helps, but I just wanted to let you know that it's normal and I've been there....4 times! :hug: This too shall pass.

Shannon