Moms that work full-time

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by 2BMommyof2, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. 2BMommyof2

    2BMommyof2 Well-Known Member

    Oops... I posted this in the 1-5 forum rather than this one (which is where I meant to post it).

    I'm getting so depressed about going back to work next week. I'm grateful that I got to spend the first 4 months with my little guys, but my maternity leave ended and my vacation bank is almost empty. The first 3 months with the boys were miserable (mostly because we were living in a 2 bedroom apt and because they had lactose intolerance issues that weren't discovered until 3 months). I'm finally starting to enjoy spending all day with my kids and now I have to leave them and it makes me so sad. I am blessed with a job that allows me to work out of my home 3 days a week, but the other 2, I'll be in the office. Plus, it's not like I'll get to spend a lot of time with them when I'm working from home as I have to be working. We've hired a nanny and she'll be coming to our home to watch the boys 5 days a week. I just sometimes feel like I'll miss out on all the milestones and they'll eventually love her more than they love me. I just pray that they don't start calling her "Mommy".

    For those of you that work full-time and have a nanny, did you feel like your kids had a strong attachment to the nanny that they didn't have with you?

    Will this sadness subside and I'll get back in the groove of my old-life as a career woman?

    Do you feel like you get enough time with them during the week and on the weekends or do you dread Monday mornings knowing that you won't get to spend much time with them in the upcoming 5 days?

    I love the mornings and I'm so happy that I'll get the first waking hour with them each day, but it just doesn't seem like enough. By the time my work day ends, the boys will be cranky and just ready to hit the sack. Not working is not an option for me. We just purchased our first home and we couldn't afford for me to stay at home.

    Any insight or positive experiences are welcome and appreciated!
  2. jennlynnmahan

    jennlynnmahan Well-Known Member

    I went back to work when the kids were 9 weeks old. We didn't have a nanny, but found an in home daycare with a lady that had been in business for 25+ years. I was pretty sad the first few days and even called to check on them several times throughout the day. As the time has passed, the sadness has went away and I just see it as our regular routine. I have to admit there are times that I have felt jealousy. However, now when the kids light up in the afternoons when I come to get them it makes my day. I definitely think they enjoy the daycare, but at the same time they know that isn't their mommy. I try to spend as much one on one time with them at night and on the weekends to make up for our time away. It is so hard to not be home with them, but we also had no financial I am the breadwinner in our family. :D :D Good luck!
  3. kim j

    kim j Well-Known Member

    OMG! - I was going to post something very similar today!!! I work full time - went back to work August 1st. Now even though I was looking forward to it - I've never not worked and staying home was really getting to me - but I have to tell you that I do miss my babes!!! They are so much fun at their age now and their personalities are really coming through - I miss them. My sister watches them during the day and I'm grateful that the girls are being watched by someone who is alot like me - but I do wonder when the day will come when I'm holding one of the girls and she wants my sister instead :( . They wake at 5 am so I get an hour with them in the morning before I have to start getting ready for work. We get home from work / daycare at 5:15 pm - dinner at 5:30 - baths and jammies - bed at 6:30 or so. So in reality I get 2 1/2 hours per day with them during the week. Saturdays are our days together as their Dad takes them on Sundays from Noon until 5 pm. (This just started happening so I think that's why I'm really feeling like I miss them as we used to have both weekend days together) but they need their Daddy too and I wouldn't stand in the way of that for my own selfish reasons. SO- yes I miss them terribly, I was blessed to be able to stay home with them until they were 5 mos. and I'm also blessed that family watches them. P.S - Carley was holding onto the toy box today and totally let go and turned around - all by herself - without assistance!!!! I told my sister this this morning and she said "Oh yeah - they've been doing that for a couple of days now" :( - I wasn't the first to see it...... I know you will adjust to the changes and they will be hard at first - and like everyone says - quality - not quantity - if it has to be that way - You will always be their Mom and they will always know that and feel the immense love you have for them.
  4. vivalalexa

    vivalalexa Well-Known Member

    This might make you feel a little more at ease.

    I was raised by a live-in nanny. for the first 13 years of my life she lived with us and raised my brother, sister and me. Never once did I have the urge to call her "mommy" or did I feel that she was my mommy. In the middle of the night even though both of them were there it was my mother than I woke up when something was wrong.
    I didn't grow up with a father and my mother worked very long hours so there WERE a bit of abandonment issues. But when it comes down to it- you are providing a better life for your children by working. And if they get angry when they are toddlers they will appreciate you more down the line and have respect for you.

    I'm now incredibly close to my mother. So don't trip- they know who you are :)
  5. LB

    LB Well-Known Member

    I know the subject of this is full time but do you have the opportunity to go back part time. I was lucky in that my job holds your position for a year so when they were 10 months I went back to work.... I COULD NOT WAIT to get back to work. I love my job and since I went back part time I have the best of both worlds. I truly feel I'm a better mom and employee b/c of it. Just thought I'd throw out the part time end of it if you had that option.
  6. mandyfish3

    mandyfish3 Well-Known Member

    I work 7 hours a day and 1 hour at home.

