"You're going to be too tired to..."

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Help' started by ladybenz, Oct 25, 2007.

  1. ladybenz

    ladybenz Well-Known Member

    So far I've been told I will be too tired to:

    breastfeed two babies (so what, I just pick one and give the other formula? I don't think so)
    cloth diaper (okay, seriously, with the diapers these days, its not that different from disposables!)
    resume physical activity (this may be true, but I'm not going to let it stop me from trying. I MISS running, running is like goood therapy for me!!!)
    have sex
    cook dinner
    think
    move, breathe, function as a human being


    Um, maybe I will be too tired, but at least let me try it before telling me I can't do it! I am a capable human being with a supportive husband and a marathoner's endurance. Let me decide what I am too tired to do!
     
  2. annlubbers

    annlubbers Well-Known Member

    I totally agree with you - some people are crazy!!! Some of the crazy advice my DH and I get, I'm suprised we'll be alive in a week after the babies are born!! HEE HEE
     
  3. christydec19

    christydec19 Active Member

    You said it sister! Everyone keeps on telling me life it going to be SO hard! Well, I'm sure it isn't going to be fun and games all the time, but I still want to live life....I think a balanced and healthy life for parents = a happy set of twins! although I am planning on staying home from now on. Everyone also tells me how much help I'll need all the time, my mom thinks she is going to have to live with DH and I for the next 5 months! That is not what I want, I think the faster I learn to do it on my own the better for everyone (I know I'll need some help at the start...the first month or so, especially with wanting to breastfeed). But I do have some questions....like how do you go to the suppermarket with the twins and try and push the food?? I think I might have to post that question :)
     
  4. melissak

    melissak Well-Known Member

    Oh, I hate that! I had someone tell me I'd never be able to leave the house again much less go on vacation...... :icon_eek:
     
  5. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    Oh I hate people's stupid comments!! they don't get any better after the babies are born either! I can't even run into the grocery store to grab a quick loaf of bread without a dozen comments (some good, but some like "wow you have your hands full" or both babies are in pink flowerdy bows and it's "a boy and a girl?" Yeah, I dress my son in pink dresses and bows to match his sister just because they are twins DUH!!!)
    2 babies are not easy, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out BUT.. you do what you have to do and adjust -
    I do all of those things on the list plus LOTS more. you will too!

    CONGRATULATIONS!! it really is so amazing to be able to look into these 4 big blue eyes - it just seems like yesterday we found out I was pregnant! enjoy your pregnancy it may not seem like it now but it will go by so quick and every little kick is a treasure!
     
  6. Her Royal Jennyness

    Her Royal Jennyness Well-Known Member

    As a BTDT mom I can confidently say:

    You CAN breastfeed 2 babies! I did it, and countless other women have done it. Besides having to mix formula and wash bottles isn't exactly taking a break. ;)

    You can cloth diaper! Just make sure you have enough of them, lol!

    You can resume physical activity, but wait for docs ok. The weird thing about having kids is that they move your insides around and make stuff spread so you may not "feel" the same ever again. Also, being on bedrest atrophies your muscles to some extent so be prepared to be a wimp for a while.

    You can have sex...... but you will probably be tired and prefer sleeping to being frisky.

    Cooking dinner was a hard one for me. I lived out of my Crockpot for weeks. A lot of babies tend to be fussy and crabby around dinner cooking time.

    You may very well be too tired to think for a few weeks or even months, but that's a temporary condition. ;) Eventually they have to sleep sometime.

    I actually felt much better after my boys were born. I had an emergency c and the recovery was awful but I slept more, didn't live in the bathroom, didn't feel like I was going to bust open all the time, I could breathe, the heartburn from H*ll went away and I felt more like a person than I had for the previous 36 weeks.

    You gals can do this, just tell people "Gee, thanks for the support" as sarcastically as possible. Maybe they will get the hint. ;)
     
  7. Stephanie1074

    Stephanie1074 Well-Known Member

    AMEN!!!! My mother has told me that once the twins are born I should pretty much plan on being housebound since it will be impossible to leave the house with 3 kids!!! Obviously it will be a challenge, but come on... I seriously feel that if I can't go anywhere then I am going to need to be hospitalized!!!

