Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by igotboys, Sep 17, 2017.

  1. igotboys

    igotboys Member

    So what's on everyone's thoughts about punishment? Spankings? When I me spankings I mean a slight SWAT across the rear or top of the hand if they're reaching for an electrical outlet I'm in no way shape or form condoning beating the child. Bear for all the people that's going to give me hell over this post there's the disclaimer. What about time out? How long for what? Do you have any other corrective things that you do to your children that get good results please share
  2. Ivory

    Ivory Member

    Punishment depends on age. Up until my girls were around four months there was no punishment. But after that my girls got very curious and were scooting everywhere. We try very hard not to say no constantly. They know now that if we say no, to stop and look at us. They are eleven months now.


    We do let them explore quite a bit. So what if they touch the electric socket when nothing is plugged in, nothing on them or in there hand thats going to harm them? They discovered it, touched it, looked at it and moved on. If a big deal is made out of something, they're going to want to play with it. No big deal means no fun.

    If they smack you in the face, they get it done back to Ň•hem VERY, VERY gently. Your look of disappointment hurts enough. You don't like it why would I? If they get told no more than twice (twice because they've proven repeatedly they understand) then they will get a punishment- timeout. Touching something they're not supposed to AFTER being told no, will get a light flick on the back of the hand with redirection to something that they can do.

    NEVER slap/spank the leg of a baby. They just aren't built to take that. Their leg bones crack, and it shows on xrays. Worse: it stains the mind.

    The purpose of punishment is to teach without the student suffering the true consequence. Not "you didn't do what I say so now you suffer." You intercede for nature on behalf of your child. The consequence must be immediate, so the child understands these actions are related.

    For example:
    1. Drop food > natural consequence: food out of reach

    You probably have interfered with this natural consequence. So the baby learns

    2. Screech for parent > unnatural consequence: parent retrieves food

    What a fun game! Instead, try this:

    1. Baby drops food > natural consequence: out of reach > response: return bottle to table, out of reach. No yelling, no anger. It's just a fact: you dropped your food, it is no longer available.

    Another example:
    1. Young explorer successfully pokes something into electric socket > natural consequence: sad people

    Intercede, but don't remove the learning opportunities. The level of punishment doesn't reflect the size of the bullet dodged. It is the easiest way for a young brain to understand.

    2. Baby gets near electrical outlet with pokey things > response: take away pokey thing, tell child, "no." Put down pokey thing. If child tries again, THIS TIME your very very gentle, but surprising flick across knuckled fist and removal of the object will help them understand this is not negotiable. Look at them with a blank face, no suggestion of sorrow, pain, anger, regret. Let your child process that you are not upset, this is just not ok.

    If your baby was trying to put a plug into the socket, hold their hand and do it with them. See? This is boring. Do not punish for mimicking: they are copying the most awesome people they know!

    Time being held should be comforting (hug from Gaia) instead of a giant, impenetrable arm-prison (hug from Juggernaut). If they are not teething, hungry, have a dirty diaper, or hurt (gas? heartburn? brainfreeze? glass shard? pain from lack of anesthetic?), then no you're not going to whine while being held. You will get put down, in the play pen or crib for a 30 second to a minute time out. Timeout gives the chance to reset. Boredom is not an excuse for whining.

    An important thing to remember, if your child is around other children that scream for no reason, yours will think its okay and scream too!
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