Working Moms

I work as a teacher at a school about 15-20 minutes from home. Every morning we (the girls and I) leave around 6:30 so I can drop them off at daycare and get to work. I have to stay until at least 3:30 but usually end up having to stay a little later. Most days we get home about 4:30. We play till about 5-ish when they eat dinner. By the time we're done with dinner, bath (some nights), and bottle the girls are usually out. I feel like I don't have enough time to read to them and try to teach them things that I would be doing if I were at home all day. I guess I feel a little guilty that our afternoons are so rushed and am a little scared that maybe they won't learn all the things they need to? Anybody else struggle with this feeling? I know it's probably been posted somewhere before but I just had to get it out. I would stay home with them it was financially possible but that's not at all possible now.

 

I know what you mean, and I'm actually jealous of your schedule because I spend even less time with my kids! I am with them in the morning to get them ready, and I take them to daycare. My husband picks them up every day, and I am lucky if I get home during the week to see them for more than 30-45 minutes before bedtime. They go to bed at 7:30. My work schedule has been really hectic lately, so usually 2 nights a week I don't see them at all. Are you happy with the daycare they are at? My daycare does so many wonderful things with them, and I feel like they learn more there than they did at home with a nanny. Most places these days are much more focused on teaching the children than just babysitting. If you see that your daycare does that, I don't think you need to worry that they aren't learning. Just enjoy the time with them. If you do that, you're teaching them more than you realize.

 

At my girls age I don't worry too much about the learning part I guess. It is hectic, though, to be a mom to twins (plus a 6 year old) and work full time. I feel these times of my life are the hardest I have ever had (and ever want to have).

 

:hug

The short answer is, you don't do it all, you just do the best you can. Rest assured they are learning lots of things in daycare and lots from you.

Also, my kids only recently started being interested in reading, we didn't have much success with it when they were 12-16 months. Also one thing i did do was read one or two stories while they were in their cribs. I found they paid better attention.

Miriam

 

Like Miriam says, you *don't* do it all.

Something has to give. I work an hour away from my house (and thank my lucky stars that I was able to find a good job so quickly after being laid off this past summer) so I leave my house at 6:00 am before A and R get up. I don't get home until 5:00 pm on good days. They go to bed between 6 and 7, so by the time I get home, they are #1, cranky (because my husband lets them nap right after breakfast and no second nap), #2, clingy, #3 needy, #4 hungry again, #5 thirsty. So it seems that all I do is get home, feed them, clean them up and put them to bed.

No reading, no fun playing, the whole time is soothing cranky kids. Who, by the way, don't like to share my lap.

So that leaves little time for my side business, laundry, cooking, dishes, the dogs, the cats, myself, the computer, Jeopardy (which is something that I will not budge on). I can't really ask my husband to help with the chores more than he does already because since he works 2nd shift and gets up with the babies, and is consistently exhausted throughout the day.

 

I call this "working mommy guilt." DH dresses them in the moring, I get breakfast ready for them, then I tend to baby. Then we are off to daycare. AFter work, we get home, play for about 20 minutes (or at least used to...with baby, DH mainly handles the boys because baby wants to bf), the boys eat dinner, DH gives them a bath, and if I'm lucky, baby girl will let me help put the boys to bed. This all happens between 5:30 and 7:00pm. It's very hectic.

There's really no other way I could do things, and although I wish I had more time to play and teach my boys, I think they're doing fine. I spend as much time on the weekends as I can with them which often times means that I don't do much for me, but that's because of my mommy guilt. I won't pass up my little time with the boys to go do something inane for myself.

Of course, there is no way any of us can do it all...whether we're working mommies or SAHM. You do the best that you can do, and your children will love you for that!

Plus, I love our daycare and know that they do a great job with "teaching" and entertaining them and I try to follow up with that as much as possible.

 

QUOTE(dlong83 @ Feb 8 2009, 10:32 PM) [snapback]1182185[/snapback]
I work as a teacher at a school about 15-20 minutes from home. Every morning we (the girls and I) leave around 6:30 so I can drop them off at daycare and get to work. I have to stay until at least 3:30 but usually end up having to stay a little later. Most days we get home about 4:30. We play till about 5-ish when they eat dinner. By the time we're done with dinner, bath (some nights), and bottle the girls are usually out. I feel like I don't have enough time to read to them and try to teach them things that I would be doing if I were at home all day. I guess I feel a little guilty that our afternoons are so rushed and am a little scared that maybe they won't learn all the things they need to? Anybody else struggle with this feeling? I know it's probably been posted somewhere before but I just had to get it out. I would stay home with them it was financially possible but that's not at all possible now.



I'm a full-time lawyer. I drop the kids off at daycare around 7:30 and get home around 6:15 on average. Daddy picks them up from daycare at 5:30, brings them home, gives them dinner, then we do the bedtime routine and bottles (we are weaning off these) and they are in bed by 7:00. Of course I feel guilty sometimes - I spend about 1 1/2 hours with them a day on the weekdays. I balance it by spending the weekends with them (I only rarely have to go to work), and I think that daycare does a lot of the teaching so we can focus on fun and playing. I think it will get better as they stay up later and we start eating dinner together. Now, because they get up around 6:30 to 7, they really need to be in bed by 7. I have to put their sleep needs ahead of my desire to spend time with them. They will stay up later in the next couple years, until 8 hopefully, and we can do dinner and some more fun time.

I just do the best I can.

