1st post - Newborns (born April 2nd)- How do you handle taking care of them on your own?

Hi there,
This is my first post on this forum as my little ones were born April 2nd. I was doing pretty darn good up until 2 days ago. Now, I am having anxiety at night fall. It's weird, the minute the night comes around, I begin to get this burst of anxiety and it lasts for a good couple of hours. I did have one night (about 3 nights ago) when I had to take care of the two little ones while my husband slept and they both woke up at the same exact time and were crying to be fed.
I BF and supplement with formula and express milk as well for bottles. Well, I had some bottles ready but it was a mess.
I was running back and forth and trying to feed them both and I had a breakdown. I believe that causes the anxiety now.
So..with that and lack of sleep..I am starting to think about how the heck I am going to take care of both of this children when I am alone. Up until now, I have had people around helping out (watching them so I can take a nap every so often, my husband gets up at night with me now (after that "both waking up" thing I spoke of above).
Any suggestions or stories of how you all make it when your newborns wake up at the same time and you need to tend to them both with no help?? I am feeling really overwhelmed as I look at this up hill battle in front of me.
And they are REALLY good babies so far as they sleep and wake up around the same time..so..is that I just have to get a grip? I know that my hormones are part of this too. I had a c-section, so I am coming off the drugs from that. That can't help. Any advice is welcome to let me know how to make it easier or how to bear it.
Thanks!!

 

awww been there done that. it will get easier as they get older. it's also your hormones coming back to normal. i did it all by myself not to brag after my DH went back to work. i tried to breast feed but couldn't it was too hard for me emotionally and i was just too tired. so i used the bottle and put them in their car seats and gave them their bottles. then burped them and changed them and out they went. i also had them in the same bed with me until they started to sleep through the night which was up to 7 months. they slept in a snuggle nest. my son started rolling over on his belly at 5 months so he went in the crib and when he woke i gave him a bottle my daughter rolled over at 7 months and then she went into the crib. do whatever you can in the beginning to get some sleep. i woke the other up when one woke to feed them. that kept them on the same schedule. if your breastfeeding then wake the other when one is done. have you tried a pacifier? i used one and it helps if you need a couple extra minutes to feed one. i know some people breast fed both at the same time i tried that and couldnt do it. sleep when they sleep and don't worry about anything else. you can do it. just know it will get easier and you will cry alot more before it does. :hug99: if you need to talk i am here

 

I remember those days and those feelings :hug99: You will get sooooo good at feeding them both, it will just take some time and practice to figure out what method works for you guys.
Since you are bfing I highly suggest you check out the bfing forum here for tips on tandem bfing. While it sounds extraordinarily daunting to tandem bf it really solves the issue of one crying waiting to be fed!!!! And that is why they make a special pillow for bfing twins lol!

In those early days/weeks you just take it moment by moment and tell yourself you WILL survive and you will get better and better at it ALL :good:

 

:hug99: :hug99: I remember that overwhelmed feeling so well! Yes, hormones, lack of sleep, and just the overwhelming responsibility of two tiny little lives. You will be OK. You are their momma, and you'll be just fine. :hug99: The biggest and hardest thing to remember is, it's ok if they cry, and it's ok to cry with them! I promise you it will get better eventually. In the meantime, come here and vent anytime!! That's what we're here for. :hug99:

 

just take a deep breath! really, baby cry and its actually good they do. I just take deep breaths when i feel like i am about to go crazy. i made several 'stations' in the house. a basket that contained diapers, wipes, back up pacys, wash cloths, hand sanitizer, lotion and balmex oh and a changing pad. i still use them, one in living room one in my room and one it there room. that way its all ways handy. my dh helped the 1st night but than after that he slept throug EVER THING!!!!! if i tried to wake him i ask for him to change a baby and a few mins later i ask if he did it and he says yes and the baby is in the same place i put her and not changed!!! he drives me nuts how he sleeps and does not hear a thing.

BF was hard bymyelf but before i sat i made sure i had the remote blanket and tons of pillows to help prop the up

the twins where my 2 & 3 so i learned from my 1st they are not a fragile as they seem abd its ok to cry, thats what babies do!!


JL and let u know how i goes.

