I want to ask in the nicest way possible

my twins were in the NICU for a month... i visited them every day for hours, i tried both pumping and breast feeding while i was visiting them...i took herbal supplements, i took prescriptions, i tried everything for 3 months and my milk just never came in. My lactation consultant was very patient with me but she said in the end it was probably a combination of being separated from my babies for so long as well as being a type 1 diabetic (disease dealing with horomones). i tried everything and nothing worked :0( i wish i could have breast fed and it's frustrating to me when women that are completely capable of doing so choose not to when i would have done anything to have been able to :0(

 

i think what many people are expressing is the feeling that it shouldn't frustrate you because it doesn't impact your life. we all make different parenting choices. i might have the luxury of choice and you might have the choice thrust upon you, and vice versa. i would have liked to breastfeed and i certainly tried. i cried over my inability to do so. but it doesn't make me feel one ounce of resentment or jealousy or frustration towards someone else who decided it wasn't for them. because their choice makes no difference to my life.

why would you waste one ounce of energy on frustration over what someone else chooses to do, as long as they love their children and make decisions they feel are in the best interest of their family?

 

what is the point of this post? I don't think a stranger has the right to comment on what I do for my own children. You don't know what I went through to have my children eat every ounce in those early days. I was meant to feel awful in the hospital that my milk wasn't coming in after 5 days and felt quite abandonned that my kids weren't eating enough and only after 2 days did I realize that I COULD ask for a bottle to supplement formula. If it wasn't for that my kids would have NOT eaten enough and thrived. I EBM for 2 months, this meant taking domperidone, blessed thistle and fenugreek. My kids didn't learn to latch properly at first and my milk wasn't enough, not that I need to explain this to anyone. In fact, I did what was best for my kids, me and DH and we are all doing great and in the 70th weight percentile for singeltons.

So to be perfectly honest, this post wasn't articulated in the nicest way and although you may think it's nice, it's full of judgement and I don't appreciate it. Good for you for doing what you feel is best for your kids, that's what matters at the end of the day.

 

I'm one of those moms who tried really hard and realized that formula was best for our situation.

I pumped for 6 months straight. I never could get them to latch without losing lots of weight and I was making plenty of milk, so it was their issue. I pumped for 6 months and has 7 bouts of mastitis. I had mastitis every three weeks the entire time I was pumping. I saw 4 different LC, tried herbs, LLL, everything I could think of.

After the seventh time, I was done. I could have gone on, but I wouldn't. It wasn't worth it. I was on the verge of cracking, physically and mentally. I managed to dry up my milk in 3 days and felt such a sense of relief. I became a GOOD mom. Not just an existing mom, but a good mom. I snuggled my babies more, instead of resenting their need for cuddles because I had to somehow fit pumping in. I laughed at them, because I had the energy to find humor in something. We played more. I paid more attention. All because I wasn't totally and utterly drained. I felt like I came alive again.

Honestly, looking back, I would have given up much sooner. I'm glad they had breastmilk in the NICU, and I probably would have given them 3 months either way, but I wouldn't have pushed so hard to keep going despite the mastitis. I thought I would be irresponsible for not continuing. It took me a while to get over my guilt, which I realize now is silly. I made the best decision for my family and I'm glad I did it.

 

The thing is, even if they had breastfed, it would still make no difference in your situation. Other women choosing to BF wouldn't have changed your milk supply and you would still have been frustrated. And it would mean women feeling pressured into making a decision to make you feel better. How is that fair?

 

well said :good: