Would you be offended?

Hi - I feel kind of silly for even letting this bother me, but in a conversation with our preschool teacher today she mentioned that she thinks of our girls who turned three last month as 2.5 year olds. I thought this was kind of strange and asked her what she meant and she said that she is working on things with them that 3 year olds have usually mastered - like putting on shoes, putting away clothes, using the potty. I'm trying to just take it in stride, but I don't really feel like they are "behind" their peers. Isn't it normal for a three year old to still be learning to use the potty (they are pretty much 100% at home except at night but still have accidents at school), learning to put on shoes, etc.?

I'm trying to keep a mindset that it doesn't matter if they still have ocassional potty accidents at 3 or still need help with their shoes - they'll get it eventually. They also seem advanced to me in some senses - they know the whole alphabet front and back (including what sounds each letter makes), can point out words in a sentence, can count to 20, and have a very vivid imagination.

Would you have been offended by this or maybe I'm just acting like a 2 year old...

 

For potty training it really depends on the kid to be honest, and I don't think she should be comparing your girls to other kids in any aspect. My son was fully trained by 2.5, but at 4 still has the odd accident if he is too busy and doesn't want to stop playing. He mastered putting on his shoes on his own this past summer, he was 3.5. As for what sounds letters make, Donevan is 4 and has no idea, he does for some, but only when prompted. I would be offended. IMO that comment was uncalled for. They seem to be fine to me for their age.

 

My kids are not potty trained and DS doesn't put his shoes on (I'm sure he could but he's lazy)... It's really odd that they would expect kids to do those things already at 3, but when my kids left Early Intervention they did score lower than 36 months because they were not potty trained... so it could be that she just thinks in terms of what the 'normal' age is... I know a ton of 3yo who are not potty trained yet... but again, I'm sure it's much easier when you don't have to potty train two...

 

None of my kids were potty trained at 3. They just learned how to tie their shoes and they are fixing to be 6. They still can't put away their clothes, and their room is a wreck, too! I guess mine are sort of like 2 year olds, too Everyone has an opinion on where your kids should be, all that really matters is what YOU think. Don't sweat it!!

 

My girls weren't solidly fully potty trained till 3.5. They still have trouble putting some shoes on and at 3 they might have gotten the toys 2 feet before forgetting what they were doing. Each kid is different. Jessy has a larger vocab and has started to pick up reading but still has some issues with fine motor skills(tying shoes is out of the question for now) where as jazz is a great artist for her age and is a lot more physical. Your twins have learned things that are beyond most three year olds but everything does even out in the wash

 

If your just turned 3 year olds are doing everything you mentioned I think thats GREAT!! My son will be 3 in January. He has NOT been interested in potty training even though he brothers were fully potty trained in 24 hrs at 2.5 years old. Ty can not put on his shoes does not know his alphabet or sounds and could honestly care less. He knows the words to all his favorite songs and thats about it. I think for 3 all your kiddos can do is GREAT!

 

you are not silly at all and i can't beleive she put it in those terms. i teach pre-k (4 yo's) and have many students who haven't mastered all of that. heck, i taught first grade for years and had several who hadn't! i am glad you're trying not to let it bother you and to take it all in stride. sounds like she was extremely unprofessional.

btw, one of my boys sitll is not potty-trained. i could care less. he'll do it when he's ready. just like everything else.

hang in there. sounds like you're doing an awesome job!

~~jl

 

I would be incredibly offended! There is such a variance in children that it is ridiculous to compare them. My girls are under 3, but my neighbor's daughter is 3.5 and is still adjusting to the potty and often needs help to get dressed, put away anything, and most definitely put her shoes on. Do I think she is behind? NO! She's just different. Any person who works with children should understand how much children vary in how they progress and the fact that she felt the need to say that to you is simply insensitive.

 

If they just turned three, that would put them at going to K when they are almost 6, right? In the preschool Marcus went to, kids who did not turn 3 until after Oct. 1 were in the 2.5 year old class. To me, it seems like they are where they should be. She could also have a lot of "older" 3's in the class, and it makes them seem like they are behind. Honestly, with 2+ years to go before K, I would take it with a grain of salt and not really worry about it. Kids develop so much every 6 months at that age. They could just be getting ready to jump up.

As for shoes, I doubt she was expecting them to tie, just put them on. Many of the skill you describe, my boys didn't do until they were shown how.

 

I would also be offended. (Of course, I would never confront her or tell her she is a moron for saying that!) It sounds like your girls are doing fantastic and they certainly don't sound "behind" to me! And like the others have said, there is such a variance in kids' abilities at this age and as a child educator, she should know that! You are doing great, Mom!!

 

My kids will be 4 in a couple of weeks and they both are potty trained but my DS is still terrified of public bathrooms. Within the past year they've gotten the concept of taking their shoes on and off. We use velcro shoes right now, so it's easy for them do but I know a year ago, they couldn't do that. As for putting clothes away, if they are told to do it, they'll do it. But it's not something they will do on their own initiative.
To me it sounds like your kids are right on track. I think she could have used a little more tact in discussing those goals with you.

 

So it is appropriate, in a classroom of kids, to see a spectrum of various behaviors. All kids excel in some things and are "slower" (that;s in the eye of the beholder BTW) in others. I wouldn't be offended but I would tell her that you consider your girls to be 3 and according to developmental guidelines that you have seen, they are right on track.

 

Thanks for the support! The more I think about it the more I feel like she was way out of line. She actually said "Anna (not her real name) is more like a three year old than your kids". She said this in front of the girls, too!

I'm looking for other preschool options, but pickings are kind of slim this time of year (especially for twins). There are good things about the program and I mostly like the teacher, but I do sometimes have issues with her - like this.

 

The comment that Anna is more like a 3 year old than your kids is just offensive, saying it in front of the kids is just plain wrong and degrading.