Anyone else HATE their body?

It seems like most women hate their body. You always hear news reports about "shocking" new studies or polls revealing how many women have a negative self-image. I'm just wondering, do most women really feel as negative as I do?

I HATE my body. Actually, I don't think hate is a strong enough word; I LOATH my body. I am incapable of passing a mirror, window, or reflective surface without disgust. I cry when I try on clothes. I feel real anger and hatred towards women who look the same after having children (and it shocks me that I feel those horrible feelings). I'm willing to do almost anything to lose weight, even at great sacrifice, but then feel defeated because I know losing weight won't fix stretch marks, twin skin, and saggy boobs. I cannot pass another woman without comparing myself to her.

Is this how any of you feel? I'm sure I can't be alone, but I hope this isn't what's going on in the majority of women's heads. I admire those who have come to terms with their appearance and are happy. Is this just what it's like being a woman?

 

There are parts of me I really dislike. I was overweight when I had my twins. Having my first 3 children changed my body quite a bit, but having twins did so much more damage. Then with being overweight, and now losing about 45 lbs, I have the worst stomach. Crazy bad twinskin. I don't like looking at my self naked. But I'm so much happier with myself now than I used to be. I still have like 40 lbs I need to lose. And I daresay that even if I get there, I'll hate the way my stomach looks. But I have a haircut I love, that with 10-15 minutes' work looks great. And my sweet DH loves to see me naked, and tells me constantly how sexy I am. That helps. And I'm coming to terms with the aspects I have no control over. I'd do it all again to have my 6 amazing children. It's a work in progress for me, and I'm happier about how I look some days than others. But I keep working at it.

 

Yep, me. :wavey: I'm that person who won't look in a mirror unless I have to. I've always been a bigger girl, but always found ways to hold my head high, look in the mirror, and find SOMETHING positive to say about my image. Now? Nothing. I cannot say there is one single thing I like about myself physically. It's to the point that I am absolutely disgusted and wonder how people can remain friends with me because I look so gross. ardon: :blush:

 

No. I'm overweight. I don't like my body. I need to lose a lot of weight. But I can still find things I like. I have great skin, great hair. And I still like me. I've always been overweight, so I've long since learned to love myself for other reasons. Feeling the way you feel isn't healthy. Having kids changes things, an you need to mourn what you've lost. But you have to find a way to move forward and love yourself for what you are now and what you can accomplish now.

 

I don't hate my body but I don't love it either. But I am working on trying to accept it for the way it is. There are things I cannot change: twin skin, stretch marks, surgical scars, arthritis and I can only work on what I can change: eating better and less and working out. I have never been a size 2, I have always struggled with my weight and I will never be a size 2, I just don't have the body type for it.

I do try to appreciate my body for what it does for me...I gestated and birthed twins, I am up and walking around every day, I can lift, run and stand. So I do try to be thankful for what my body does and for what it is rather then what it is not. It took me many years to get to this point though. 15 years ago, I would have told you that I loathed my body as well.

Sadly, I think it's not surprisingly these days that women hate their bodies when it seems like women's bodies are held to unrealistic standards.

:hug: to you ladies that hate looking in the mirror. I would bet my kids that you are beautiful! :hug:

 

I have been there, but as I have gotten older (especially over 40), it has gotten better. I just can't hold on to so many little things to hate, life is too full and too busy, if that makes any sense. I had to just start forgiving my imperfections (because that's what it gets down to: I'm not perfect, I'll never be perfect and I have to forgive myself this imaginary failing) because I don't have room in my life for the mental energy necessary to hate myself that much any more. This goes along with other perfectionist tendencies I have had to relinquish. They just take too much emotional and mental energy for me to maintain them and do all the things I need/want to do. Also, my daughters are 8 now, and I don't want them to learn that attitude from me.

 

I'm pretty much on that same page. I work hard to overcome it mentally and physically but I still have incredibly poor self-image issues. Thankfully I have a fabulous DH who tells me every day that I am sexy and pretty. I don't always believe him, lol, but it does help me to feel better about myself. It's getting worse as I age and time takes its toll. Some days I can barely look at myself.

But as bad as all that sounds, I also don't dwell on it. I remind myself that true beauty comes from within so while I may not be perfect on the outside, hopefully I'm more special on the inside. It really does help me look beyond the superficial.

 

MIchelle, I am surprised at this. You seem so confident! Honey, you are beautiful, inside and out. Truly. Isn't it funny how we never know what is going on inside someone else's head? :hug: And next time I am in Boston, I will be the one squeezing your a$$!! (Are you paying attention, Liz? )

 

I would wear neckrise pants if they made them. I have things I don't like and things I like. I try to focus on things I like but when I go clothes shopping, the truth comes out and I get frustrated.

