I want to ask in the nicest way possible

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by efmolly, Apr 28, 2010.

  1. a1cbrandy

    a1cbrandy Well-Known Member

    I loved breastfeeding for myself and my kids. But I never get the whole "why dont other mothers do it" conversation? Who cares?? I have to agree with everything Anne said. I just dont see the reason for these type of threads, if you know people are going to get upset? You are doing great by breastfeeding, and I did great by breastfeeding..and my friends who didnt are doing great because they are feeding their babies and being good mothers. :)


    Brandy
     
  2. Her Royal Jennyness

    Her Royal Jennyness Well-Known Member

    Oh hi there FY! Long time, no see. :)

    I think we all as mother's need to get rid of our various guilts. I have to agree that it would be easier if we didn't have people telling us that whatever it was that we aren't doing well enough for them is so easy. No one, and I mean no one, knows anyone else's personal struggles. I wasn't able to BF my oldest son because my milk dried up within a week. I nursed my daughter for 8 months and then my milk just dried up, nursed the boys for just short of 9 months then the same thing happened. There was really nothing I could do. It was like someone turned off the faucet. I don't feel guilty about feeding any of them formula after that. They still needed milk of some kind!

    I do think BFing is best (for all kinds of reasons mostly involving cost but also ease of use) but FFing is much, much better than evaporated milk mixed with corn syrup, plain cow's milk or whatever else the majority of non-BFing mothers fed their kids back in the day since you have fairly wealthy to afford a wet nurse. But FFing is best for moms who don't want to or can't BF.

    There's no black or white here. It's easy enough to say "Well all these things work for me, you obviously aren't trying hard enough." but everyone is different. We all parent differently, our kids all have different personalities, we all make different amounts of money, we all live in different places. I've never met a mother who wasn't doing the best with what she had and I can't condemn anyone for that.

    I've also noticed now that my youngest kids are almost 4 (yikes!!!) that they don't seem much different from any other 4 year olds. I can't tell whether those kids were strictly FF, BF or what. Now if people on the street could tell the difference between FF and BF kids easily then I would probably see this whole debate differently.
     
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  3. Kaffeetee

    Kaffeetee Well-Known Member

    Stop attacking ME! I am that mom who did not even try hard to BF before giving it up. But I know what is the BEST for my family- it is a happy and non stressed mom which results a happy and loving dad, two happy older kids with their fair share of mom's time, and two happy babies with thier bellies full of love and formula.
    If I would have lived in an era without formula, I wouldn't have to worry about driving my daughter to her dance class, art class and whatever other classes and to drive my son to a kindergarden that is half hour away from home coz that is the religious school where we want him to be. We also might be living in a cave that doesn't require much cleaning, wearing some kind of wolf fur half of the year and stay naked for the other half so not much laundry to worry about. Then yeah, I wouldn't mind spend 18 hrs a day breastfeeding my twins coz all I had to do was to wait for my husband to come home with whatever animals he killed that day!!
     
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  4. cat mommy

    cat mommy Well-Known Member

    And "the nicest way possible" to ask the question would be to say:

    "I know some of you did not breastfeed for various reasons. I'm curious how you would have handled feeding your twins had they been born in a time or place where formula was not available? While we are fortunate that is not a concern for us, it certainly is for many women both historically and even now in some areas (for example, during the devastation in Haiti), so I'm wondering about how moms cope under those circumstances."

    Now, that would be an interesting and informative discussion!
     
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  5. cat mommy

    cat mommy Well-Known Member

    Jenny: In many cultures where formula doesn't exist, other breastfeeding moms would donate their milk for free to a baby who couldn't be nursed by his/her own mom, like if mom had died in childbirth. So essentially a free wet nurse because the community/family came together to help one of its own.
     
  6. h2believe

    h2believe Well-Known Member

    I agree with mama23boys! Is not this essentially cyber bullying and adding guilt to those who did not or could not!?

    I pumped for two months and could no longer do it. I had a rare case of post partum pre-eclampsia and was close to being re-admitted to the hospital after delivering my twins. You shouldn't judge people. I am sure we moms want what is best for our children and will do what is best for them and for us.
     
