Anyone else struggle with the whole Santa thing?!

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by happyfortwo, Nov 10, 2011.

  1. happyfortwo

    happyfortwo Member

    My boys turned 4 this past August so this Christmas season they are "really" getting into it so far. They are making wish list for toys, pouring over toy catalogs and starting to ask me those hard questions like "how does Santa know what I want?", "how does Santa get in our house?, "where does he live?". For some reason, I am struggling with how to answer. I feel sort of guilty because i feel like I'm kinda lying to them. They look at me so innocently and are so trusting of me. I don't, however, want to spoil the fun and excitement. I love the whole magic of Christmas and Santa but I just wish I could find a happy medium...if that makes sense! Does anyone else struggle with this and how do you handle it?
     
  2. TwinxesMom

    TwinxesMom Well-Known Member

    My issue is I'm a single parent and I want credit for all the presents that I worked hard for! My mother does the Santa thing so I refer all questions to her. Could you "email" him a list of the toys they wanted?
     
  3. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    Mine don't really ask that stuff yet, but I don't want to lie to them about it either. I think I want them to enjoy Santa as the spirit of Christmas, even if he's not real... so hopefully they get that and don't spoil it for the other kids. Can you imagine being the mean mom because your 4yo tells the other kids that there is no Santa?
     
  4. twinmom2dana

    twinmom2dana Well-Known Member

    You have to try and not look at it as "lying" to your little ones. Look of it as more of a story and just enjoy the magic of Santa. When my older ones began to realize that Santa Claus may not be "real" they didn't respond with "YOU LIED TO ME!" They recognized it as just another one of those wonderful perks of being young. Now they enjoy keeping the magic alive for their younger siblings. Unless you have an issue with the idea of them believing in Santa at all, I would relax and just go with the flow. You're not lying so much as breathing life into a time honored tradition. Relax..
     
    4 people like this.
  5. Moodyzblu

    Moodyzblu Well-Known Member

    I felt the same way you did .. I didn't feel comfortable with fibbing to them when they trust me to tell them the truth (as I expect them to do the same). So what I did instead was explain to them that Santa is a character that people use to represent Christmas and I tell them the story of how Santa leaves presents under the tree on Christmas Eve .. but just like any other character .. he isn't a "real" person .. but more of a fable. That, in fact, we are all like Santa when we give each other presents. They've seen Santa at the mall and such and will sometimes visit with him (if there isn't many people around .. they are super shy).
    I'm glad that they "get" it and I don't have to explain (or have them find out at school) what Santa is all about.
    We have wonderful Christmas's at our house and traditions (like baking cookies and watching Polar Express on Christmas Eve) and I don't feel as if they missed out on any of the "magic" of the holiday because I've taught them the true meaning of the holiday. Without the stress of trying to impress Santa for more gift's or having to "ask" him for what they want .. they know I will provide them with the best that I can give them and they are happy and appreciate that mom works hard to make Christmas special for them.
     
  6. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I'm going to do something like this. :good:
     
  7. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    I love the joy and wonderment of Santa. Sorry, I don't see it as lying. Yes the older one has lots of questions but we have a magic key for santa to get in the house as for the rest of it, Santa just knows. He doesn't live his life trying to impress Santa and we don't threaten to take away Christmas. Santa also doesn't bring everything on the list and, we've explained to him that Santa doesn't bring all the gifts, we buy gifts for each other and our extended family/friends. We also talk about the baby Jesus.


    I don't see Santa any more of a lie than telling my 2 year olds that the slide is closed because it is 7pm, dark, 40 degrees and they've decided it is time to go to the park.
     
    4 people like this.
  8. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    I like this... telling them the story.

    Oh and I was mad at my parents when I found out... so yes, definitely counts as lying to me (and I would have been mad if they had lied about the park being closed too... that's what I don't say those things either).
     
  9. Meximeli

    Meximeli Well-Known Member

    Learning that Santa is not real is an important part of their cognative development later on. If they look you straight on and say, "Mom is Santa real?". And you say, "Yes, of course he is." then you are lying to them. But by telling them part of the fable of Santa in response to their questions such as how does he get into the house. Is not lying, you are simply telling them how the fable explains his entrance into homes. Unraveling the threads of the fable to find the reality underneath will be an invaluable life skill for your children as they get older.