 

I'm actually pretty darn happy with myself. I'm 35, I know I'm not going to have my 25 year old body back, but I'm also happy with where I am. Do I look in the mirror at my naked self and think, "Hot Dam*!" - NO. But I do think, I've had 3 kids (2 at the same time!), my body has been good to me and I make a true effort to be good to it back. I'm just a few pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight and I'd like to lose those 5 lbs sometime soon - but I'm at peace with the saggy boobs (bras do wonders - and heck, they SHOULD be saggy after all they've gone through) and the changes that came about from pregnancy, my body grew and provided for 3 beautiful children - it deserves to be a little worn out, no? :laughing:

Do I have a million things I'd like to change? Sure. I'd like to look like I did when I was 21, but I'm not 21. I'm 35. I still turn my DH's head. :wub: I notice when I take time to have a hair style I really like, clothes that fit me well, and am doing my best to eat well and exercise - I feel the best about myself, regardless of how I actually look.

Confidence is something you want to be able to pass onto your kids. They will learn from you how to love (or hate) their bodies and theirselves. It isn't healthy to hate yourself when you look in the mirror! I know it is common, but that doesn't make it ok. :hug:

 

I was just going to respond and Jori really expressed what I was thinking.

I have given up thinking about being perfect again. It took me until my boys were 18 months old, but once I started exercising I felt like at least I was doing something for my body and not just abusing it. I took up running and love it.

I never utter a word about my dissatisfaction with my body in front of my kids or talk about losing weight. I dont want them, especially my daughter to pick up on body image any earlier than they will from school. Looking at airbrushed women on billboards and magazine covers in the store gives them enough to question IMO.

 

Ditto above posters. They said it best.

I think *most* women dislike clothes shopping at times, we are all made different and it is frustrating to try no clothes made for sizes that are not the ones we live in.

I am a small person, but- like others I do miss my prekids body/shape/tone, etc.Carrying twins has done damage and wear/tear to my body as well as just getting older- there is no getting around it. I dislike most actually, the non-visible damage like joint pain, surgery repairs numbness, and constant fatigue that I feel keeps me from feeling energetic and positive. The limits it puts on me are frustrating ( I do have some unique side effects of long term illness as well as post delivery complications). I try to do what I can and take the good days with the not-so-good ones. If I feel good about myself 80-90% of the time, that is a grade of A- or B : not bad in my book. I cant change a lot of the things that frustrate me (wrinkles, joint pain, sagging parts, etc) but I can try to be as positive as I can when I am feeling down about it. I am lucky, too, to have a DH that helps boost my self esteem and could care less that I am not the 21 yr he first fell in love with.

I think it is important if you feel really really negative all the time (we all have insecurities) it will spill over into your personal life. Find someone to talk to (counselor, etc) if you can because it can lead to depression, anxiety, etc that is outside the 'normal' realm. Depression is serious and can impact your life in major ways. The best step to improving your self-image is to figure out a way to do something about it---whatever that may be (new haircut, talk therapy, getting clothes that fit, making sure you have an accurate bodyview, eating healthy, exercise, etc) and doing it. Feelign like you are moving forward in a positive direction is empowering and really can change your mental outlook. This is good not only for you, but your whole family.

 

Ditto to both of these. I've never had great self esteem, even back in my 20s. The only person I voice my dissatisfaction to is my DH and he promptly tells me that clearly I have lost my mind. It does help. I never complain around my daughter for the same reason Rach mentioned. I don't hate my body, but there are certain things that I mourn. I just try not to dwell on it and try to be grateful for what I do have. I try to appreciate my body for what it has done for me.

 

I am totally disgusted by my stomach after having the twins.
I am a small-ish person, I've always been very active and taken pretty good care of my body and it sucks that I cant do anything about my saggy twin skin!! Although I guess there is...I have a savings right now that will go towards plastic surgery, once I have enough saved.
I lost a ton of weight after having the twins (had a lot of anxiety and stress) and honestly I didnt like my body so skinny either-I kind of liked the junk in my trunk! Which is good cause its BACK! :laughing:

I feel jealous of the tiny women that have the SAME body after having kids but I also realize that's not really the norm but more the exception.

I do like my skin, my smile, and my hair...but there will always be something that I am not happy with. That's just the nature of the game.

My husband loves me just the way I am...although he's not complaining about me wanting PS, he wants me to be happy and have more confidence.