  7. cjk2002

    cjk2002 Well-Known Member

    Hellooooo OP....where are you??? I find it very interesting that she would post something like this and 3 pages later has yet to respond.
     
  8. Cristina

    Cristina Well-Known Member

    I didn't breast feed. For a variety of reason that I don't think are really anyone's business, since I don't see why those of us that chose to FF need to explain ourselves. It shouldn't matter to anyone. Our children are happy, healthy, thriving. They are living in a safe and loving home. That is all that matters. My choice in not breast feeding was that, my choice, and since it didn't have any long term consequences on my children, I do not have any sense of guilt, remorse or regret.

    Oh, talk about judging. I was reprimanded by a stranger for not BF my oldest, who is adopted. She felt that even though I did not give birth to him, I didn't love him enough to try all I could to get some milk into my breasts and I would feel differently when I finally had some of "my own." :angry:
     
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  9. angieb1979

    angieb1979 Well-Known Member

    I must agree with what a few others have said, this seems a bit like cyber bullying to me. I'm speechless.

    I tried... I failed... End of story. I'm not explaining why, it's no one's business. Thank goodness that we have choices today. We can choose to formula feed, choose to use disposable diapers, choose to buy baby food instead of making our own... We can wake up and choose to start a rediculous topic in what is supposed to be a support forum. I'm choosing to turn off my PC and spend the afternoon with my babies... I think that is pretty good for them, I'm probably going to feed them some formula bottles too and when they are done with those, we might watch some cartoons and eat sweets... HAHA... :) Oh well.
     
  10. emp59

    emp59 Well-Known Member

    There are a million different ways to parent a child. If a person chooses not to breastfeed because it's not right for them, let it be! What's best for the child is whats best for the mother in this circumstance. If a mother is breastfeed and miserable, is that better than a happy mom and formula. Heck no. I breastfed for 7 months and don't regret quitting. I am much more emotionally stable since stopping. My advice to you is to do what you think is best for your own children and stop worrying so much about how other people parent their children.
     
  11. momotwinsmom

    momotwinsmom Well-Known Member

    That is me to a 'T' Liz. I didn't have any desire to even try. I knew I would FF all my kids and I did. My twins are 9 1/2 and my youngest just turned 2. I can count on one hand (yes, only ONE hand) how many times all of my 4 kids have ever been on antibiotics. One hand, 4 kids....all FF. You do the math......
     
  12. chellebelle

    chellebelle Well-Known Member


    HOLY COW that is beyond ridiculous!!!

    Ok now that I have more time I'm back but my kids are still wearing their pampers. ;)

    I breastfed all my kids. My oldest the doctor put me on the pill at my 6 week checkup and i didn't know it but it toally dried up my milk. I went to a different doc and tried everything to get it back and it did not come back.

    My last singleton i breastfed until about 6 months and then formula fed through the day and breast at night.

    With the twins I breastfed them until they were 6 months old and I do feel I deserve a friggin medal for being able to breastfeed the twins while having a 15 month old running around too!!! I hung on so long with those 2, i worked soooooo HARD to keep them on the breast as long as I could do it and although I was sad to see it go in a way I also found it freeing and felt i was better able to care for my toddler and able to take some medication i really needed for switching to formula.

    I gave almost all my kids 6 months of breastmilk and I think that is pretty special and I choose to focus on that versus the few remaining months where they got formula. But then again I am the ultimate hooligan in that i feel if they are old enough to drive a car they shouldn't be breastfeeding anyway. ;) :tomato:
     
  13. vtlakey

    vtlakey Well-Known Member

    On a related note, I think many moms feel incredible pressure to breastfeed and that they have been led to believe that they will be bad moms if they don't BF, so they try to exclusively BF for too long while their babies suffer weight loss. My SIL was one of those militant BF moms I mentioned in my previous post. She was a first time mom but just KNEW she could and should be able to nurse my nephew when he was born. She nursed him all day long and tried to pump in between, only to get drops. Yet she carried on with this refusing to give in and supplement with formula for several weeks until he had lost so much weight he looked like a starving baby in Ethiopa. It was very painful for my mom and I to watch my nephew wither down to little more than 5 lbs when he was born at 7 lbs. Finally my SIL got a grip and realized that she was one of the supposed "few" who couldn't produce milk. They started giving him formula and low and behold his weight took off and everybody was healthy and happy.

