Would you go to a wedding by yourself with your twins?

DH nephew is getting married Labor Day weekend in Texas. We went back and forth on who should go and because of the cost, just DH is going. His ticket is non-refunable and he is leaving Friday and returning Sunday.

DH's niece just called tonight and guess what.....she's getting married Labor Day weekend, the same day.
A little history: her fiance joined the army and just got his orders. The need to be in Germany by September 8th and they must be married before they leave. She wants to get married in the church and not city hall. The only day the church is available in the next two weeks is August 30th.

So here is my problem:

DH expects me to go to her wedding, by myself with the boys. I would have zero help from his family. Sure they will hold them and maybe pass them around, but as soon as one acts up, they want nothing to do with them. I told him I would need a person who could help me 100%(hold, feed, change diapers ect). Not that many people from his family will be there since most of them will be in Texas at the other wedding. There will be her parents...can't ask them to help. A niece who has 2 boys of her own, her mom and a sil with one child. DH does not understand how difficult this will be for me. He said if it was the other way around, he would go and just hand one off to whoever and make them help. How nice, they go to a wedding and end up having to baby sit. We have been to many family occasions with the boys and as soon as they act up, they just pass them back to us. I can't be spending the day dealing with screaming babies who will missing their afternoon nap and staying up way past their bedtime.

We don't have anyone who can watch them either for the day. Again, it's Labor Day weekend and most every one we know has plans.

I can just hear his family complaining about us not attending but nobody in his family has twins so they don't understand.

 

That is a difficult situation for sure - I feel for you. Personally I probably wouldn't go - but I am a big chicken when it comes to taking both babies out anywhere by myself! If you could find a friend to come and help that would be great.
Or perhaps you could just attend part of the wedding - either the ceremony or the reception/dance. Maybe just go and put in an appearance and once the babies get fussy/crying then you could leave - and I am sure no one would mind you leaving if the babies are crying/fussing!

 

I wouldn't go, I hate the babies being passed around and they wouldn't enjoy it. Unless I only went for say 2-3 hours and then return to a hotel. If you have to fly to get there I;d say no..

 

I agree that I would probably put in an appearance, but wouldn't stay. Or if there is a friend available, bring them with the understanding they are there to help.
Or you could possibly hire a helper just for the occasion.

It's a tough spot to be in!

 

Hiring a helper is a great idea if you have to go. Sounds like it would be easier to listen to family complain that you didn't go, then to actually go. Would you be taking the babies to the actual ceremony? Can't imagine trying to keep too babies quite during a weeding.

Dianna

 

I wouldn't do it. 2 seven month olds at a wedding aren't any fun for anyone. If someone complains, say that you know how much attention the twins get, and you didn't want to take anything away from the bride on her special day.

 

If you really must go (and you don't need to travel far to go), just go to the church with the stroller and stand in the back. If they start fussing, walk them around the vestibule or outside. No one can say you didn't go.

However I agree with pp's. With it being so last minute and your DH out of town I think everyone would understand if you didn't go. It seems like you are close with his family, can you call his niece and explain the situation?

 

I would be expected to go to both. I would be in the back of the church the entire time so I doubt I would even see the ceremony (catholic with a full mass, so about an hour). That is what I'm trying to explain to DH. I can't just "hand off" one and then that person would also be in the back and they would also miss the ceremony. We've spent many Sunday's in the hallway of our church with two screaming babies. Josh had a major meltdown at their baptism a month ago. BIL video taped the baptism for us and for a good 5 minutes you can't hear a word the deacon was saying. During that, I had no choice but to sit there and try to calm him down. For someone's wedding, I would leave asap because I would not want their ceremony ruined by a crying child.

Everyone we know have plans that weekend, so I could not ask help. DH would never go for hiring someone. We're already spending enough money for the other wedding. Plus they have hit or miss stranger anxiety. Knowing my luck, if we did hire someone they would be in full blown stranger anxiety and would not want to be even held by that person.

I'm glad that I am not the only one who feels this would be hard. If they were a little older I would do it, but right now it would be stressful for everyone.

Thanks!

 

No way would I go. Suggest to DH he takes them (I know he can't take them both but he could take one). see if he changes his mind about you lol. Just stay home and stay in ur routine and deal with the family afterwards, it would be different if DH was with you.

