Is your husband a pushover?

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by MarchI, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    So I have rules such as "no screaming for things" because I don't like to be yelled at. If a baby screams at me i either ignore it or if it is critical, I ask him to repeat it in his nice voice. My husband, to be able to handle 2 toddlers, has zero rules and basically the babies have become demanding little demons to him. I would offer advice to him but he is Mr. Sensitive and thinks I am calling him a bad parent. Since all I want is less screaming when he is around, any advice for handing this, especially with such a sensitive ego? I am trying to parent by example but it is overcome when he is around because the babies seem to know if they start acting up, he will cave.
  2. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    He can't be any more of a pushover than the dad I saw last night.

    Two boys, about 3 and 6, a dad and a mom at Moe's last night. The 3 year old was acting jerky. He threw his plate of food on the floor and kept whining (loudly) that he wanted "DeeDee". The dad and mom discussed it for a minute, then the dad went outside and came back in shortly afterwards with a box of Dunkin Donuts and let the kid eat a donut for dinner. I'm hoping that there was an actual medical reason for eating donuts for dinner.

    Roycie said to me as we were leaving, "Why did that boy eat donuts for dinner? That's not a healthy dinner."

    At any rate, my husband doesn't tolerate their yelling inside (our only rule about yelling), but he yells at the dogs constantly. Kind of a bad example for the kids.
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  3. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    Becca--there are days I wonder if he is borderline like that dad. We were having dinner one night and the kids were eating. He starts offering them snacks. I yelled at him for that one because it is hard enough to get toddlers to eat but to sabotage it when they are eating? Ugh. I actually told him to go visit his grandmother for a week. I figure a week would give me enough time to set the babies straight and then have some rules for him to follow when he gets back.
  4. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Snacks during dinner? :faints: Maybe if it was carrot sticks or something like that.

    Here, lemme smack J for you: :slap:
  5. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    It depends on the mood. Sometimes he has a short fuse, but he seldom says no to them. If they want pancakes for breakfast every day, he's ok with that. Me, I am not. IF they want to play on the computer all day.. he is ok with that. :(
  6. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    He's more of a pushover than I am, but he's not bad. He's good at adhering to our agreed upon rules.
  7. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    Not a pushover at all. We both have the same expectations and pretty equally enforce them.
  8. Trishandthegirls

    Trishandthegirls Well-Known Member

    Nope, my husband is way better at enforcing the rules than I am. Not a pushover at all. I read somewhere that when parents don't agree on the same parenting strategy, sometimes the best thing to do is get a book. Like, tell him you want to read 1-2-3 Magic and ask if he'll read it too. Then talk about whether it will work for both of you? I don't know if that would hurt his feelings, but maybe if it's an "expert" telling him how to discipline and stay consistent, it will be better than if *you* tell him.
  9. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    DH is not a pushover. We did have some bumpy roads about discipline and what not when the kids were 1 but now we are on the same page. Back then, he was probably the pushover.
  10. maybell

    maybell Well-Known Member

    my dh isn't really a pushover... but my dd does get her way a lot (ugh!)... mostly what annoys me is her "carry me"... talk. and sure enough he usually picks her up and carries her. I mentioned to him a couple of weeks ago how I think she's using this as a power struggle with him to get her way... and it's not necessarily a 'sweet father/daughter moment" that he's thinking it is... I think he's understanding that and is trying to break that habit with her. I'm hoping we can get rid of the struggles one at a time...
  11. mummy2two

    mummy2two Well-Known Member

    Pushover DH at our house. I could have written your post, including the part about the sensitive ego. My DH is so much of a pushover, he tells the kids that he will tell me, if they do not behave. I am going to suggest that for the sake of your relationship with DH, you really have to wait until he asks or at least looks to you for help. In the meantime, you could try gentle reminders to the kids..."Although Daddy said you can have a snack now, you know our rule is no snacks during dinner." When they are screaming "Remember to use your nice voice when asking Daddy for something." It might be a little passive, but you don't want to make him feel as if he is constantly doing the wrong thing and not a good parent (because, underneath it all, he really is the best parent he knows how to be and his intentions are to give the kids the very best). GL!
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