Identical twins in separate classes

Can any with identical twins in separate classes share some stories with me? I'm more concerned with the social aspects. For example, if one twin was invited to a b-day party and the other one wasn't, how did s/he take it? How did you handle it? If one class had a pizza party or "spirit day", etc. and the other class didn't, how did the other deal with it? I'm more concerned with handling these issues in young children (around 1st grade). These I can forsee being a BIG deal around this house. I haven't yet decided what I'm going to do re: class assignments.

 

My girls aren't identical but we have dealt with most of those issues this year. Birthday party's we try and do something special with the one who didn't have the party to go to. This is really no different that if you had 2 different aged children.
They understand that each class does different things

 

Mine aren't id either but, we still deal with it. That and people maybe not inviting because their child is only friends with one and not the other or feeling they have to invite both. But, that is not quite what you are asking.

Last year in kinder they were in the same class, but for a while at different tables and there were hurt feelings when one table received a "gotcha" and the other did not or while walking in line and one child would receive a gotcha and the other did not. It is not quite the same as not getting invited to a party but at that moment to them it was. One of the times I was there and it was an opportunity to remind them (and the teacher because it is easier just to give the special notice to them both and not deal with the disappointment) that they ARE two different people and will not always (and have not always) gotten the same. It is not easy we hate to see out little guys upset but it is a teaching moment. You just have to find something to help off set the disappointment.

And as far as homework is concerned, my guys are in the same class and when they have projects/homework they are still at different points/abilities so we en up doing them separately.

Kids are resilient. I think we hold on to things longer than they do. I also know when we take them out individually, they are disappointed at first, but have a good time apart and then are so excited to share that they did in between. Funny though, they usually will talk about the other and what they would like about what we are doing while they are apart.

Good luck with your decision. I think next year (2nd) will be their first year split just because academically they are so different I don't want them competing/comparing at school. They will and do at home but one is more artistic/language driven and the other is mathematics and analytical about things

 

See, I see this as being very different from 2 different age kids. My twins do not expect to be invited to a birthday party their sister was invited to but absolutely would be CRUSHED if one of them was invited and the other wasn't. My boys are accustomed to pretty much doing the same thing. They both have the same interests, are on the same developmental level (1 being a bit more academically ahead of the other but not hugely), both are highly social, they share friends, and they are highly competitive with each other (and I don't mean that in the bad way. It has its goods and bads). They have their own friends at school and play well with everyone (they are not "buddy, buddy" twins) but have always been accustomed to sharing the same experiences and things like the social things I mentioned will be HUGE to deal with. I understand that this can be a "teaching moment" but I also think that wasn't necessarily a battle I wanted to fight at age 6. If they were 10 my feelings would be different. I just don't know. I wish I could put a nanny cam in the classroom and see what their behavior is like rather than depending on the opinion of one person. I do plan on talking to the boys and see how they feel on the subject matter.

 

My twins are fraternal and in separate kindergarten classes. Each has been invited, and attended, separate birthday parties alone. Usually I take one twin and the other spends the day with my husband and they do something special. They understand that they have different friends and that not everyone can attend everyone else's birthday parties.

Now that the school year is almost over, I get invitations for one twin "and his brother." The kids in their classes know they are twins and have started, I'm guessing, telling their parents and are inviting both.

It hasn't seemed to cause any animosity or issues in my house. In the beginning I thought it would but they've handled it like perfect gentlemen!

 

I guess I'm of the opinion that it's best to start now, rather than allow them to continue to assume that all experiences will be shared. We have given them their own experiences since they were very young. They get individual dates with us and we do something big with each separately (Thomas the Train for just one boy; Micki Mouse show for the other - that kind of thing) We haven't encountered the birthday issue yet, but I know it will come. When it does, I won't make a big deal of it though. I will follow their lead, and if the uninvited one is upset, I will comfort and talk to him and do what I can to make him feel better. They are individuals and should be allowed to have their individual experiences, and imo, the sooner that starts the easier it will be as time goes on. Right now, my boys miss their twin when he's off doing his special thing, but they celebrate the outing together after it's over; the one who went will share what he saw/did, the one who didn't go listens to the stories and plays the games the other makes up to recreate whatever the experience was. We have yet to have tears or jealousy or crushed feelings.