    Likewise my coworker's wife BF their third child who was born full term a month before my boys. His wife had successfully BF their first 2 children and assumed she would have no problems with the third. Yet at 9 months their little girl was still 13.x lbs, while our 29 weekers that were a month younger than her were over 16 lbs. She obviously wasn't getting enough BM, and my coworker said his wife didn't want to supplement with formula because BM is so much better for the baby. But if you can't produce enough BM, for whatever reason, that argument is pointless! Finally they went to a doctor who told her in no uncertain terms that it was time to supplement. They started supplementing and she is now gaining weight rapidly, thank goodness. It's just a shame that it took months of her daughter not receiving enough BM for the lightbulb to finally go off that formula was needed. All because society now seems to judge parents who FF as opposed to BF.

    I don't want to beat the OP poster up anymore. I think we have all made very valid points. But hopefully in the future posters won't make assumptions that they know will rub others here the wrong way. :pardon:
     
  14. Gigantor

    Gigantor Well-Known Member

    I agree with whoever said it is a choice. Just like everything else in life.
    There are no right or wrong answers to this one.

    I breastfed my daughter because I wanted to. I did it for 4.5 months and not longer, because I wanted to.
    I bf'd one of my boys and pumped for the other for 8 weeks. I did it only 8 weeks and I was happy with that. And it was MY CHOICE.

    They will still grow up to be happy, healthy individuals. Just like the others who are breastfed forever. Or never been breastfed.

    We have no right to judge anyone for their choice whatever that may be regarding this issue.
     
  15. Fossie

    Fossie Well-Known Member

    I haven't had a chance to read all of the other posts, but just wanted to say that even though we haven't officially "met," I am one that wishes I didn't "breastfeed." The day I decided to stop pumping, stop taking supplements that weren't working, and start just being thankful that my children were growing and healthy while taking formula, was the day that all of our lives got better. Trying to coerce my babies to breastfeed, trying to coerce my breasts to produce milk, and trying to stay awake in the brief moments that I actually could have slept so I could pump was exhausting and unnecessary and I wish I hadn't spent the first four months of my babies lives obsessing about it!
     
  16. HorseyLover

    HorseyLover Well-Known Member

    I was just thinking the SAME thing!!!!!!
     
  17. sulik110202

    sulik110202 Well-Known Member

    When I was pregnant with the twins I was so stressed about breastfeeding. I discussed this with my OB and he said the best thing for my babies, as other posters have said, is a happy and sane mother. He also said I should let anyone guilt me into doing something. So at that point I decided to not even try and a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I do not feel guilty about formula feeding my kids. They were healthy babies and are still healthy. It was my choice and my choice alone. I shouldn't have to justify or defend that choice to anyone. I am happy with my decision and if I had it to do over, I would make the same choice.
     
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  18. JoellePotter

    JoellePotter Well-Known Member

    I find the initial post very rude. I know you claim to have wanted to ask it in the nicest way possible, but no matter what, it's not normally a very nice topic.

    I very much wanted to breast feed my boys. Then when I went into labor at 28w,6d and had them at exactly 29 weeks, I realized it was going to be a lot harder than I imagined it being. I was handed a pump that evening by a male nurse who quickly left the room. I had never used a pump, heck I hadn't even looked for one to use at home because I didn't realize my boys were coming so early. I started the pumping for every 3 hours and once my milk came in a few days later, yes it was completely enough for my boys. They were only tube/bottle feed my breast milk until about 6 weeks old. I kept getting clogged ducts and eventually got two cases of mastitis that left me EXTREMELY sick and nearly killed my supply. Then I began taking Fenugreek nonstop to try and help my supply, teas, etc. It wasn't helping one bit. My supply slowly came back up, but it wasn't enough to keep up with how they were beginning to eat more. By 8 weeks then began HAVING to get supplemented with formula. Not by my choice, but by my body's choice. A couple weeks later, I got mastitis again, so guess what, supply dropped again. This time the doctors prescribed me Reglan, which brought my supply almost all the way back up, but I literally felt way more depressed and twitched (not badly, but enough to notice) which happen to be side effects of Reglan. I decided I wasn't going to take Reglan anymore.

