DH's friends bachelor party

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Help' started by ExpectingTwins 7-31-07, Apr 11, 2007.

  1. ExpectingTwins 7-31-07

    ExpectingTwins 7-31-07 Well-Known Member

    Last week DH asked me if he could go to his (not such a good influence) friends bachelor party. His friend is getting married to an exstripper. I told him no way! He got angry and told me I cannot tell him what to do and if he wants to go he will go. I told him if he goes I will be gone when he gets home. He says the only reason he will not go is because it is at night and he doesn't want me to stay home at night alone and he would be an hour away. Then he says we will just end up fighting for custody. I was so mad I walked off. I will not let him raise my blood pressure over this stupid stuff. I just don't think a married man or a man in a serious relationship has any business around strippers. I know a couple of girls that used to strip and I just don't agree with some of the things they do. Anyhow, I was in the tub Friday morning and I heard dh talking to his friend and he was asking about the party and if he found any strippers. Then I hear him say "heyyyy" it's a guy thing for something sounds good dealing with a girl. He doesn't know I could hear him and he has not said anything else about it since the first time to me. The wedding is on Sunday April 22nd. So I know if he says he has to work late something is up. DH says I am just insecure and it is a major turn off and if I wanted to go see some male strippers he would give me money to go. I am 24 weeks pregnant with twins for crying out loud and I wouldn't go anyhow. Am I over reacting?
     
  2. Cassie05

    Cassie05 Well-Known Member

    No I dont think you are over-reacting. My dh is not allowed to go see strippers nor would I ever step foot in a place like that. People may think i am a prude but I do not think a married man has any business looking at nearly naked women doing lap-dances while men have sexual ideas of them. To me and my husband we see that type of thing as adultry with your eyes, they may not be actually doing it but they are thinking about it.
     
  3. TwinxesMom

    TwinxesMom Well-Known Member

    This is one of the reason when I tried to get back to together with my STBX it didn't work. He called me and told me he'd gone to a strip club the night before. Hello I'm home taking care of our kids not running around watching half naked people. We as women deserve more than that!
     
  4. witmuch

    witmuch Well-Known Member

    i don't think that you are wrong. i would probably make a comment like, "What? I'm not good enough for you that you would want to go and see another woman naked?" and see if he responds. he shouldn't even be thinking about going out with his bad influencing friend. he should be thinking about you and your babies. i wouldn't blow up on him but i would try to get him to think about what he is doing and let him know that you are very uncomfortable about him going out to see some strippers. ask him what they have to offer him? they are stripping to get money. there are other ways to get money without having to expose your body and apparently these girls think that this is the only way. ask him why he thinks that its ok to go and do this when he knows that you don't like it or feel comfortable with it. talk with him about it and try not to argue.
    i have a husband that doesn't like to talk about himself and he waits until he is plastered to tell me anything so i have to say my piece while he is sober. i am usually the last person people come to for advice and when i am asked for my advice people don't want to listen because what i have to say is logical and they wait and wait until its too late and use my advice last and then too much damage is done.
    just talk to him.
    lots of love!
    meshell
     
  5. stbmomof3

    stbmomof3 Well-Known Member

    Nope - seeing strippers is off limits in our house - for both of us :D

    Although I wouldn't "stop" dh from going, he would have to find another place to live after the party!
     
  6. ExpectingTwins 7-31-07

    ExpectingTwins 7-31-07 Well-Known Member

    The things I asked him was why do you need to look at another woman naked when you can look at me. Then I asked him so how would you feel if men were looking at me naked after I have the babies. His reaposnse was your a mom and not trash. Well, why would you want to go look at trash????? He kept telling me that his ex's would never have told him he could not go and I need to talk to an educated secure woman and she would tell me nothing is wrong with a man having a good time with his friends. He says that guys do it to watch the other guys make fools of themselves. Yeah right was I born yesterday?
     
  7. stbmomof3

    stbmomof3 Well-Known Member

    wow - he is threading in thin ice.

    As for as "educated, secure woman" - I have a bachelors, a masters, and a PhD and NO my dh would still NOT got to a strip club.
     
  8. kimber074

    kimber074 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Cassie05 @ Apr 11 2007, 05:23 PM) [snapback]214919[/snapback]
    To me and my husband we see that type of thing as adultry with your eyes, they may not be actually doing it but they are thinking about it.



    ditto
     
  9. ExpectingTwins 7-31-07

    ExpectingTwins 7-31-07 Well-Known Member

    I am glad to see I am not the only one that feels this way. He claims he doesn't get turned on by the girls so their is nothing wrong with it. :rolleyes: I agree that if your thinking about it you might as well do it because you have already cheated in your heart.
     
  10. Orestia

    Orestia Well-Known Member

    My husband has been to a few strip clubs since we were married. It doesn't bother me, since it's not something he obsesses about or does very often. We've been married about 7 years and I think he's gone to 3 in that time. My only rule is no tipping the strippers. I think I'd be more upset if he had a long meaningful conversation about life with a female co-worker than if he went to watch some perky chick gyrate. That said, I think he should definitely respect your wishes in the matter. It's a shame that his friend couldn't plan a celebration of his wedding in a way that included, rather than excluded people.
     
  11. Cassie05

    Cassie05 Well-Known Member

    Ya know I will never understand why men, well women too, think they need to even go see people dancing naked before they get married, they are not still single, they are still taken and preparing to get married... how is seeing some person shaking it for you part of a celebration??? I just dont get it. I also dont think that not wanting our spouses going to strip clubs is being insecure at all. Its a matter of respect. If you think its wrong and your spouse goes against it, then they dont have respect for you.

    Why dont you ask what he would think if your daughter became a stripper??
     
  12. Kessedi

    Kessedi Well-Known Member

    The party is so fantastic. I'm planning the same
     
  13. lauwss

    lauwss Member

    I think that he could be given complete freedom, and go and have fun on dating sites, as on best online hookup sites. Because I think that this way he will understand how you are offended and maybe it will somehow affect him.
     
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