Fertility twins - how to answer the question

We started telling everyone last week that we are pg with twins (our immediate family has known since the beginning)

While our close friends know we were doing IVF, so many people have asked "Do twins run in your family". What makes it even more tricky is that my SIL also has fertility twins.

I normally say "no twins don't run in my family" since even if my sil had twins naturally, her ability to have twins has nothing to do with me (people really don't get that)

So how have other IVFers or IUIers answered that question.

I did get so frustrated I answered to someone "No not my family, but Dr Wilcox's" (he is my RE) They just looked confused.

And why is it anyones business how I got pg???

I am sure this is just the beginning of comment craziness based on other posts I have read.

 

We started telling everyone last week that we are pg with twins (our immediate family has known since the beginning)

While our close friends know we were doing IVF, so many people have asked "Do twins run in your family". What makes it even more tricky is that my SIL also has fertility twins.

I normally say "no twins don't run in my family" since even if my sil had twins naturally, her ability to have twins has nothing to do with me (people really don't get that)

So how have other IVFers or IUIers answered that question.

I did get so frustrated I answered to someone "No not my family, but Dr Wilcox's" (he is my RE) They just looked confused.

And why is it anyones business how I got pg???

I am sure this is just the beginning of comment craziness based on other posts I have read.

 

I posted this subject myself a few months ago. I just say no, they don't run in my family. Or sometimes I say "They do now!"
It is none of anyone else's business how I conceived! And yes, the comments will get more and more openly rude... "twins? better you than me!" and a lot of comments on your size... you're huge! or you don't look big enough for twins. People, total strangers, will want to know if you're delivering c-section or vaginally... if you will be breastfeeding... lots of information I would never think to ask someone I barely/ or don't know!
Helen

 

oh, honey....I can certainly relate. I am expecting my 2nd set of twins and you should hear the comments (and the looks). Even though all 5 of my children have been conceived through IVF, I tend to say "yes" they run in my family because in actual fact, my SIL had twins 17 years prior and my sister miscarried twins later on in her pregnancy. With this 2nd set of twins, I tend to say that these were a big surprise. I find that my response satisfies most. I am not totally lying - I am just being discreet (especially when I am with my 9 year old daughter). Besides, I don't feel like it is everyone's business. Of course, my close friends and family that have known us throughout our journey are much more sensitive and are just very supportive. My best advice is to come up with a nice short answer that satisfies their curiosity but is still somewhat discreet. It isn't everyone's business.

 

I didn't have IVF, but I still think it isn't anyone's business. Next time they ask if they run in the family, just say Yes! It will end the conversation.

 

My twins are the result of my family line and I still totally resent the question, especially from strangers. I just got this yesterday, as a matter of fact. I went to get my eyes examined and the optometrist (who I'd never met before) asked me when I am due. I told her that I'm due in January with twins and she asked, "were you taking anything?" I'd just met her!!

I assumed she was making small talk, and tend to think people are just curious about where twins come from, but I still HATE having to respond to that ridiculous question. In hindsight, I should've replied, "yes, as a matter of fact I was on prenatal vitamins -- they sure are potent!" just to play around. Next time...

Anyway, in your case I'd probably respond with either "they do now" or "we got lucky" or something like that and then let it drop. I still cannot believe how pregnant women are perceived as public property -- we're supposed to tolerate being touched by strangers, asked intimate questions, and take all the verbal spew / abuse (oh, I mean advice / unsolicited opinions) that comes our way, all with a grateful smile. Grrr....

 

Yeah - I either say they do now or just Yes!
people never once asked me how my singletons were conceived!

 

I answer simply with a smile: "They do now."

 

I didn't have IVF but still get that question all the time. my response is usually no we are just blessed or if I sometimes say yes my husband is a twin (which he is) even though i know his being a twin has nothing to do with our babies.

 

I get this question alot. We didn't do IVF, our twinning was spontaneous. But twins don't run in our family either. When we tell people that it doesn't run in our family, the next question is always " "did you get help conceiving?"

It is frustrating and yet all rather funny. I really believe that these people are not trying to be rude. They just don't see how inappropriate the question is.

I'm with the others. just come up a short response and stick to it.

our is: "We don't know how it happened" People look at us like we are crazy, we smile at them and then walk away.

 

I like the "They do now" response or you could just tell them that you are lucky people. It's really nobody's business whether they are IVF or not.