 

:hug:

I hate that so many of us feel this way. I go through phases of liking my body and hating it. :gah: It's a never ending cycle. I will say that the older I get the more I appreciate it (or try to!) and learn that this is who I am. I know those images in the magazines or on TV are not realistic for me but I still can't help comparing. ardon: What I've found is if I'm eating fairly healthy and exercising I feel better about myself even if I don't lose weight. Just feeling like I'm trying really helps me mentally... plus I think exercise helps keep depression at bay (for me). I've noticed since I've been pregnant and can't find the freakin' energy to workout that I've been much more down about things then normal.

It's a hard struggle. :grouphug: I do hope and pray that my daughter loves herself and has a much higher self esteem then myself. I wish that for her more then anything else!! It really is not fun not loving yourself.

Haha! I'll be there in two days so I'll get a good squeeze before you. :blbl:

 

i've danced ballet all my life, of COURSE i loathe my body i've spent the past 30 years wearing nothing but leotard/tights in a room covered in mirrors... :crazy:

 

I also felt this way and tried to lose the excess weight, with little positive results. I did the lap band, being sure that I will STILL feel that it won't change the saggy boobs, twin skin, stretch marks. But once I lost a nice amount of weight, those things mattered less because when I was dressed and put together, I looked WAY better than I did when I needed to lose 60-100 pounds and it makes a very big difference in how I feel overall. If you don't feel horrid when you pass a mirror when you're out shopping (because you look really good), you will be more forgiving when you see yourself naked, or you're with your husband.

 

No..I am happy in my body even if I don't look as hot as I did when I was 21. I have stretch marks..saggy boobs and a big butt. My husband tells me everyday I am HOT!! If I start feeling fat..I start working out again. I figure you can either be happy with yourself or waste a lot of time hating yourself. I would rather be happy!! I am never gonna be as skinny as I was in high school..but I am not a teenager anymore, I am a woman with 3 kids and a body that shows it! Lol

 

I am embarrassed of my body in front of Travis he is a very "joking" or so he calls it person and he makes me feel worse about myself. Otherwise I need to eat healthier and exercise more but overall I think I would be happy.

 

I am over weight but I don't hate my body. My stomach could be flat but its not and I am okay with that. I have a nice rack so that makes up for it . Seriously though, I am pretty happy with myself.

 

While I think it's normal for women to have parts of their body they don't like, it's not healthy to loathe your body. And it definitely doesn't have to be that way. I am only trying to say this to be kind: Instead of looking for validation in other people who hate their body, why not try and find things that you do love about yourself? Then when you do some clothes shopping get a really flattering outfit? Start working on the things that you'd like to change about your body?

I know all of this is easier said than done, but it concerns me that you've been in this negative cycle about your self-image for so long. It must be consuming a lot of your energy that could be spent making things better. Trust me, I know how far one can get down the rabbit hole of despair, so I just want to point out that you can break the cycle. :hug:

 

This is really good advice!!

 

I am 5 ft 9 in and about 220 lbs. I have brown eyes that require contacts or glasses all the time and crooked teeth that really could use braces. I have stretch marks and wide hips and a big fanny. Guess what? My body brought me 4 healthy kids. It helped me deliver all 4 of my kids almost full term. My body walks me any where I want it to go. I am very thankful for my fat thighs and saggy breasts. They mean I am able to walk and I was able to breastfeed if I wanted to. I don't think I am attractive but I try to be healthy and positive about all the GOOD things my body does for me.

 

Wow, this really surprises me. You really ARE beautiful. :wub: I wish you could see that!! :friends:

:blush: That's exactly how I try to come across, on the outside.
Thank you! :friends:

That is awesome, and exactly where I am aiming to be in the near future. I will never be a small person either, but I just want to feel confident in the skin I'm in. Good for you!!! :hug: :hug:

 

Like Michelle said, Kim you are definitely beautiful! Inside and out! You are a great person as well. :hug:

 

My new motto is to improve on what you can. While I'll never have my flat/tight stomach back & I've never been blessed with a "rack" unless I was nursing, I work on areas that can be fixed without surgery. I now work out 3-4 times a week and have arms and legs that are slowly getting more defined than they have been in years. I feel much better about myself & I try to eat healthier foods. My husband still thinks I am beautiful & I am trying to do the same. Work with what you can & love it!

 

I hate hate hate my thighs. I won't wear shorts because of it. I used to run a lot and was amazed at the difference in my thighs. I think if I were to do that again I would be okay. I mean I don't love my body and don't at all love being in a bathing suit in front of people...but I could deal with it. I have had 4 kids and am 37..I workout most days but I LOVE to eat so kinda works against itself. I don't have anyone to tell my I am beautiful anymore so I try hard to work on my self confidence.

 

Oh, good for you! I was never small either, though I was skinny (and my body image wasn't better then). You can feel awesome once you lose weight, and do a mini makeover.

