Just went back to work full-time

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by Shohenadel, Oct 23, 2011.

  1. Shohenadel

    Shohenadel Well-Known Member

    Hi there. It's been forever since I've written. Life has been so busy. My husband and I have 4 daughters, an 8 year old, 6 year old, and 2 1/2 year old twins. I just went back to work full time in Sept. I'm a 4th grade teacher in an inner city school about 45 minutes away from where we live. I had been teaching at this school for over 10 years before I worked there part-time after I had my twins. I love my class but I have a few major behavior issues who are really draining. Plus the workload is unbelievable. My husband is at home with the girls. He has a home business (graphic design) and tries to get a few things done during the day, but needless to say that's pretty hard. When I get home at 4:30, the crazy hours begin. My husband needs some time to get some of his work done so I try to handle making dinner, doing baths, bedtime routines. Don't get me wrong, he does a LOT to help me. He is awesome, but the reality is that there are only 24 hours in a day and he needs some of them to get his work done for his clients. After the kids go to bed he goes to work on his computer and I on mine. I have plans to do, papers to correct, laundry to fold, etc. I work until about midnight and then make lunches and go to bed and get up at 6am to do it all over again. My husband usually goes to bed around 1am. We are both exhausted and overwhelmed. On the weekends, he needs a 'break" from doing full-time kid duty, so I end up trying to do most of it....so my "break" from work is actually taking over all the stuff he needs a break from. My older kids are pretty vocal about wishing that I didn't have to go to work. They want my time and attention. My twins are in the terrible-twos times two. They've had me here with them since they were born and now I"m gone all day. You can imagine how much attention they want from me when I get home. I feel like what I'm supposed to do each day/each week is humanly impossible. I don't have enough hands, time, patience, energy......

    I guess I was just wondering if there were others on here that have gone back to work full time and are dealing with the same kinds of issues. I basically have a happy life. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love teaching. But I am completely overwhelmed and exhausted. I really feel like I'm not being as good a Mom as I could be. Does anyone feel the same way?

    shannon
     
  2. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    I don't have an 8 year old but I have a 6 year old and 2 and a few month old twins. It is hard to work full time and find time for everything else. Would it be possible for you guys to hire someone for 2-3 hours a day to watch the younger kids or a 1/2 day preschool, so that your husband could do more work during the day and free up some of his time? Also, while not the most fun, maybe you can convince your 8 and 6 year olds to join you in the kitchen so they can spend some time with you while you cook AND learn some good life lessons.

    Finally, I am not saying this to be mean but your DH fathered the kids. While it is nice that he gets a "break" from kid duty on weekends, he should still be helping out and not putting it all on your shoulders. If you were a SAHM and he WOH, would you get that break on weekends? I honestly think that if you take a hard look at your schedules and duties, you will be able to come up with a compromise that suits both of you.
     
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  3. Trishandthegirls

    Trishandthegirls Well-Known Member

    I went back to work full time in September too... and I'm right there with you on the lack of time to get things done. I only have twins, though, so I can't even imagine adding in two older children. Hang in there!

    I'll agree with the previous posters... is there any way you can find a daddy's helper for a few hours a day? Or a local preschool that does a few mornings a week? That way your husband would be able to get some of his work done during the day. And yeah, I'm going to agree that your husband doesn't need a break for the entire weekend. You BOTH need a break, and that means sharing the childcare tasks on the weekend and allowing for a few hours of "me" time for both of you. Perhaps he gets to sleep in Saturday morning and you on Sunday. Or your husband runs errands alone Saturday afternoon and you do the same Sunday - that gets each of you out of the house and away from the family chaos for a few hours.

    The best thing I've done since going back to work is hire someone to clean our house every other week. It's amazing how many hours that frees up since all we do on a daily basis are the daily chores like sweeping under the dining room table and wiping down kitchen counters. If you think it might be financially possible, I highly recommend it! Look for an independent cleaner - you'll save a lot over one of the big name cleaning services.

    Like I said above, hang in there. You're still getting in your routine. Your family will adjust to the new normal and so will you!
     
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  4. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I would also say that he needs to have dinner prepped & ready to go when you get home some nights. Baths can be done for the twins during the day sometimes, too. SAH is hard & he'll get in a groove, but there are things he can do to make it easier for the rushed time. If I know we're going to have a busy night, I bathe them during the day. I don't know if he needs someone to come in every day to help, but you sure have to be organized and mindful of the community time at night & plan accordingly.
     
  5. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    My DH and I both work full time, but we only have the girls and still feel overwhelmed a lot. We have a sitter 20 hours a week, so in addition to flexing our schedules she fills the gaps. It still means me working early and DH working late, and us both working from home at times.

