arghh, angry pregnant woman rant

I just want to give a big HUG to all the ladies who don't have families/friends close or for one reason or another are not having a baby shower. I was blessed with a huge family, so much that we will probably end up with two showers because no one can get along. I too don't expect anyone to buy me big expensive gifts because not many in my family have extra money for gifts, but we are shopping at garage sales, craigslist, and even with posters on here to find the big stuff a little cheaper. I know in the end God will provide everything we need!!! I'm sure all these babies want in the end is all your love!!

 

QUOTE(haleystar @ May 18 2009, 12:54 PM) [snapback]1318150[/snapback]
south of tampa in the retirement area



Bwahahahahaaa I know *exactly* where you are! Sun City Center!

I'm going to PM you some info.

 

QUOTE(SweetpeaG @ May 18 2009, 03:43 PM) [snapback]1318542[/snapback]
You might be better served focusing on the positive aspects of what lies ahead for you and your family.



QUOTE(Neumsy @ May 18 2009, 03:53 PM) [snapback]1318560[/snapback]
Very, very well said.


I guess it's easier for those of us who had to fight like he!! to get our LOs here to appreciate the non-material things in this world.


QUOTE(Chloe_and_Leahs_mommy @ May 18 2009, 08:55 PM) [snapback]1318935[/snapback]
Don't take this the wrong way but I had 2 baby showers and have been to plenty and no one has ever recieved big items like car seatss,strollers,swing etc.Isn't that something you are your husband should do? Most people don't want to spend an enormous amount on gifts for someone else's baby.I wouldn't have expected that.I wouldn't want anyone else picking out my big items.I like to pick my own colors etc. I just know my own mom or MIL didn't even buy big items..maybe I just have different kinda people Im around.I think its kind of selfish to expect everyone to buy everything for me.I mean they aren't having the kids and with the economy who can afford to buy that stuff?

I agree. We got some of the bigger stuff from our parents, but we did some garage sale shopping for things like PNP, Bumbos, strollers, etc. Personally, I see no need in buying those things brand new. Your kids don't use them for THAT long and it's practically impossible to mess up a Bumbo, so get it cheaper and used.

To OP - you have no idea how many clothes you will go through in the first few months. Especially if your kids have reflux. Good luck with exchanging for bigger sizes, that should be helpful.

 

Have you tried contacting your local MOM's club? A Lot of times they can help to donate some of the larger things that you will need. They also have great sales twice a year where you can pick up gently used items cheap. Good luck!

 

QUOTE
I guess it's easier for those of us who had to fight like he!! to get our LOs here to appreciate the non-material things in this world.





Okay, completely OT but I find it interesting that a variation of this comes up so often on TS. It always cracks me up when I later see someone who posts these types of comments later post about how thier kid is such a brat, or how much their kids annoy them or how happy they were to ship them off the the grandparents for the weekend. Note- not specific the quoted poster- but I always wonder how one is so sure their appreciation levels are higher than others.

 

QUOTE(ThreeLittleSnowflakes @ May 19 2009, 02:15 PM) [snapback]1319867[/snapback]


Okay, completely OT but I find it interesting that a variation of this comes up so often on TS. It always cracks me up when I later see someone who posts these types of comments later post about how thier kid is such a brat, or how much their kids annoy them or how happy they were to ship them off the the grandparents for the weekend. Note- not specific the quoted poster- but I always wonder how one is so sure their appreciation levels are higher than others.


Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I think that was a bit harsh, and I'm the queen of harsh.

I don't think we should get into a "who appreciates their kids more" battle. Do I appreciate mine more because it was harder for me to get pregnant than some others? Trust me, someone ALWAYS has a worse story than you (general) ...

I guess add me to the selfish list who is SO materialistic, but I have been to a billion showers and have seen what others get, so it kinda sets up a level of expectation, if that makes sense. All my cousins who had babies got EVERYTHING off their registries, from furniture, to strollers, to car seats (both infant and older), PNPs etc ... when my cousin had her triplets, lots of us chipped in to get the bigger things that we knew she would need to try and help them out. So I think people get used to what they see.

I, in turn, got everything I registered for. All my furniture (from my parents), my stroller system and car seats (from my sister) and my bedding, my swings, exersaucer, play mats, etc. So that's what I've seen at all the showers I've attended, so it's pretty much just how I thought showers went. It's what I've seen so it's what I'm used to. If that's not the tradition in your family, then you probably wouldn't expect that. I feel bad for all the people who don't have loved ones that help them out ... babies (one or a million) are expensive, and I love how my friends and family were so generous to help us out.

