Do you regret doing or not doing CIO? Will we?

I’m just visiting from the First Years’ board, seeking your experienced opinion

I’ve been dithering about doing CIO for the past 2 months (I’ve read Weissbluth and Mindell cover-to-cover and have ordered Ferber too … I've also read The Baby Whisperer, Gina Ford and Sears - I'm just too tired to make sense of any of them ). The girls go down great for naps (mostly) with me sitting in the room shushing them and putting a hand on their backs. At night they fall asleep whilst I breastfeed them.

The problem is that, during the night, they’re nursing 3 times each (10 ish, 1 ish and 4 ish). Often they also wake at other times and I have to ease them back to sleep. And then they wake at 5 am most mornings. I am very tired. However I’m still not sure I can / want to / or should do CIO.

If you did / did not do CIO with your little ones, do you now regret your decision? (eg that you didn’t do CIO when they were younger and had to do it later or that you did CIO but it made things worse ….). I guess I’m asking if we’ll regret our decision to do it or not?

Many thanks for your expertise.
Lisa

 

I’m just visiting from the First Years’ board, seeking your experienced opinion

I’ve been dithering about doing CIO for the past 2 months (I’ve read Weissbluth and Mindell cover-to-cover and have ordered Ferber too … I've also read The Baby Whisperer, Gina Ford and Sears - I'm just too tired to make sense of any of them ). The girls go down great for naps (mostly) with me sitting in the room shushing them and putting a hand on their backs. At night they fall asleep whilst I breastfeed them.

The problem is that, during the night, they’re nursing 3 times each (10 ish, 1 ish and 4 ish). Often they also wake at other times and I have to ease them back to sleep. And then they wake at 5 am most mornings. I am very tired. However I’m still not sure I can / want to / or should do CIO.

If you did / did not do CIO with your little ones, do you now regret your decision? (eg that you didn’t do CIO when they were younger and had to do it later or that you did CIO but it made things worse ….). I guess I’m asking if we’ll regret our decision to do it or not?

Many thanks for your expertise.
Lisa

 

For us we did CIO and we followed HSHHC to make sense of sleep in our girls. We began CIO pretty early on so they would learn to self soothe as soon as possible.
I think the hardest part is to listen to it and get through the first couple of days of it. As soon as they learn that you aren't coming, they stop. It seems to get shorter each day from the parents I have heard that use CIO.
Since we use CIO, we have been able to implement it throughout the years when needed. Like when they are 2 and want you to stay but enough is enough. Or after a vacation where their sleep schedule gets warped and they need to learn to nap again, etc. It usually takes us 2 days max to get back on track and the crying is so minimal.
If they were not hungry, thirsty or wet, we knew they were fine. Some of the CIO is personality with your kid. So we know when they are just crying to cry or have you near by.
We felt at the time that CIO gives you the quickest result and more sleep for you. I didn't feel selfish at all as I knew the kids were learning themselves.
See if you can do it for 2 days. See how it goes. For us, it really made the difference.
I know each one of us is different and for some parents CIO is an easy choice and for others it is not acceptable. I think whatever works for you is what is going to work and you have to be happy about your decisions. But why not give it a try. You seem to be open to it and interested in how to get results. Remember, you are not hurting your babies at all. They just are learning to figure out sleeping and comforting themselves by themselves.
Good luck to you. I hope you get some good advice from your post.

 

We did modified CIO. We started by letting them cry 5 min, then I would go in an reassure them, then 10 min, and then 15 min. Usually they fell asleep during the 10 min cycle. Of course I never rocked or soothed them to sleep at any age, so that might of made it easier. I don't regret it and I'm glad I did it when they were younger as opposed to having waited till they are toddlers. We now have 2 great sleepers who go down for naps and bedtime with little or no fuss.

 

I won't say I regret not doing CIO BUT I have two terrible sleepers on my hands who have always been that way. Should I have done CIO maybe just couldn't do it.

They wake up now a few times a night and we have always sat/lay with them while they go to sleep, so we have to also do this in the middle of the night, if we try to leave all **** breaks loose!!!

So just letting u know my story!!



amanda (jorja and jessica 3 1/2)

 

We did modified CIO with DD at about 10 months. DS has slept thru since about 6 months. It took all of three nights and now they both sleep from 7pm to 7:30 am without a peep. (unless of teething or sick issues) I've always kept them in their beds. They've never slept with us and I only rocked them when they were very young. They don't fuss when it's time to go to bed or take a nap. We travel a lot since we are military and family is so far away. We keep to the sleep and nap schedule while away and they do beautifully. IMO, teaching them good sleep habits early is one of the best things you can do for them and it lasts a lifetime. It also helps you get rest, KWIM? Good luck.

