would you be hurt

when DH and i were trying to have children we tried for 5 years then we went through IVF after many surgeries for me. we went through 3 cycles the first everyone was asking questions and knew when we were getting blood work done when we got the sorry answer we just needed to be by ourselves. we didnt call anyone to tell them the bad news but DH was going to the next day well MIL calls and starts yelling at DH for not calling sooner. SIL is very pissed at me cuz i didnt call her to talk about it as soon as i found out. cycle 2 nothing but stress from everyone else. we took a break for the summer and told everyone we may or may not try again so dont ask all along we planned on doing it again in 2 months. round 3 worked for us and DH was so excited he called his mom and sister and his mom said you HAVE to call this one and that one and argued if he didnt want to call them right away and actually got pissed.

ok now after that here is what i need to know.

SIL is now 14 weeks pregnant. she was trying for 1 year but when i asked her over summer if she was still trying she said oh not really all the time but we will get more serious about it when we are ready. OK...well now I find out she is 14 weeks pregnant and has been going to a fertility doctor for over a year. they did medicines first and finally a round of IVF but she only got 1 folicle and they just did artficial insemination instead with no hopes of it working and it did. here she is getting pissed at me and making a big deal that i never told her during cycle 1 on same day it did not take and not talking to me for awhile and giving me a cold shoulder too. also got real mad at me for when we said if we did it again for cycle 3 we werent going to tell anyone just do it. she thought that was absolutely rediculous and i was being a "*****" and not wanting to share something so beautiful as trying. AND SHE WAITS TO TELL ME UNTIL 14 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SORRY SO LONG

 

QUOTE(2xthelove @ Mar 24 2008, 08:02 AM) [snapback]683883[/snapback]
when DH and i were trying to have children we tried for 5 years then we went through IVF after many surgeries for me. we went through 3 cycles the first everyone was asking questions and knew when we were getting blood work done when we got the sorry answer we just needed to be by ourselves. we didnt call anyone to tell them the bad news but DH was going to the next day well MIL calls and starts yelling at DH for not calling sooner. SIL is very pissed at me cuz i didnt call her to talk about it as soon as i found out. cycle 2 nothing but stress from everyone else. we took a break for the summer and told everyone we may or may not try again so dont ask all along we planned on doing it again in 2 months. round 3 worked for us and DH was so excited he called his mom and sister and his mom said you HAVE to call this one and that one and argued if he didnt want to call them right away and actually got pissed.

ok now after that here is what i need to know.

SIL is now 14 weeks pregnant. she was trying for 1 year but when i asked her over summer if she was still trying she said oh not really all the time but we will get more serious about it when we are ready. OK...well now I find out she is 14 weeks pregnant and has been going to a fertility doctor for over a year. they did medicines first and finally a round of IVF but she only got 1 folicle and they just did artficial insemination instead with no hopes of it working and it did. here she is getting pissed at me and making a big deal that i never told her during cycle 1 on same day it did not take and not talking to me for awhile and giving me a cold shoulder too. also got real mad at me for when we said if we did it again for cycle 3 we werent going to tell anyone just do it. she thought that was absolutely rediculous and i was being a "*****" and not wanting to share something so beautiful as trying. AND SHE WAITS TO TELL ME UNTIL 14 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SORRY SO LONG



I am sorry you had to take this from them. It sounds to me like this is your SIL's issue. This explains why she was SOOOOO interested in the details and irritable. Definately inconsiderate. I would try not be hurt but instead feel bad for her for not being able to communicate better. Maybe you can communicate with her at some point so that there is not long term resentment. Your MIL was wrong too. I bet that you husband feels hurt that his mom and sister would not be straight with him.

 

oh she didnt start trying until after we had kids. before that she didnt want any because it would change her life.

but maybe your right who knows how long she was going through the same thing. but why should i have talked about it and not her. i was made to seem like the bad one because i was getting too stressed out from everyone i stopped talking about it. she never even hinted she was going through IVF or taking meds first.

i am not going to make a big deal over it like she did but i do feel hurt.