    So on top of my own medical problems, my boys NEVER learned to latch on. I had to use breast shields. Sometimes it seemed like they got enough milk and sometimes it didn't. I continued to pump every 2-3 hours until they were 4 months. I realized that I was getting extremely upset every day and completely worn out to the point of not being happy around my own boys. So I wasn't going to let breast feeding get me down. I'd much rather be a happy mother who was happy to take care of her kids then some mother who is worried about the stigma of not breast feeding and feeling overly depressed and worn down.
     
  19. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    I'm one of the evil mothers that "breastfeeding just isn't for"...I wasn't nursed and neither was my husband - we're both healthy, productive members of society....in a lot of ways I'm GLAD I didn't BF - my 36 w (term) twins were 3.8 lbs and 4.8 lbs...my milk didn't come in until 6 days post surgery...because my kids were fed formula in the hospital they maintained their birthweight - so they came home with me...had I waited 6 days to feed them not only would they not have been able to come home due to weight loss there's a pretty good chance I'd have had issues at least with my DD - her mouth was so small that she could barely get a bottle nipple in her mouth - let alone my 44 DDD's....my areola was the size of her entire face...how would she have latched on to that...and pumping - well I went back to work at 12 weeks...I could have pumped at work (since federal law protects my right to) but for every additional 15 minutes I'd spend throughout the day pumping is 15 more minutes I'd have had to stay at work to make up the time...I'd rather be comfy at home with a bottle...

    I've said time and time again - doesn't matter if it comes from my **** or a bottle - FEEDING and LOVING your child is the most important thing...
     
  20. jromkey

    jromkey Well-Known Member

    The OP's original statement about "wanting to ask this in the nicest way possible" is like people saying "no offense BUT" or "don't take this personally BUT" and then following it up with an incredibly offensive/rude statement. It doesn't get you off the hook just because you prefaced your rudeness with some lame disclaimer.

    I have a few points to make in regard to the actual content of your post:

    1) Congrats that you made BFing happen for you and your twins despite challenges. I appreciate that you shared your story of BFing success. What I did not appreciate was your self righteous tone and frankly ignorant claim that for those of us who weren't able to make BFing happen just didn't try hard enough or gave up too easily/quickly.

    2) Also, your comment that milk supply issues are rare seems misplaced especially considering all of the stories shared so far about low supply. I too was one of those people who seemingly had poor milk supply despite trying fenugreek and prescription drugs in a vain attempt to boost my supply. I also pumped around the clock with a hospital-grade pump but to no avail. I had to supplement from the beginning because I just wasn't able to produce enough to feed them both (and it took a week for my milk to come in so they were on formula from the start - despite starting to pump the night they were born by emergency c-section). Throw in some latching problems, bleeding nipples, blocked ducts, infection, 3 different lactation consultants, nipple shields, etc. and that adds up to me "giving up" after two and half months of trying. It was an agonizing decision but it was the best for me and my family. I sincerely wish I could have made it happen and still feel kinda jealous of women who did make it happen but what I don't need is some stranger heaping more guilt upon me under the guise of supposedly criticizing cyber bullying. Really?? Can you appreciate the contradiction there??

    3) I was going to say more but I am just too exhausted and pi**ed off. It's also all been said already by others more eloquent than I. Argh. Just argh.
     