 

I'm really surprised this post got so much attention. I figured that us ladies that felt sorry for ourselves would just vent and it would go on. I didn't expect all the debate!

IMO I think it's ok to vent every once in a while. I think most of us are greatful people, but pregnancy can bring on a jaded/crabby view at times.

Best wishes to all the mommies trying to prepare for their babes ... it can be more stressful for some than others!

 

I had an amazing shower, but let me tell you, I didn't expect a lot from people simply because I was having 2. I did not think it was fair for them to have to buy 2 of everything. I was lucky, but if I didn't get what If I didnt get what I "needed" or "wanted" I would not have been mad one bit. A shower is a celebration and yes to "help" the mom, but completely provide for her baby.

Im sorry you were dissapointed, but I just had to disagree here. There is nothing wrong with venting when your upset, but you have to be prepared for backlash. I know I get my share! I would be a little more grateful for what people tried to do for you. I know it was not preactical, but you have to also understand, many people don't get to buy for twins, so it was probably a fun thing to be able to do. Just take the things back and use the money for other things needed.

 

QUOTE(oh-baby-baby @ May 19 2009, 07:58 AM) [snapback]1319273[/snapback]
I understand...:hug: people called and asked me what I needed, I said diapers diapers diapers! What did I get? Clothes clothes and 1 40-pack of diapers... <_< No one listens and some of the clothes are 12month and 24 month...Let's just hope that it's hot when the girls need to wear those dresses... <_<



I think the way people see it is that they may assume, you will be getting ALOT of diapers, so they figure, Ill buy cloths instead. After having been a mom I know what to get without them asking. I always get a big laundry basket and fill it with little things, like cotton swabs, diapers, wipes, lansinoh wipes, teethers, boo boo bunnies, pacis, a bear or 2, bup cloths, wah cloths, baby bath and shampoo, Butt Paste, tyleol, mylicon drops, etc etc etc. Its always things like that you need to grab. But before I was a mom, I bought cloths, and maybe that was wrong of me, but I LOVED picking them out. I think its true for the "Unmommies" and maybe the older ladies who have forgotten and only can see the cute little cloths. They have lost the practical ideal that we are in.

People always mean well and it doesnt mean they are not listening. It means they are trying to be creative and helpful in other ways.

I think by being dissapointed in gifts (Unless its a large pile of doodie) IS to be selfish and a little ungratful. They are GIFTS! No one NEEDED to buy them for you, and no one owes you to get you what you asked for.

Just take the stuff, return it, or find how to use it, all with one big sh** eating grin.

 

I deleted this post becasue I'm a TW*T who totally misunderstood Danielle. I'm really, really, sorry.

 

QUOTE(caba @ May 19 2009, 01:18 PM) [snapback]1319874[/snapback]
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I think that was a bit harsh, and I'm the queen of harsh.

I don't think I was being harsh at all. My point is simply that once you've been into battle, it's easier to focus on the outcome. Certainly I've posted rants about various things in the past, but I agree that it might be best to focus on the future and the family times ahead.

 

If I misunderstood that I apologize 10000%. I was wrong, and I'm very, very sorry.

 

QUOTE(Neumsy @ May 19 2009, 03:12 PM) [snapback]1320082[/snapback]
I deleted this post becasue I'm a TW*T who totally misunderstood Danielle. I'm really, really, sorry.

You're not a TW*T and I understand :lol: I love your zest and can completely embrace your passion, but please don't delete me on FB again before reading my post twice :rotflmbo: It hurts mmy feelings :hug:

 

Awww Becky what did you do now? Do I have to call the fatty Tw** sisters on you so they can rumble with a knife in their period pants?

 

I understand how you feel... I didn't go through exactly what you went through... but the outfits were just unreal... I couldn't even take things back to Babies R Us since they don't exchange or return without receipts... nice huh, I'm stuck with some of the stuff that I don't like... BRU told me to go back to my guests and ask for the receipts back so I can exchnage or return the stuff.... how rude.

 

QUOTE(tmh @ May 19 2009, 03:36 PM) [snapback]1320124[/snapback]
I couldn't even take things back to Babies R Us since they don't exchange or return without receipts... nice huh, I'm stuck with some of the stuff that I don't like... BRU told me to go back to my guests and ask for the receipts back so I can exchnage or return the stuff.... how rude.

FYI, BRU will take it back if you press hard enough.

 

QUOTE(caba @ May 19 2009, 02:18 PM) [snapback]1319874[/snapback]
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I think that was a bit harsh, and I'm the queen of harsh.

I don't think we should get into a "who appreciates their kids more" battle. Do I appreciate mine more because it was harder for me to get pregnant than some others? Trust me, someone ALWAYS has a worse story than you (general) ...