    For now, you can also always turn the questions back on themselves. "Mom is Santa real?" "Well what do you think?" Then your child will tell you if s/he is ready to go deeper than simple acceptance or not by her/his answer. As they get older, and learn to turn your questions back onto you, then you can say something like "Oh I think very real in the hearts and minds of all happy people this time of year."
     
    7 people like this.
  10. Danibell

    Danibell Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I also don't look at it as lying. I think it's part of the magic and wonder of the Christmas season. I do a lot of what meximeli says, turning the questions back on them if I can. "How does Santa know what I want?" We send him a letter. "How does Santa get in our house?" We also have a "magic key" that we leave out for him. "Where does he live?" He lives at the north pole of course! It's like a great big story to them. It's no different than reading a book, most of them aren't true stories. Are you lying when your child believes in the Polar Express? Or in Dora the Explorer and Swiper the Fox?? I just equate them all in one big lump ;)
     
    1 person likes this.
  11. Moodyzblu

    Moodyzblu Well-Known Member

    For us that's what it is .. a story. Not real. Books, movies and cartoons and characters (Mickey Mouse, Easter Bunny). They're fun to watch and to read/hear about. But I would never encourage them to believe any of it is real. They have their favorite's .. like Harry Potter and Spongebob .. but they don't believe in talking sponges and children who carry magic wands and can do spells. It's just pretend. Like when they are playing with their toy cars or Star Wars action figures.

    I think Meximeli said it perfectly when she said "Oh I think very real in the hearts and minds of all happy people this time of year."



     
  12. Trishandthegirls

    Trishandthegirls Well-Known Member

    A friend of mine just forwarded this to me this morning, and I thought it was worth sharing:

    Dear Lucy,

    Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”

    I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
    The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa. I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.) I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
    This won’t make you Santa, though.

    Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch. It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.

    Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy. With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible. So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too. I love you and I always will.

    Mama
     
    7 people like this.
  13. Danibell

    Danibell Well-Known Member TS Moderator


    Maybe your kids don't believe tv and books are real anymore, but Im fairly certain at a younger age they did. My 5 yr old still doesn't quite understand that what happens on tv isn't real, that it's actors. It's not a matter of encouraging it, it's a developmental thing, they just don't understand it's not real. I enjoy that my kids think Mickey Mouse is real, and at 2 yrs old I'm not going to be quick to say "He's not real, he's pretend" because they won't even understand what pretend means yet. When and if my kids ask me straight out (I'm sure my 9 yr old is getting close) I'll answer honestly, but in a similar manner to what Idril just posted. (Which, incidentally, I love and may save it for future reference!! :D) I'm in no rush to have my kids grow up ;)

    We also don't do that all the gifts are from Santa, Santa brings one gift, dad and I bring the rest. It's what dh and I decided on a long time ago :) We enjoy it.
     
    1 person likes this.
  14. Meximeli

    Meximeli Well-Known Member

    At our house Santa only stuffs the stocking, and doesn't leave things that don't fit in the stocking either.
     
  15. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    I love that answer to "are you Santa"! I'll have to keep that somewhere.
     
  16. Oneplus2more

    Oneplus2more Well-Known Member

    What in the world?! - this made me cry! Being a mommy has turned me in to a sap! :lol: I never used to be a crier.:th_holidayhug:
     
  17. Twin nanny

    Twin nanny Well-Known Member

    I agree, unless you don't want them to believe in Santa at all then I think you're worrying too much. Do you do the Easter bunny? Do you plan on doing the Tooth fairy? To my mind those are the same basic thing. (As a side note one of my cousins was scared of Santa when she was little and didn't want him in her bedroom, so instead they had a Christmas fairy who came to fill their stockings. :lol:)