 

I didn't have IVF and twins actually run in my family, still I find this question extremely rude. It's nobodys buisiness.
I've only gotten asked twice: "How did it happen?" And I answered: "Well, I was on top most of the time and we did it for an hour."
Shuts them up right away.

 

I have found most people ask, not to be rude, but because they want a conversation starter. You never know who is having trouble, and it could be someone fishing for someone to reach out to. My usual response is "no, but drugs do". For simply nosey people, that shuts them up. For those looking for info, it gives them an opening to ask about my Dr.

 

Oh I hate this question. I'm having spontaneous ID twins (mo/di). According to rescent research hyperovulation is passed on the maternal side. My DH's grandmother has 2 sets of frats, my father's mother has one set of frats. Absolutely nothing to do with my ID twins. Yet if I mention these facts people say "Oh you were doomed." WTH We don't even have ID twins in recent family history so the theory that ID twins may be genetic doesn't work for us either. And I am soooo sick of hearing "oh twins often skip a generation." GRRRRR

It's getting really hard not to get frustrated with people, they don't realize I've been asked the same question a million times. I try not to be rude, but it's hard sometimes.

TJ
EDD 20 FEB b,b

 

I see no shame in getting technological help if getting pregnant is difficult. I find it so much easier to just be honest. I also think that it is encouraging to all those folks out there who are trying and trying to get pregnant with no luck. I've had several ladies come to me after they knew we did IVF to ask questions or just get some encouragement.

I also find that the answer many people have suggested "They do now!" -- pretty much ends that part of the conversation.

 

"According to rescent research hyperovulation is passed on the maternal side. My DH's grandmother has 2 sets of frats, my father's mother has one set of frats. Absolutely nothing to do with my ID twins. "

...This is what I have been trying to get across to my mother in law. Every time I'm asked that question when she's around she goes into a long history of all the fraternal twins on her side. I've told her many times that fraternal twins are the maternal side but she ignores me. She tells perfect strangers..." Oh, when she found out it was twins she cursed me because of all the twins in our family." Aaaaarrrgh! She makes up stories because she has to be the center of attention! I don't like giving misinformation to people and she exaggerates (lies) about everything....

Sorry for the tirade, I was venting. When I'm asked that question I just say they were a surprise because they were...We were SHOCKED!

Good luck!

 

quote:
I have found most people ask, not to be rude, but because they want a conversation starter. You never know who is having trouble, and it could be someone fishing for someone to reach out to.



I agree with this. I have always been very open about my fertility treatments because I remember how alone I felt when I was first told how hard it would be to get pregnant. It was terrible, so I tell people "After three years of trying, many shots all over my body, five IUIs and so many months of wishful peeing, we won the lottery and are so lucky to have our Jellybeans!" Most people if they are just being nosy drop it or ask why we call them Beans, those that are struggling with the same thing jump on the chance to ask me questions.
Good luck!

 

Thanks everyone for your input and a few laughs! I was talking to my sil about this yesterday and she mentioned one thing she hated was when she was in public with the twins and her dd people would say "Oh what cute babies" and she would answer "and her cute sister too". She said people would totally ignore her dd and everything was all about the twins.

 

quote:
I've only gotten asked twice: "How did it happen?" And I answered: "Well, I was on top most of the time and we did it for an hour."
Shuts them up right away.



Great retort...strangers who ask such personal questions get what they deserve!

 

We get this question all of the time, as well. Our family and some close friends know we did IVF. For everyone else, I just tell them that twins do not run in the family and I guess we just got lucky. It is none of their business how our children were conceived.

I have been lucky and not had many rude comments about having twins, but I am sure that once they are here and we go out in public with them, we will get a lot of the rude/stupid comments that many here have shared.

Have a Happy Turkey Day!!!

 

I used to feel like we cheated in getting our twins because we did IVF due to PCOS and not ovulating. Laying on that table and having our RE verify again how many we want to transfer-1 or 2? So when someone asks me if twins run in the family I sometimes says, "No, we chose to have two." Of course they never can seem to figure that out-how we CHOSE to have 2 but I just leave it at that. If I feel like explaining then I will but I always feel like they think we "cheated".
And yes, my 10 yr old gets forgotten too when it's always about "the twins". I just usually add that he's a great big brother with them

I found the hospital discharge papers for Logan and somewhere in it it said "IVF twin A". Is stating "IVF" that relavent? Maybe they have a database they fill out for how many IVF babies are born there? Who knows.

