Can your hubby

I would absolutely DIE without my husbands support. It's funny though because he was the one who actually had to talk me into having more children. What a funny surprise when we found we were having twins. Hence, he is so supportive and so willing to relieve me. I am a SAHM, so I am with them allllll the time. I need my relief. I feel for you and your situation. He really needs to look at them as his children and not some kids he has to babysit. You are a family and everyone has to contribute to the greater whole or it will cause you to feel to much anxiety and that will spill out into other areas of your life. His contribution will greatly benefit him as well. Happy wife happy like LOL :hug99:

 

QUOTE(Jentwinmom @ Jun 5 2008, 03:08 PM) [snapback]812313[/snapback]
I make about double what DH makes and we can not live on just his salary, so I had to go back to work when our twin girls were 4 months old. We decided to hire a nanny part time. Our deal was that the nanny would come on days he is out of town (generally he leaves town Thursday night and returns Monday afternoon), plus one day a week when he is in town so he can have free time (or work on his business - whatever he wants) Well, that is not enough for him. He is telling me now that he can not handle it and he wants the nanny to come EVERY day. I totally understand that watching twin babies is a hard job, considering I do it every weekend and every night by myself. Our nanny was specific when we hired her that she was interested in working 3 days a week. She has been a good nanny so far and I want to keep her. DH is insisting he does not want to have to watch the girls, so I just don't know what to do. When our DS 6 was a baby, he watched him with no problems. I knew 2 would be hard, but I don't know what to do now. I am telling all of you this, to see if any of you have DH that watch twins. Am I being unrealistic to think that 2 days a week he can watch his children while I work? Keep in mind he does not get up with them at night, and he turns them over to me when I get home.

I guess what bothers me is that with his job, he has tons of downtime and gets pampered a lot. He gets to sleep late in a hotel many days and spends the days in a hotel pool, at the mall, and stuff like that. As I am sure most of you ladies can relate, I get to sleep in ZERO and I get ZERO down time, so I guess it just aggrevates me that he can not handle watching the girls just 2 days from 7:50am - 5:10pm. Am I overracting?


If you were a SAHM would u have the option of saying I can't handle it, I don't think so. Too bad he needw to work as part of a team with you.

 

I think it really depends on the person. Theres no way on earth my DH could do my job as a SAHM, he just doesn't have the patience. So far the longest he's been alone with them is an hour. On the flip side he's really good with our 2 yr old. He took him solo from hawaii to cali and texas a few months ago and loved it and did a great job. I know he will be more interested in the twins when they are 1 year old or so. So my advice would be to work it out by maybe hiring another part time nanny if you can afford it and wait till the twins are a little older before asking you DH to stay home with them.

 

QUOTE(Jentwinmom @ Jun 5 2008, 04:08 PM) [snapback]812460[/snapback]
Good thing I love him, otherwise I would kill him.


:rotflmbo: I love this one. I sometimes feel like that about DH.

But to be honest DH does his share and this has allowed me not to go nuts with twin infants and a toddler, and with the two of us working outside the home. About the original post, in our case t's more a question of personality. I don't feel like I'm missing something when I take care of our children. I simply do things because they have to be done, and I don't complain about it. DH, on the other hand, makes me feel that he's being deprived of something: such as relaxing after work (like I don't need to relax myself, we have similar jobs and spend the same amount of time at work), working on his computer, or going out with friends. So I tend to do more than him to make him feel better about it (for example sometimes I will change diapers to both boys and bath the boys alone after the SAME day at work than him). Anyway, I don't feel like a victim for doing this, but it is actually not fair. My point is that they are HIS kids too. So I think you're not exagerating about your expectations with your DH. You can not just ask to enjoy your children without doing your share of the parenting job.

 

My dh can stay with my twins. He frustrates me when he doesn't listen about feeding, sleeping, etc. but they are safe with him and while he isn't me he is their father and need daddy bonding time too. He does travel with work and is gone for weeks at a time, and I'm so glad I'm not a single parent. I guess we pick our battles.

heather

 

QUOTE(marylane @ Jun 7 2008, 12:37 AM) [snapback]814832[/snapback]
:rotflmbo: I love this one. I sometimes feel like that about DH.

(for example sometimes I will change diapers to both boys and bath the boys alone after the SAME day at work than him). Anyway, I don't feel like a victim for doing this, but it is actually not fair. My point is that they are HIS kids too. So I think you're not exagerating about your expectations with your DH. You can not just ask to enjoy your children without doing your share of the parenting job.


Do you mean that sometimes DH actually gives the babies a bath? WOW!!!!!!!! I am not trying to make light of what you said, just being a little sarcastic because DH will not give ours a bath. In their entire life he bathed them once and that was in a hotel room in the sink because he did not want me to put them in the hotel bathtub.

 

My DH is a teacher and he is home during the summer. He takes care of the twins all day for four days a week during the summer. One of those days he also has our 2yo. The other days the 2yo is in daycare so he has "just the twins."

I do get home to bottles/food/mess everywhere, and I have to clean everything up and take care of all the kids and clean the house when I get home after working all day (this is worse when DH is caring for them, rather than a nanny) and make food, but whatever - he does a pretty good job with them, although I think it's easier for him now that they're still rather immobile and he can surf the internet/watch TV all day while he plays with them on the floor.

On the days I have "just the twins" - I consider it a vacation and I get a TON of stuff done around the house - the girls are on a great schedule and nap well, and they are so easy. It's my active 2yo that's hard!

But, in short - he does do it- he considers the money that we save by him doing the childcare (which is a LOT) part of his salary, which is significant! It's his job!

Jenny

 

I am very fortunate, my DH does a great job (most of the time a better one then me) taking care of the babies. He is not afraid to change diapers, give baths, etc. and will help around the house!