    As a breastfeeding mom of my daughter (2+ years) I am also shocked when people ask me if I plan to brestfeed the twins... Of course! What just because there are two of them they don't deserve the same level of care and attention I gave the first? Obviously, it will be a challenge to breastfeed two, but should that mean that we don't try if that is the choice we are makingbased on what we feel is best for our babies?

    Another one I hate is when people say they feel sorry for you because you are having twins!!! I will be honest, I am scared to death about having 2 newborns at one time trying to feed them, my 3 year old, myself ect... But do we really need people to make comments like that? Aren't we all scared or nervous that we wont be able to handle it without others forcing us to feel even more afraid of what it will be like... I actually had someone say they hoped that I had contacted a phsychologist since I would definately have post partum after having to deal with twins! Please tell me, how is a comment like that helpful?

    One thing I will share is a lunch with my daughter, grandmother and mother the other day. We went to Friendly's and I walked in and someone asked my daughter if she was going to be a big sister... She said yes, 2 brothers!!! A lady in front of us (grandmother age) said, "Oh, I am so happy for you! My daughter has twins and they are such a blessing!" I thanked her and told her I wished more people would make comments like that!
     
  8. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    trust me you adapt QUICKLY...going out every few days became a godsend even if it was just to run through a few drive throughs (the bank, the drugstore and McDonalds for a quick lunch)...

    as for taking out 2 newborns to the grocery store, I used to put DS (because he was the bigger of the 2) in the Baby Bjorn (we had the Eddie Bauer version) and keep DD in the infant seat and put it on the cart...once DD got a bit bigger (she was only 3.5 lbs at birth at 36w) I'd rotate who went in the Bjorn...
     
  9. Susanna+3

    Susanna+3 Well-Known Member

    I think sometimes people will say things like this just so that you don't beat yourself over the head when you really don't feel like you can do it all... Some women do struggle to bf twins....and wind up severely discouraged over it... some women do struggle to get out of the house with 2 infants (and maybe more) ..some women do have a hard time getting food on the table, especially when they feel severely sleep deprived. I have BTDT and let me say that no amount of discouraging talk can possibly prepare you for what it actually feels like to go on two hours of sleep chunks for 3 or 4 months. I think when people say things like this they are just trying to cut you some slack ahead of time...and trying to help you cut yourself some slack, so that you don't feel like you are drowning after the babies get here.

    You might really be able to keep up with all of those things with no problem... you might totally feel like a pro from the get-go with massive amounts of energy to do everything you'd like to do. Or you might feel like you've run into a brick wall, been hit by a mack truck, and barely have the energy to clothe and bathe yourself on a daily basis. Everyone is different....absolutely nothing can prepare you for childbirth and life afterwards, except for childbirth itself. The other factor for you, if you've never had a child, is what your hormonal reaction will be... both with post partum and with breastfeeding... Your body will go through a hormonal shift which is just not comparable to any other hormonal shift you will go through in your entire life. I was quite unprepared for this for my first dd. They might call it "baby blues" in the books...but whether or not you suffer from ppd the hormonal shift and emotions you will go through will probably be the most intense of your entire life. And it's really important to not underestimate them. For some women they last extra long while bf... I'm not trying to be a bucket of cold water, but if someone had clued me in on this with my first dd I probably could have handled the change a lot better. And as a result of knowing what to expect, my experience after the twins was sooo much more positive. So try to consider that point of view when people seem like they are offering "discouraging" advice. They might just be trying to help you relax and not try to set super high standards which you may or may not be able to live up to. Enjoy your babies...and if you can only accomplish the basics don't stress about it. I've found that the number one thing to remember with parenting is to be flexible. If you have a set idea in your mind about how everything will go and how perfectly it might all work out, then I can guarantee you will probably be disappointed. I have yet to meet a mother who had the perfect birth, post-partum and/or bf experience... there's always little things that can be out of the range of ideal.. but if you go with the flow you'll deal with it like a champ!!
     
