Disgruntled Dad Here

QUOTE(spiveyplustwins @ Nov 6 2008, 10:48 AM) [snapback]1059052[/snapback]
I have to respectfully disagree with you on this. I feel that it is his place to "control" what site she goes on. He is the leader of his home and he is responsible and will give an account for his wife and children. If he feels that this website is taking priority over the care for his children, then it is his responsibility as the head of his household to take action.

Do I think he should block it without her knowledge? Of course not - but I do feel that it is his place to do something about it. My advice, along with the others, would be to talk with her and let her know of your intentions before doing it.



:blink: Oh my goodness- I should hope that women have come further that to think that... I think it is ridiculous that you (the husband) put such a post on here. You shouldn't be talking to us, you should be talking to her. But remember, it is her choice you can NOT control your wife and still be a decent human being.

 

While I agree with the general sentiment that just blocking the site is a bad idea, and likely to create conflict, I can relate in a small way to the frustration. During our pregnancy there were a few times when I ‘found out’ about a concern my wife was having on Twinstuff rather than from her directly. And it does feel a bit hurtful to have your spouse appear to give more priority to an online community than to the nuclear family.

Ultimately I don’t have any advice that hasn’t already been given… talk to her. She may not realize that you’re worried about it.

 

QUOTE(spiveyplustwins @ Nov 6 2008, 11:48 AM) [snapback]1059052[/snapback]
I have to respectfully disagree with you on this. I feel that it is his place to "control" what site she goes on. He is the leader of his home and he is responsible and will give an account for his wife and children. If he feels that this website is taking priority over the care for his children, then it is his responsibility as the head of his household to take action.

holy misogyny, batman.

let me introduce you to the 21st century. have a look around, you might like it here.

 

Has anyone noticed that "he" has not come back to post?

Also, the leader comment again is coming from a faith based perspective. While I agree with this (somewhat) I think the comment should only be voiced when the audience is of the same belief. Otherwise, you are going to open a bunch of cans of worms (like above!)

 

I am really thinking he was joking. We are all addicts. I even got my hubby addicted to reading TS. I took his post as a totally sarcastic post. Hopefully he'll come back on and tell us.

 

If you ever want to have sex with your wife again - I would not block TS. That is just mean!
If my husband blocked the site he would never get any again.

She probably uses it as a mental break. We probably all do this at some point in the day. Even 10 minutes while the boys are playing nicely can really help. I never get out of the house and the internet is my "lifeline" to the world.

And yeah - the man being the "head" of the household - not in any house I have ever known.

 

LOL! I had to ask my husband if he was Disgruntled Dad. He said, "You're not an addict....yet!" I beg to differ I just wanted to make sure it wasn't him LOL!

 

I am now very glad I am the only computer savy partner in my marriage at least your not my husband . Look Im sure its not as bad as you think unless you are joking! What would she have to post about if she was neglecting your children? Im sorry but you have hit a nerve a bit with me I am on here every day usually as I sit down to a hurried lunch whenever I get time and then in the evening when my kids are asleep and my DH is fast asleep on the lounge if not for this wonderful site my company tonight would be my DHs snoring. Give her the respect she deserves as many wise posts have said and discuss this with her. Good luck!

 

QUOTE(aandja79 @ Nov 6 2008, 02:38 PM) [snapback]1059564[/snapback]
"I feel that it is his place to "control" what site she goes on. He is the leader of his home and he is responsible and will give an account for his wife and children. If he feels that this website is taking priority over the care for his children, then it is his responsibility as the head of his household to take action."

Oooh. Wow, ok, I'm glad we don't play by that rule in this house. We prefer to work as a team, although each of us has areas we do better in and so take lead. Thats not control. Control is a very strong word, and I firmly believe that no individual (especially not in a relationship) has the right to control, or exert their will, on another person. Everyone has free will. That said, now back to the question.


Wow! I have to say that I totally did not expect that there would be so much response from my message! First of all, let me clarify ONE tiny thing. I was using the word "Control" in quotations, quoting from another person. I did not mean it to say that he should control his wife. However, like I said earlier, I do believe that he is the head of his household.

Yes, this is coming from a faith based percpective - in our house we believe that my husband is the leader of our home. That he will be ultimately responsible for our family. Do I believe that he "runs the show"? Not at all - we work as a team, but when it comes down to it - he has the ultimate say in things. He is very good at listening to my point of view or my opinions and desires! We operate as one. I do not believe that marriage is 50-50 - I believe it is 100-100. We should both put in all of ourselves!

I understand that this isn't how most of you feel and that is fine It works in our household, and I must say I am pretty proud of my husband!

 

I don't agree with just blocking out the site. You really need to talk to her and maybe just find a way to limit her time.

 

It sounds like there might be a lot more going on here than just twinstuff. I would ask yourself a few questions to try to get to the root of the problem, especially since you said you've noticed a change in her behavior.

Is your wife depressed? Are there other signs of her withdrawing? Is she getting enough rest?

Are you sharing in the household duties so that she isn't overwhelmed--laundry/diapers/nighttimes/feedings/clean-up?

How is your relationship? Are you making sure that she has the opportunities to talk with you, share the ups and downs of her day with you? Can you leave the kids, or take them with if they're young enough, and go out for coffee or some place where you can chat?

Does she have a "real life" network that she can turn to for support? Friends? Family? A local twin group?

To me, even from the little you wrote about the situation, it sounds like your wife is looking for connections and support. I know my DH would not cut off a supportive network like twinstuff. If there's a problem, maybe you can talk together about limits, but especially if your wife isn't feeling like she has the support she needs, cutting off twinstuff might even cause a downward spiral that could make things worse, especially if there's an underlying problem going on here, like depression.

 

Seriously - I think this is a troll trying to get a response out of people.

 

Hey Disgruntled Dad... where are you???

 

QUOTE(bkpjlp @ Nov 7 2008, 02:30 PM) [snapback]1060932[/snapback]
Seriously - I think this is a troll trying to get a response out of people.

most definitely.

 

QUOTE
"I feel that it is his place to "control" what site she goes on. He is the leader of his home and he is responsible and will give an account for his wife and children. If he feels that this website is taking priority over the care for his children, then it is his responsibility as the head of his household to take action."

This smacks of religion and we all have the right to be diverse there...
I'm not religious but have been entensively exposed to my in laws who are Witnesses. This sounds like it came directly from the NWE play book. Being a Worldly Girl; I may not agree with it but it is their view as a religion. I respect her view based on that and hope others do as well.
The poster didn't mean anything else by it, I'm sure.

 

I think we should realize that this poster has not returned back and leave the topic alone.

 

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I am not a troll. I asked a genuine question. The purpose of my post was to seek advice and not to engage in an ongoing dialogue. 85% of you said I should just talk to her again. Thank you. Consider this topic closed