Does DH help at night?

Your future DH needs to step it up and stop being a close-minded/hearted person IMHO.

In the begining, we took shifts [cause the girls woke up 3-4 times every night [each!] so we'd at least get a 3 hr stretch of sleep at a time. And they wouldn't always wake up together. I wouldn't wake them up - just wait for them to do it on their own. For nights where he was too tired to wake up with them, DH would come home after work and let me take a nap.

Now, [for the past 2 months] I wake up with the girls all the time - unless they BOTH wake up, then he gets up and helps.

 

Your fiance needs a reality check. SAHM does NOT equal single parent. When he is at work, you stay home with the babies and be their mother. When he's home, he has equal responsibility.
My husband has helped since day one, especially at night. Nights are hard, no two ways about it, and you need all the help you can get. No one should be expected to take care of 2 babies by themselves, 24/7, especially when there is another parent who should be pulling his weight. They are his babies too, helping is not optional.

When we were getting up at night, one of us would change both babies, while the other person made the bottles (I was pumping so different situation). We would then put each baby on a boppy, and feed them at the same time. When we were done, he would put the babies back into their crib, and put the bottles in the sink for the morning.

With regards to breastfeeding, agree with you completely about not changing them at the same time unless you are going to feed them at the same time. Why can't your fiance give the bottle to the baby who gets less milk? That would let you get some sleep a little sooner. At night, the main idea for us was always to be as efficient as possible, and to get the babies changed, fed, and back to sleep as fast as possible. That means you have to work as a team.

Your fiance needs to make some sacrifices himself. He's a Dad, not a sperm donor.

 

My DH did get up at night yes (mine are older). You both work during the day u as a SAHM him at whatever he does, howcome u are the only one who is expected to get no sleep. Think its time to have a talk, hopefully he comes around soon. Hugs to you.

 

DH got up every night that he was home (he did travel for work) with the boys until they started sleeping longer stretches and I could handle it on my own. I couldnt imagine not having him help me as I did it all by myself when he wasnt home. When they were young, we each took a baby at night and we were responsible for "that baby" all night no matter what. Sometimes we would get lucky and one or the other would skip a feeding. Yippee!! GL with your decision.

 

Thank you all again.
I really hope that he takes the time to actually read this, I suspect that he'll just skim over it though. Things are really going to have to change though. I'm not going to be able to do this while feling like a second class citizen in my own home because I "don't work."

 

Not that I think it is right, but on the week nights it is all mama and daddy snores the night away..In the beginning I even slept in the living room with them I am going back to work on just weekends so it will be his turn to see how it is on your own not that it is the same because they sttn now as far as doing the changing and stuff for my boys it is not the same because mine have always been bottle fed, but I do everything for them at the same time it just makes life easier on me. On you fiances days off he better help mine does I'd kill him if he didn't!

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'd like to ask your fiancee what planet he lives on. He is being VERY selfish if he expects you to do EVERYTHING! I can only imagine he wants the best mom possible for his children and the best mom possible is not one who has to shoulder EVERY single responsiblity! My DH has been an equal player WITH me from the getgo. He sometimes needs a nudge or two to get out of bed, but he will always help out, whether it's to change a diaper, feed, whatever. We will both go into the nursery every night before we go to bed to change the babies' diapers and just stare and marvel at them and look at each other and smile.

I enjoy them SO much more because my husband loves being there to help out. Sure there are times he comes home and needs to unwind before handling a baby and I totally get it...but when I need to shower or actually eat my dinner with two hands instead of shoveling food down my mouth which is what I have to do during the day...he helps me with them so I can relax a bit.

I truly hope your fiancee reads this and is willing to work WITH you. Everyone has a way of handling things to make their life work, but what I have learned with twins is that when both parents help each other, they enjoiy their babies more. And I believe it's brought DH and I even closer (even after 10 years together)!!

 

We agreed long ago that my job was to take care of the babies at night; his was to make sure I got rest during the day to compensate. Besides the fact that I breastfeed for a year, it just plain doesn't make sense to have two cranky, over-tired parents.

On the other hand, DH is always available when there's something urgent, like someone has thrown up. And he pulls his full share during the day, sometimes more than a full share.

As to taking care of the babies, just deal with whatever needs present themselves as they come. For the first few months, if one would wake up, I'd wake the other and tandem nurse them. Usually, unless they have really sensitive skin or are poopy, they shouldn't need to be changed at night. Wet diapers can wait.