"You're super mom!"

So yes, I have twin boy toddlers. They are 21 months old. And yes, I have an 8 week old infant. Crazy? Probably! I think infertility made me that way! HA!

I have to say, "Meaghan-you're SUPER MOM" is wearing on me. I know everyone means well, that they probably admire me because they don't think they could do what I do(some of them have one kid, some have twins, some have three kids, etc), they think I do a ton of activities with my kids, etc. However, SUPER MOM? I feel far from it. Tonight while the boys had dinner, I went in my room and cried because I feel like a failure to them. Nicholas had just spent the better part of 45 minutes crying. Screaming. I don't know why. One thing set him off and it just kept snowballing. I don't know how to deal with it. Or what to do. Nor does dh.

How is that super mom? My kids watch more TV than imaginable(actually-it's now only Baby Einstein videos but they do Sid the Science Kid, Jack's Big Music Show, and Laurie Berkner. That's it). How is that super mom? My kids eat all that great processed food. How is that super mom? I give my kids junk food. How is that super mom? I don't get it.

I guess it stems from the fact I'm not afraid to try things with them-even if it's messy. I bake with them-even if it's a simple bread from a box. We made playdoh. We finger paint. We paint at the easel. We played with ooblick(cornstarch/water). Now-I certainly don't do this EVERY DAY. Hardly. Sometimes the aforementioned videos is their day. It's hard with three kids. Especially with an infant to take along. DH and I try to do family things with them on the weekend-take them places, spray parks, etc. I tend to spend time cleaning-HA!, or on the computer when they are playing nicely, vs playing with them. That's not super mom material. I don't think so.

I don't know. I'm just in a rut I think. I don't have a handle on the boys and their behavior and it has me down. And people telling me I am super mom makes me feel worse because they are not at my house seeing what I go through on a daily basis-not that I would change it. I am honored that they say, "If anyone can handle it, it's Meaghan." But still. Who thinks I can handle it? Or I AM handling it? I just might not show THEM what it's really like. I feel bad I am not the mom I thought I would be. Running around doing so many different activities(former preschool teacher here), having a blast with them, etc. Don't get me wrong-I love my boys to pieces-and my daughter. All I ever wanted to be was a mother. I thought infertility was going to take that away, but it didn't. Maybe I'm failing myself. I don't know!

I just wish maybe I was a different mom...you know-that super mom....

Thanks for letting me vent!Or at least get it all out...

 

Vent away! :hug: Sometimes it's hard to hear that you are a super mom and you are the one who can deal with everything, when you just want to be that person who can have a moment to fall apart, get it over with and move on. It's tough being a mom, we all put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect when in reality none of us are. My best friend gave me some wise advice before my twins were born, "No matter what, you are going to be the best mom your kids ever had." That's the truth. I think it is perfectly normal to feel frustrated (especially when they are toddlers!) and like we are not doing enough or the right thing but we do the best we can.
I will admit to you as well: my kids eat processed food & watch TV (Noggin, Sesame Street & Sid the Science Kid) . My DH and I don't know what to do when our kids are melting down and we have no idea why. Our DD did the same as your DS during dinner, screamed and cried for no apparent reason. And calmed down just as mysteriously. Big :hug:

 

Meaghan, :hug: :hug: We've all been there, feeling that way. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing a great job and you love your kids, which is something that makes you super!! No one is perfect, not on single mother out there, but we are the perfect mom for the kids we have. I'll admit that I thought I'd be different. Somethings I do dissappoint myself with and somethings I surprise myself with how well I handle. Focus on the positive. Pick on great thing you did today with/for your kids and build on that. Watching a little extra TV right now will not harm them in the long run, you have a baby to take care of as well. :hug:

 

You're not alone. I've gotten that from other people and even my Mom telling me how great I am and I want to say "But you don't see what happens at home". My kids watch way too much TV, I yell way more than I should, we don't always eat very well balanced meals, I'm a horrible housekeeper, don't get on the floor and play with them as much as I should, etc. But, we do what we can and I do activities with the kids. Just because I have 3 kids doesn't mean I can't get out of the house and have them in activities like other kids. It may take more juggling, but it's doable. Now, all those ladies in the triplets and large families forum....I want to live up to what they do on a daily basis. At the end of the day, the kids are not going to remember the messy house or that they screamed for 45 mins. at dinner. They are going to remember how much you love them and that you aren't afraid to do things with them. Give yourself credit for what you do! Now, off to tell myself the same thing.