 

My twins are not only in separate classes .. but go to different schools. Their school experience is completely different than each others and it's not half as bad as I had first thought it would be.
They don't even know each others friends or classmates. Mine are ID and so very close to each other .. I was really worried about what this might do to their relationship .. but they are closer than ever.

Today Jayden got an invite to a classmates birthday party (at Chuck E Cheese) and has said he wants to go. He asked his brother if he wanted to go too and I had to explain that the invite was for just him and he was a bit disappointed but seemed to understand. I'll bring Jayden to the party and Jesse will hang out with his big sister. I'll have Jesse come in after pizza and cake so Jaydens classmates can get a chance to meet Jesse.

Also, because Jayden goes to a school for children with special needs (Jayden has bipolar disorder) he brings home lots of rewards and special treats for good behavior and achievements while Jesse's class doesn't do that. But Jesse understands that as well and will even congratulate Jayden.

I can totally understand your concerns, I had them myself, but it works out. It gives each child a chance to just be themselves and not just one of two. Jayden is very dominate and being apart gives Jesse a chance to make his own choices. Jesse is very willing to abide by Jaydens wishes and I think he needs this time apart.

 

My girls are in separate classes and have been since K. We have dealt with the invite issue, and it really isn't that big of a deal. I usually take the other out somewhere and get them a little something (usually from 5 Below or something). As for different class parties and such, neither of them have ever cared if the other had a party or whatever. Most teachers work side by side if you have twins, and if one had a party, usually the other did too. It's really not as bad as you think. In your mind you think it is a major deal, when in reality it isn't. After a few years in school, and having many different children in their class, many party invites come for both kids, because they know both of them now. Good luck deciding.

 

Have you spoken to their current teacher to here their opinion on keeping your boys together or not? I had always planned on separating my girls for kindergarten but at our parent teacher conference in Pre-K, their teacher went through with us all of the reasons why she felt that my girls should be separated. I already knew I was separated them but hearing her reasons make me glad I decided to keep them apart.

My biggest issue with them being apart has to do with me volunteering at school. I seem to get picked more for more things with Dani's class. Even when I worked the book fair, Dani's class came at the time not Sydney's class. Funny thing is I'm class mom in Sydney's class.

 

My girls were together in pre-k and separated ever since. The school does not allow twins in the same class. Brianne still has most of the same kids from pre-k in her class. Her classmates are the ones usually having parites. Since Hayley knows most of them, she gets invited most times also. Sometimes they are both invited just because the parent knows they are twins and invites both. If the party is at a public place and only one is invited, I take my other two girls and pay for them to do things. We just did this yesterday. There was also a girl whose brother was invited to the party and my other 2 played with her. If it is at somehone's house, I just take the one invited and the other stays home and plays with her sister or friends.

This year in class, Brianne's teacher does a lot more "extras" with the kids. When their "good behavior" chain hits the floor, they get a party the next day. So far her class has had about 5 or 6 "pajama" parties. They get to wear pajamas, have lunch in the teacher's room and watch a movie. At first, Hayley was upset. Now she realizes that they just do different things.

It is hard when this first happens. It does get better. Good luck.

 

I did speak with the teacher. She's been their teacher for 2 years. She said she really doesn't have too big of an opinion one way or the other. One is a bit more ahead academically and she thought maybe the other might have a bit more confidence without his brother there but she said it really was nothing that compelling. So, her opinion wasn't too helpful. After a lot of thinking and praying and talking to the boys, I'm leaning towards keep them together for next year. I'm giving myself a few more days.