Angela

 

We started letting them CIO at 7 months, which would be 5 adjusted. They were sleeping through in a matter of a few days. I don't regret it one single bit. i'd do it all over again.

 

Just wanted to add that we follow the HSHHC for the most part.

 

NO, I don't regret it! I don't regret that we put our kids down at naps and bed and they either chat and play a little bit and go to sleep or just go to sleep. There's very little crying and fussing at bedtimes.

I might be lucky to have good sleepers and didn't have to do a LOT of CIO to get them to sleep. I had to do it most for naps and when they awoke at 5:30 a.m.....I would let them go till at least 6:30. It raises your blood pressure temporarily, but gets better!! I used a pillow and folded it over my ears and usually we all fell back to sleep.

 

Never regretted in, only regret that I didn't do it sooner. sleep is a habit you have to teach them and it is very important for their developement. It is also important for you! HOpe that helps.

 

Yes.. I regretted it when I tried it at around 8 months. My son took ok to it, but my daughter was traumatized by it. I saw fear in her eyes everytime I put her in her crib, and then she got sick, so I went back to co-sleeping (and a lot of nursing) I tried again to get her into her crib when she was about 11 months and it went much better, but I still nurse both them a couple times a night. Sometimes if they are teething I end up nursing even more.

I still consider doing CIO, but I guess what I regret is pushing it so early, when I saw she was clearly not ready.

 

I listened to the girls here on the boards and did modified CIO. I am glad we did it. My boys are good sleepers and sleep from 7pm till 7 or 8 am. I remember getting encouragement from Dfaut and it worked for us good luck.

 

Finally did it at 9.5 months! Don't regret doing it -- it was great to finally get some sleep and the boys were like different kids once they were getting a good nights rest. I started w/night time and then did it for naps about a week later. I do regret not doing it sooner!

Ethan didn't fuss for long when we started. Jackson cried like crazy but if I would go in and try to calm him and then leave again, he got worked up even more. So...I couldn't go in unless I knew he was sick or to make sure he wasn't stuck or anything.

Very hard decision for me to make though...

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Mendy

 

I do not regret it for a minute. We did it at five months and tooka hte pacis away at that time as well. It was one of the best parenting choices we have made so far.

 

I don't regret it but it was one of the hardest things I had to do as a mom. I had a horrible sleeper who is now a great sleeper. I believe I did it around 8 months or so. I had to re-do it one time around 11 months. Since then he has been a great sleeper and I believe it was good for him.

 

We did Ferber's method on all 3 of our children and they all slept thru by 13 weeks (by slept thru I mean at least 8 hours) and are all good sleepers still. It's hard at first, but they won't remember. I know some people think it is mean, but for us it worked like a charm. Good luck!

 

Well I am sorry that your still nursing so much at night! That is so tough. I went through that, with one only, and he co-slept/snacked all night for 1 year, 2months.

When I moved him out of my bed, we did CIO for 1 or 2 nights-that was it. He did awesome.

I was in your EXACT shoes, nursing too much/all night, exhausted and was afraid of CIO. So much so, I almost quit nursing.

I have not read any posts before writing this, so if it is redundant, I apologize!

Here is the only thing I can really say about CIO. If your going to do it-you MUST stick it out. Make sure you and DH are really really ready. I think it is cruel to do it "half way", KWIM?

Good luck with your decision!

 

quote:
IMO, teaching them good sleep habits early is one of the best things you can do for them and it lasts a lifetime. It also helps you get rest, KWIM?


Ditto!

 

Oh, I know your feelings. To cry or not to cry.

We did CIO because we were exhausted. We did it at 6 months b/c DH and I were weary. and truly I didnt know how tired I was until i started getting a lot of sleep again. That's when I began to really feel like superwoman --when I had sleep.

I don't regret doing CIO. it was very hard to let them cry. But I read Ferber and followed it. DH also read the book and he helped me stay consistent. The girls were night weaned from BF in 3-4 days and were sleeping thru in another 2-3 days. They started sleeping 11hrs right away. also took away the paci's and that was a wonderful decision too. the paci's were keeping them awake too.

I learned thru CIO what their crying really meant and when NOT to go into them. I was rushing in to their room too quickly and causing more of a disturbance. I set a timer when I put them to bed. and counted to myself in the middle of the night.