  10. HinSD

    HinSD Well-Known Member

    Ugh. I hate comments like this. Especially from people who don't have twins. I got the comment, "You won't have any free time!" Gee, really? Let me just put one back...
    I know people don't mean anything by it, but it does get annoying.
     
  11. ladybutterflyrose

    ladybutterflyrose Well-Known Member

    Totally with you. I am planning on breastfeeding, so I've geared up for it and researched everything from feedings, to pumps, to lactation consultants - checked insurance coverage on those, etc. I'm determined! Also, we are cloth diapering too. There are all kinds now including all-in-ones which are like a cloth diaper version of a disposable, they're that easy to use. You just get to reuse them :) . Like pp said, make sure to get enough of them. I hear you on the comments. Personally I have tried to stay away from people I notice that are more negative, but truly you can't really get away from it all. I say go for it :good: .
     
  12. alandrum

    alandrum Member

    just today my parents told me we could skip x-mas this year if I wanted to. i was like no way. i have a 3 year old and I am not taking x-mas away from him because I might be a little tired. I know this will not be easy but you have to make sure you use the energy you do have to do things important to you. We all can do this because it has been done by many before. I am trying ot get really organized though to help myself out. i have all my x-mas shopping and wrapping done. i have all the kids x-mas cloths and PJs bought and I just brought out all my after pregnancy cloths from last time, and I have addressed all my x-mas cards. The more i get done now the less i have to worry about. And i spend a lot of time with my husband and 3 year old so when the twins come i cna concentrate on them and healing.
     
  13. gina_leigh

    gina_leigh Well-Known Member

    I totally agree! I'm getting so sick of those negative comments!!

    DH and I found some really cute onesies that say things like, "Thanks, but my mom and dad don't want your unsolicited advice." Lots of funny things like that. I just wish I could stamp it on my forehead for now! And to me it's amazing how it's usually other women who say those things. I would have thought there would be more support from other moms.
     
  14. MissyEby

    MissyEby Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(gina_leigh @ Oct 25 2007, 10:23 PM) [snapback]467695[/snapback]
    I totally agree! I'm getting so sick of those negative comments!!

    DH and I found some really cute onesies that say things like, "Thanks, but my mom and dad don't want your unsolicited advice." Lots of funny things like that. I just wish I could stamp it on my forehead for now! And to me it's amazing how it's usually other women who say those things. I would have thought there would be more support from other moms.


    Where did you get the onesies??? I am putting a note on our door that says something to that effect! I love the idea of the onesie


    Missy

    :rotflmbo:
     
  15. Stephanie1074

    Stephanie1074 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Susanna+3 @ Oct 25 2007, 08:51 PM) [snapback]467526[/snapback]
    I think sometimes people will say things like this just so that you don't beat yourself over the head when you really don't feel like you can do it all... Some women do struggle to bf twins....and wind up severely discouraged over it... some women do struggle to get out of the house with 2 infants (and maybe more) ..some women do have a hard time getting food on the table, especially when they feel severely sleep deprived. I have BTDT and let me say that no amount of discouraging talk can possibly prepare you for what it actually feels like to go on two hours of sleep chunks for 3 or 4 months. I think when people say things like this they are just trying to cut you some slack ahead of time...and trying to help you cut yourself some slack, so that you don't feel like you are drowning after the babies get here.

