Do you think 16 month olds understand NO?

I know my babies hear me say no, they laugh and do it again and again and again or say no themselves and keep doing it.

I dont think they fully understand no, or time out, or that they are hurting each other by pulling each others hair, etc.

their daddy seems to think that they do understand and its a constant argument. i dont think they do things over and over again on purpose, or knowing they are doing wrong, i think they do it out of getting attention, or its fun, etc.

what are your thoughts? when do you think they understand?
?

 

Mine understood definitely. Doesn't mean they obeyed but they knew what was expected.

 

I think they kind of understand what it means, but they definitely don't comprehend that it means they're supposed to do (or not do) something when you say it. ardon: Until my guys were over 2 years old, they responded *much* better to positive commands ("sit on your bottom", "put the dog food back in the bowl") than to telling them "no".

 

Oh yes! They understand completely! I am watching an eight month old, and when I said "NO!" to her when she got to the fireplace, she stopped and looked right at me. She knew! And everytime she did it and I said no, she stopped.

As for TO's I don't think they get that, but redirection redirection and more redirection should hopefully help! Good luck!

 

My girls appear to understand. They definitely don't always listen, but they seem to get it.

 

[quote name='Nate and Jack's Mom' date='09 August 2011 - 04:41 PM' timestamp='1312904499' post='1809698']
I think they kind of understand what it means, but they definitely don't comprehend that it means they're supposed to do (or not do) something when you say it. ardon: Until my guys were over 2 years old, they responded *much* better to positive commands ("sit on your bottom", "put the dog food back in the bowl") than to telling them "no".
[/quote]
This.
I think they know that "no" means something is happening that you're not happy with, but they may not know what you want them to do about it. In addition to the positive commands, we also used "stop" instead of "no" -- but we tried to reserve it only for those times when you literally want them to freeze (like when they're about to break something or walk into the street).

It can be challenging trying to instantly think of a positive command, but (IMO) it works a lot better.

Toddlers also have very poor impulse control. It doesn't necessarily mean they're misbehaving on purpose (in the sense of trying to be "bad" or to make you mad) -- they could be standing there thinking, "Mommy doesn't want me to eat dog food," but they just can't help doing it. Imagine if you were holding a chocolate chip cookie (or your vice of choice) in your hand and thinking, "I shouldn't eat this" -- they're like that, only more so.

 

I also think they can understand but don't always listen for the reasons people mentioned above. On top of all of that, I also think that toddlers are very in the moment. They repeat behaviours not to misbehave but because they don't compute that because you said no last time, that applies to all times, you know?

 

Like the others, I know my boys understand "no", but chose not to listen much of the time. I hope it gets better soon, because some days it drives me crazy. I do think it helps when I can tell them what TO do rather than what NOT to do ("sit on your bottom" as opposed to "don't jump on the couch"). I've heard people say that toddlers don't hear the "don't" when we say stuff like "don't hit your brother" and respond better to things like "be nice to your brother". It seems to be true for us.

 

I agree with Valerie and Alden. At that age they might understand "no" up to a point 'If Mommy says no I should stop moving' (a common response to no for a young toddler is to look round at you, but not actually modify their behaviour) but they can't process it as far as 'Mommy said no when I did this last time so that means I'm not allowed to do it again' or even 'Mommy said no so I should completely stop this thing and go and do something else'.
Also toddlers love cause and effect. If you were to make a funny sound when they touched your nose they would want to touch it over and over to hear the noise. They are also busy figuring out the rules to how everything works, they want to do things over and over to check if the reaction is the same every time. I think a lot of that can play into their response to being told no; 'when I hit the TV Mommy said no and pulled me away, that was fun I wonder if it would happen again?'
Also, as was pointed out, they have terrible impulse control. Even once they do get to the stage of understanding that you saying no means you want them not to do something it doesn't mean they have the self-control for that knowledge to override their desire.
I think most children are closer to (if not over) two before they really 'get' being told no. As for empathising with others (understanding that pulling their sister's hair will hurt her) you are looking at more like three.
Positive instructions really are a huge help in getting them to co-operate. I do my best to give a positive instruction whenever I can, it does take more effort but it's worth it.

 

I'm sure my boys understand, but that doesn't always mean they stop what they're doing. We try not to overuse it and do a lot of redirection instead. One of the main things they are told "no" on lately is climbing on the fireplace. It's a gas fireplace so it isn't dirty (and never on) but there is a metal door like a vent that they've opened that has the ignition and some sharp edges and cords that they could potentially get to. So they get a lot of "No" when trying to climb and pull up on the fireplace screen. I'd say 75% of the time they do stop when they hear it. We try to say it in a pretty stern voice to get their attention. The rest of the time we have to physically move them away and place them somewhere else with a toy instead.

 

Yes! The cookie analagy is great!


I think mine understand no, but dont necessarily know what to do about it. We havent tried TO yet, more redirection, or sympathy in the case of biting. EG "Poor sissa, bting hurt sissa, give her a cuddle".

 

When I say no, I try to explain what is not allowed (i.e., "No touch the whatever"). I find this helps them to understand "no" better.

 

Yes! When I was in private practice I told parents that kids this age can't think abstractly, so if it's wrong in the kitchen they may remember that but then want to test if it's wrong in the bedroom too. If it's wrong with mommy, they don't immediately process that it is also wrong with daddy. As pp have said, if you just say "no" they may not figure out exactly what you are telling them not to do. The way I handled it at that age was to physically remove them from what they were doing (climbing, hitting, pulling hair), tell them "we don't climb/hit/pull hair" etc, and then redirect them into a new activity. I reserved the loud "NO" for a time when I needed to immediately stop them from doing something that would hurt them, like messing with an electrical cord.

It is also very normal for children this age to test their boundaries. Many times when they look at you and then do it anyway, they are testing to see if it will still be wrong. So, as frustrating as it is, the most important thing is to be consistent and for you and your husband to be on the same page as far as discipline. As far as time outs go, I think this age is fine for a short time out, but mostly to calm the emotions down in the case of hitting, biting, etc. I actually had to take my son and sit him in my lap, not facing me, and hold him still for him to redirect and stop trying to maul his sister. Once they got to be about 20 months, they started to understand time outs a little better and I was able to put them in the corner and tell them to stay there for the allotted 1 minute. By 21-22 months, I could say "go to the corner" and they would do it.

I would say that they definitely don't understand yet that the hair pulling, etc is hurtful. They just know it makes mommy/sissy upset. It is your job as parents to teach that empathy and tell them that it hurts. At 2 I can tell my son to tell his sister sorry and he will go over to her and hug and kiss her. They will also recognize "X-man sad" or "Zoe sad" but still lack the self control to stop before they do it!

My experience at this age is that they understand more than they let on, so it never hurts to use words to explain things and teach them things, they just need lots of repetition for it to sink in!

 

mine understand it, but don't always follow it - - particularly when they are in a pattern of doing something obnoxious (e.g. shaking milk on the ground). I start with no, but quickly move to redirection or distraction.

 

I watch YOuTube videos of my boys at 8 and 9 months and they understood everything even when I told them what to do! It's crazy!