I cannot believe what a nurse just said to me

quote:
Originally posted by traci_roo:
I am currently on hospital bedrest for preterm labor.
I have an older nurse that I have somedays that is the older, grandmotherly type that has probably been here since time began and she thinks she knows best about everything. She annoys the crap out of me and talks to the babies in the most annoying voice when she comes to do the heartbeats and takes forever to do anything.
So this morning she comes in and wakes me up to hear the heartbeats and is of course fussing a bit that I didn't jump right up and eat breakfast yet (it is cereal and can wait lady). It took her forever to find Avery's heartbeat because she didn't believe me that it was probably down low so my tummy is a little sore from her pressing so hard trying to find it and not using enough gel. So as she is cleaning off my belly (and I am back to half asleep at this point), she says So you were pregnant with four babies. I said yes I was (it is in my chart so they all know). She then said so you didn't think you could handle 4 babies? I just looked at her for a second like she had 2 heads. I said well apparently my body is having enough trouble handling twins so I don't think 4 would have been possible. To that she responds that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I am sure my mouth was wide open. I was so in shock and HURT that I couldn't say a word. She said something after that about the twins, but I couldn't even hear her. As soon as she left and I could close my mouth, I was sobbing. I knew people would be judgemental about our choice and that is why we shared it with very few. Now it is wide open to everyone here and she had the nerve to tell me that I wouldn't have been pregnant with quads if God didn't think I could handle it. I could not stop crying this morning. This fed into every bit of my guilt that I have ever felt over the reduction and I am just so in shock that a nurse would say that to me. I don't think I can even look at her today. What do I even say? How do I keep from ripping her old, fat head off? I am so upset and cry everytime I think about it. Why would she be so hurtful about a choice that I felt like I had to make? She has no idea how much DH and I struggled over that decision and to make it sound so simplified like that just pisses me off.
This hospital stay showed me that my body is struggling to carry twins long enough so I was reassured that we made the right choice or I could have been in here sooner with quads or lost them by now. This caused me to doubt myself again. I know she is just a nurse that thinks she knows it all, but it got to me. It REALLY got to me. This was supposed to be a good day since I made it another week, but she ruined it.

Traci

you really do not need to see that nurse again.. you are in there for a reason to keep you and babies away from stress..
you do not need to get a stomach ache everytime you see her.. I would defintly tell my husband to report that or you tell another nurse to assign that woman to someone else but not you. you dont need added stress for what you are already going through.
I feel so bad ..

 

I had a nurse that really bothered me when I was on hospital bedrest and I requested that the charge nurse not assign her to me anymore. I was there for so long that they brought the schedule to me at night and let me pick my nurses for the next shift. Maybe you could try that?

 

you really do not need to see that nurse again.. you are in there for a reason to keep you and babies away from stress..
you do not need to get a stomach ache everytime you see her.. I would defintly tell your husband to report that or you tell another nurse to assign that woman to someone else but not you. you dont need added stress for what you are already going through.
please report that nurse.
I feel so bad ..
Frown

 

that is TERRIBLE! I'm sure it was a hard enough decision to do in the first place, without having know-it-alls judge you. Not to mention that part of their job is to keep you relaxing and calm, not the opposite. I would contact the nurse manager and demand another nurse attend to you. You are doing such an amazing job keeping these two in, you don't need to have her bother you everyday. Especially since she's not particularly competent at her job.

so sorry hon (((hugs)))

 

My mouth is still dropped by your story. I can not believe that, ANYONE, needless to say a nurse would EVER say such a thing. For so many reasons she was wrong. One big reason Its none of her busy.

Now that was said, please try your best to let it go. One way is to defintely talk to the nurse manager and have it be a requirement that she is no longer be your nurse. She needs to understand that she was not professional and stepped over the line. Believe in yourself that you DID do the right decision by having a reduction. I can't imagine the kind of pain and guilt you felt and still are. Remember, as you mentioned, you are having a challending pregnancy keeping these two little ones in as possible would it have been possible to keep four in. You and your husband just believe that you made the right decision for you and your family. No one can make that judgement and has no right.

I wish the best, please remember that positive thoughts has been proven time in and again to have positive effects on the body. Concentrate thinking and being positive to yourself and your babies will be healthy.

Min

 

"To that she responds that God doesn't give you more than you can handle."

That is about the most ignorant statement I've ever heard. I heard that TWICE from two different people in the same day as though it were some sort of condolence when I found out that I was having twins despite the fact that DH and I were HAPPY about it. People can be so thoughtless and rude when interjecting their beliefs and opinions down your throat.

I agree with everyone here - make a complaint and get a new nurse. You're stressed out enough and she's not going to make matters any better. You did what you felt was right, you were moving on and doing what you needed to, and no one has the right to judge you for it.