Even after they started sleeping thru I continued nursing every 3 hrs during the DAY until they were 13 months. then I began to wean them. I completely weaned at 16.5 months

 

I did CIO and I don't regret it at all. It was tough and I wish we didn't have to do it, but in both cases it was the only thing that worked long term. With Ainsley, I did it initially at 9 months, but I have to "redo" it every few months it seems if we get thrown off somehow. Sometimes I end up holding her to sleep due to illness or teething, or schedule gets thrown, so I have to let her CIO again. It only took two days to redo the couple times it's happened. With Bea, we did it at 5 months because nothing would soothe her to sleep anymore. Haven't had to do it again for her. They are both pretty good sleepers.

 

quote:
Originally posted by FirstTimeMom814:
We did modified CIO. We started by letting them cry 5 min, then I would go in an reassure them, then 10 min, and then 15 min. Usually they fell asleep during the 10 min cycle. Of course I never rocked or soothed them to sleep at any age, so that might of made it easier. I don't regret it and I'm glad I did it when they were younger as opposed to having waited till they are toddlers. We now have 2 great sleepers who go down for naps and bedtime with little or no fuss.


I totally agree with Trish. This is what we did as well and also have great sleepers. Good luck.

 

With my oldest dd I always rocked her to sleep and eventually that became kind of a pain to have to do that because it could take a long time for her to fall asleep. So when she was about a year old I started doing CIO. The first day she fussed for about 20 min, the next 10 and then nothing. She was a great sleeper after that, went down with no problems. With Ash & Alicia they were born good sleepers, I had to set alarms to wake me up for their nightly feedings. We usually always put them to bed when they were drowsy but definately not yet asleep. As they got older we sometimes had to let them fuss a bit, but not often. They are still awesome sleepers. I wouldn't recommend doing CIO with a newborn, but after six months or so I think having them fuss a bit is fine. I think in the end it makes for a happier child and parent because everybody is getting the sleep they need. I do not think it is ok to let them scream bloody murder or cry for a long period of time though, just 5-10 min at a time.

 

We ultimately did CIO with Clarissa at 21 months, and I think it was the right time. We didn't generally have problems with night waking, just with getting her to sleep in the first place (nap and bedtime). We had tried a few times before, but she would scream until she vomited every single time and after a few days we would give up.

I had people telling me I had to do it, and I felt that no, I don't have to if I don't think it's good for her.

When I finally felt that she was ready, it went very smoothly. We did complete cold turkey put her to bed and don't go back in until morning. It only took a few nights, and now she's really easy to put to bed.

With Elliot I had issues with night wakings for bottles, and at about 9 months or so we dealt with that by gradually reducing the amount of milk I gave him, and also gradually watering it down until he was just getting a bottle of water. After a few nights of that I guess he decided it wasn't worth getting up for. Not sure if there's some equivalent that can be done with breastfeeding . . .

Best of luck!

-Rachel

 

I regret very much that I tired it with my first son. One night he got so upset and traumatized, he vomited all aover the place. When I looked in his eyes I thought "WTF are you doing to your baby"
As CIO may work for many, I believe you should NEVER let a baby cry. I'd reather rock, get up and hold my babies instead making them feel so bad.
As far as Ferber, he's an IDIOT!! I hate his book and would burn all the copies if I could.
There's an American study showing that these kids maintain this tension, and that CIO "changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma." article
There's a British study showing that lengthy periods of crying can cause brain damageHERE

Before all the mommies jump on me, please remember, this is just MY opinion and I think I am entitled to have one

But whatever you decide, I wish you best luck! Hang in there!

EDITED to add: My boys are wonderful sleepers now. They learned to sleep on their own without CIO. I think we do CIO for our own convieniece when we're tired and just worn out. They will learn to sleep regardless!

 

I think the issue here is people either misunderstand the Ferber method, try it too early or ignore the wrong type of cry.

I DON'T regret CIO. BUT they weren't screaming during the time, they were crying. We let them cry for 5 min and went in, then 10 and went in and the plan was to go back after 15.... they never made it that far and only went to 10 min 2 nites in a row. They are AWESOME sleepers. the sleep anywhere and their sched isn't disrupted by travel or using PNP. I think they are just good sleepers but I think they LEARNED to soothe themselves rather than rely on us to do it for them.

I don't think you can be totally rigid in any method you know your kids and know whether it will work for you or not.

 

We never did CIO and don't regret it for a second. I am very pleased with my girls.

