26 month old twins don't sleep through the night . . .

Hi everyone!

With our older children, we simply co-slept with them, while I nursed at night, and they eventually all slept through the night by a little after age 2.

The twins are each waking and nursing frequently (at least 5 times a night, I think) and the frequency has been increasing. They are fussy eaters and are on the thin side, so I've been reluctant to *cut them off* at night because I see it as their main source of calories.

However, enough is enough. Help?!

They currently sleep on either side of me in a modified bottom bunk bed. The top is a regular bunk and the bottom is a king size bed that is perpendicular to the top bunk. They don't fall out because of the sides and they are capable of climbing in and out of bed themselves.

So, although we tried CIO with our first child - and it was a horrible experience (he made himself throw up whenever we left him alone in his crib at 10 months) - I am more than ready to try it again. I have used every suggestion in the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" to no avail. I realize that CIO may not work either, but I need to try something, as dh is leaving for 2 months in a few weeks and being sleep deprived and alone with 6 children is not a good situation.

So, please don't beat me up for waiting so long to approach this awful sleep issue we've created or for co-sleeping or for nursing so long (I'm trying to get us down from *on demand* to twice a day, btw). We can only move forward at this point and dweling on mistakes in the past won't change the current situation.

Thanks for any/all advice and support you can give me!

 

QUOTE(Jean Block @ Jul 13 2008, 06:54 PM) [snapback]874458[/snapback]
So, please don't beat me up for waiting so long to approach this awful sleep issue we've created or for co-sleeping or for nursing so long

I don't have any advice but I wanted to address this statement. I hope no one would "beat you up" for decisions you have made relative to raising your children. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

QUOTE(MichelleL @ Jul 13 2008, 05:58 PM) [snapback]874463[/snapback]
I don't have any advice but I wanted to address this statement. I hope no one would "beat you up" for decisions you have made relative to raising your children. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:



Thank you SO much for your kind words! I've been away from TS for almost a year (things have been hectic lately) and forgot how everyone is so warm and friendly here!

If only it was like this everywhere . . .

 

Oh, nobody's going to beat you up! :hug99:

I don't know if this would work, since you have such a big family, but would it be possible for them to have their own room? They might wake up less if you weren't right there next to them. My DD has just started STTN - and she just got her own room (moved to a bigger place; her crib was right next to our bed before). Until now, she'd been nursing at least once a night, sometimes 2-3x.

Do you think they're old enough for you to talk them through this? Is there a snowball's chance in hell that they'd be receptive if you explained that big kids don't need nursies at night anymore? (Or that they can nurse x number of times at night, but no more than that.)

Anyway, if you do CIO, try not to worry too much about "starving" them. They will not starve themselves - they will take in enough during the day.

:hug99: I hope you find a solution soon!

 

I went through a similar thing with my oldest. He nursed 5-6 times a night until I finally gave up and moved him out of our bed. It was hard with one, I can't imagine two. No the less, I am sure it can be done but you must be willing to stick to your guns no matter what because they will try every trick in the book to get what they want. As for calories, try Bf'ing them more during the day while you make the transition so you will feel better about stopping feedings at night. I too would expain to them what you are doing and why ( in 2 yr old terms). I used to just have to lay out the rules and say, I'm sorry but these are the house rules or the "big boy" rules and I we can't go against the house rules. My son would take this a lot better than me saying it was my new rule or Mommy needs things to be different. If he thought it was just the way it had to be, he did much better. Does that make any sense? I also don't think it's a bad idea to acknowledge they may feel sad during the process and it's okay to let them know you may feel a little sad too but stick to your rules whatever they turn out to be. Good luck, I hope you get some sleep. Oh and we did feel we had to do some CIO with all our kids and it worked fine and I have pretty good sleepers now.

Kelly

 

I don't have any direct experience, but what about having dh tend to them at night. Like pp said, make new house rules that they sleep in one room, you sleep in the room with dh. You could go in to nurse them for a few nights while they get used to you being in another room if you thought it would help then have dh go in if they need someone at night. If they don't have the option of milk at night, they just might stop waking for it. Good luck with everything!

 

Thanks for all of your great suggestions! This is what we ended up doing last night . . .

As a family (including the twins), we talked about what was going to happen during the night. All of the older children sleep in their own beds and, in the past, dh *has* been the primary transition person - followed, sometimes, by a sibling. Because he's leaving so soon, he's been staying up late and getting up early to get everything in order - so he couldn't help this time. I warned everyone that it was probably going to be a rough night. The girls all share a room and the boys share a room - so our 7 year old daughter was going to sleep in the girls' big bed, rather than her bunk, for the night, to comfort her sisters. However, she got a little worried about the crying that was going to happen, so our 10 year old said he'd handle the girls' (he is the nurturer in the family!)

He did a wonderful job! I gave him a cell phone and I kept one next to me (I slept with dh alone for the first time in over 12 years!) Ds called me if one of the babies cried for more than 5 minutes. That happened twice and the crying lasted 15 minutes each time. They fussed for a few minutes a few other times. At 6am, our 4 year old went into the room looking for me (he forgot I wasn't there) and that woke up the twins. I went in and nursed both girls and we fell back asleep until 7:30am (the 4 year old and 10 year old went back to their beds and dh was long gone at work by then).

So, we're going to try it again tonight. btw, I *am* nursing a little more than I had planned during the day now, thanks to someone's suggestions. I realize they really don't need it for food, but I feel they have more of a need to *connect* with me since I'm not with them at night.

Thanks, again, for all of your help and support!

 

Yay for progress! I hope things just keep getting better. That is wonderful that your older children are so caring and helpful. Sounds like you are raising a wonderful family.

 

Jean,

Congratulations - it sounds like you had a wonderful first night of transition. I'm really impressed at how easily your twins handled the changes, and what wonderful and mature older kids you have.

Good luck with night number 2!

 

You know what, whatever works for your family!

I might recommend HSHHC. They are getting old enough to understand more. You can tell them that is time for them to sleep in their own beds and that Mommy is going to sleep in hers.

I would also talk to your pediatrician about approaches to this solution as well. If you decide to CIO - put a gate up. It's MUCH harder when they are verbal and can scream Mommy. Really gets you where it hurts. But know that they are going to be OK.

You could try a stepped approach. You could go in and soothe w/o nursing. I suspect the nighttime nursing might be more about comfort and snuggles with Mommy - the person we love the best. So, if you still go in and soothe a little. Tell them Mommy is here, go back to sleep and then leave. OR Supernanny approach. Sit in the room (not laying in bed with them) until they fall asleep. Every time they get up you put them back. The first time you tell them it's time to go to sleep. And then there are no more words after that. You quietly and calmly put them back to bed. (I found this approach with toddlers to be REALLY hard and draining on me!)
You would move further from the beds the next night and then to the doorway. What eventually worked for me with the toddler bed transition was I sat outside the door (I could read with a light) and when they got up to come out, I put them back. They finally just quit! It was AWESOME!!

Good luck Jean!! I hope you get some results and better solutions!! I do recommend a consultation with the pedi!!

 

Good Night Sleep Tight by Sleep Lady Kim West is a modified CIO technique. Highly recommend. No judgements here..... we all do whatever we have to do to survive. Good luck!