my 6-year-old is lying a lot

I don't know what to do about my DD. She has been lying so much lately, and it's about dumb little things that shouldn't make a difference. For example, last night when she got out of the shower, her hair looked like it hadn't been washed cuz it was still full of knots. I asked her if she washed her hair, and she said yes. I was trying to brush it out, and I could barely get the brush through it, and her hair didn't smell like her shampoo or conditioner. I told her to look me in the eyes and promise me that she had washed her hair, and she did. So then I told her to go wash it again, and she did it without arguing, which is a big deal, so I knew that she hadn't washed it. I know that kids go though these kinds of phases ,but I don't want her to think that she can get away with it and that I will believe her fibs. DH wants to get drastic with consequences, but I don't want to because she is only 6 and there has to be a reason she is doing this. How do you ladies handle this? I want to do this the right way.

 

I had this issue with my 14 yr old when he was younger. It drove me nuts!! What I did with him was - when he lied, I called him on it and told him that if he kept lying to me, I would not be able to believe him and what if he were really telling the truth? the lies continued about small stuff so one day he came in telling me that his brother hit him well, I told him that I couldn't be sure because he had lied to me so much so there was nothing I could do. - this happened several times and finally he decided that it was better to tell me the truth - that way I would believe him. I think that a lot of kids go through this kind of phase, it will get better, she is at an age where they are trying to figure out what they can get away with. I think being persistant that you do not tolerate lies will help. in our case I really didn't have to do much to punish Tad, just "not believing" him the next time he told me something worked wonders.

 

QUOTE(Heathermomof5 @ Apr 23 2008, 10:33 AM) [snapback]735328[/snapback]
I had this issue with my 14 yr old when he was younger. It drove me nuts!! What I did with him was - when he lied, I called him on it and told him that if he kept lying to me, I would not be able to believe him and what if he were really telling the truth? the lies continued about small stuff so one day he came in telling me that his brother hit him well, I told him that I couldn't be sure because he had lied to me so much so there was nothing I could do. - this happened several times and finally he decided that it was better to tell me the truth - that way I would believe him. I think that a lot of kids go through this kind of phase, it will get better, she is at an age where they are trying to figure out what they can get away with. I think being persistant that you do not tolerate lies will help. in our case I really didn't have to do much to punish Tad, just "not believing" him the next time he told me something worked wonders.

Exactly what I did with my oldest. He went through a phase where he would lie to me. Also, I do time outs so if he did something that required a time out and he lied about it he would get a time out for the offense AND one for lying back to back. If he admitted that he did it he only got the one time out. Between those two things it was a really short lived phase.

 

Had the same issue with our now 8yr old. Almost drove me insane.
Dh and I kept saying lie are worse then anything, Telling us the truth even after a lie is better then keep on lying. Worked at times,but not always. It seemed to be a phase. She's out of it now.Now into the" I'll do it later" phase.

Hard to fix just keep telling her lies are terrible.

 

My girls all know that lying is a big no no in our house but they still occasionally do it. Too bad for them though because I can almost always tell by they way they talk or look that they are lying so the way I get them to tell the truth is to tell them that God knows if they are lying and they will always admit it then. We are not extremely religious or anything, but we are Christian and my kids know what the bible says about lying.

 

QUOTE(Heathermomof5 @ Apr 23 2008, 05:33 PM) [snapback]735328[/snapback]
I had this issue with my 14 yr old when he was younger. It drove me nuts!! What I did with him was - when he lied, I called him on it and told him that if he kept lying to me, I would not be able to believe him and what if he were really telling the truth? the lies continued about small stuff so one day he came in telling me that his brother hit him well, I told him that I couldn't be sure because he had lied to me so much so there was nothing I could do. - this happened several times and finally he decided that it was better to tell me the truth - that way I would believe him. I think that a lot of kids go through this kind of phase, it will get better, she is at an age where they are trying to figure out what they can get away with. I think being persistent that you do not tolerate lies will help. in our case I really didn't have to do much to punish Tad, just "not believing" him the next time he told me something worked wonders.

I have not really had to deal with persistent lying but I think this is a good strategy.
Another thing that I have heard is that in situations when you know the truth don't bother asking them the question. So with the hair example instead of asking "did you wash your hair?" (when it is obvious she didn't) just say "I see you forgot to wash your hair" and send her back to wash it. She might say no to the question because she thinks she will be in trouble for not doing it, or because she doesn't want to do it and thinks this is a good way to get out of it. By not asking the question you don't give her the opportunity to lie.

 

I think a lot of great advice has been provided.