    You might really be able to keep up with all of those things with no problem... you might totally feel like a pro from the get-go with massive amounts of energy to do everything you'd like to do. Or you might feel like you've run into a brick wall, been hit by a mack truck, and barely have the energy to clothe and bathe yourself on a daily basis. Everyone is different....absolutely nothing can prepare you for childbirth and life afterwards, except for childbirth itself. The other factor for you, if you've never had a child, is what your hormonal reaction will be... both with post partum and with breastfeeding... Your body will go through a hormonal shift which is just not comparable to any other hormonal shift you will go through in your entire life. I was quite unprepared for this for my first dd. They might call it "baby blues" in the books...but whether or not you suffer from ppd the hormonal shift and emotions you will go through will probably be the most intense of your entire life. And it's really important to not underestimate them. For some women they last extra long while bf... I'm not trying to be a bucket of cold water, but if someone had clued me in on this with my first dd I probably could have handled the change a lot better. And as a result of knowing what to expect, my experience after the twins was sooo much more positive. So try to consider that point of view when people seem like they are offering "discouraging" advice. They might just be trying to help you relax and not try to set super high standards which you may or may not be able to live up to. Enjoy your babies...and if you can only accomplish the basics don't stress about it. I've found that the number one thing to remember with parenting is to be flexible. If you have a set idea in your mind about how everything will go and how perfectly it might all work out, then I can guarantee you will probably be disappointed. I have yet to meet a mother who had the perfect birth, post-partum and/or bf experience... there's always little things that can be out of the range of ideal.. but if you go with the flow you'll deal with it like a champ!!



    I totally understnd what you are saying, but... It is nice to get encouragement and not discouraged. I agree that nothing can prepare you for motherhood and childbirth other than the actual event itself. I know there were a lot of surprises with my first, and I expect there to be with these babies too. The thing is, there is nothing I can do to change the fact that there are two, so why make comments that lead to dispair even before they come...

    This has not been an easy pregnancy for me and my family. I am not speaking in physical terms thankfully, but emotionally. We already feel unprepared and incapable of handling two babies at one time. When people we know and love make comments about how they think we can't do it either it is like running into 1000 brick walls at once... I guess I could use a few more positives. Something like, you are such a great mother that now you have been blessed with two more! I think it is so hard to keep a positive frame of mind with all of the anticipation of having 2 infants espeically after having one and knowing what that is like...
     
  16. gina_leigh

    gina_leigh Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(MissyEby @ Oct 25 2007, 09:27 PM) [snapback]467701[/snapback]
    Where did you get the onesies??? I am putting a note on our door that says something to that effect! I love the idea of the onesie
    Missy

    :rotflmbo:



    The website is www.gabbybaby.com. They have several that are really cute. :D
     
  17. belinda07

    belinda07 Well-Known Member

    I obviously dont know yet what it is like to have twins, but I have been told that I will be too busy to take a shower.
    Ahhh. Not unless I'm DEAD. It takes me 5 mins to have a shower, and I intend to do it.
     
  18. Babies4Susan

    Babies4Susan Well-Known Member

    Just be prepared to go with whatever you need to do to get through those early months with twins. Don't beat yourself up or run yourself ragged trying to do it all. I was extremely active prior to getting pregnant with twins, and I am again today, but it takes a while to get back to that.

    It would be nice if people offered to provide you a little help versus telling you you won't be able to do things though.
     
  19. ladybenz

    ladybenz Well-Known Member

    I know people think they are being helpful--but in my experience, negative energy is never helpful. I'm the kind of person who likes to focus on goal, achievements, milestones, and yeah, if I get tired, I get tired, but my motto is that its better to get tired from DOING things than to get tired from complaining about them.

    These are often the same people who called me crazy when I ran my first marathon (and only now, after I've run three are they starting to see it as something that normal people can do!)

    You don't know what you're capable of until you do it, so until you've tried, everything is possible. :D
     
  20. debid

    debid Well-Known Member

    I happen to share your view on the power of positive thinking and believe that negativity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I've never found much use for pre-emptive slack cutting, myself. FWIW, I cloth diaper my twins and have from the start. They were both exclusively breastfed and every feeding has been performed by me. When they started baby food, I got out my blender and made the babyfood. My friends thought I was nuts and couldn't figure out why I wasn't too tired to move. "Well, they sleep at night," I said, and it was the truth.

    I have challenging toddlers. We still get out of the house at least twice a week. Admittedly, we were home a great deal the first couple of newborn months but it was Fall/Winter and I didn't want them out with all of the general public's cold/flu germs any more often than was necessary. After that, we worked out the logistics and off we went.