I guess add me to the selfish list who is SO materialistic, but I have been to a billion showers and have seen what others get, so it kinda sets up a level of expectation, if that makes sense. All my cousins who had babies got EVERYTHING off their registries, from furniture, to strollers, to car seats (both infant and older), PNPs etc ... when my cousin had her triplets, lots of us chipped in to get the bigger things that we knew she would need to try and help them out. So I think people get used to what they see.

I, in turn, got everything I registered for. All my furniture (from my parents), my stroller system and car seats (from my sister) and my bedding, my swings, exersaucer, play mats, etc. So that's what I've seen at all the showers I've attended, so it's pretty much just how I thought showers went. It's what I've seen so it's what I'm used to. If that's not the tradition in your family, then you probably wouldn't expect that. I feel bad for all the people who don't have loved ones that help them out ... babies (one or a million) are expensive, and I love how my friends and family were so generous to help us out.


I've been meaning to reply to this thread, but haven't had a chance. But this pretty much says everything I was thinking. Including the comment about the harsh quote. It really depends on your family traditions. These are the types of showers I've been accustomed to, and I was lucky to have the same. If a shower like this is not the norm for your family's traditions, then yeah, I can see why you would think it sounds a little selfish. But I would be offended to be judged the way the OP is being judged in some of these posts.

 

QUOTE(haleystar @ May 18 2009, 08:21 AM) [snapback]1318094[/snapback]
but don't get me wrong, no one had to bring anything. i'm very fortunate and lucky to have gotten anything at all.


I'm glad to see you understand that.

I hope you enjoy going to the store, returning the things and picking out some things that you really want. Just concentrate on the fun part.

 

I usually don't read this section, but people gave you these gifts being nice. Ungreatful....I don't know. But it sounds more like twin mommy rant. take it back, but never admit it.

 

QUOTE(TwinsInFL @ May 19 2009, 10:57 AM) [snapback]1319842[/snapback]
I guess it's easier for those of us who had to fight like he!! to get our LOs here to appreciate the non-material things in this world.


What makes you assume I did anything but stop implementing birth control to have my children or that if that is the extent of one's efforts to conceive that they would value their children any less than someone who had to seek additional support, conception-wise? I can't fully understand the emotional, financial, and psychological struggles many folks went through to conceive their children, but I would never assume that journey made their ability to parent or love their child(ren) any different than those whose journey was shorter/less challenging.

QUOTE(ThreeLittleSnowflakes @ May 19 2009, 11:15 AM) [snapback]1319867[/snapback]


Okay, completely OT but I find it interesting that a variation of this comes up so often on TS. It always cracks me up when I later see someone who posts these types of comments later post about how thier kid is such a brat, or how much their kids annoy them or how happy they were to ship them off the the grandparents for the weekend. Note- not specific the quoted poster- but I always wonder how one is so sure their appreciation levels are higher than others.


Thanks, Sheryl...my thoughts exactly. I'm sure the quoted poster didn't mean it this way, I just want to remind folks that simply b/c one didn't "work harder" to conceive doesn't make them less grateful or more materialistic.

 

QUOTE(SweetpeaG @ May 19 2009, 05:09 PM) [snapback]1320264[/snapback]
I'm sure the quoted poster didn't mean it this way, I just want to remind folks that simply b/c one didn't "work harder" to conceive doesn't make them less grateful or more materialistic.

Actually, my thought had nothing to do with conception, but that's an interesting spin on it. As I explained earlier, my point is that once you've gone through the trials of a twin pregnancy, been told one of them is going to die and they'll do what they can to save the other, been on bedrest, hospital bed rest, emergency c-section and you could throw in the difficulties that some have had ttc, that it is easier to be thankful for the children and care less about the "stuff."

 

I had troubles ttc AND I also cared about "stuff" :escape:

Shallow? No, I just wanted to be prepared - being a 1st time parent was awfully scary & I felt as though I needed to have EVERYTHING on "the" list before the little ones arrived.

I believe the OP just wanted a safe place to vent some frustrations and is PREGNANT & worried & emotional.

As life is in a public forum there are going to be some strong opinions about anything and everything ~ so hopefully no ones feelings get hurt

 

QUOTE(tamaras @ May 19 2009, 03:32 PM) [snapback]1320290[/snapback]
I believe the OP just wanted a safe place to vent some frustrations and is PREGNANT & worried & emotional.


