I have a question to ask moms of inseparable twins

I haven't been incredibly active but have returned for some support I have a question to ask moms of inseparable twins. So, my dear ID twins are momo twins and are already nine years old turning ten! They are males and honestly I am quiet shocked how behaved they are. They never fight with each other, everything they do is as a team. When they purchase toys, it is always done as a joint effort. For example, one twin chooses the cowboy and the other the horse he will ride on. They refuse to go anywhere without each other. We actually went to disneyland and one twin came down with a fever and was required to stay home. The other twin refused to go without his twin and stayed home with him while their siblings enjoyed disneyland. They have two beds in their room, yet they choose which bed to sleep on in the evening as they can not sleep alone on separate beds even. They were each supposed to have their own room but they refused. They demanded to share a room. Even when one is pooping, the other stays in the bathroom. Then they switch! They are in separate classrooms but as you can imagine, they are having a difficult time making friends. They are like diesels. By the time they make a friend, the school year is almost ending and a new class is chosen for the following year. They are perfectly content just being the two of them. While I am incredibly thankful that they have never even had so much as a squabble, I do worry about their future. How will they be when they enter middle school, high school, college? I met a set of twins that never married and still live together ( they are in their 60's). So, what I'm looking for is assurance that they are okay and will grow out of it or ideas how to make them more independent from each other. Thanks!

 

I have a set of boy/girl twins and while, I don't think they are as close as your sons, socially they prefer each other's company to that of other kids.  They will play with other kids but not without each other.  I have tried to encourage them to find other kids independent of each other to play with but with no luck.  The only way that happens is when they don't have recess outside and have to have it in their classrooms (they are in separate classes).
It's hard, especially at the elementary age, when they have recess and lunch at the same time.  The good thing is, my kids have assigned seats for lunch and my two sit a complete opposite ends of the table from each other. Your boys are young and it's possible they will grow out of it.  I like the fact that my two are close, I know they have each other's back and the best I can offer is to encourage them when they do seek out other kids to play with independent of each other.  If they have a friend (s) that they play with, perhaps you can speak to the Mom about having an individual playdate for each of the boys, so they could see that they would be fine with a friend if their sibling is not there?

 

I am envious of your kids because mine fight with each other all the time!  But I can totally understand your concern about their ability to make friends independently.  I think it is "easy" for twins to hang out with each other because they already have an established relationship and don't need to go through the effort of getting to know somebody else.  Like anything else in life, I think making friends takes practice. 
 
If there is a special friend in their current class, maybe you can explain the situation to the teacher  and ask that the child be placed in the same class next year with the friend.  That way, they have more time to strengthen the friendship they have already formed this year.  Separate playdates  with the special friend during the summer months would help too.  
 
Another thing you can do is enrolling them in separate after-school activities.  One of my boys was enrolled in an art class where nobody even knew that he was a twin!  He really enjoyed meeting other kids in an environment where people didn't see him as "half of a unit".
 
I also think that having separate "alone time" with each parent will be helpful.  When they were smaller, my husband and I would take each child separately on various outings.  I might go to the park and ice cream shop with one child and my husband will take the other one to a skating rink, etc.  At first they didn't want to go separately, but after several outings they learned to have fun without their twin.  It sounds weird to people who are not twins, but when you have been together your entire life, you have to actually learn that you can have a good time without having the other one around.  

 

Thank you for the replies. My twins refuse to do things without each other, so separate after school activities would be quiet difficult. They are very sensitive children and I would have a lot of crying involved. Thats a fantastic idea about trying to take them out separately with each parent. Unfortunately this year neither of my twins have managed to make any friends in their class. Thank you for the support

 

Tears are OK.  It is their way of expressing themselves, and sometimes they are going to do things that they don't want to.  I would ignore the tears, and have them do the activities anyway.  It could be that they are just not sure of new experiences, but to get over that, they have to try.  You can try one time activities, that they can try.  They have to learn that it is OK to do things on their own.
 
It is hard, but worth it in the long run!

 

Yeah, it's going to be uncomfortable, but most things that are worth it are uncomfortable. Push through with some small steps toward independence.