 

I would skip the wedding and put it an appearance at the reception, you can always hightail it out of there if they are bad. People have to understand that you have babies and if they don't, then oh well, you are doing your best.

 

If I didn't have any help - no way would I go. No way! DH's cousin is getting married in November - my husband is a farmer and that's his busy time. I won't be going if he can't go with me.
I don't care if it makes his family mad. They'll all get over it.

I wouldn't do it.

 

If you're not breastfeeding, or if one baby would take a bottle, I'd have DH take one to Texas (on his lap) and then keep one yourself. If you're expected to go to a wedding with a baby, he can to. Just send him with the kid that is currently "easier".

 

QUOTE(Ali M @ Aug 17 2008, 05:09 PM) [snapback]934412[/snapback]
If you're not breastfeeding, or if one baby would take a bottle, I'd have DH take one to Texas (on his lap) and then keep one yourself. If you're expected to go to a wedding with a baby, he can to. Just send him with the kid that is currently "easier".



Just what I was thinking.. that is the wonderful advantage to having twins....there is ONE for EACH parent! :lol:


If you have to FLY...or travel far at all...I WOULD NOT GO! There is NO way!

Good luck, keep us posted!

Missy

 

Now that the twins are older I would take just them by myself. But I wouldn't take them and my 8 month old by myself. If your's are still under 1 1/2 I would so not go by myself. My family situation would be the same. No one knows what it's like, unless they've had multiples.

 

If you think you have to go--just go and sit in the back near the exit--if ot begins to get too difficult just make a quick getaway--at least you made an appearance.

April

 

At that age with no help, no way. We still were not STTN and I would have been miserable.

 

Could you go to the wedding and sit in the back and then bail at the reception if they acted up? That way you tried, right?

Could your husband bring one with him? (Hey, fair is fair...right?)

 

Ok I have another suggestion .... just say "yes dear we will work it out somehow".... heck dont' argue with him. He will be Texas !! Don't tell him what you are going to do or how. Just say "we will figure something out". Then just show up for about an hour or so at the hall when the babies have had at least one nap. Don't take them out of the stroller while you are there, so they don't get passed around. Just say "oh I want them left in the stroller they are making strange right now and I can't be holding both babies". Likely the babies will dictate how long you are there. Make your rounds see the bride first thing. DONE.

 

QUOTE(Ali M @ Aug 17 2008, 04:09 PM) [snapback]934412[/snapback]
If you're not breastfeeding, or if one baby would take a bottle, I'd have DH take one to Texas (on his lap) and then keep one yourself. If you're expected to go to a wedding with a baby, he can to. Just send him with the kid that is currently "easier".


I made that suggestion and his respone was . He then went on to say that he would need to check with his family :angry:
He will be traveling with my mil, bil and nephew (he's 35). They are sharing a rental car and DH is sharing a room with mil.
He said it would be a lot of work since they would be gone for 3 days.....exactly my point!!!! He would have to hold Jake or Josh on his lap for the 2 hour plane ride :cray: He would need to spend extra for a rental car seat (or check ours in and hope it makes it there). His excuses go on and on.

For me, it will be over an hour each way for the wedding.

QUOTE
Don't take them out of the stroller while you are there, so they don't get passed around. Just say "oh I want them left in the stroller they are making strange right now and I can't be holding both babies".


That would never happen with his family.

We still don't have any details about this wedding. She called us yesterday evening and they are still working things out. ardon:

DH said since most of the family, including her only living grandmother will be in Texas, why don't they have a dinner reception on Sunday or Monday. This way, most everyone could attend. She was not too thrilled about that, but she said she would think about it. I understand she must get married before they leave for Germany do to the army paying for her moving and medical expenses. But to expect people to now have to pick and choose which wedding they should go to is wrong. DH said if his ticket was refundable, he would stay here and we would go together.

I'll keep you posted.

 

I'd put in a short appearance at a good time for the babies, but not stay long.

 

I wouldn't go, period. I wouldn't bring my twins to a wedding at all, regardless of whether I had help. I wouldn't want 7 month old babies at my wedding, I certainly wouldn't bring them to someone elses.

