My twins girls are not unaccustomed to talking about death

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by Leighann, Aug 20, 2015.

  1. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    My girls are not unaccustomed to talking about death.  My husband's parents both died before the girls turned a year old so we talk about g'pa M and g'ma D all the time.  Then a dear friend who was a mom of 4 year old twins died of cancer this spring and my girls got her girls little gifts and wrote them letters.  
    But I just found out one of their friend's lost her father suddenly on Sunday from a heart attack.  He was 44 and seemed completely healthy :(  This death seems harder to talk about and I don't know how to tell the girls. I don't want them to be scared that they might suddenly lose me or DH, but I want to be honest with them too about the situation.  Any advice on talking to 8 year olds about sudden death?  
    The community moms are already in organizing mode for the family... meal train is set up, talk of a fund for the family (there is the 8 year old girl and her 5 year old brother), and brainstorming on anything else we can do to help the wife (S) and her kids during this awful time.  Any advice on other things we can do for them?  
    Thanks and hug your family and friends... life is precious and unpredictable :(
  2. ljcrochet

    ljcrochet Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    It is hard to talk about death when it is sudden and out of the blue.  One of my girls friends dad died at the end of the school year, but it wasn't sudden.  He had ALS got sick when his DD was in 2nd grade and died when she was in 4th grade.
  3. monica77

    monica77 Well-Known Member

    Wow, this is such a tragic situation, Leighann. I am sorry to hear about this family and about these kids that will grow up without a father. My boss has a saying-"Your health is your wealth" - I think we kind of forget about appreciating it while we have it.
    And Lisa-  we have a neighbor who has ALS - she's had if for 3 years now - it's heartbreaking to see what they are going through and to know there's nothing anyone can do.
    Leighann, I am not sure what would be a good conversation with your daughters - tell them maybe that you love them and you and your DH are doing your best to be there for them as long as possible. Anyway, it's a difficult conversation to have with a child.
  4. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    Thanks Lisa and Monica.  I told them when they woke up. Very matter of fact and then asked them if they could think of something special to do for their friend, her mom and brother.  They already came up with some ideas.  The girls scout troop is also going to send something to the family today and many of the moms will bring the girls to the wake tomorrow to support their friend.  I'm still on the fence about that, but i'm trying to push through my own weirdness so I don't pass along or project my feelings onto my girls.
    Its all just so sad.
  5. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Leighann, I am so very for sorry for the loss of your friend.  I think telling your girls in a very matter of fact manner and asking them come up with something special to do for their friend's family is the best way to handle it.
    It is very sad and you do what you think is best in terms of whether or not you feel your girls should attend the wake or not.  :hug:
  6. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

  7. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    Thank you Bex!!!  This article is so spot on.. especially the shut up and let them talk part (which is what I'm struggling with).  
    We just got home from the wake and I am so proud of my girls and their group of friends.  Several of the moms coordinated to be there and the girls were so kind and thoughtful to their friend.  We spent about a little over an hour there (about half the time of the visitation session), and the girls spent time with their friend playing (my little ponies to the rescue!), which I think is a wonderful way to help their friend feel a little normalcy in a room of adults who are visibly upset.  And the moms spent the time organizing.. we have the food train for the next month covered, we've talked about getting any school supplies both kids might need, talked about setting up a fund for the family, and are figuring out other ways to provide tangible support for the next several months.  Getting through this week is awful, but once everyone goes home is when they will need help too.  
    1 person likes this.
  8. kinak402

    kinak402 Member

    death is inevitable!!!!  we all have to face it at some point of our life
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