    I honestly cannot remember any one moment when I realised Santa wasn't real (I never asked outright, just worked it out) and I certainly don't think that my parents tricked me with a horrible lie. Santa is a fun aspect of Christmas that you get to enjoy the magic of when you are young enough to truly believe in him and enjoy keeping that magic alive for younger siblings/cousins/friends when you get old enough to figure it out. That's my opinion anyway :pardon:.
    In my house too Santa only brings stocking presents, so there was never any problem with 'how does he know what I want' or not appreciating who really gave the presents because Santa only gave little extra bits not main presents, my kids write him a letter (although any big presents come from their parents/relatives). Getting in the house all my children have chimneys so he can get in the traditional way, for houses without chimneys he has magic. He lives at the north pole.
     
  18. maybell

    maybell Well-Known Member

    I don't ever really remember "believing" in Santa and asked my mom about it in the last few years... she never wanted some "stranger" taking credit for the gifts they'd gotten us either! haha! we did always get stockings, but at some point I knew it was my mom filling it, though still fun.

    I have done more of the Santa fills the stocking thing here too. I have to laugh that my brother and his wife did everything wrapped in Santa wrapping paper was from Santa... what? no one told me... and when I'd wrapped my niece's gift in Santa wrap... well I didn't get any credit that year! thankfully she wasn't very old so she didn't know anyway! but I never made that mistake again in wrapping their presents again!!

    I also found a neat book "Santa's Favorite Story" 'Santa tells the story of the first christmas' by Hisako Aoki and Ivan Gantschev recently and love it... Santa tells the story of Jesus, if that's something you're interested in, it's a neat book.

    good luck!
     
  19. NINI H

    NINI H Well-Known Member

    I don't have the time right now to read everyones responses, sorry. I do believe that it is lying. So we don't tell them that Santa is real. We do however tell the the true story of St Nicholas. And then we focus on the true meaning of Christmas, Christ's birth. This is how I grew up, and I never felt like I missed out. I however KNEW that I could trust my parents, which even at a young age meant more to me than anything. Also, I never had issues with telling other children, and my children haven't said anything to others either. It's actually really cute how they respond with a smile and a twinkle in their eye, when other children start talking about santa. It's actually makes them feel special that they know.

    They get to watch the movies and make a list of what they want for Christmas. They just know that the gifts come from Mom and Dad and other people that love them. But truly, we concentrate on what we give for Christmas, and much less on what we get.

    Have a very blessed Christmas season! :) I LOVE Christmas!!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  20. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    I am very thankful my parents "lied" to me when I was a kid, those were the best Christmas's of my life.
     
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  21. jaam4eva

    jaam4eva Well-Known Member

    YES!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  22. emp59

    emp59 Well-Known Member

    My girls are a bit younger, but are very interested in Santa. I also am 8 years older than my sister so I helped a little with the Santa questions when she was growing up. I honestly think it's an amazing gift of fantasy to let your children believe in Santa. I have never even thought of it as lying. It's all in great fun. Children are growing up in a more volatile and scary society that I hope I can instill this little innocent fable into their heads and keep them young as long as possible.
     
    1 person likes this.
  23. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    This reminds me of Roycie's favorite knock knock joke.

    Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Christmas.
    Christma--CHRISTMAS CRYING BOOOOOHOOOOOO. (You have to make sure you interrupt the other person.)

    We do Santa. It's fun. I loved Santa growing up, it was so magical. We also do the Easter Bunny and will do the Tooth Fairy too. And I don't think it's lying, it's a story that you live.
     
  24. sruth

    sruth Well-Known Member

    I don't believe Santa equals the entire excitement of Christmas. I never believed for whatever reason, maybe because I went shopping with my mother and knew where stuff came from or that I had an older sister. Christmas was awesome no matter what! :smilie_xmas_116: I do struggle because it’s not real and therefore not the truth. Let’s be honest. However, I'm trying to respect my DH's feelings as he thinks Santa made a difference in how he felt about Christmas. I know of people who have sad stories of how they found out the truth, and others who slowly realized and it didn't matter. I like the advice in the PPs that talk to Santa as being a part of the spirit of Christmas. I guess the tooth fairy is next!
     
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