 

QUOTE(2xthelove @ Mar 24 2008, 07:02 AM) [snapback]683883[/snapback]
when DH and i were trying to have children we tried for 5 years then we went through IVF after many surgeries for me. we went through 3 cycles the first everyone was asking questions and knew when we were getting blood work done when we got the sorry answer we just needed to be by ourselves. we didnt call anyone to tell them the bad news but DH was going to the next day well MIL calls and starts yelling at DH for not calling sooner. SIL is very pissed at me cuz i didnt call her to talk about it as soon as i found out. cycle 2 nothing but stress from everyone else. we took a break for the summer and told everyone we may or may not try again so dont ask all along we planned on doing it again in 2 months. round 3 worked for us and DH was so excited he called his mom and sister and his mom said you HAVE to call this one and that one and argued if he didnt want to call them right away and actually got pissed.

ok now after that here is what i need to know.

SIL is now 14 weeks pregnant. she was trying for 1 year but when i asked her over summer if she was still trying she said oh not really all the time but we will get more serious about it when we are ready. OK...well now I find out she is 14 weeks pregnant and has been going to a fertility doctor for over a year. they did medicines first and finally a round of IVF but she only got 1 folicle and they just did artficial insemination instead with no hopes of it working and it did. here she is getting pissed at me and making a big deal that i never told her during cycle 1 on same day it did not take and not talking to me for awhile and giving me a cold shoulder too. also got real mad at me for when we said if we did it again for cycle 3 we werent going to tell anyone just do it. she thought that was absolutely rediculous and i was being a "*****" and not wanting to share something so beautiful as trying. AND SHE WAITS TO TELL ME UNTIL 14 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SORRY SO LONG



We also conceived via IVF, and what seemed to us to be a long struggle with infertility. We did 3 IUI's before doing IVF, and thankfully it worked on the first round.
When you are in that situation, its very personal to you and your husband. Every time you have a failure, it really does rip your heart out, and make you question everything you've been doing. Its easy for other people (even family members who really should know better) to demand answers, and instant information, but sometimes talking about it can be way too hard, because emotions are so raw. Your MIL and SIL had no right to demand information, and some sensitivity would not have gone amiss.

Back to your SIL. Maybe she finally got a reality check, and started to understand that its hard to make that call to people in your life that you love, because it makes the situation so much more real for the person going through it. Its always easy to be an outsider, and make judgement calls when its not you dealing with it, but when its you, you look at everything differently.

I wouldn't feel hurt, I would probably just feel sad for her, that after all that, she was put in your shoes. Yes, I agree that she should have told you before 14 weeks, but maybe she was doing a little self preservation, that incase something went wrong with the pregnancy, she wouldn't have to explain it to anyone else.

 

I would probably be more annoyed than hurt. The stress of infertility SUCKS, and to have it compounded by family that is demanding answers is just unfair. And for someone who is dealing with it to behave in such a way is just downright confusing to me!!

We told all my family about our infertility issues after we were fully diagnosed, and had found out that IVF was our only route to parenthood. We then LIED to everyone and told them we were doing our first cycle in Sept, when we were really doing it in Aug. I wanted no stress, no questions, no nothing from anyone. I just wanted to cycle on my own with DH. Luckily for us, it worked, and it bought us some time ... when we were "supposedly" doing our beta at the end of Sept, we announced that we were actually EIGHT weeks preg with twins! It was nice to have that bit of surprise to give them. No one was hurt that we lied.

I would be disappointed in your SIL, and maybe talk with her about it. Although 14 weeks preg might not be the best time, we all know how crazy the preg hormones can make you!

Besides all of that, don't feel hurt or upset. They were in the wrong to demand things from you that was unfair.

Erica

 

I would be hurt, annoyed, etc. too. I think I would have to drop a hint sometime ...."you got mad at me for not calling YOU and here you are 14 weeks along ?" it amazes me how some people can say what THEY want WHEN they want. Sorry you are feeling hurt by all this.

 

i was going to say something like that about her getting hurt aboutme but at the same time those hormones are a killer. i may just wait until after the baby is born and just say i wish u would of said something to me when u were going through all of it. i could of been the one person who understands and there to just listen.

what is soo funny the 3rd time around my DH and i were really relaxed and even joked around about the progesterone shots. which to this day i am sure he liked doing just because the needle was so long. maybe thats why it worked. but after all the crap we have 2 beautiful babies i just cant seem to get enough of. oh and their feet are so fun to nibble on lol

 

wow... I dunno about being hurt.. but i'd sure say she was being a hypocrite. She could've talked to you if she needed help through this hard time of conception. Her loss. Sorry you're family is being difficult, fertility stuff isnt just a thing you bring up at the thanksgiving table. hopefully she comes around.