I feel like I don't hold them enough

Does anyone else feel like they don't hold their twins enough? I feed them food and bottles, at the same time, in their chairs. They go to their bouncers with toys attached, then to the swings at another time, then we lay on the bed for a while. But still, I just feel like I don't hold them enough. With two it's so hard to get anything done if you hold one for a while, then hold the other. They DO NOT like to be held at the same time. They want one on one attention. My husband travels alot, so it's just me and it so hard to spread the love! Does this change once they can sit and "play" and are able to sit in the exersaucers and things like that??

 

I so understand! Thats why I tried to hold them during bottle time. Of course this didn't always happen because the one who had to get her bottle second sometimes got upset.

Now they refuse to let me hold their bottles, so they feed themselves. But now that they are mobile, I love that each one crawls up onto my lap and has a little cuddle throughout the day. Ana brings me books to read her and Meara will sometimes just climb up onto me and hit me with a big slobbery tongue kiss!

So even though I didn't get to hold them a lot when they were tiny, they are still very affectionate now. Mommy guilt is pervasive.. unfortunately there is always something to feel guilty about.

 

I totally understand what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I didn't get to hold them enough when they were smaller, but like the pp said, they are really affectionate now, but at the same time pretty independent, so I don't always have a baby attached to me! I get some major holding and cuddling time in at night when I give them their final bottle. I feed one at a time ( the other plays on the floor) now and it has been great getting to hold them and noodle on them individually. My husband works ALOT and it is really just me and the boys, but I don't think they have suffered at all because of not being held all the time - a friend of mine with a singleton held hers nonstop and now he barely leaves her side. Twins are just different in every way than single babies.

 

Funny, I was just thinking about that today as well. My boys are 14 weeks old. They hate being held at the same time. My problem is I have one boy who is quite mellow while the other loves to be held all the time. I try to hold them an equal amount of time so one doesn't think I favor the other. I was also told not to always go to the screamer first unless you want to teach the quiet one he needs to scream to get mommy's attention. That's hard to do.

One thing I have done is to try to hold one in my lap while having the other in his chair while doing a double feed. Usually I put them both in their chairs, but today my screamer was really screaming and wouldn't calm down. I figured he needed mommy's touch to unwind, so I had him in my lap facing out (not in the crook of my arm). That way I can do a one handed feed. Then I had my other one in his chair facing me. I made sure to keep eye contact with him so he still felt like he was getting my attention, even though the other one was getting my physical contact. It seemed to work and both boys seemed happy.

Still, I'm hoping it gets easier as they get older.

 

i've been thinking about this, too, lately. i feel so guilty sometimes, but what can you do? i do night feedings, so usually i could hold them then, but they've been getting up at teh same time lately at night, so i can't even hold them then! you're not alone!

 

I definitely feel like I don't hold my boys enough (even though it seems I'm always holding someone.) They usually eat at the same time so they might be laying on either side of me drinking their bottles or sometimes I'll feed one right after the other so I can hold each of them. They don't mind being held at the same time, thankfully, but that's getting tougher and tougher to do (they're getting to be such chunky monkeys )... Having 2 is so different than having just one (obviously). I don't feel like I'm getting the same kind of bonding time that I had with my dd. It's nice to read that it'll get easier to have that one on one time as they get older...

 

I worry about this too and feel incredible guilt that I do not give them enough attention. I feed them separately and I feel guilty when I'm feeding one and the other is watching or if I pick up one and not the other. It's so hard.

 

I feel the guilt too. It's nice to know I'm not alone...

 

I have a friend with twins about the same age as mine and we are always saying how we feel like we just schlep them from here to there and don't get to spend much quality time with either. I feel like I never hold them ... then I will feel like I always hold them ... I can't explain it =) When my husband is home I try and hand him the needy one (for that particular day) and spend some QT with the less needy one ... or on the weekends I may take one on an outing and leave the other with him ... but I am in the same boat as a lot of others ... he has a really demanding work schedule that he has no control over ... so it isn't often that I have him here.

Anyway, nursing them makes me feel like I get cuddle time ... but I tandem so it still isn't one on one cuddle time =) It did help to read that it gets easier as they are older to spend one on one QT with each.

 

Totally hear you on the guilt! I always feel spread too thin. I wish I could give each baby 100% of my attention whenever they need it - but unfortunately there are times when both babies need 500% of my attention at the same time!

All you can do is your best. It gets easier when they're older and more independent - it's easier to keep one busy while you take care of the other. But sounds like you're doing great.