  21. KStorey

    KStorey Well-Known Member

    HEALTHY, HAPPY BABIES!!! That's what we are all striving for so I personally don't believe there is one 'right' way to feed. I know in New Zealand that they follow the WHO (World Health Organisations) recommendations that all women should be encouraged to bf. Unfortunately this means that our mothers receive truck loads of information about bf but no basics on ff. This means that you sometimes have to be hit and miss when you learn about formula (Sterilisation, amounts, right products, organisation, etc) I have bf three previous children for a year each through 4 bouts of mastitis and all the usual aches and pains! I loved it, but I can happy say that I have absolutely no guilt at all for putting the twins on formula. It suits our family and our twins are healthy and happy. To the mothers that bf...well done. Your children are lucky to have you. To the mothers that ff...well done. Your children are lucky to have you. Lets support each other in our differences as well as our commonalities. :D
     
  22. *Sully*

    *Sully* Well-Known Member

    First of all I think that this is an ignorant post in general but ESPECIALLY in a community of twin moms. How can you not take into account the high percentage of twins that are preemies, have health issues and spend time (some LONG times) in NICUs and/or the high percentage of twin moms that experience health issues after birth due to the strain/toll that a twin pregnancy takes on their bodies????

    And precisely what do you think of a mom like me who never got their twins to nurse properly, pumped for 8 months but started supplementing with formula at 2 mo due to supply issues? Does that mean that I only did 1/2 of what is best for my babies? In retrospect I should have quit sooner. It was hard on me/us, but I was so overcome with guilt every time I thought about quitting due to horribly judgemental undertones such as yours that are now so prevalent in our culture.

    This OP is just offensive but so many wonderful replies follow it. :clapping:
     
  23. tiff12080

    tiff12080 Well-Known Member

    Where am I? Is this the Den? :unknw:

    I tried to keep up with bfing when they first came home. I actually loved it, but my boys wanted to eat almost every hour and at 6 weeks I was losing it and my hubby said just stop. I was so relieved that he basically said i wasn't a bad mom for stopping. I probably should have stopped earlier. I was quickly falling into depression and maybe would have sought help earlier had I stopped.
     
  24. melissao

    melissao Well-Known Member

    I have breastfed all of my children and do think it's the best thing for them, but most of my friends did not breastfeed their children and I don't think any less of them for it.

    Thank you to Holley for her informative replies in this thread. I also wanted to point out that often times BF babies are smaller than FF babies because they do self-regulate their intake more than FF babies. Elizabeth (who was full term and healthy) was only 13 lbs. at 8 months and it was not b/c she was starving, she's just little. She has always been on the lower end of the growth charts, but the pedi has never had a problem with it. I don't think people should assume that small BF babies are being starved by their overly zealous BF mothers. Now I have Matthew who is 21 lbs at 8 months. He's just a big guy! Every baby is different.

    I do wish that hospitals would do a better job of educating mothers about breastfeeding and supporting them after they leave the hospital. I struggled for 3 months before I got my twins to bf and couldn't have done it without a VERY supportive LC who I visited weekly FREE of charge!

    If anyone is interested in reading about the history of formula/bf in the US, thisbook is really interesting. It's very pro-breastfeeding, but well researched and factual.
     
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  25. vtlakey

    vtlakey Well-Known Member

    You are right and I am sorry if I implied that. In my haste to type out my reply above while at work I wasn't very clear with my words. I do know my coworker was concerned that his daughter was too small and not getting enough BM and he was frustrated that his wife initially wouldn't even consider supplementing w/ formula. His daughter may have been closer to 10 months and barely 13 lbs, I can't remember the specific numbers but their pedi was concerned enough that he told the mom it was definitely time to supplement. Anyway, thanks for pointing out that BF babies tend to self-regulate more than FF babies. And I tip my hat to any mother that can successfully BF a baby, especially twins!
     
  26. Anne-J

    Anne-J Well-Known Member




    ITA. This thread, and where it was posted is a perfect example of that kind of pressure IMO. And, there's a reason why so many of us more "seasoned" mothers responded... it isn't fair to other first time moms who might be struggling, and needing to make a decision about feeding their babies to have pressure and guilt like this piled on them. It's simply wrong.
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    Where is the OP?
     