    That said, I'm not perfect and I don't expect my boys to be perfect either. It's not perfection that I'm after but rather staying true to my own goals and values.

    SO, ignore the naysayers. Nobody has had your experience before and nobody but you will have your experience. I would say something to the people who are part of your inner circle that you're only accepting positive comments at this time.
     
  21. jhaumann

    jhaumann Active Member

    QUOTE
    You don't know what you're capable of until you do it, so until you've tried, everything is possible.


    I totally agree with you. Everyone keeps telling me how much work these babies are going to be, and how much help I'm going to need. I figure I'll need help, but I want to ask for it, not have it thrust upon me. Let me figure out how much I can do -- then you can help with what I can't.

    My mother is in town for my baby shower, and last night, I finally told her that she was being pessimistic, and I didn't appreciate it. I told her I'm trying to be optimisitic (about staying off of bed rest, going to term, etc.) and that her negative comments weren't helping. She was always "WHEN" you go on bedrest, "WHEN" the babies come early. I'm mean I'm being realistic, but for me it's always "IF". So, hopefully she'll start being positive, because I belive in "self-fulfilling prophesy" -- if you believe something enough, you can make it happen. If you have negative believes, negative things will happen.

    You'll be a great mom. You'll do the things you need & want to do. If the time comes, you may have to make choices about what those tings are, but you'll CHOOSE and no one else can tell you what you can or can't do.
     
  22. rubyturquoise

    rubyturquoise Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(akangel @ Oct 26 2007, 11:50 AM) [snapback]468332[/snapback]
    I totally agree with you. Everyone keeps telling me how much work these babies are going to be, and how much help I'm going to need. I figure I'll need help, but I want to ask for it, not have it thrust upon me. Let me figure out how much I can do -- then you can help with what I can't.

    My mother is in town for my baby shower, and last night, I finally told her that she was being pessimistic, and I didn't appreciate it. I told her I'm trying to be optimisitic (about staying off of bed rest, going to term, etc.) and that her negative comments weren't helping. She was always "WHEN" you go on bedrest, "WHEN" the babies come early. I'm mean I'm being realistic, but for me it's always "IF". So, hopefully she'll start being positive, because I belive in "self-fulfilling prophesy" -- if you believe something enough, you can make it happen. If you have negative believes, negative things will happen.

    You'll be a great mom. You'll do the things you need & want to do. If the time comes, you may have to make choices about what those tings are, but you'll CHOOSE and no one else can tell you what you can or can't do.


    I agree. I got a lot of that. And, yes, it was tiring esp in the first 6 wks when they don't have any kind of sleep schedule. But I went full term, I had no bed rest and I nursed both without supplementing with formula (I did not even express; to me that was just too complicated). So, it surely CAN be done! Twins are a special wonder and joy. Savor every minute of it. :)
     
  23. coveytwins

    coveytwins Well-Known Member

    I am finding also that EVERYONE has advice they want to lend. Some good, some really mean. Alot of women say they are sooooo jealous, they wish they were having twins. I am not sure why, but I am feeling quite prepared. Becasue honestly, I expect to be exhausted, overwhelmed and a complete train wreck. So if things go better, I will be on cloud nine. My first born has disabilities and he didn't sleep through the night until almost his third birthday. So I am a pro at sleep deprivation. I hear all about how newborns wake up every couple of hours. He did that for 3 years. After that I still had to change his diaper in the middle of the night till he was almost 7 or 8 YEARS old and he coslept with us, which actually was AWESOME. Breastfeeding he was right there and as a toddler, he was closer to get to when he woke up. Less walking. So I am hoping that prepared me for half of what I will experience with twins. I would put him in a bouncer in the bathroom and I would take my bath, he would be right next to me. SO I guess now it will be two bouncers. I see mom's all the time with a newborn and a toddler. To me that seems more difficult than anything. One can get away. I think we will all do great and when we feel at our lowest we can just gaze at our little sleeping(or screaming) wonders and realize we made those wonderful, awesome little babies and cooked them up ourselves. What a blessing!!!
     
