bedtime madness- disagreement w/ DH about how to handle it

So, our bedtime put down has been madness lately. They carry on and on, getting out the of beds, turning the light on, etc.. My DH has been putting them to bed because I have a 5 month old DD. After bath, stories, etc.. they still carry on with him for another hour. But, he stays in the room and tells them, "get in your crib", "go to bed" 300 times. Last night he was through the roof because they would not stay in their beds while he was sitting in the chair in the room which he does most every night.

I think that this has become like a game and they just take it as far as they can every night and I think that he needs to do the bedtime routine, stories, etc.. and then tell them that it is bedtime and leave the room. I suggest that he/I stay out of the room but tell them that we are folding laundry, cleaning up the bathroom, etc.. (all right outside their room). and if they are quiet and stay in their cribs, we will be right outside their room working. If they scream and carry on, we are going to have to go downstairs. I did this one night and it worked pretty well and then I did this last night after he gave up in their room and it did not work at all. But, if we stick with it, they will get the idea.

I mean, I would like to be able to have our evenings a little bit to ourselves.

They are 2.5. Do you think that they are old enough to understand this? ( I do)
Are you experiencing something similar?
Do you have any success stories to share?

 

I remember going through something similar with my twins when they were about the same age. Like you, my husband preferred to stay in the room but he would shut the light off thinking they wouldn't see him. We definitely had more luck with just putting them to bed, saying good night and leaving the room. It still took a week or two of constantly going in there and putting them back to bed, but eventually they got it. You just can't have any reaction when you go in, just pick them up, back in bed and leave. It worked well for us through persistence. They definitely saw it as a game! Good luck!

 

A mom on another board went through this, and what worked in the end is to leave but to tell them that she'd check on them in 10 minutes (which she does). Go figure!

 

oh the madness! I tried toddler beds this summer and it was DISASTROUS! my dh wants to try it again soon... I am not up for it personally! if our bedtime with cribs/tents were quiet and compliant I might think about it... but he's not usually available to help in the evenings... so I think the decision is up to me.

anyway, my nanny had good results this summer when we did toddler beds and she was very consistent and she said she'd tell them 2 times to get back in bed as she helped them. after that she didn't talk, she just put them back in bed. I think she took some of the fun out of it by not interacting with them. they just always got under my skin and I couldn't stay quiet!

good luck! and thanks for the reminder as to why I'm waiting!

 

They are totally old enough to understand. I completely agree with you.
I tell my kids I do chores while they sleep so we can play together when they are awake, or I tell them Im tired and Im going to be sleeping too or I tell them mommy & daddy need some time and they need sleep to grow up big and strong etc etc.

My kids also like to turn the light on multiple times so we got them the turtle and the ladybug light galaxy things, and we put a lightswitch cover on their bedroom light switch so they cant turn it on

 

I would take a 'no nonsense' approach. You/DH are in charge- not them. What happens is up to you guys. They are 2 and 1/2. Ya they're going to put up a fuss but ultimately- you guys make the rules. Tell them what is acceptable and if they don't listen, make sure there are consequences. At least, that's what I would do. There is no way I would be putting up w/ that. Good luck!! I know it's not easy!!

 

My DH is the one who puts the kids to bed, while I clean up downstairs. He considers it his special time with them. We both were noticing that the kids were getting out of control and it was taking a long time for him to get them settled. So what we both decided on was to institute a policy where they had 3 chances to listen to Daddy to settle down and if he had to tell them a fourth time, he started taking toys off of their beds. It's worked so far for us, I think he's only had to do it twice.

 

I gave a long answer in my other post - should have read this one first! I agree with you. On the nights when it's just me, they know I'm not sticking around for craziness. At the first sign of craziness, mommy leaves and will only come back once they tell me they are calm (they do - I'll hear "Mommy, I calm now" through the monitor). When DH is home, they know he will respond to every scream, complaint, etc., so things get rough on those night (go figure - you'd think it would be easier with both of us!). My DS would stay up carrying on until midnight if you stayed in the room with him. Walk out and he's drifting off in ten minutes. Every kids is different, but it's worth a try.

 

Yep to what she said!

The transition with our first went great! I am not sure how it will go with the twins but I am going to take the same approach as I did with my older ds. I will tell them goodnight and I love you one time and if they get out, no eye contact, just put them back in bed. No talking, no nothing. They need to understand that bedtime is bedtime not play time.

 

Well, I solved this problem! The maddness is over and has been since this post. I took the advice here about a no nonsense approach as well as another idea I saw on a different website that gave me the idea to make a little bedtime book, which I did. In the book I put photos of myself doing different things around the house. I made up this story about what I do after they go to bed and so on. I told them this story before we all went up stairs for bed. By the end of me telling them this little story, they were hugging each other and really had taken to heart and seemed to know that the bedtime was going to be different now.

I also made the new rule that if they stayed in their beds, the door would stay open. If they were out of their bed and carrying on, I was going to close the door and turn off their light. I did have to do this a few times in the first two nights. But then, they got it and it was over. Now, every night, they stay in their cribs and go to sleep by themselves. Our nights are now free!!!!! Magic!

Thank you for your help!

 

Awesome!! Good for you mama!

 

you give me hope! I truly think it would be great to have them in open beds... I'm just not sure how this time would go. I like the book idea. Is that just a storybook that you "read"/show pictures of? it's not something that they take to bed to read when they should be sleeping, right?