I agree. She was just ranting...her topic even said to read with caution...meaning she KNEW she was being a little "crazy", but wanted somewhere to air her frustrations. Why do we as mothers always jump down one another's throats instead of uplift and love one another...after all, NO ONE knows the hormones, fears, stress, drama of being pregnant with twins than other twin mamas! Let's quit beating each other up and be supportive for goodness sake! If you had read her entire post, she said more than once that she appreciated the gifts, etc...she was just RANTING...which is nothing more than it is: a rant. We all need to do it from time to time, so give the girl a break!

 

QUOTE(TwinsInFL @ May 19 2009, 03:23 PM) [snapback]1320278[/snapback]
Actually, my thought had nothing to do with conception, but that's an interesting spin on it. As I explained earlier, my point is that once you've gone through the trials of a twin pregnancy, been told one of them is going to die and they'll do what they can to save the other, been on bedrest, hospital bed rest, emergency c-section and you could throw in the difficulties that some have had ttc, that it is easier to be thankful for the children and care less about the "stuff."


And everyone else's point is that we're all on here, twin mothers (or expectant twin mothers) and have all had similar outcomes with varying journeys, why must one journey provide more value in outcome than another?

The OP in question has, in fact, had several personal and health-related struggles during her pregnancy...perhaps those don't count, or only count post-partum when there is a dramatic birth story and snapshot to include in her siggie?

 

I have identicals and I've never needed my daughters to be in different outfits to tell them apart--unless of course I wasn't wearing my glasses! :lol:

I did have some matching things, not a lot as we didn't have a shower and most of their baby clothes were hand-me-downs. With the few matching things I did have, I tended to put them on the same baby two changes in a row. That helped the other people who were helping me tell them apart.

 

Just wanted to add that I said my whole pregnancy I wasn't going to match them- and then when they came and I was so tired from not sleeping, it was just easier to put them in the same thing rather than thinking twice!

 

To the OP, I am sorry that you are disappointed with the things that you received. It is within your right to take the things back and get what you want.

I can tell you that I was not even able to go to my own shower, as it was the day after my girls were born 12 weeks premature. Material things were the farthest thing from my mind at that point. All I wanted was for my babies to Live and be healthy. I didn't even open my gifts for weeks down the line. That doesn't mean that I appreciate my girls more than the next parent, but I definitely saw things from a different perspective. Coming home to a fully stocked nursery without my babies was a real possibility.

 

QUOTE(TwinsInFL @ May 19 2009, 12:57 PM) [snapback]1319842[/snapback]
I guess it's easier for those of us who had to fight like he!! to get our LOs here to appreciate the non-material things in this world.



Wow. I don't really even know how to respond to that comment. I'll have to remind my mom to tell me the next time I complain to her about our hectic life with 3 kids 4 and under that it is easier for her to appreciate the tough days b/c her only son has severe disabilities. That will certainly make me feel better and give me some perspective. Life is what it is. We only know *our* experiences. Most of us here (as far as I can tell) appreciate the non-material things in this world regardless of how much difficulty we had TTC, maintaining our pregnancy, delivering our babies, or whatever.

To the OP, I can understand your frustrations. Preparing for twins is overwhelming and it is hard not to think about everything you will need. Try to take back as much as you can. And remember, that they won't need highchairs right away, they won't "need" exersaucers right away, etc. You can gradually purchase those items, ask for them for Christmas or your or Dh's birthday, even. :hug:

 

QUOTE(Kyrstyn @ May 19 2009, 06:43 PM) [snapback]1320375[/snapback]
Material things were the farthest thing from my mind at that point. All I wanted was for my babies to Live and be healthy.

This is my point exactly. Once you've lived through the pregnancy and fought to have your kids, it's easier not to focus on the material things.

Now, if everyone would like to continue to put words in my mouth, that's your choice. I've never even come close to saying that I love my kids more than anyone else, so I don't know where that's coming from.

 

QUOTE(Kyrstyn @ May 19 2009, 07:43 PM) [snapback]1320375[/snapback]
To the OP, I am sorry that you are disappointed with the things that you received. It is within your right to take the things back and get what you want.

I can tell you that I was not even able to go to my own shower, as it was the day after my girls were born 12 weeks premature. Material things were the farthest thing from my mind at that point. All I wanted was for my babies to Live and be healthy. I didn't even open my gifts for weeks down the line. That doesn't mean that I appreciate my girls more than the next parent, but I definitely saw things from a different perspective. Coming home to a fully stocked nursery without my babies was a real possibility.


Well said!

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ May 19 2009, 05:43 PM) [snapback]1320474[/snapback]
Wow. I don't really even know how to respond to that comment. I'll have to remind my mom to tell me the next time I complain to her about our hectic life with 3 kids 4 and under that it is easier for her to appreciate the tough days b/c her only son has severe disabilities. That will certainly make me feel better and give me some perspective. Life is what it is. We only know *our* experiences. Most of us here (as far as I can tell) appreciate the non-material things in this world regardless of how much difficulty we had TTC, maintaining our pregnancy, delivering our babies, or whatever.

