X-mas presents from grandma

I'm not sure if I will get comments on this before tomorrow afternoon but here it goes...

I LOOOOVVVE my MIL she is great and very giving...very very giving. She is one of those people that you mention something you were thinking about getting or would like to have sometime in the near future and she will go out and buy it for you.

Anyway DH and I are fearful that she has gone over board this year again. We suspect she has bought them tons of presents to open x-mas morning. The problem is that DH and I both agree that we want the kids to remember breakfast and spending time with the family. Not the quantity. Grandma is absolutely not on the same page. Last year we asked she not get them anything with a lot of pieces. She got them Elmo's Restaurant (52 pieces and they were 18 months old!)

So now I want to tell her that she can only give two presents to each child and the rest of the stuff she bought she can hold onto until their b-day in May of 2010. Am I crazy? I remember my parents giving my nieces and nephews a ridiculous amount of presents when I was growing up. They would spend over a thousand dollars on all of them. Now they are a bunch of "what did you get me kids" around the holidays. I do not want my kids to be like that.

Now that I think about it I will let her have this. I think my real problem with the whole thing is that I don't want her to show us up. We are a single income family so the presents they get from us is the stuff they need. There is not too much "fun toy" type stuff coming their way. We can't afford to give them an x-mas with tons of presents to open. I wrapped the stuff we got them a few nights ago and thought "this is not a lot of stuff". I think I just need to let go of my guilt.

On another topic...at the beginning of December I told DH I wanted something to open X-mas day. Last year everyone has something to open but me. This year I gave him a list of about 5 moderately priced items that I wanted. They could be found on-line. He ordered sometime last week paid and extra $30 to get it here and found out today they won't be here before x-mas. Now x-mas is ruined for him. He doesn't like when things don't work out and now I feel bad for even asking this of him. I guess I just have to buy myself something and wrap it so I will have something going forward. I hope I didn't ruin x-mas for DH. He is in the other room pouting right now...poor thing. I told him it would be fine but he is still very upset.

Thanks for reading,
Lindia

 

Here's my take on it, this year I don't know if I would say a whole lot, besides, the kids are still young and it probably will be okay. However, going forward, I would express to MIL how much you love that she loves your kids so much, but you would like to limit the amount of gifts they get at Christmas time. Be honest and tell her your reasons, whatever they may be. I would wait and do it later, though, there is no reason to have hurt feelings during the holidays. It may be good also to give her a list of things that you would like her to get the kids each year and ask her to only get those things on the list, and since she is so generous, put things on there that you would like them to have but you can't afford. I don't think that is bad if she is offering, which it seems like she is. She obviously adores your kids, and that is awesome! As far as DH is concerned, he'll be okay. He went to a lot of trouble and extra cash to get your gift on time and is very disappointed that you won't get it. Maybe you'll luck up and it will be delievered tomorrow because delieveries are being made tomorrow. If not, just hold off giving him his gift and then you and he can exchange gifts when yours arrives, that way he won't feel like you are being left out.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!!

Oh, yeah, I can tell you what my aunt used to do when my nieces and nephews would get too many toys. She would box half of them up and put them away and only let them play with the other half, then every so many months, she would box those up and get out the other ones and let them play with those. That way, they would never get tired of them...could be something you do if you find they have an overload.

 

I would talk to her and let her know how you feel if you havent done so already. Maybe she will change her ways. I also like the idea of giving her a list of things that the kids NEED for the holidays and that might free you guys up to buy some of the "fun" stuff moving forward. I also think its okay for the grandparents to do some "spoiling." They have earned it. Plus, you just never know how long they will be around to share the joy of the holidays. I would let it go for this one. :hug:

 

I agree with the pp's. I think if you want to change things it would be better done from next year. Being specific about what you'd like her to get is a great idea to avoid her getting the 'wrong' things without realising-e.g. she might have just looked at the picture on the box of the Elmo toy and not checked the pieces.
One suggestion for this year; let her give them all the presents she's bought, but spread them out over a few days. That way they get all the presents but it's less overwhelming. Maybe ask your MIL which ones she would most like to see the children open if she'll be with you on Christmas day.

 

My mom was like that when my boys were first small, and so I requested that she only get two toys each, and that if she wanted to buy them other things they be books, clothes, etc. That worked out great. She got to be very indulgent, but there wasn't a toy overload, because most of the gifts were more practical.

 

We never got many presents as kids - ok I'm jewish so it's to be expected! But one thing my mum used to do was spread out the gift giving over the full 12 days of christmas ie the biggest things first and getting littler and littler til jan 6th. I really like that, and it gave me a chance to appreciate and play with each gift, even the little ones.

the other thing is that I agree with pp about saying something next year rather than this. and maybe for your MIL it's a way of helping you guys ie she knows you can only give the essentials, so she gives the luxuries so you don't have to ... I think spoiled kids is way more than getting a lot of pressies a couple of times a year. It's something about attitude and appreciation: culturing a sense of appreciation for the gifts - maybe even helping them box up old toys for other less fortunate kids - rather than a sense of entitlement ... By the sounds of it, you have a good appreciation and I'm sure you'll be passing this onto the kids.

As far as DH, maybe you could think of something non-tangible that he can give you, so that he feels better. if it's important to him to give something, perhaps he could make you a series of 'washing up' vouchers that you can redeem with him when you're too tired to do it ... or something else like that which is free, much appreciated and do-able at the last minute.

Happy holidays.

 

I had to have a heart-to-heart talk with my SIL about this. She is not married, her parents have passed and our kids are her only niece and nephew, so she went WAY WAY overboard with presents for their first and second and third Christmases. (And, her Mom used to show "love" by giving presents and going overboard at Christmas, not by saying "I love you" or hugging or anything like that). While I do understand where she was coming from on all this, it was still making me crazy.

After Christmas last year, I finally sat her down and explained how this made me feel, what I wanted Christmas to be like for our kids, how I felt about "consumerism" in general, what I wanted our kids to learn about gift-giving and receiving. I asked for her help -- and told her that I knew it would be hard for her, but that I really, really needed her help on this. I also suggested ways that I thought she could make Christmas special for our kids without lots of gifts -- special traditions that she (alone) does with them, special events or trips that she gets to do with them (and that she pays for), etc.

I'll let you know if the "teaching moment" worked after we open gifts this year!

Much peace,

Meg -- mom to 3.75 year old boy/girl twins

 

Thanks ladies...I agree, I think it's a little to late to tell her not to go overboard. We'll have a heart to heart next year about the gift giving. I don't think the kids will be very aware of what is happening this year anyway.

To the greatness of the mothers on TS, Cheers!!

Lindia

 

what we do is this (so far anyway)...the gifts that DH and I get the kids are from Santa only...they get so much stuff from my parents and IL's that they don't notice that mommy and daddy haven't gotten them anything (of course that may change next year when they're 4) but for the last several Christmases all the stuff we got them went under the tree on Christmas morning from Santa and they still had plenty to open and love...

 

I would accept it all with a smile, as your kids get older you can talk to your kids about not being the "what did you get me" kind . I would let Mil spoil them while she can. They are only little once and she won't be around forever.