kissing boys already?

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by MichelleL, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. MichelleL

    MichelleL Well-Known Member

    Okay, this needs to stop. Tell me what you would do.

    A few weeks ago I volunteered at school. After I introduced myself, this little boy from the other afternoon K class told me "I know who you are, your girl with the purple shirt is my girlfriend". Oh, ummm, WHAT? :umm: I told her what he said and she said he is her boyfriend. So I asked her what having a boyfriend means and she said "I don't know". Good.

    Fast forward to today. This was the conversation after they got off the bus:
    Emma: "mama, Lauren kissed Alex on the bus today".
    :faint: WHAT?
    Lauren: "I did!"
    Me: "Why?"
    Lauren: "Because he's my boyfriend and that's what you do".

    I'm sure we've been around boyfriends/girlfriends in my family/circle of friends so I wasn't too surprised that she said that. I am, however, surprised that she thought it was okay to do.

    I'm sure this is all part of the learning process but what would you do? Say? I definitely need her to understand that at 5 it's not appropriate to have a boyfriend OR to be kissing a boy on the bus!!
  2. angelsmom2001

    angelsmom2001 Well-Known Member

    start with the PDA on the bus. Bus and school rules.

    As for how to deal with the boyfriend and kissing at 5.................I have no idea, but I'll do some thinking. Guess I was lucky with my two, they didn't push that issue at 5 and as far as I know, boys are still icky and have cooties.

    Hey that's an idea, 5 year old boys have cooties! Tell them that!!!!!!


    FYI:::: Michelle has known me long enough to know I am being TOTALLY sarcastic.
    3 people like this.
  3. tinalb

    tinalb Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Well, if it were me, I wouldn't worry too much about her having a "boyfriend." In my experience, they do tend to go through this phase in Kindergarten & Grade 1, usually followed by a phase when they can't stand boys, eventually coming back around to liking them again in about Grade 7. As for the kissing, I would just explain that, although it is nice that she really likes Alex, that it is not really appropriate for her to be kissing him or anyone else at school or on the bus. That "we keep our hands & the rest of our bodies to ourselves" while at school (unless required to hold hands or something). I went through that with Luke already this year, as you know. He wasn't kissing the little girl, but he did tell me he "rubbed her cute little cheeks" (that would be the cheeks on her face, of course). :lol: I just told him that, yes, her cheeks are very cute, but it is best if he doesn't touch them. He has moved on now & is playing with the other boys & has lost interest in her already.

    ETA Lila has boyfriends, too. Yes, more than one. If you ask her what that means, she will either say it means that she likes him, or she will say that she thinks he is sooooo cute. Sort of like she thinks her stuffies, dolls, all babies, Luke, dogs, etc. are sooooooo cute. It really is harmless (and kind of sweet in a way, they really are so innocent at this age!).
    3 people like this.
  4. MichelleL

    MichelleL Well-Known Member

    :rofl: Now...why didn't *I* think of that?!?! :rofl:

    :rofl: I laughed so hard!!!
    Yes, I agree that it is cute and innocent at this age, but I just don't want Alex's parents chasing us down to find out what we're teaching our girls. :unsure: (Even though both say that he's the one that asked for the kisses. :faint: )

    Very good advice ladies...about bus rules and keeping hands (and mouths :faint: ) to themselves.
  5. NINI H

    NINI H Well-Known Member

    I had the same issue with David at about the same age. He'd ask girls on the playground if he could kiss them. He outgrew it...for now. But, he never stopped liking them. I just told him that it's not ok to kiss until much later in life, unless it's Mommy, Daddy, or Grandma.
    1 person likes this.
  6. TwinLove

    TwinLove Well-Known Member

    If it makes you feel any better Tony has been kissing his boyfriend on the bus as well. :pardon: :p
    3 people like this.
  7. twoin2005

    twoin2005 Well-Known Member

    Totally normal. Just remind your daughter that when she is 5, kisses are for mommys and daddys and sisters. Not for boys. You may want to give the teacher a head's up too, so she can give the same lecture. Kids at this age are very curious about roles, and having crushes. Chalk it up to a phase, but remind her that it's not okay to kiss!!! Good luck!
    2 people like this.
  8. MichelleL

    MichelleL Well-Known Member

    Thanks ladies. :wub: You made me feel so much better.