 

If I was the bride, I wouldn't want to take a chance on having screaming babies disrupt the wedding ceremony. I wouldn't mind having them at the reception. I think it would be horrible if, instead of hearing "I DO " , she hears a couple minutes of crying.

 

I definitely wouldn't take 7 month olds to a church wedding by myself, I won't even take my 2 1/2 year olds to church by myself! And even at 2 1/2, I'd only take them to a reception by myself if I knew there would be other family there to help. If you don't think his family will/can help, I don't think it would be worth it to make a 2 hr RT, just to "make an appearance." I'd get a verbal commintment from someone first to help or tell them it would be too much. If they're mad, they're mad....that's just a selfish response on their part anyway, so who cares? My family used to complain a little about the babies strict schedule when they were that age, but THEY didn't have to deal with 2 screaming tired babies if they got too far off schedule.

 

I only read the original post do to time constraints, but I took my 7 month olds to a wedding by myself. Well, sort of. What I did was accidentally (on purpose) showed up about 5 minutes late. I took my time getting the girls out of the car, getting the stroller out, etc. We were waiting at the bottom of the church steps when the bride and groom walked out. We were the first thing they saw, and they were SOOOO happy to see us. So, we pleased the wedding couple and I did not have to worry about controlling them in the church. So, I strolled them in to the reception area and let everyone pass them round and round. Yes, people will hand them to you when they get fussy, but I have found people will try harder to calm them themselves if they see you are already holding a fussy baby. It worked out perfect.

 

I'd either put in a short appearance --no promises; or skip it and send a really nice gift . We skipped an out of town family wedding when the boys were 4 mo old because even with both of us and promises of help from other family members because we felt it would be too much to handle--so I can't imagine trying to do it on my own. If you absolutely have to go, is there a teenager or someone in your neighborhood you could pay to go with you to assist--kind of as a "mother's helper"?

 

OK, I went to a wedding and hour and a half away, kind of by my myself.

My husband was in the wedding party, so was gone almost all day and was busy all night.

The girls were like 10 weeks old! I had myself organised with everything that i needed, dressed the girls and then myself, drove to the church, were i had organised to meet my friend(who's husband was in the bridal party also).

I had asked her prior to accepting, if she could hold a baby with me in the church which she was happy to do. We sat in the back. I had fed them deliberately right before leaving, so they would not be hungry. But thats were the predictability stops.

Bree was an angel for her, but bella (miss fussy) decided to start to fuss right 5 minutes before the bride came in (very late bride can just end it for even the best of babies) I put a rug over my shoulder and put her to breast discreetly and she was fine)(she was not liking the weaning, and thought that booby was heaven!!)the rest of the ceremony went great and everyone commented how well the babies behaved(thank god for breasts and pacifiers)

The reception was another issue. Our table had been placed right in the centre of a very crowded room. Needless to say there were tables and chair being divided like the moses and the red sea when we came thru with the emmalunga!

I had fed the girls again during the break beteen church and reception and nappy changed. We stayed long enough to last theu dinner and speeches, but at about 9pm i thought it was time to go home(back to the motel)

You are in a hard situation. If there are no other children invited, and yours are invited because they are so little, i would definately NOT go, even with help (fear of the stranger danger thing)

If on the other hand, there are other children invited, i would only go WITH HELP> or ask ahead for someone already there to just be on hand should you need to maneouver out of the church without too much hassle. If children are invited, inevitably someones kid will cry or fuss, so don't feel bad. I just always adopt the rule if my child gets fussy, i politely leave.

Highly recommend if you are going to make sure your table is put somewhere inconspicious, and VERY near the doorway, so you don't have to upset everyone to get in or out with your pram. Also, another dilemma, if you are going alone, who can you leave your babies with while you get dinner (we had to get up to get ours. I left my girls at my table with my friend, who was sitting at my table.)

If you really want to go, and it is important to YOU , ....GREAT!! It can be done, but in short though, it all just seems too hard if you don't reallt want to go, and can see disaster before you even get there. When it all boils down to it, if your hubby thinks it will be too hard to take one baby with him, then theres your answer. He shouldn't expect you to take TWO babies with you. Do'nt just do it because you feel you have to.

Goodluck and don't feel like you have to prove anything. Like you said, they don't have twins, and wouldn't have a clue of how difficult it can be to take two babies out, let alone to a wedding, let alone without help.