You know you are pregnant with twins when......

You know you are pregnant with twins when....

Your MATERNITY clothes are starting to not fit you and you still have a few weeks left.

You drop more things on the ground than you would not preg because nature and gravity KNOWS you CANNOT pick them up.

You get stuck on the couch and try to fling your arms around hoping it will help you up.

You can definetly survive a singleton pregnancy because you measure beyond that and are still functioning.

You scope out twins when out and about.

People look at you like a freak of nature because you are so BIG.

You don't care what the shirt looks like, as long as it is COVERING your belly.

You see the following as an Olympic event and you are a contender: …..getting off of the couch in less then 1 minute, rolling over in bed in one continous movement, deep breathing.......etc!

You never realized how long 9 months REALLY is....

You only want to buy baby clothes that have 2 matching sets !
... People start treating you like a handicaped person, because you are huge!

... People look at you like you don’t belong in public because you look like you might have the babies anytime!

... Your belly is totaly lopsided..

.. You go out for dinner and YOU DON’T FIT INTO THE BOOTH anymore...
People stop telling you that you look "cute" or "great" and start saying "oh my gosh, you're HUGE!"

Other patients at your OB's office recognize you and start saying things like, "you're the one with twins, right" or "you're the twin lady!"
Your belly button has been missing since you hit 20 WEEKS !!

You know you're pg w/twins when you go to Wal-Mart at 30-some weeks to buy the cheapest sandals they have in a wide width with adjustable straps because you can't even wear your flip-flops after 10AM anymore.

You know you're pg with twins when you feel like you need to defend your huge belly when out in public by letting everyone know that no you aren't 44 weeks pg, you're having 2.

The multiples birthing class scares the crap out of DH because they tell you EVERYTHING that can go wrong with a twin pregnancy.

You know you're pg with twins when people start asking you at 25 weeks how much longer you have left

when you can't even walk around your house without bumping your belly into something!

when you think it's wierd when you get a gift with only ONE OUTFIT IN IT at your shower (and you continue to look for the other outfit)

You misjudge the distance it takes to clear your belly after brushing your teeth and end up with toothpaste all over.

You are one step away from buying Depends instead of panti liners to help with what the Dr's call "leaking..."

*****you had to buy maternity clothes and you are just 9 weeks along!
you have set up camp in the recliner because you can not sleep or even breathe laying down!!

you nearly had to spend the night in the tub at 21 weeks because dh was at work, the older kids had spent the night off and the phone was in the kitchen and you couldn’t get out of the tub !!!!

Your friends, who used to giggle at you because you were so big so early, have stopped and now just look sorry for you and a bit shocked as well.

You try to pick out up a watermelon at the grocery store and realize it is impossible because your tummy is BIGGER than the watermelon.

When you honk the horn when you pull up in the driveway so someone will come help you get out of the car!!

When your husband has to help you ROLL OVER IN BED because you just cant do it anymore...

Your shopping cart is filled with items you only thought you would have to buy as a senior citizen (Boost, Depends, Fiber tablets, antacids)

You tell your brother, who's a Marine, that he's going to be the uncle of twin nephews soon & he offers to babysit, saying he's qualified for the job because of his COMBAT experience!!


You realize at the end of the day your underwear was inside out and backwards.** That sure explained the never ending wedgy!!

You have to ask DH to help you get your pants on the right way because no matter how many times you take them off and turn them they still end up on backwards.**

Someone points out to you that you have 2 different shoes on !!

That mumu your granny wore last week actually looks appealing.

You know your pg with twins when @ 23 WEEKS you have to wash the dishes standing sideways at the sink.

when your older children are complaining because you have NO LAP LEFT for them to sit on and you are only 23 weeks pregnant

you have to buy "wife beater t-shirts" (sorry, I do not know what the real name is) to wear under your real clothes so that your belly stays covered

you wonder why people have a hard time believing that you still have 20ish weeks until your due date.....until you see a pic of yourself (a sideways pic is even better)

you know your pregnant with twins when people ask you when your due, and you have no idea what to tell them, because the due date really means nothing !!!!!

DH strains his leg pushing you in a wheelchair around the zoo for the day. At 33wks I had no issue walking it with being preg with my daughter (singleton) ...couldn't of even tried to do it pregnant with twins (33wks).