 

Although my kids are different ages than yours, I really feel like I could have written your post. My kids are 2 years (our boys) and 4.5 years (our daughter).

People tell me all the time how strong I am, how I'm super mom, how they couldn't do what I am doing - especially when the boys were little and I had 3 kids under 3 years old.

I always want to say ... I'm not strong. I'm definitely NOT super mom. My kids don't have fun activities planned all day long. I don't feed my kids organic food. I don't clean my house daily. I don't sit and read them 100 books a day.

There are a lot of days when I feel like the absolute worst mom possible. Too many days that I feel that way.

But then - even when Ella and I butt heads all day long and she is super crabby - she tells me at night that I am the bestest mommy and she loves me. And - even after I let the boys watch movies all day long and we don't play outside at all - they still give me smooches. And that makes me feel a ton better.

 

:hug:

That kind of thing can really be like a double-edged sword, and it always makes me feel awkward, too. I know when I had 20-monthers, it was a tough age for tantrums. Lots of communication issues. But EVERYONE deals with that to some extent, and you have two doling it out.

Do not beat yourself up over not meeting your own image of "super-mom". When I feel like a really bad mom (more often than I like), I remember a quote that I really enjoy:

“There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one” ~ Jill Churchill, Winston Churchill's mother

That quote brings me comfort and a sense of perspective that I need. Motherhood is just now becoming a bit more like what I had imagined it to be, but it's still a far cry from the idyllic images in my head when I was fighting IF. Yes, I wish that I played with my kids more and let them watch less TV. Yes, I wish that I hadn't reverted to a diet of pure fast food and cr@p 24/7 for a month while moving. Yes, I wish that I could keep track of their shoes, or spend more time keeping the house clean, or.... any one of a million things that I would change in order to become my own version of "super mom". However, I know that I provide 100% consistent love and a reasonable and appropriate amount of attention and interaction to my boys. They are healthy and happy, kind to others, and have loads of great characteristics. If I were REALLY a bad mom, they wouldn't be so great. And in my heart of hearts, I know that I'm pretty good. I am sure you do, too.

I give you a lot of credit for having 3 under age 2. I won't call you super-mom, but you are someone to look up to for the love and care you give your kids. I don't know you in person, but I know that you're a great mom. The fact that you have doubts and concerns is a testament to the value you have for them and the good mom that you are. Kids are very resilient - don't worry about the little things here and there. You've got a lot on your plate, and you don't have to be "perfect" to be the perfect mom for YOUR kids in the dynamic you have right now. I bet as they get older, it will only get more fun and exciting in your house! Turning 2 was a magical moment for behavioral improvement in our house - I hope it is for you, too! :grouphug:

 

:hug: Meaghan. You ARE doing it and your kids are happy and healthy and active. That is all that matters. :hug:

 

Sounds like you are doing a great job to me! Super mom - really who is!? We all do our best - so what if they watch more tv than they should, eat a little more junk than they should. There is no such thing as the perfect super mom. I swear Lara watched tv all day yesterday! I was too tired from being up with Max in the night for some reason. With a small baby like you have you definitely 'have your hands full'!!! So don't worry so much - you are doing great.

 

Well, I think you're simply amazing just from reading your post. I cry sometimes too when I know I've had a bad mom-day or I can't stop a long crying spell. Sometimes, it's all I can do just to get through the day so I agree with you when you say that doesn't feel very stupid.

I have come-up with a response to the phrase that always makes me feel the most awkward which is "How do you do it?" or "I don't know how you do it!" I always respond with "I've tried the alternative and it's not pretty." Seriously, what would it look like if we didn't "do it" if we didn't feed them, change them, hold them, read to them, plop them in front of the TV for 30 minutes (which I call the reset button)?

I know people mean well, but I think many moms have much more on their plate, more kids, foster kids, special needs kids, single moms etc., so I don't feel so super either.

Hang in there and thanks for sharing!

 

I've seen your posts over this past year---especially the baking ones---and there is no doubt in my mind, or anyone's on this forum who hears from you, that you are a wonderful mom. I agree with Twinboys07, the very fact that you are even questioning yourself justifies this too. We are our own worst critics, we all want to do better and we measure ourselves against June Cleaver, Claire Huxtable, or whomever the "ideal" mother is to us! It just doesn't exist! I am in love with Nancy's quote, and will be borrowing that for myself when I feel down. You are the WORLD to your children, and they love you. Don't forget that.