Expectation for how much you should spent on a wedding gift?

I have never known exactly what people paid per plate unless it was a family member or close friend (and that's just from talking to them in the planning, deciding where they were going to have the wedding, etc). And from that, it's easy to guess how much someone is paying at different venues in the area. (A hotel in downtown Boston most likely will cost $200 and upwards these days, a resort on Cape Cod would be similar, the hotels, country clubs and function halls in between can range from $75-$150 per plate depending on the package the bride and groom choose, that's just what's local to me, living close to the city).

 

Either by knowing the bride/groom well, or if you live in the area, you usually have an idea how much a place costs. You can kind of tell just by looking at it. Around here, this is how you can gauge a price: Is it a catering hall? (then maybe $80-$100 pp) Is it a gourmet restaurant/catering hall? (then maybe $100-$150+ pp) If it a fire hall? (then maybe around $50 pp) Is is the reception room at church? (since most food would be homemade, there isn't a per plate cost - usually anyway) Also, is it buffet or sit down? (Prices vary a lot with that too) These are the easy ways to tell.

 

I don't think the costs spent on the reception should have a bearing on your personal gift. That's their choice and you have your choice to give what you feel you want and can. We had an expensive wedding reception and I NEVER would dream of telling people what to give!!! How awkward.

We are very generous with wedding gifts...especially with close friends and family. i.e. Good friends usually $150-200 and siblings over $300. There have been weddings that we have been invited to where we don't know the couple very well and don't even attend, but we still usually give $100 as a minimum in those circumstances.

 

Honestly, I've been told the plate rule too. But it is totally tacky and just wrong for the bride to even hint about this to anyone attending her wedding. We usually give $100-$150 as a gift from both dh and I when we go to a wedding. I do have to admit cringing over 2 gifts I was given at my wedding... a $20 salad spinner from a family of four whom neither of us really knew but my FIL pushed to invite to the wedding...and the box of cheap pots and pans that were obviously a re-gift from a couple...the box was taped shut with scotch tape for crying out loud! My only other dilemma was what to do in terms of a thankyou note to the guy who played the flute for our wedding. He was a friend and he was paid for the trouble, and he was invited to the reception. We never got a gift from him. And I wondered what to write in a thank you note since I couldn't thank him for a gift. We thanked him for being part of our day, and secretly hoped we hadn't somehow lost a card from him! It just seemed out of character for him to not have given anything.

Anyway, I would give her an item, maybe something not on her registry so she won't know the cost. And I think I would keep it affordable considering your expense!!

My sister is in a wedding right now, and since she's the MOH she has to put together the shower. the MOB gave her a list of 120 to invite to the shower....yes...to the shower!!!! My sister, not having experience in this at all, went right along with it. It finally dawned on her how much this could cost when she spent over $100 on the invitations alone...with postage and buying the invitations. Even if she spends jsut $10 a person on food, which is cheap, she could shell out $1000 on the shower. One other bridesmaid can't help wtih it at all...thankfully the future MIL has indicated that she wants to be involved...so hopefully that means kicking in some cash.

 

Just hearing people suggest that the value of your gift should be equal to the cost of having you at the wedding makes me really angry!

If one couple is wealthy and chooses to have a very fancy, very expensive wedding, then I should have to buy them an expensive gift?

And if another couple is very tight on money and has a reception at home with juice and hoodsie cups then they get a cheap gift?

That seems almost exactly backwards to me!

I always try to pick out a gift that I think my friend/relative will actually like, regardless of cost (within reason). I do frequently fall back on registries, although I hate the idea of them (I feel cheap if my gift is one place setting, even if that one place setting costs $100!)

I always worry about the marriages of the people who think it's all about the wedding.

-Rachel

 

I have a 3T/4T outfit you can have if you think it would fit Jake. It's got knickers, a white shirt, bow tie and suspenders. It's been tailored to a 3T but it looks like she didn't do any cutting so it could be let back out to a 4T.

 

Oh thanks for your kind offer! We got his clothes squared away (my sister was being very specific about colors, etc). At any rate, my poor peanut is more like 18-24 months