1. Ask for food at midnight
2. Ask for food the moment you wake up
3. Ask for food every 2-3 hours during the day
4. Get mad when you don’t get food.


When you feel like you have to go pee so bad, then when you get to the bathroom only a little trinkle comes out !!!

When you start using the “handicapped stalls” in the bathroom because you can't shut the door around you AND your belly in the other stalls!!!
You refer to yourself as "WE "...

When you crave a specific food, you tell people this makes the twins happy...
You don't tell people how you are feeling but rather how the twins are feeling...

When you're out somewhere and all of a sudden you look at your belly and say, "hey, girls (guys), stop fighting in there!"

When you have to take a nap after you shower/bath because shaving is so da*n exhausting!

****** But just wait until both sides of your face are wet because you have two sweet babies giving you kisses (ok teething on your face!!!!) it is unbelievable and the sweetest thing ever!!!

(mine added on... when lie on the floor only to be attacked by two babies ... you know you are a twin mom !!)


Heather

 

OH MY GOODNESS!! :rotflmbo:

There are sooo many things in there that I thought I was the only one freaking out about!!!!

I loved it, that was to freakin funny. I can' wait to share it with my partner, he has been gone for almost 2 mo now and he has no idea what he is in for when he comes home!!!

Thank you soo much for posting that!

 

I still have a bit to go, but found this HILARIOUS! Thanks for sharing!

Jessie

 

That made my night, esp the food one. That's soooo me. First thing in the morning on weekends I make my fiance get up to get me something to eat and if he doesn't I take away all the pillows. Lol.


How about: you start eating with the plate above your belly so you can eat sideways and your belly doesn't hit the table and you spill less on your shirt.

You realize how much you love dh cause he helps you shave, even if he misses a couple spots.

You wear sandals in the winter cause they are the only shoes you can put on by yourself.

Personal hygene is no longer personal as you now need help with almost anything below the belly.

 

Lol! The sandals one is so me! (Men's Birkenstocks, wide size with extra holes punched in the straps!) I don't even bother shaving anymore-I could care less! And Kimani, I'm with you on the eating thing-I change my shirt on average three times a day-I was just telling DH last night I looked more like a patient in a nursing home than a pregnant 35 year old! I had more food on my shirt than on the plate! Lol!

Too funny!

 

:rotflmbo: That is so hilarious. I am seriously crying I'm laughing so hard (as my belly bounces around like Santa Claus ). I can so relate to I think every single one of those!

 

:rotflmbo:

 

That list is sooo true and absolutely hilarious! Great start to my day ... I'll probably be back just to reread it a few more times! HA! :rotflmbo:

 

:rotflmbo: I love it!! Can't wait to share it with DH! I related to a LOT of those, and I'm sure even more as time goes on.

 

Those were great! I related to so many! And the pee one! I thought something was wrong with me!

 

All soo very true! I think I was able to get my pants on myself, but forget about my socks....DH definitely had to help with those! I lived in crocs and mules 2 sizes bigger than I usually wear the last couple months.

 

Absolutly fantastic!
Loved the one on needing the handicap stall!!! And having a different depth perception-bumping into things/people all day long with the belly/shelf!

thanks for sharing!!

 

OMG, I really neede that laugh....thank you. WHat a great way to start the day!

Jenn

 

How about the doorman at Sam's summons a "shopping aid" for you that pushes the cart around because they don't want you "dropping a baby" in the frozen foods?

Or when you get to the register the woman prints out your receipt to sign because you can't get close enough to the little scanner screen to sign it digitally?

Or lifting a gallon of milk seems like an epic challenge, just so you can make your body-builder protein shake, which you then whine about stirring because it takes too long to mix and uses too many of the calories you consume in drinking it!

And my favorite so far... nearly crying when I'd walked all the way to the restroom in the grocery store only to find it closed for cleaning... and I stood there sad long enough the security guard noticed and escorted me into the men's!

And your husband/house guests/pets can tell how bad you have to pee by how fast you "waddle", which of course means more side-to-side motion than actual forward mobility!

The hover-round/rascal commercials start to look promising.

Eating a "snack" consists of half a pizza, or a whole box of ice cream, or a pound of cheese, or an entire package of fried bacon.

