you and your DH... kinda personal...

how do you find the time to... you know... i'm just so frickin' tired at night, there's NO WAY i want to even THINK about it. my peak energy time is the middle of the day, but he's not home then. we haven't "done the deed" since august (when the doctor said no more), *gasp* i know that's horrible, and i feel so bad for the guy... how do you do it?

 

QUOTE(ddancerd1 @ Dec 25 2007, 07:48 AM) [snapback]545673[/snapback]
how do you find the time to... you know... i'm just so frickin' tired at night, there's NO WAY i want to even THINK about it. my peak energy time is the middle of the day, but he's not home then. we haven't "done the deed" since august (when the doctor said no more), *gasp* i know that's horrible, and i feel so bad for the guy... how do you do it?



Hi, This has been really hard for me too, going through exactly what you are going through. Luckily enough we talk about it, and DH is extremely understanding and knows that things will calm down eventually. We run a full time business at home as well, so you can probably imagine that it can make things even harder.
I just try and get the kids to sleep earlier some nights and try to catch a nap during the day, as DH & I both work from home, so he runs the show, whilst I take a break. It really isn't easy, but we stay optimistic, as it wont be like this forever.Communication is very important and has helped us get through it.

 

We are no longer swinging from the chandeliers, we have quite, old people sex (or at least what I think 90 years do!) We talk a good game though and that's why I think its fine (for now!)

 

Let's just say there has been NO action in our bed since I was 20 weeks pg and the doctor said no more. Besides being too tired to have the energy, my body is so gross right now with that extra "twin skin" that I have no desire either. I'm hoping once the babies sttn we will be able to jumpstart our love life.

 

You should discuss your feeling with your DH and explain how you feel to him. I admit that the first several months after having the twins, Dh and I did not have any relations. But it did get better. Hang in there.

 

I found a way to make time for that. I felt it was important as a couple and for myself as well. Despite being completely exhausted with colicky twins, pumping every 2 hours around the clock. I just made time. Granted it wasnt a 1 hour session or anything but enough.....

 

It gets better! For awhile DH made it a game of trying to get me "in the mood" which was quite fun!! Now he doesn't have to try so hard. Ours are 8 months old and I'd say we're back to 2-3x a week. After my first son it took a long time to get back on track, so I was expecting the same with the twins. By 6 months I had most of my mojo back. You'll get there!

Reyna

 

I stopped thinking about myself and started thinking about him. Sex is something that men NEED, there have been studies, it is proven. I just sucked it up and did it for him... you usually get swept up in the fun.

 

Six months later I was finally in the mood this weekend! We ended up doing the deed at his in-laws' house. I realized that what it took was to literally pull myself from my baby environment. Otherwise, I just can't snap out of mommy mode. I am by no means suggesting going to your in-laws house to rekindle your sex flame, but it worked for me. Maybe it was the whole taboo thing. Who knows, who cares...we were both happy! (If for some reason you guys are reading this, I apologize :huh: )

 

QUOTE(serranoboys @ Dec 26 2007, 02:34 AM) [snapback]546164[/snapback]
Six months later I was finally in the mood this weekend! We ended up doing the deed at his in-laws' house. I realized that what it took was to literally pull myself from my baby environment. Otherwise, I just can't snap out of mommy mode. I am by no means suggesting going to your in-laws house to rekindle your sex flame, but it worked for me. Maybe it was the whole taboo thing. Who knows, who cares...we were both happy! (If for some reason you guys are reading this, I apologize :huh: )


LOL...made me laugh about doing it at your IL's!

For us, I had a ton of mojo about a month after the twins were born! It was unreal...then I started my BCP and it is GONE!! We don't have it nearly as much as we used or liked to. My mojo is one reason, but both of us are usually dead to the world by the time the girls go to bed. Hopefully it will get better now that the holidays are over!

April

 

I'm with HeyThere when she says that it's something MEN need...I don't know how your DH is; but mine is like a 2 yr old without a nap if he's forced to go very long without it!! For me, even if I'm not "feeling it" I try and think of all the things my husband does for me that he's not particularly into ..and it may not be romantic, but it makes sex a sort of tradeoff...and you can get damn near anything when you dangle that carrot! :rotflmbo:

Just close your eyes and think Nike.."Just do it"...you'll feel much better after it's over and you can scratch DH off your "Things to Do" list for today! ha!

 

I'm slowly getting my sex drive back but it still hurts alot! We wind up finishing off on the outside,(sorry TMI!!) It is starting to suck. When does it get better?

 

QUOTE(prairiemom3 @ Dec 26 2007, 02:52 AM) [snapback]546276[/snapback]
I'm slowly getting my sex drive back but it still hurts alot! We wind up finishing off on the outside,(sorry TMI!!) It is starting to suck. When does it get better?


...kinda personal is right for this post..ha...here goes: are you lubricated enough? maybe you need a little extra OTC help KWIM? Couldn't really hurt things to try, ya know? Another thing to try if you haven't already..different positions?

My boys are almost 6 months old and I still have some painful moments moreso when I'm on top (again TMI)...but the pleasure outweighs the pain and has been since they were a month or so old...two things contribute to that though: #1..I had a great doctor that delivered me and helped to stretch me out so that I wouldn't tear with either boy, so I had no stitches like I did the first time around. Those hurt...and they made sex painful for a while afterwards. Scary too.
And #2 was I spent a whole month chained to a hospital bed about 3 hours away from my husband BEFORE the twins were delivered...I desperately needed his touch after having been poked, prodded, needled to death by several strangers every day!!!!