 

First you don't need to get a grip...even with easy babies, it is really hard. I was very hormonal and cried all the time and felt completely out of control for the first month. So you are normal. Check out the breastfeeding forum... they will have great advise on feedings, There is a thread right now on night feedings alone. But don't feel bad that dh gets up with you... you should have as much help as you can. It does get easier. :hug99:

 

Hi and congrats! I totally remember that feeling of helplessness. I had a c-section too, and reading your email made me remember the overwhelming combinations of feelings during that time. Here was my system: I made sure both babies were swaddled pretty tight (working quickly so they wouldn't kick out of it), then I would prepare one bottle of pumped milk. I would set everything up on the sofa: bottle, cloths, soothing music, water for me, etc and then go and get both of them. Somehow I would set one swaddled baby down in the crease of the sofa/bed so I could get the other on the breast. Once he was in place, I would scoop up babyB and and prop the bottle in his mouth. The avent bottles were the perfect size for the angle that I needed to make this work. Then I would switch breast and bottle in the middle. Now that I am writing this, I think I must have been totally insane. Be creative, take a deep breath, and believe in yourself. It is hard when they're crying, but remember that's their only way of communicating with you right now. It's great if DH can help, but that is not always the reality. I remember crying my eyes out a few nights, but I also remember babyA smiling his first smile the morning after one of those terrible nights. It will get better, and you will feel like superwoman!

 

I don't have to take care of my little ones on my own, but I did have severe post partum depression until I got help when they were 2 mo old. I actually had a nervous breakdown from lack of sleep and the pressures of raising two babies as a first time mommy. I had to be hospitalized for 5 days and I am currently on Effexor XR, an antidepressant. Having help from church friends, going to visit my mom once a month(though she is 3 hrs away), and having a counselor to talk with once a week has really helped. Don't let the anxiety get so bad you feel like hurting yourself or the babies before you get help. Contact your OBGYN and they should be able to recommend you to a counselor for help if you feel you need someone to talk to.

 

Welcome to FY and congratulations on your babies!!!

Like pp's you will develop your own ways to handle two at once. There is no way to get around it, its tough and sometimes there is a lot of crying because someone has to wait. Its ok. :hug99:

 

Congrats on your babies!
Basically, you just find a system that works for you. I get both babies up on the bed, strap my nursing pillow around my waist, put the boys on the pillow and let them nurse. Burp the spitty one first, then prop him up in a boppy (also on the bed). Then burp the non spitty one.

Believe it or not it will take you very little time to get into your groove. Its not easy--but you'll find it.

 

I am right there with you! Mine were born March 20th. I am watching the kids alone for 16-20 + hours alone. It is crazy. When the double crying goes on... I don't freak out or stress they are ok and crying makes their lungs stronger haha... actually i usually start breaking out in song and they quite down for about 2 seconds and I put each one in their bouncy seats or propped on a pillow and feed them with bottles or I tandem bf... BF is the quickest. Shirt off kids to the boobs - done. I hear you about nervousness my DH just went back to work. Up until last Monday he was off work helping me. Ever since he went back to work it actually got better with the kids... better schedule but it is great to have help! See if a friend or relative can come by during the day to relieve you if you can... rest can take away some of the stress but again I am right there with you and understand your pain 100%!!! Good luck and think about the double bouncy or through them in the car seats sit on the floor between them with a bottle in each hand.

 

I had the anxiety at nite that you speak of. It was not cool. I would literally go into MY room (had to have my own) and TRY to go to sleep while I had time.. and it would set in.. Total and complete panic.. About everything... A million thoughts running through my head.. totally irrational, and I knew that. I was "with it" enough to know that I was going CRAZY! As odd as that sounds..

I would start feeling my heart beating FASTER AND FASTER and then I would shoot out of bed and run and get my husband!! The babies would be asleep and I would just sit up with him all nite long because I was AFRAID to go to sleep!!! OMG. I am sick just thinking about it. In fact, I could not get pregnant ever again due to this anxiety problem that I had..

Now that I am six months out, I have realized that it was all hormones and not me going crazy for real! That part will go away about 3 weeks after they are born.

Try to get enough sleep because lack of sleep breeds anxiety. My husband and I always did SHIFTS so that neither of us were sleep deprived (and EXTRA crazy.)

I went to bed (in my OWN room) at 7 pm via Tylenol PM. I set my alarm for 4 am to wake up for the day. He would do the feedings up until 4 and sleep in between and would go to bed (for his solid chunk) from 4-9am. It worked out well because I have insomnia also and would never have slept in between feedings like he did.

Try to set up shifts.

And as far as having them screaming at once- that was the WORST and I would panic also- still sort of do LOL.. BUT.. someone once told me that when that happens to pretend you are a nurse in the NICU and you have a few babies under your care who are crying at the same time. You do not panic; you just feed one and move on to the next. It is not an emergency.

When mine were that young- I didn't schedule them for feedings at the same time because I would FREAK when having to feed them at one time. I staggered their feeds so that I could avoid this. It wasn't until they were 4 months old that I had them on the SAME schedule because I just couldn't deal with the thought of TWO screaming, STARVING infants.. Shudder.