You need a straw to drink anything and not spill it because your boobs are sitting on your belly... which leaves no space for a glass.

Soup is a "fun meal" because you can drink it directly from the bowl without using a spoon, thus keeping it above the boobs.... but you wait until it's only warm to eat it for fear of the HOT soup spilling on the belly!

You use the handicapped stalls so that you can take advantage of the handrails to haul your extra heft up and enjoy enough space that you don't bump into the walls like a bull in a china store.

You walk like a cowboy.... all the time... and you're not due for weeks.

You look at a flight of stairs as an Olympic marathon... taking each one and rewarding yourself for each step!

If you drop something small enough on the floor, it stays until someone else gets home. This includes the remote, so you find yourself watching whatever is on because the remote is on the floor and too far down to pick up.

You've managed to get too big for the 2X maternity clothes....and the docs say you still have at least 15 pounds to gain!

You can't remember the last time your underwear and bra fit properly...

Thinking about putting on your socks leaves you winded.

You honestly cry when you reach the end of whatever you are eating, knowing that you are still hungry but you are worn out from chewing!

You actually tuck the napkin into the neck of your shirt like a bib because if it were in your lap, it would be purely for decoration.

You coordinate what you are eating to what you are wearing so that the shirt will disguise food spots better. This means you won't have to change and that makes you more happy than anything.

Your husband can't wrap his arms around your belly.

Your husband helps you put on your underwear, but you still miss when you step into them because you can't see HIM or the UNDERWEAR for your belly, none the less where to put your feet!

The only "balance" you have is the plate on your stomach. So if you were to take a drunk test (stand on one foot, walk a straight line), you'd fail simply because you have none....

This is fun... I could think of these all day!

Hugs,
Dominique

 

To Dominique:

Yes, Yes, Yes, Bravo
This all is just to funny!
I sent the original along to my partner via email, his reply- I want to laugh my butt off but Im afraid to!

 

Holy crap, Dominique...I'm freakin' crying here! LMAO @ "walk like a cowboy all the time"...and the speed waddle. Oh man, that's so great!

Jessie

 

Thanks guys! I'm glad you guys can appreciate it. My roommate finds it hillarious and my husband just dies laughing on a regular basis now... especially when things like spitting the toothpaste on your stomach or running into the refrigerator door with your belly happens.

My husband has gotten into the Wii Fit... and it has a walking exercise and a running game. Well, I KICKED his butt at the running game the other day because my "speed waddle" is apparently the PERFECT motion to make the Wii think I'm running in place. It was a little victory for all twin moms!

Celebrate our HUGE-TWIN-NESS!!! We should all relish in this... goodness knows we have to put up with enough extra crap (special doctor's visits, unwanted questions about our medical histories, crazed ladies who think pregnancy and twins are dreamy, other pregnant women who don't get that being pregnant with twins IS different, the world being designed for one baby at a time... etc).

We are DUE some CELEBRATION, especially since most of us get to be pregnant through the hardest part of the year.
Halloween (a holiday set up for most women to look sexy in a costume, not pregnant, and then wave tons of sugar in front of us while we live in fear of gestational diabetes)
Thanksgiving (nothing like the size comparisions to the turkey and the jokes about needing to buy you your own bird... those have ALREADY started)
Christmas/Channukah (shopping for gifts while on bed rest... or being in the mall, already preggers-over-heated, with every other person from seven states trying to find "the perfect thing"... and then being compared to the Santa belly.)
New Years (everyone stays up way later than a pregnant lady can handle, drinks champagne, and kisses each other.... let's spread those germs right before giving birth!)

So enjoy what we can! The world certainly isn't built for us!

Hugs,
Dominique

 

Dominique, you should write for Leno! You've got a great creative sense of humor.

Here's my addition...

You're on hospital bed rest and all the nursing students fight over who gets you as a patient for the day because you have the most interesting chart.

You have the unique experience of one baby jumping on your bladder like a trampoline while the other simultaneously uses your intestines as a jump rope.

You've got a collection of at least 10 separate photos of your unborn children's private parts (why do they always print those??? We know they're girls already! Didn't think it was going to change).

and to add to Dominique's...my "snack" consists of a double bacon cheeseburger, fries and a frosty...you know, just to tie me over until dinner.