 

I am 5'8" and weigh 170. I was almost up to 180. I complained and complained but then I finally decided to do something instead of continuing to buy larger sized pants. I am eating much better and walking at least 3 times a week.

I know with the way my bone structure is I will NEVER get below a size 10. My hips are just large. I need to accept the things I cannot change even though it is hard. I have super huge boobs, but I cannot afford a reduction so I just deal with them (swimsuit time sucks).

I realized that the clothing I was wearing a few years ago did nothing for my shape. My jeans were too tight and my shirts were too short cutting me off.

The one thing that I can do is look in the mirror and say I have GREAT hair and teeth.

 

You know I wanted a tummy tuck finally got one, but you know what the stretch marks are still there. A good body shaper will help you in the stomach area if you are concerned with your tummy. Saggy boobs... Let me tell you this much. I was wearing a 36D bra. I folded my saggy boobs up and put them in there. I went to get measured one day to find out I was a 38DD. You would not believe the difference if made. My ladies are not spilling over, under or out the sides. A good bra will seriously improve confidence so much.

 

For the first time in my life I DO hate my body !! I spent my entire life (pre-twins) at 105 lbs size 4.
NOW .. HA .. I can't get under 130 lbs ! I'm only 5' tall so every pound really shows and I feel it. Plus I'm almost 45 yrs old and my body just doesn't burn food the way it used to.
This summer I am determined to get out and exercise more.

 

I'm not happy with certain things (like my stomach), but I do not loathe my body. The older I get, the less I seem to care. I try to eat healthy and I do exercise, and I feel healthy. I guess the most important thing here is feeling healthy. You need to find things you DO like about yourself and focus on that. Loathing your body is definitely not healthy.

 

Thank you so much, Michelle. It's such an emotional issue for me. Hard for me to deal with but with a wonderful DH and trying to improve my self-esteem in general, I find it helps. Honestly, I don't know how or why I ended up this way. I am a perfectionist so think that probably has a lot to do with it. Thanks though. I really appreciate your kindness. :hug:

And to you too, Jamie. I feel the same about you!! :hug:

Ugh. The age thing. It is becoming harder and harder for me to keep weight off. I have a pesky 20 that just wants to hold on.

 

I don't like saying I hate my body. I am disappointed with it. More myself than my body. I can't seem to stick to an exercise routine. I start one up and then I get sick or something goes on that discourages me from continuing the exercise that I started. It's so easy to distract me and SOOO easy for me to get off my attempt at a routine. It's so hard for me to start the routine in the first place. At times, I feel it's me against the world and the world has the upper hand. I miss being able to do the things I used to do with a thin body. I don't have the energy I used to have, but some of that may just be my age. Though I feel a lot of it has to do with my weight. I fear that my boys will have all this energy and want me to play. I won't be able to keep up. They are getting to that age where I need to get them in to activities to keep them busy and active. I'd like to be able to be a part of that. I don't like being the mom that always sits on the side/bench watching my boys enjoy themselves. I keep telling myself I have time to do lose the weight, but honestly, time is running out. If I'm aware of the abundance of time I have, I'll take advantage of that and procrastinate my goal. I need to set that time limit. I often do and so far I've procrastinated about 12 years. 12 years ago, I was much lighter and had much less to lose. Now I really put a challenge in front of me. I only need to lose 70 lbs, but that's a lot if I can't get myself to focus on my goal and just do it! I had gained about 30 lbs in college. It was much easier then to lose the weight as I had nothing else to do when my friends were in different classes than me and the food on campus tasted awful so I'd avoid it. I was too lazy to go out to eat, so I didn't eat much. Exercising was at least something to do. Now I have SOOO much more to do and sooo much more on my mind. It's really hard to just settle down and just do what's best for me.

I want to like my body more. I want to feel that confidence I am now capable of now that I'm older. I was shy when I was young. Not because of my body. I had a large chest and skinny abs. I was a gymnast, but awkward around people. Now I'm much less awkward around people as I'm less concerned with what they are thinking about me.

 

I don't hate everything about my body but I certainly hate my stomach. I struggle with my self-esteem because of it. I try not to let it get me down but when I catch a glimpse of it in the mirror than the vicious cycle starts all over again. It's such a HUGE change from what it looked like before the twins that I still haven't come to terms with it. I went out and got my haircut and colored and I'm working on losing the last few pounds after this last pregnancy so that's helped with how I feel in clothes. I'm hoping that I can resolve the way I feel about my stomach before my daughter gets old enough to understand. I DO NOT want her to see my struggling with this issue for fear it will send her into the same issues most women face. I wish we all didn't have to fight these feelings!! Hugs to you!