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  27. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    I find it funny that most of your BF'ed babies gained more weight faster than my FF ones...my DD was only 16 lbs at a year old whereas I'll see plenty of BF'ed babies far outweighing that by their 6 month check ups...so not ALL FF babies are huge gainers!
     
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  28. Kristin N

    Kristin N Well-Known Member

    4 pages...

    Here's my two cents:
    How is this not cyber bullying again (and am I the only one who didn't see the irony?) This is supposed to be a supportive forum!!

    I found this post extremely aggravating. I bf dd until she was 9 months and self weaned, am I a bad mother for not bf'ing longer? With the boys I surely gave it the old college try and it doesn't make sense for our family as a whole. I don't feel like I need to justify my family's decision. A happy, healthy family is all anyone can ask for!! And that includes physical and emotional health. I was surprised to see how much more I bonded with both boys when I was able to get more rest (not pumping around the clock) and could relax and enjoy feeding times, rather than dreading it.

    I was not a bf baby and I think I turned out alright! Honor's student throughout school, including a 4.0 for my master's degree, never been hospitalized (other than maternity of course) and don't remember ever having an ear infection, the flu, etc. So I DIDN'T have breast milk, but do you know what I DID have...?? A loving and supportive mother who worked her tail off to make sure I had the best upbringing.

    The one positive thing I have noted from reading this thread is that, although the original post was breast is best and boo on you for formula feeding, there has been so much support for those of us who were either unable, or otherwise chose not to breastfeed our little cherubs.

    Can't we all just get along??
     
  29. cjk2002

    cjk2002 Well-Known Member

    I FF but I feel that even when women BF, there is still so much competition.

    I see it many times in the signatures. "I've been BF for _____months (or for some years)".


    How do you think it makes those women who were "only" able to BF for a few months or "gave up" after a few months feel?
     
  30. christy.fisher

    christy.fisher Well-Known Member

    I think this the most important part of the BF/FF issue. Happy moms make for happier babies.

    I'm for doing whatever works for you as the primary care giver.

    I currently have one formula fed baby and one breastfed baby.
     
  31. MeredithMM

    MeredithMM Well-Known Member

    I hear what you are saying here, and I can see how seeing that kind of thing can be painful (I have felt that way before too during my BF struggles), but I just wanted to provide another perspective (and I don't have one of those signatures, so I am not taking personal offense).

    I can't speak for everyone, but I don't think those kind of things are about competition. I think it's more about letting people know that people often DO succeed at breastfeeding. It's a way of encouraging other moms who are breastfeeding, letting them know it's possible, etc. There are so many stories of difficulties out there (and those stories are important--my own story is one of difficulty), but I think those signatures are a way of letting people know that many women find ways to nurse their children for quite a while.

    I had many trials with breastfeeding and still do. My boys get BM (usually it's pumped milk) and Formula.

    I have been watching this thread closely, as I think many of us have, and the whole thing kind of makes me sad. It's such a polarizing conversation, and I just don't think it has to be that way.
     
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  32. mom23sweetgirlies

    mom23sweetgirlies Well-Known Member

    Things like this really bug me, why do mothers feel the need to judge each other so much?? I know there are some crappy moms out in the world, but I think the vast majority want to do what is best for their children. Just because someone decides to FF for whatever reason doesn't mean they love or care about their children any less and even though I do believe BM is the best food for babies I think formula is pretty darn good too! I really struggled with BF my oldest and put so much unnecessary pressure on myself and looking back I wish I would have just acknowledged that it wasn't going to work and went to formula without the guilt. I especially hate it when BF extremists say that those who said they couldn't BF just didn't try hard enough. I'd like to have seen them try to BF my oldest, heck it was like pulling teeth to get the girl to even take a bottle! Someone mentioned the BF tickers and I just want to say that I mean no offense at all to any FF mother by having my ticker I just thought it was cute. :)
     
