For those of you that conceived through fertility treatments

I like the answer about being surprised--I mean who wasn't surprised at all? I usually say to strangers "No, they don't run in the family, we just got lucky." If it's someone I know slightly better, I'm open about using fertility treatments. We went through hell to conceive our children, no shame in that.

I just hate the reactions people have when they hear about the fertility treatments, it's like your twins don't count or something. A lot of people act disappointed as if it makes having twins less special. :angry:

QUOTE(LoriD @ Sep 2 2008, 10:39 AM) [snapback]958865[/snapback]
Now when people ask me if they are natural or did I use fertility treatments, I am not so nice! That question gets asked of me more often than do twins run in your family. I usually say it's extremely rude to ask that and all babies are natural!!

That's the question that gets me the most. Natural babies? As opposed to unnatural?? At first I got upset by that, but recently I've just been playing dumb. Last time I answered that one with, "Well, they're fraternal, if that's what you're asking. I don't know what you mean." Easier than having to argue and get all upset!

 

I also take offense at the implication that my babies are not natural. There are better ways to phrase it, like "spontaneous." I've also been told, of course by women who didn't need fertility treatments, that there isn't anything offensive about that question. What do they know?!

Anyway, I always answer that yes, my babies are "natural" because they are. If they are rude enough to ask that, they don't need to know that they are "natural" but conceived with help.

In answer to the twins in the family question, well that's easy for me. I have a lot of twins in my family.

A friend of mine suggested a really good response to the "natural" question - just answer, "no, my babies are 'supernatural.'"

 

Hi,

I haven't read the other posts, but I just have to say who asks this? I mean its not their business anyhow. I was shocked to find I was having twins. We didn't use any drugs or anything at all, and there are none in the family. It was just a random thing. I think its crazy when I get asked this question. When people say are they natural or not. I say they are as natural as you and I Or I will say what's an un-natural baby? hmmmm. If its a live baby its natural. Who cares how it got there. people need to learn to mind their own. Throw it back in their court. You don't have to be dishonest, but you don't have to answer the question either. That is just my two cents on the matter.

 

Oh, and get this. I was out once and someone asked me that and I said no, they just occurred spontaneously. They actually asked me if I was sure because that is pretty rare to just have spontaneous twins. I was stunned and mad. I was like "Um, yeah....I'm pretty sure I would have remembered if I did something besides good old fashioned sex." She said so many women are trying to be like the celebrities and have twins. I was in disbelief!! Who the hell did this lady think she was. I have friends who have tried for a baby and have not been able to conceive at all. I know it was an agonizing time for them. How would they have felt if this was them being asked this question? I was in disbelief at the balls she had to interrogate me this way. People really are crazy :umm:

 

Depends on the day. Most often I will steal my friend's response "I'm just old!". :laughing:

 

I just am not sure why anyone thinks that this is on ok question to ask anyone. People at church asked my mother if we had IVF. She was stunned and could only say "I don't know"

we chose not to share our fertility struggles with the world. And as it turns out there are twins in my husband's family 2 generations back so I can honestly say that they do run in the family. This is usually what I answer.

 

We get asked that a lot and we do have twins in the family so I always say yes (and often add) but these are IVF babies. If they are uncomfortable they usually don't ask any further follw-up questions

 

I SCREAM the truth. I am soooooooooooooo proud of my IVF babies. I feel so blessed that modern medicine has come so far that after trying for years to get pregnant that my dream to become a mother could actually be fulfilled. I am so proud and honored that I was a part of that medical process. Funny thing is, my mom had twins after having me so my response is usually, "well, I do have sisters that are twins (but from a different father) but we had medical help." I have no problem talking about it with people. If they are interested and have questions, I am always more than ready to educate them

 

I usually lie and say twins run in our family somewhere distant and feel horrible about lying. But our situation calls for it. Unfortunatelly , it was my husband's side that gave us a problem, and as you might suspect men are so much more sensitive about this issue. So even if I want to say the truth about IVF , I just can't because I know more questions will come and I'd have to spill the guts. I so don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel embarrased so I just keep quiet. On the other hand, as many pp's said many people suffer from infertility and I 'd be so glad to give someone hope by opening up and telling how things are...
anyways, my husband and I to this day can't believe that we have 2 little adorable boys , cause jsut 2 years ago , it was just a dream, filled with tears.

 

Twins dont run in my family so I always say "they do now", or I say "no, we just got lucky" dont feel like you are lying-most of the time discussing fertility issues is very personal...and in your case they do run in your family so you are not really lying!

 

depending on who asks, i will answer accordingly....if it's a stranger in a store, i might say "they do now" or "they run all over the place" with a smile. if it's an acquaintance, i'll explain that dh has twin cousins and another of his cousins also has twins. like pp said, most people don't get that the dad's side won't get you there....and often theses are the people who ask if my b/g twins are id....so whatever.

i think when people ask if they run in your family it's just small talk. when they ask if you had infertility treatments it's a different story, IMO

some people know whe had ivf and i'm ok with that, but i'm not going to be a random example/inspiration to someone at the grocery store. it IS a very personal question when people out and say "did you undergo treatment?" and THAT one really fires me up and most times i'll lie thru my teeth.

 

Well the answer to that question is yes twins DO run in my family (my dad has twin brother, I have twin cousins, one of my cousins has twins, and I have two great aunts). So depending on who is asking I say "Yes they do." If they follow up the question because they are going thru treatment or have a close friend of family member who is, I will share my story.

ETA: My BIL & SIL who also have twins thru IVF say yes to that question too- because DH and I have twins! But if anyone knows anything about how the genetics of twins works, they'd know it doesn't matter that DH and his brother both have twins )

 

There was some star who had got pregnant (not sure if twins) and they asked if she had assistance (she was older) she said that "she wanted to tell the child before everyone else" I thought how true ! If the parents wish that, shouldn't the child KNOW first and not some stranger ?

I also think if people are so bold to be so rude, why do we need to be polite back with any response ? How about "you tell me first how YOUR mom and dad got at it to make YOU !!" --- rudeness surprises me.

Also I've heard a twin mom say that her sister has "Clomid twins" -- I thought that was so rude. They are twins sometimes people can get hung up on the "how".

Heather

 

QUOTE(DeniseT @ Sep 1 2008, 09:41 PM) [snapback]957884[/snapback]
Do twins run in your family? I get asked that all the time. Not that I mind sharing the real way we conceived, but I'm afraid it would make the other person uncomfortable - I know it's certainly not the answer they were expecting. So I get caught off guard and fumble through my answer. Sometimes I say "we had some help". But twins do run in both our families, so that is usually how I respond. But it just usually makes me uncomfortable, I feel like I'm lying (which I am so bad at) and it comes across like I'm uncomfortable answering their question. Just think it's funny how infertility issues seem so common these days, but that doesn't occur to many people and they still always ask the question. Just wonder if you always tell the truth or not.


I generally just say "yes" in answer to that question. My grandfather is an identical twin. Obviously, that has nothing to do with my twins, but it's too much to explain it. If people ask me outright though, I generally just tell them we did IVF. You never know when someone is going through their own issues and looking for support.