 

quote:
There's an American study showing that these kids maintain this tension, and that CIO "changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma." article
There's a British study showing that lengthy periods of crying can cause brain damage


I don't think anyone here has said that they let their babies cry for lengthly periods of time. Every post I read said that it took a matter of a few days and only lasted a few minutes each time. I could see where there may be issues if you NEVER attended to a crying baby. As far as the study you posted, I would challenge that just like you disagree with the Ferber method, others could argue this point as well. It indicated in the article that further study needed to be done and that it was an interesting approach. That doesn't make it complete fact or truth in all accounts. Anyone can do a study. What you describe sounds like abuse (and in that case I would agree with you), not the CIO that I think people are referring to here. Interesting articles though. Thanks for posting them.

Angela

 

Thank you all so much for your responses. Although I'm not sure that our decision has been made any easier, we will certainly be making an informed choice after reading your posts. They make for fascinating reading - I think the strongest message was that you each did what you felt best suited your individual child in your individual circumstances. And that this, generally, has worked for you.

I suspect, based on what you've written, we may take a different approach with each of our daughters - something I hadn't anticipated.

The possibility that, one day in the future, there'll be sleep again in my life seems wonderful!

Thank you again
lisa

 

Are they "really" hungry? Or are they just not able to soothe themselves? That is the question you need to figure out. We used HSHHC, it works wonderfully. Our girls were eating solids a little by 8 months, so I knew they were not hungry. If they woke up during the night, they truely needed us. We started HSHHC at around 5 or 6 months old, it worked after the third night, we started on Wed & by Fri they were sleeping 12 or 13 hours a night! I highly recommend this book. I feel that mothers feel guilty for not going to the baby & this is not a good thing to do at 8 months old. Could you possibly modify all of the knowledge you have gained from the books & try that? I guess I take for granted the fact that I have 2 wonderful sleepers, who at almost 2, ASK ME to go "nite-nite" when they are tired. We kept a record of sleep & eating habits so we could track hunger & such, it helps seeing it on paper. I know you will feel guilty at first but after they are feeling so refreshed from sleeping well, you'll be glad you did it. We have no regrets here!

 

quote:
Originally posted by ads:
quote:
There's an American study showing that these kids maintain this tension, and that CIO "changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma." article
There's a British study showing that lengthy periods of crying can cause brain damage


I don't think anyone here has said that they let their babies cry for lengthly periods of time. Every post I read said that it took a matter of a few days and only lasted a few minutes each time. I could see where there may be issues if you NEVER attended to a crying baby. As far as the study you posted, I would challenge that just like you disagree with the Ferber method, others could argue this point as well. It indicated in the article that further study needed to be done and that it was an interesting approach. That doesn't make it complete fact or truth in all accounts. Anyone can do a study. What you describe sounds like abuse (and in that case I would agree with you), not the CIO that I think people are referring to here. Interesting articles though. Thanks for posting them.

Angela

I'd love to comment but decided to let it go.

 

I don't regret it at all. I wasn't the perfect model for cio, but we did use it and we are happy, and sleeping well. We rarely, very rarely have an issue. The twins will be two next month.

 

Everyone that has posted that has used CIO, it seems like it has gone very well. Like less than an hour of crying the first night and downhill from there. That sounds like pretty good sleepers genetically to me. I'd love to hear stories of people that used it, and had resistant babies (like I do).. then maybe I'd have the courage to do it.

 

Hello! We did CIO at 16 months old. I waited that long because I wanted to be absolutely 100% certain that they were getting all their calories during the day, and didn't need the nighttime bottle. Even knowing that, it was still hard to hear them crying at night (We did a modified Ferber 5 min, 10min, 15 min and ever 15 until they passed out, going in hugging, comforting, even picking them up, but not leaving the dark nursery). I would never had been able to do it sooner-- I would constantly wonder if I was neglecting my genuinely hunger children.

That said, I do not regret doing it our way at 16 months. At 8 months they were still eating 2-3 times at night. Even at 16 months they were getting a bottle before bed. I'm not sure when we switched from bottles to sippy cups... it was such an easy transition.

Honestly, althought this is a little OT, we've done everything "late", whenever the boys were ready, and its all been easy. The 2-to-1 nap transition, bottle to cup transition, CIO only lasted a few days, and so on.

 

I've allready replied, but I didn't say this. You should only do what your comfortable doing. This stuff only really works if you are ready too. It worked for us. My first daughter took the longest, but I was the most unsure then as well. Our kids grow up and survive our parenting tricks despite us. Best luck.

 

We did it in limited doses from time to time as needed, and no, I don't regret it at all. We also always had them sleep in their own room and laid them down awake but relaxed. That was DH's idea, and it is the greatest advice ever! All three boys slept through at 7 weeks (adjusted for H&B) and have been champion nappers and sleepers.