  33. sullivanre

    sullivanre Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to say I don't think the quality of one's motherhood can be based on her infant feeding method, and all to often women are treated poorly for breastfeeding or formula feeding.
    Amy I just wanted to say that there are some misconceptions in your post above. First, of all it's not unusual for someone's milk to come in at 6 days. Of course, when it comes in is partially dependent on how often you put your baby at the breast. If someone didn't put the babies to the breast at all then her milk would come in later, that's just the basic biology of breastfeeding. Plus, even if someone's milk is not in you can still be making colostrum which is nutrient rich and normal for babies to get in the first few days of life. I'll also add that it's perfectly normal for newborn babies to lose weight after birth. I understand that can be a big problem for a small preemie, but for a normal gestation normal weight baby it is not a problem, and the hospital will not necessarily keep a baby just because the baby is not back up to birth weight. I know my son Mark refused to eat anything for the first 4 days of life, and he went from 6lbs. 5oz to 5lbs. 14oz when he went home. He was nursing and being supplemented with formula. My other son went from 7lbs 3oz to 6lbs 14oz, and he was mostly nursing. My milk came in around the time I left the hospital at 5 days.

    Also small nipples are often a disadvantage when breastfeeding (believe me :) ). I'm no expert on nipple size, but most bottles have nipples that are bigger than real life human breast nipples.

    This is interesting because it's very different in the US. For example, most hospitals in the US send people home with free formula and formula coupons. It's also not uncommon for hospital staff memebers to give babies formula behind mother's backs. I know in my case one of my kids was given a pacifier without my permission, and pacifiers are not generally recommended until after the baby's latch is established. The free gift packs fromt he formula companies also come with books the discuss the basics of formula feeding. I can also say that the nurses in my hospital would help with formula feeding, but most of them would not help with breastfeeding. The only person who helped with breastfeeding was a lactation consultant. There was one LC and a bazzillion nurses. I don't personally know of any hospitals that provide free breastpump rentals, samples of nipple creams, discounts on nursing bras, or discounts on consultations with LCs. It's interesting because the word is out that breastfeeding is generally healthier for Mom and babies, but the vast majority of the support you get is for formula feeding. It's quite ironic.

    Judy, why is it the responsibility of breastfeeding Mom's to go out of their way to make formula feeding Mom's feel happy? I always see this pattern in these discussions. Why should women who breastfeed have to hide it? Why should women who breastfeed have to apologize to women who don't? I think that's really unfair. It's not like you see breastfeeding Moms go off when we have 8 million discussions in first year about how many "ounces" a baby should eat. This should be just like any other hot topic- CIO, co-sleeping, how long a baby should be in a crib, spanking, etc. One group shouldn't have to apologize to the other. Another example could be NICU babies vs. full term babies. Should people with full term babies have to apologize to people whose babies have NICU time?

    I know my heart goes out to women who want to make breastfeeding work and struggle. It's not their fault that it doesn't work out for them--the fact of the matter is there is very little social support for breastfeeding and making it work can be an uphill battle. For those who want to make it work and are unable to, it's not their fault. It's not a reflection of their weakness or lack of effort, it's a reflection of a social system that sets many women up for failure with lack of education, bad advice, social stigmas surrounding breasts and breastfeeding, and a host of other social arrangements not conducive to breastfeeding.
     
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  34. dowlinal

    dowlinal Well-Known Member

    I don't have a ticker this time, but I did with my second daughter. Not because I wanted to make anyone else feel bad, but because I couldn't nurse my first and I was so happy that I was able to nurse my second. It still took tons of hard work, but thanks to a very determined baby I finally got the nursing experience I had dreamed of.
     
  35. dowlinal

    dowlinal Well-Known Member

    I had the same experience as Amy. With all of my children, my milk didn't come in for almost a week despite the fact that I nursed every 2-3 hours around the clock. At the hospital I delivered at, once a child loses a certain % of their birthweight, you are required to give them formula. With my second and the twins, I insisted that they be spoonfed. Unfortunately, my twins continued to lose weight and I was told that I needed to give them a bottle or they would not release them. I would have been sent home without them.

    Also, you really can have nipples that are too big for your baby. I also had this issue. My first born and my smaller twin were both under 7 lbs, and their mouths could not accomodate enough of my nipple until they grew a bit.
     
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