To the OP, I can understand your frustrations. Preparing for twins is overwhelming and it is hard not to think about everything you will need. Try to take back as much as you can. And remember, that they won't need highchairs right away, they won't "need" exersaucers right away, etc. You can gradually purchase those items, ask for them for Christmas or your or Dh's birthday, even. :hug:

She never said that just because of what she went through it is easier for her to appreciate her kids MORE. She said that it made it easier to focus on the non-material things in life, like Healthy babies. You said yourself that only we know out own experiences, so its not really fair to make assumptions about hers. She simply stated that because of HER journey those things were not important TO HER!

I completely understand where Danielle is coming from. Having lived through 10 weeks in the NICU, I could have cared less about ANYTHING material. I didn't even get to hold my babies for 8 days, so do you think during those 8 days I was thinking about who could have/should have bought me car seats and other big ticket items or matching outfits? Absolutely Not. My girls were dead when they were born and both had to be resuscitated. My ONLY concern was the health and well being of my girls. As I stated earlier, it doesn't mean that I appreciate them more than the next person, but I definitely saw things in a different light and I still do for that matter. All those Material things are meaningless unless you have babies to use them for.

 

I may have understood your need to vent if you had had a regular shower with family and friends. However, I don't understand why you would be disappointed in the gifts you received, when you didn't know most of the people at your shower? I'm thinking people who were closer to you would buy you the bigger/useful things, but expecting people you hardly know to get you what you wanted is IMO being a little too demanding.

I am of course referring to one of your recent posts, where you mentioned you would not know most of the people at your shower.

 

I think when you said "I guess it is easier for those of us who had to fight like he!! to get our LO's here to appreciate the non-material things in this world." - it came across like you were implying that those of us who did not have to fight like he!! don't appreciate them but material things, instead. That doesn't just say that it is easier for you, it is categorizing those of you who had to fight like he!! and those of us who didn't.

I cannot imagine the roller coaster and stress of a long NICU stay - we had a very uneventful 7 day stay at 35 weeks and that was stressful enough, so please don't think I am making light of premature babies. My good friend had a 32 weeker and it was terrifying for all of us.

My only point was it isn't fair to imply that others, who have not experienced what you have, are more focused on material items. As I mentioned in my PP, my only sibling has severe disabilities - every time I read a vent on here about some being upset about how overwhelmed they are or whatever, I don't say I guess it is easier to appreciate the tantrums or endless climbing up and down stairs, or the constant talking, whatever when you have a sibling who never did those things. I don't feel that way - and even if I did, I'd never say that. That just makes people defensive and the original point of the post is lost, IMO.

 

QUOTE(Kyrstyn @ May 19 2009, 08:09 PM) [snapback]1320519[/snapback]
She never said that just because of what she went through it is easier for her to appreciate her kids MORE. She said that it made it easier to focus on the non-material things in life, like Healthy babies. You said yourself that only we know out own experiences, so its not really fair to make assumptions about hers. She simply stated that because of HER journey those things were not important TO HER!

I completely understand where Danielle is coming from. Having lived through 10 weeks in the NICU, I could have cared less about ANYTHING material. I didn't even get to hold my babies for 8 days, so do you think during those 8 days I was thinking about who could have/should have bought me car seats and other big ticket items or matching outfits? Absolutely Not. My girls were dead when they were born and both had to be resuscitated. My ONLY concern was the health and well being of my girls. As I stated earlier, it doesn't mean that I appreciate them more than the next person, but I definitely saw things in a different light and I still do for that matter. All those Material things are meaningless unless you have babies to use them for.


Kyrstyn, I agree with everything you are saying. I was terrified my entire pregnancy (b/c of the "what if's" )and didn't care about the material things, either. I definitely was not making light of the NICU roller coaster. But it isn't fair to assume that people who have not had to fight to get their babies here focus more on material items. That was my only point. Everyone has something in their life that makes them appreciate something "more", see things in a different light, etc. How do we know what that something is? A poster could have had multiple miscarriages prior to their twin pregnancy - and if they are still anxious and overwhelmed when they didn't receive items they were hoping for at their showe, does that mean they don't appreciate the fact that they have finally been able stay pregnant? It just seemed like an unfair assumption to me, that's all.

 

I think the majority of twin showers are like that. *hugs*
I found Craigslist to be a HUGE help with scoring things that were practical and necessary. (Especially since just about everything you buy will have a use life of about 3-6 months for the first year...)