    Our chat, however, didn't go so well. :( I was firm but gentle when reminding her of the rules of the bus/school. I told her it is nice that she thinks he is such a great friend that she wants to kiss him but it's not okay to do at school or on the bus, and definitely not when you're 5.

    She, being my super sensitive kid, got upset. I told her over and over she's not in trouble. Ugh.

    And now she doesn't want to ride the bus today. I don't normally give in at times like this, but there is other stuff going on right now so I did. :pardon: She will be riding it tomorrow though. :D
  9. MichelleL

    MichelleL Well-Known Member

    Thanks for this. :good: I just emailed her teacher and the other K teacher that has the little boy in her class.
    1 person likes this.
  10. momotwinsmom

    momotwinsmom Well-Known Member

    Peyton was kissed by a boy ON THE LIPS in preschool. She didn't think anything of it. I brought it to the moms attention (in a joking manner, of course) at some class party and she was mortified! At this age, it is all innocent. They just think since they like each other, and you like your family, and you kiss your family, it's ok to kiss your friend. (God, did that make sense?) I'd just have the "it's not ok to kiss anyone, other than family" talk. I even still tell my kids they are not allowed to touch anyone at school either, for fear they will get in trouble. Peyton is a huggy-huggy person with EVERYONE so that is a tough one to enforce in our house.
  11. MichelleL

    MichelleL Well-Known Member

    That totally makes sense Heather. One of the moms in their class and I were talking about the very same thing at pickup today. :good: My girls are super duper huggy/kissy so it's hard for us too. They have always been very affectionate so I hate to squash that side of them too much!

    I guess my email was misconstrued. :unsure: I just asked if they could mention to him the no kissing on the bus thing and it led to one of the teachers emailing me to say she'll make him apologize. I feel SO BAD because that's not at all what I was looking for. I emailed back and said as much. I told her neither of us are upset, and I'm sure this is to be expected. Oh boy. :faint:
  12. HRE

    HRE Well-Known Member

    Just be glad she wants to kiss a boy. Alex told me last night he'd really like to kiss his friend Colton :laughing: Yes, it's one of two things. They either copy what they see/know to be (ie boyfriends and girlfriends kiss), or that's how little love bugs show affection. I agree...all you need to do is go over the rules of what is ok and what is not ok. Sounds like you handled it right :Clap:

    I remember Claire got in trouble for "spanking" her teacher in preschool. Well, one of the ways we showed affection was pats on the bum (like while going up the stairs, that kind of thing). I was mortified she did it to the teacher :blush: but it was a lesson for us all.
  13. Minette

    Minette Well-Known Member

    One other thing you might try (or anyone in this situation) is pointing out that kissing spreads germs. My kids are a lot more receptive to messages about germs (they're fascinated by the idea) than anything to do with "proper behavior."

    Amy & Sarah have had various discussions about who their "boyfriends" are, but as far as I know, they don't actually do anything with these boys. They may not even talk to them! :ibiggrin: Their K class seems mostly to have progressed straight to the "cooties" phase -- the boys chase the girls around and pretend to be zombies, and the girls scream and run away. :rolleyes: Also not a behavior I'm thrilled about, but they insist that everyone's having fun. :pardon:
  14. BillShiphr

    BillShiphr Well-Known Member

    This is a very strange story but they are children. It is okay. This is a commonplace affair when an adult doesn't know what he wants. I usually meet such people on this site and fortunately, they are rare there now
  15. lauwss

    lauwss Active Member

    They try to imitate adults. They see that their parents/uncles/aunts/brothers/sisters are doing this and it seems to them that this shows that they are also adults.
  16. WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot Active Member

    I don't think they understand the true meaning of all that. But they are already 5, so that is time to talk with them about genders accurately. Psychologists say it is the best age to start to avoid all the love issues. There are so many people on who want to find love or just meet for a night. Sometimes I use that website when I feel lonely.
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