    Working from home is hard with toddlers. Are yours still napping? Does your DH get some uninterrupted time to work then? I agree with everyone else about finding some childcare for the little ones so your DH can get work done during the day. Even if its a local teenage girl who can play with the kids for two hours after school. Maybe that girl can also prep lunches for the next day too ;)

    As for the weekends, you BOTH need a break. I like the idea of splitting up days for sleeping in or making sure you each carve out some alone time, along with some nice family time.

    DH and I have made it work. It has meant less time spent together, but we are working to make life easiest for our kids right now. That is the priority for us. Good luck figuring it all out. As long as you and your DH keep talking about what you both need, you'll figure it out together.
     
  6. MichB

    MichB Well-Known Member

    Hi there,

    i just started back at work full time too at the beginning of October (after working part time for a year). And yes, it is definitely challenging, and I only have my two. I agree with PP's, it sounds as if your DH is struggling trying to work and take care of the kids, combined with your job not being 9-5 either. If it is possible for you to find a preschool or helper so your DH can get some solid work time during the day then hopefully he can do less in the evening and help more during the dinner hour when things are craziest.

    Some other things that have worked so far for us (I work at home so I can do some of the same things your DH could do): have your DH do as much as possible during the day when the kids are with your DH and he is not able to work. For example: prep dinner, baths, make lunches for next day (if needed), that kind of thing. I know it seems impossible but he can involve the kids to 'help'. Do as much as possible to prepare for the upcoming week on the weekend. we plan our dinner menu for the week to come, maybe do some cooking and freezing if possible, and my slow cooker is a life saver - just put everything in before you leave in the morning and it is all done when you get home. Have the older kids pick out their clothes for the week so they are ready to go and no last minute emergencies or slow downs. We do as someone else suggested and take turns sleeping in and getting a rest on the weekends. Sadly, no one at this point gets to have more than a couple of hours to themselves. :)

    good luck. I feel like we are starting to get into a routine and hopefully you will find one that doesn't run you both into the ground too. :)
     
  7. twoin2005

    twoin2005 Well-Known Member

    I job-shared for a few years while my twins were little, and then went back full time when they were 4. It was definitely hard, as I had a really rough class that year. I have to say, having a good class makes a WORLD of difference. It really, really does! DH was home a couple days a week, and that helped. You and DH are going to have to do a little co-planning on the division of labor. That will help. If he can prep dinner a couple days a week, you can come home and pop it in the oven! If he can carry the laundry out, sort it, and start a load, you can fold it when you get home.

    We had to decide whether to hire a gardner or a housekeeper and we decided that a gardner would be best. The yard was sucking our time away from each other on the weekends, and we all work together (kids included) to clean quickly every weekend. My home isn't perfect, but it is manageable.

    It is so hard, and I only have two kids. I feel for you! :hug:
     
  8. Utopia122

    Utopia122 Well-Known Member

    I've been working full time since my girls were 6 weeks old. Getting up at 5 am, then coming home and preparing dinner, grading, preparing lessons. Yes, for the first few years, it was a 11:00 to midnight night every single night and then up at 5 am to do it all over again....well, except for when they were still getting up at night. Then it was asleep at midnight, up at 3 or 4 am every morning. It was a nightmare, but I have learned that there are about three or four nights a week that I set a time and cut everything off. I will tell myself, at 10:00 I am in bed, regardless if my papers get graded, regardless if I get everything done I need to do. I also make myself a "To Do" list and try to list the most pressing things first, and then go from there. If I don't get it all done, I try not to guilt myself. If my kids have to have sandwiches one night a week, then so be it. Right now is a nightmare for me because I have two master's classes, teaching two preps, toting girls back and forth to ballet classes, toting girls to rehearsals for their play, and training for a half marathon (that's really been not going so well). So my plate is packed, but I just do the best I can. And I must admit, it is getting the best of me, but thank the Lord I have a husband that tries to help out as much as possible.

    This time will not last long. Just keep reminding yourself of that. About once every other month, I make a date with my girlfriends, too. This has been the best help in the world for me, to just get away and not think about kids. Hopefully you are able to do that as well. I also think you got to keep the lines of communication open with you DH. My hubby was a lot like yours, he worked second, so he had the kids all day, then worked at night, and by the weekend, he usually did what he wanted to do. But we soon made an agreement that I needed some time to me as well. It's much better now that the girls are getting older and my son is older, too. So, it does get better!

    Even now, I rarely watch tv, and believe it or not, I actually set aside one day a week just to relax and turn on the tube. How nuts is it that I have to plan on what night I'm going to watch TV??
     
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