 

QUOTE(ddancerd1 @ Dec 24 2007, 03:48 PM) [snapback]545673[/snapback]
how do you find the time to... you know... i'm just so frickin' tired at night, there's NO WAY i want to even THINK about it. my peak energy time is the middle of the day, but he's not home then. we haven't "done the deed" since august (when the doctor said no more), *gasp* i know that's horrible, and i feel so bad for the guy... how do you do it?


Wow when my girls were your kiddos age, there was nothing happening at our house.

 

It is tough to find the time but I agree with the pps. You have to MAKE the time. As soon as our 8 weeks was up we were at it again. Now we weren't like we used to be but we gave it the old college try! My thing is that you just have to make the time. Even if its 11pm at night & you are exhausted - try to at least once a week & then work your way up from there. I'm in no way a sex kitten that gives it up 4x's a week but at least 2-3x a week I try. Key word - TRY! There is lots & lots of foreplay in our house too. Alot of flirting, grabbing, etc...Even if we don't have timefor the other at least we know that we still have it for each other. Does that make sense? For my marriage, for us - sex is an important piece. Hey!! 30 mins isn't going to kill ya..drink an extra cup of coffee in the morning Here's the great thing about going ahead and doing the deed...you will get alot more help out of your hubby and you'll feel better about yourself & your marriage as well. Sex really does do a body good!!

 

It's tough but it really does get better. I don't know if you're nursing but that really made me not want to do the deed. When the babies were about 6 months old my sex drive finally started coming back. I don't know if it had to do with the fact that I was nursing less or if it just started coming back but it definitely has gotten better. I think a lot of it had to do with just getting more sleep! Just explain to him how you are feeling and assure him that things won't always be this way. It's hard for me even now but a lot of times I just go with it when he asks and I end up glad we did . It WILL get better.

 

QUOTE(heartofdixiemama @ Dec 26 2007, 01:12 AM) [snapback]546258[/snapback]
...and you can get damn near anything when you dangle that carrot! :rotflmbo:



lol! so true!

 

It is difficult for us too! I am glad to see that a lot of people are going through this. I have the energy on occasion because I'm getting so much help from my family. My problem is I feel so bad about the way I look right now that I'm just not in the mood. I'm hoping as time goes on and I look more and more like my old self that I'll start to feel better.

 

DH and I have always had an active sex life (see the post on Doing the deed post partum on the parents club LOL) Even when I am not "feeling it" I JUST DO IT... never not once have I regreted it and I always "have a good time" too! It is the best stress reliever I can think of on the planet. Of course Dh understands my exhaustion and sometimes I just get a nice backrub instead. But we try to DTD at least everyother day. Oh and take it outta the bedroom if you can, that seems to help get back into the swing of things.

 

2-3x a week????? I forget what that was like! It hasn't been like that in our house in several years. I just can't seem to get in the mood anymore especially since the twins were born - 3 kids, 3 years and younger = exhausting plus we've been together for almost 13 years. Does that make a difference? When the kids go to bed, I just want some time to myself! I agree though that you have to make the time, but once a week is about all I can handle right now. I really wish I was in the mood a lot more though!!!

 

well, my husband and i were right back at it as soon as the doctor said we could. although it wasn't but maybe once every other week at first, but we had fun trying to keep from losing all of our minds to the babies and parenthood. We really didn't have a hard time breaking the time from our twin girls, but it was our 4 year old that we had to deal with. lol--MOMMY---DADDY---all day long once her daycare closed down. we haven't sent her back yet although i have been so tempted at times. i actually like her being at home with me too, since i can actually have a pretty good conversation with her. about anything but none the less it's conversation.

Hubby and I have had to hyjack the bathroom and lock the bedroom doors if we chose to have a midday snack--lol. or we wait until night time and every one is asleep. our twins have been sleeping all night for about 5 months now, well at least one has and the other for about 4 months. Of course it does take a while for some people. I guess that I am just a rareity amongst this group.

You will get it back soon. Just start thinking about the times that you both are together throughout the day on the days that he doesn't work and just sneak away during a nap. believe me if you do it before bed you will actually get a better nights rest! the first time we did--I slept all the way until the next feeding feeling fully rested. I got up without feeling like a zombie and i was able to get my girls back to sleep without falling asleep myself.

Good luck in your adventures!--lol
Lots of love!
Meshell

 

You woman that jump back into the saddle quickly amaze me! Even when I got the ok (at 6 weeks) I couldn't even imagine it! I would say for us it was probably about 3 months after the babies were born (mid July) ... for us it had been an ENTIRE YEAR! yup ... we had sex 4th of July weekend last year for the last time ... we cycled (IVF) in August and I felt crappy from the meds ... then between morning sickness, bedrest, etc, we didn't do it during the entire pregnancy!

Once they were born I could barely function. Even at the 3 month mark, I was doing it for him, I could easily have just gone to sleep. We are still trying to get back into the groove. But we talk and laugh about it and know that its just one part of relationship. We have a life time of it ahead of us ... so we just take our time with it. I don't want to make it a job, because I worry that it will start to feel like one. Like, just add it to the list of things I need to get done today.

Take your time, talk to your hubby about it ... (and if it hurts, get some KY!) haha ...

good luck!