 

I took the advice of this board and say "They do now!" As far as I'm concerned, it's nobody's business.

 

Mine are from Clomid, though there are some frats among my great-great grandparents, in my heart, I know it was the Clomid. When people ask, I just tell them straight up, I took Clomid. No one has been rude yet, it appears they were honestly interested. BUt I am prepared for the rude people but so far, I'm managed to escape them. And I live in the Bible belt too, I've expected to have a "That's Playing God" comment but so far, that one hasn't happened yet either.

If I feel particularly devilish one day, I may say "No, we just did it twice in one night!"

 

We are another couple having to answer that question. I just normally tell them that we are starting a whole new generation of our two families. Of course DH's mom thinks that it comes from her even thought she know we used clomid for months. Guess she want to bask in the twin glory!!!

 

Mine are IUI'ers and when anyone asks me if twins run in my family I say "Yes" because I have identical twin uncles (my girls are fraternal). I don't mind answering questions about using fertility drugs with friends or co-workers, but I wouldn't feel obligated if you don't want to. Just answer questions with a yes or no and don't go into detail. Most people have the grace to stop asking when they recognize that you are trying to end the conversation.

 

http://www.kidsgrowth.com/resources/articledetail.cfm?id=498

this is my favorite page,.. another one i heard is "wait, first let's talk about YOUR sex life!"

 

That was a great list of comebacks! Thanks!

 

I have the same thing. My bil/sil do have twins through IVF too, and my cousin has natural ones.

I usually answer no they don't run in the family, but we do have a set on each side....leaves them scratching their heads and they usually don't ask any more.

 

I have had this question a lot lately too. My twins are from IVF. My cousin also has twins from IVF. So I always just say yes, they do run in the family and walk away. Hey, its KINDA true.

 

quote:
And why is it anyones business how I got pg???


Our twins are coming "naturally," and we get that question all the time as well. Maybe we aren't as sensitive to it because we didn't have any kind of fertility treatments, but to us it's just another question like "How far are you" or "Boy or girl?"

Is it "none of their business?" No, I suppose not, but most people are naturally curious because let's face it...most people don't have much experience with twins. A lot of people have heard that there can be a genetic predisposition to having multiples, so asking if it runs in the family seems like a pretty natural question to us.

Again, maybe we don't see it because our twins were just a lucky shot (well, two I guess) but when we're asked, we just see it as polite conversation. It seems like others are awfully quick to take offense.

 

quote:
tural question to us.

I agree with this...I think 50 years ago people probably asked this same question (do they run in the family) and nobody really thought much about it. I think what IS rude is people saying stuff that is very pointed like "did you take any fertility drugs?" That has happened to me and I was floored. I don't see folks who lost weight and say "so did you have gastric bypass or take Xenical?" My twins are spontaneous, and like the pp I am not sensitive at all about having them or how I got them. You are going to have to be at peace with your decision and your situation. Sure, people are nosy, but you shouldn't let that affect your joy.

 

I used to be so proud to say, when someone would ask about the pregnancy, "We are expecting twins!!!" but now when people ask when I'm due or if it's a boy or a girl, I just say "Around Christmas" or "We are being surprised." I don't even get into it anymore.

I did/do get asked if they run in the family all the time, and only once did someone come right out and ask if I was taking fertility drugs.

 

I have this question presented to me on a daily basis when strangers see my twins. Depending on my mood...I either say yes (which they do...but we had twins due to IVF) just to shut them up...or I tell them "no, I bought them" which usually shuts the person up because they don't understand what I mean. Just get ready because you will hear this even after they are born. I am going to get a t-shirt made up that on the back says..."Yes they are twins" (you will honestly get that question a lot...like I am going to have two babies dressed alike...same age, etc...and they wouldn't be twins...dah!!!), "No they are not identical", and "Yes twins run in my family but I bought these two".

You will honestly answer these questions ALL the time..so get ready as it gets worse after you have them.

Good luck!

 

quote:
Originally posted by Jamiesuzanne:
"Do twins run in your family".


They do now!

or once they are born you can say,

"well no they just lie there"
or

""no, they still crawl" (I'm here right now!)
or
"yup, everywhere they go!"

Or soemtimes I just say no. It really depends how much of a wise a$$ I am feeling like at that moment.