So... in a nutshell, what you're going through is normal and it is temporary.. (the anxiety)... I was not comfortable being alone until they were 10 weeks old. I was downright PETRIFIED..

Try to have someone with you if you can at least part of every day.

Just do what you have to do to survive.

You will get through this part and then things will get "different." You're going to need your sleep for the 6-14 week time so please set up shifts.. That is when their fussiness peaks and it gets a little sticky! But by then, your anxiety level will go down so you will be able to handle that with a clearer head.

Good luck and if you ever need anything.. please do PM me.

 

Welcome to TS!! And a big congratulations on your twins!!!

I feed my boys on my own a lot. My hubby works all day and if I can avoid it I will not wake him up at night for the middle of the night feedings so he can be awake at work. At first I had a really hard time. Now what I do, is I sit on the sofa and have a boppy pillow next to me...one baby will lay in that and the other baby will be in my arms...holding a bottle in each hand. Works good. They do get upset when I have to stop feeding to burp the other baby, but not too bad. Good luck

My boys don't always wake up at the same time to eat, so I will wake the other. A lot of times I will let one baby sleep until I am done feeding his brother. So about thirty minutes apart in feeding but that works out better.


Dianna

 

I definitely had the anxiety thing too. When it got around to the time I was going to have to put them to bed I would panic (at the time I didn't know why). I would also sometimes feel panic in the middle of the night. I don't think that the sleep deprivation helped. I think my anxiety was caused by my fear that I wouldn't be able to get them to sleep and that I would have to be awake and suffer through hours of crying. After experiencing that a few times (difficulty getting them to sleep and everything that goes along with it) I really came to dread bedtime and nighttime.

At this point they are now almost 5 months and going to sleep by 7pm and not waking until 6:30am, so I no longer have that anxiety.

What helped me was just telling myself that if I didn't get any sleep, I would just be tired and that it wasn't the end of the world. For at least the first month (maybe two) I slept for a few hours during the day, then settled in at night with the idea that I wasn't going to be getting sleep; I found that when I stopped expecting it, I didn't have the anxiety and worry that I wasn't going to get it.

By the way, I have no family in the area, DH works from 3-11:30pm every night and he only was able to take a week off to help with the kids; so I was on my own a lot too.

 

Uggggghhh, those first few weeks were NOT fun....I don't think I could forget how hard it was.
It was so scary to take care of my girls alone & feed them by myself when DH went back to work when the girls were about 3 weeks old (I practically crawled to the door crying/begging him not to go...)
I was suffering PPD as well & went on zoloft to help with the fear, depression & anxiety...it worked wonders!
I think that having to feed & care for them all by myself while he was at work was the only way I proved that I could do it on my own. As another twinstuff memeber told me back then, that the feeling of accomplishment & pride in myself helped me get through it and feel good about things

As for feeding them...I did not breast feed (pumped in the beginning), we bottle fed.
DH & I would take shifts in the beginning. I would try to sleep from 8Pm till around 1am while he would take care of those feedings - then I would take over at 1am.
I would sit on the floor with a boppy in front of me & one on the side of me & use blankets to prop their bottles. It took me awhile to get the hang of it & get a good rhythm down, but once I did it made things so much easier.
Yup, when they both cry at the same time was a huge fear for me as well, but I realized that babies just cry sometimes, I do the best I can as fast as I can & can do no more.

I never thought it would get easier or more fun, but each new day was better than the one before (for the most part!) we all learned so much about each other & how to get things done efficiently & have some type of routine - now at 3.5 months I am having an amazing time (and so are they!).

It gets so so so much better ~ take care of yourself & konw that you are doing the best you can

 

[SIZE=10pt]I had a LOT of anxiety when I first came off the meds from my section, so that probably has something to do with it. I had to just figure out the best system for feeding them both at the same time so that it didn't take as long and I didn't have to listen to one cry. I think it is hard to deal with the lack of sleep too when you're not sure when you'll actually get some, so try to just focus on the hour ahead and not look at the WHOLE night. I wish I had gotten the hang of tandem nursing earlier that would have been a life saver but I made the best of it. I would put a body pillow across my lap and prop a baby on each side and give them bottles. Half way through I would burp one and then the other and keep feeding. Usually half way through the bottle they were content enough to not scream when I would stop to burp one. I also would put them each on a pillow on the floor and feed them. It will get easier, I promise or none of us would be here to answer your questions so hang in there. Just remember too that if one of them has to cry for a couple minutes it's fine! :hug99: [/SIZE]