  24. Susanna+3

    Susanna+3 Well-Known Member

    I agree that you need to stay positive... I was just trying to put a possible positive spin on why family members might say things like this. I agree that unsolicited negativity isn't helpful. A good response might be, "well, since it will be so difficult I'm sure that you'll be coming over to lend a hand and bring us food right?" The funny thing is that for every thread over here on expecting where someone is commenting on negative comments you'll find a thread over on the first year of someone complaining that family members don't understand how hard it is....so maybe having family members who are such naysayers about the difficulty will work to your advantage...perhaps they will pitch in more and be more understanding after the babies come!
     
  25. ladybenz

    ladybenz Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Susanna+3 @ Oct 26 2007, 01:49 PM) [snapback]468415[/snapback]
    The funny thing is that for every thread over here on expecting where someone is commenting on negative comments you'll find a thread over on the first year of someone complaining that family members don't understand how hard it is....so maybe having family members who are such naysayers about the difficulty will work to your advantage...perhaps they will pitch in more and be more understanding after the babies come!


    Good point! I told my mom I was going to cloth diaper, and she went out and bought me hundreds of disposable diapers "for the first few weeks" (the weeks she's visiting). I couldn't help but laugh. :)
     
  26. Susanna+3

    Susanna+3 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(ladybenz @ Oct 26 2007, 10:26 PM) [snapback]468846[/snapback]
    Good point! I told my mom I was going to cloth diaper, and she went out and bought me hundreds of disposable diapers "for the first few weeks" (the weeks she's visiting). I couldn't help but laugh. :)

    :rotflmbo: are you going to use them?? My mom did all cloth diapers for her kids...including us twins...but I think even cloth diapers have improved since then. I was not an environmentally friendly momma...I used all disposables...yahoo! But my kids did potty train relatively early so I suppose that was good! :D
     
  27. Jillianstwins

    Jillianstwins Well-Known Member

    Hi there, I will be 28 weeks with b/g twins on Monday. We have a 4 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. When people heard we were pregnant for the 2nd time and that they would be 14 months apart....I got the same response as I am getting now with being prego with twins. Then after having my first two children, my dh had open heart surgery at 37.....my children were 2 and 1 and we had just moved into a new house. We made it through that scary time and 6 weeks after dh's surgery, I ran my first marathon.

    When I crossed the finish line, the greatest lesson I learned about myself is that I can DO anything and that I can get through anything.

    We all have life stories to tell, but remember my fellow twin moms-to-be, we are strong, we CAN do this and we WILL find our way. Learning more about ourselves than we ever have.

    Now dont get me wrong, I have my tough moments too.....and have been pretty sarcastic in response to many many MANY STUPID unwelcome and unwarranted comments. But I remember my strength, that I am good person and I can/will get through this pregnancy and survive having 4 children under the age of 4.

    So big hugs to all of us, this is not easy. Some of your responses made me laugh and made me cry.....but one thing I dont feel is alone. -Jillian in CT
     
  28. Susiepie

    Susiepie Well-Known Member

    As a relatively new mommy I can confirm that yes you CAN"

    breastfeed two babies
    resume physical activity (if you want to- I've never been big on exercise! LOL)
    have sex (absolutely!)
    cook dinner (DH does most of our cooking, but yes we have nice home cooked meals at least 5 nights out of the week)


    Just focus on the babies and your family- other people (with out multiples) just don't understand
     
  29. ladybenz

    ladybenz Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Susanna+3 @ Oct 26 2007, 07:10 PM) [snapback]468909[/snapback]
    :rotflmbo: are you going to use them?? My mom did all cloth diapers for her kids...including us twins...but I think even cloth diapers have improved since then. I was not an environmentally friendly momma...I used all disposables...yahoo! But my kids did potty train relatively early so I suppose that was good! :D


    I will use them, no point in letting them go to waste (except in the way the manufacturer intended). It may be especially helpful in those early weeks before their little tushies are big enough to fill out the cloth diaper covers!
     
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