    At first it was TERRIBLE and i cried everyday on the way to work. Now at about 4 1/2 months into it, I'm really fine. They stay with my sitter and they love her, but are very happy to see mommy! I'm lucky that I get to drop them off at 8:30 so I get a good hour with them in the morning. That's when they are happiest! I also am home by 4:15 so I get to do dinner and playtime and of course bath/bed time.

    I know many people will disagree with me but I pushed the girls bedtime back so I get more time with them in the evening. They've adjusted wonderfully and sleep from 8:30 to 6:00, up for a nurse/bottle and back to bed until 7:30. Nap time is not a problem either.

    Just a suggestion.

    It will be hard but you can do it!! Just remember, it gets easier!
  7. jschaad

    jschaad Well-Known Member

    Mine were 11 weeks and OMG it was so hard but it got easier and easier... My mom watches them at my home so that helped... I figured out early on that no matter what they knew who mommy was and always looked at me with such love. :) Promise you it will all be ok... i said the same thing that hey were becoming so fun and i had to leave. :( Your evenings will be priceless and so looked forward to. ;) Hang in there and good luck...
  8. Grandma2TwinBoys

    Grandma2TwinBoys Well-Known Member

    It is never hard for mommas to leave their babies but it will get easier with time. I didn't have a choice whether to work full-time when my kids were babies and I had many many days of tears, but we all survived. I think my kids learned faster and adapted socially far better than many of my friends' kids because they were in a social setting at a younger age. My DD was reading full sentences before she even entered kindergarten, thanks to a very lovely teacher she had in her four year old daycare class!

    My DS went to a babysitter during the day for two years and he called me "Miss Trudie" sometimes when he was old enough to talk, and later when I put him in regular daycare/preschool he would occasionally refer to me as "Teacher" in the evening. Yes, that broke this young momma's heart at the time, but it's no different than adults calling a friend or family member by a coworker's name by mistake when you're in a hurry or not paying attention.

    You may miss some "firsts" but everything your babies do will still be special and precious to you! You may not hear the first time one utters "ma-ma" but you will hear it more than anyone else does in the course of their life. They will never wonder WHO their mommy is, and they will grow into wonderful adults regardless of where they stay during the day when they're young. As long as you love them and provide for them, there will be no question! Hang in there, it will be all be okay!!!

  9. jennlynnmahan

    jennlynnmahan Well-Known Member

    We also have an 8:30 pm bedtime so that I get at least 3 hours with them in the evening. I was figuring up the other day when I account for their naps at daycare, I really do spend more awake time with them in a week then they spend at daycare.
  10. Marieber

    Marieber Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(2BMommyof2 @ Oct 11 2007, 05:45 PM) [snapback]446221[/snapback]
    I just sometimes feel like I'll miss out on all the milestones and they'll eventually love her more than they love me. I just pray that they don't start calling her "Mommy".

    For those of you that work full-time and have a nanny, did you feel like your kids had a strong attachment to the nanny that they didn't have with you?

    Nope nope nope. I have had great nannies (we have gone the au pair route after our original nanny got sick) but I have never ever felt like I was #2. DH used to joke around and call me "night shift lady" but nope, I've always been mommy, and I've always been the one they want when they are sick and needy (lucky me!)

    I think what you are feeling is natural but I hope you try to think of it this way. YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO HAVE AS MUCH LOVE IN THEIR LIVES AS THEY CAN! They will be blessed to have a nanny they love and you will be happier knowing that you are providing them with such a loving home.

    Will this sadness subside and I'll get back in the groove of my old-life as a career woman?

    95% ;)

    Do you feel like you get enough time with them during the week and on the weekends or do you dread Monday mornings knowing that you won't get to spend much time with them in the upcoming 5 days?

    It gets better as they get older and stay up later at night. I now get several hours with them before bed, whereas it used to be like ONE.
  11. Wilmington Twin Mom to Be

    Wilmington Twin Mom to Be Well-Known Member

    Its so great to hear from so many working twin moms. I have gotten so many, "you are really going to work when you have twins?". Well I have to work, but luckily when the girls aren't with my husband or I they are with my SIL or Mom which makes it easier. The first week or so is hard, but it gets easier. We also do a "late" bedtime of 8:30 so we can spend some more time with them. Sometimes when I get upset about being away from them my husband always reminds me no one can or will ever replace Mommy!
  12. rensejk

    rensejk Well-Known Member

    I went back full time when my babies were 12 weeks. My husband went back part-time. I had to lobby hard, but I got my boss to agree to an alternative schedule: 4 of the 5 days I am there Noon-8 p.m. then one day a week I work normal business hours and they go to daycare that day.

    This schedule is difficult in that I get pretty much ZERO time to myself, but it is worth it to be able to be with my babies all morning just about every day. Fortunately my husband is Super-Dad and handles the afternoon-evening shift so well that I don't have to worry about them at all.

    Your babies will never want to call anyone Mommy except you, don't worry about that!
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