 

You've got a collection of at least 10 separate photos of your unborn children's private parts (why do they always print those??? We know they're girls already! Didn't think it was going to change).

I know, I have been so upset the last few times I've had my u/s. They keep giving me part pictures. I want faces and hands and feet, the cute stuff.

 

These are all great Heather I remember getting that email when I was pg. Makes me miss being pregnant with the twins! Dominique those are hilarious additions!

 

I'm going to add more .... you ALWAYS have a "Tide pen" in your purse to remove stains from the last of only two shirts that STILL fit you.

You now have cankles and your legs and feet look like tree stumps, wearing your very large orthotic type sandles, crying at the thought of walking to your ultrasound appointment..... You consider hailing a taxi to take you 1.5 blocks but you think he would consider you a nut and drive off.

You don't DARE take a bath without your dh home unless you get stuck and can't get out of it. So you wait until 5 Pm to FINALLY have a bath because you know you will feel so good while you are in there !!!!

You buy a large step stool to put in your shower just so you can shave your legs, or have a spot to sit down if you feel dizzy or tired, or start to get sick.

You only drink "pretty" things in the morning like popsicles or Gatorade since you KNOW you will be sick after drinking it anyway. Milk.... NOT happening !

You buy the small folic acid vitamins and children's chewable vitamins since there is NO WAY you can swallow the large prenatal vitamins .. not til trimester two.

When you tell people your due date / or how far along you are .. you LOVE the shocked reaction as you wait a bit to tell them you are having twins.

And YES I'm pregnant again and even with two twin girls running around, I feel so much better than when I was pregnant with twins. I had everything ready to go at 26 weeks and I'm so glad I did. All the best to you all

Heather

 

So I have to add this

You know it's twins when....

After thinking you can still do ANYTHING you climb on to the lawnmower just to realize you can't get back off again and your stuck so you sit there debating calling 911!

 

*Your maternity shirts have small holes right on the belly where they are worn out from being rubbed against everything you come into contact with.
*Taking a shower with hubby is no longer romantic, it's practical. He's there to help shave, wash and rinse.
*You have a code-word with a co-worker to tell you that she can see your belly peeking out from under your shirt.
*You have hubby rig up some of his shoes so that they don't have to be tied and you can just slip them on. Two sizes too big, but you wear them to work.
*While you're still sleeping, DH puts your socks on for you before he leaves for work because he knows you won't be able to do it when you get up later.

I'm sure there will be more over the next few weeks, this is fun!!

 

These were hilarious!!!!!

 

Thanks guys... :blush: I'm glad you like them!

And another.... you cry at your husband's company picnic when they bring out a camel for camel rides. First, you can't figure out how to get on the thing and everyone wants a picture of your "hump" on the camel "hump". Second, when the camel handler gets out a TAPE MEASURE and determines you won't FIT behind the camel's hump!!

You cheer for winter winds because this means pants.... and thus less shaving and light-headed showering!

You buy Vitamin E and Cocoa butter in bulk and ponder applying it with a dry wall spackler.

You wistfully think about sex... not as what got you into this mess, but as an opportunity to be certain there is something below your belly besides your cankles.

You laugh at the laundry baskets with the cutouts to fit around your body.

You are not surprised by "rapid weight gain" and actually feel pitty for the scale... not that you can see it on the floor.

You live in fear of a twisted sock or rock in your shoe because you know you'll have to live with it the rest of the day.

Groups of small children hide in your shadow at the playground to "get out of the sun".

The next door neighbor's kids refer to you as "the lady who swallowed two watermelons".

You park funny in parking lots so that no one will get close to your door, as having to "squeeze" actually means doing anything less than opening the door the FULL distance.

You know where every bathroom between your home and the doctor's offices are.... and have them rated based on toliet paper type, stall size, and THEN cleanliness.

You scoff at terms like "pelvic discomfort", "rapid weight gain", "lethargy", "dietary requirements", "tight skin", and "muscle stretching" because this doesn't begin to describe the king kong kicks, hourly weight changes, narcolepsy, second breakfasts and third dinners, "I will explode" belly button, and "your ligiments are being used for Cirque de Soliel.

Off to the perinatologist. I'm sure I'll have a few new ones after that!
Dominique

 

omg im laughing so hard im crying