 

I have the same problem and worries. In the morning we get them up, change diapers, get dressed and put them in the car. I see them less than half an hour. Our night schedule is crammed into 2 hours and I hate it. We do everything we can to shorten the time we are cooking, etc so we will have more of that time with them. We also only do baths every other night (unless they really need it) to have a little more time with them during the week.

We all get home right around 5:15 (if it's earlier it's bonus playtime!). DH plays with them while I heat up their dinner. They eat at 5:30. DH cooks while I feed them. They either hang out in the high chairs, wander around the dining room or watch their movie while we scarf down dinner. By now it's usually 6:30. We all go play in the playroom until 7pm. If it's bath night we do baths, pjs and back to playroom until 7:30. If it's not bath night then we get some extra playtime. At 7:30 it's bottles and bedtime. We've done much better since we got our routine down, before that it all felt like a big scramble.

As for teaching them, it's only half an hour, but we just try to throw it in during play. We talk to them while they play (Oh wow you have the red ball, etc). I am happy with our daycare and what they teach them though and that makes it *OK* with me to spend my time cuddling on nights that they will.

It's not enough time, and we don't do it all. You just have to find what works for your family for right now and go with it. Good luck!

 

It's definitely hard. I work full-time as a doctor and also take call in the evenings a few nights a week. My older son goes to daycare while the twins stay home with a nanny. I have about an hour in the mornings with everyone before we leave for daycare/work but it's fairly rushed what with getting dressed and breakfast. Then I come home around 5:30-6, we all eat dinner and we play for 30-45 min before the bedtime routine starts. There's never quite enough time, but my daycare and nanny work a lot with the kids so somehow it all works out.

 

I wish I had some sage advice, but I don't. :hug: I spent the first year of my babies lives in the exact same situation and worked all year to try to figure out something different for us. I now work 1/2 time at the office (usually 2 days per week + a meeting on Mon or Fri for 2 hours) and the other 1/2 time I work when they are sleeping or when DH is home.

Taking them out of daycare was the best decision for us since neither really adjusted to napping there and our time in the evening together was miserable, even as they got older.

Alas, I have even less time for myself. I am caring for them during the week when DH is gone and then DH and I usually take care of them together and spend time as a family (DH does do the majority of baths and cooking). What has helped me is that I don't have all the guilt of not being with them and spending time helping them reach milestones and learn new things.

I feel like I am going a million different directions and often feel like I constantly owe myself/my time to someone or something. I guess I've finally just decided that working moms that have no option but to work due to their financial contribution live in a constant state of guilt and self-sacrifice. I'm wondering if it improves at all once they go to school?

Maybe as they get a bit older you can let them stay up a bit later. I know many moms tell me that their kids don't get near the number of hours in at night that mine do. If they nap well enough, that might be an option. :hug:

 

I hear ya!

It's hard, no doubt about it. Especially now being pregnant again. My DH takes care of everything in the morning ... he gets them up, and gets them dressed, fed and off to daycare, since I leave earlier than him.

I am in charge of picking them up at 430pm ... and we usually have dinner around 515pm ... 6pm bath (if it's bath night) and bed by 7pm.

It's not a lot of time, but we more than make up for it on the weekends.

But to be totally honest, right now I wish I had more time ot myself. I find myself wishing the weekends away, or wishing till naptime, bedtime, because I just want to lay down. I'm sure that's just because I've got terrible morning sickness, and my kids being in the terrible 2s isn't helping ...

I guess because I know all the activities they do at daycare, and see how much they are learning, I don't beat myself up about "teaching" them stuff. My kids know lots of songs, their ABCs, their colors, etc. All from daycare ... so they are learning tons ... and I get to just enjoy hugging and cuddling them!

 

How do you do it all?
Simple: I don't.
And for the most part I accept that I don't. I'm lucky I have a good job in an ecomony that means I can afford domestic help. But I also acept that the house will not be perfect, that the kids will not be in as many activities, that I will not has as much time to myself as I'd like. Make a list of everything that needs to be done and prioritize it and don't forget to think about how long the task takes. Sometimes I choose to do 4 less important things that would take the same amount of time as doing one thing from higher on the list.

 

QUOTE(Meximeli @ Feb 9 2009, 04:46 PM) [snapback]1182750[/snapback]
How do you do it all?
Simple: I don't.

Same here. I can't and I don't do it all. I can't let it bother me that my house isn't always clean, the laundry isn't always done and sometimes we eat way too many convenience foods. I don't worry about the reading thing just yet. I mean we read books when we can but I know there's lots of time for learning once school starts. I have an older DD who is in Kindergarten now and we put the twins to bed a bit before her so we have some time to read books and such. She does any homework while we are getting the twins ready for bed. I just do what I can, when I can and don't worry about the rest. I'm also very good about taking time for myself as well. I have dinner once a month with my NICU Moms group, I meet friends for shopping or something about once a month. I work out in the AM before work so I don't have to do it when the kids are up after work. It's not always perfect, but we have a nice life and I try not to take that for granted. I am not cut out to be a SAHM and would never quit my job to do it, so since I have chosen this life I make it work as best I can.

 

I don't do it all! For one thing we have a housecleaner (every other week).

Also, while I wish I could spend more time with my kids, I don't for one second feel guilty that they're missing out on anything by being at daycare. If anything, they've always had more enrichment opportunities at school than they would have had with me. For instance, this morning they had an entire box of "restaurant props" that they were playing with -- menus, aprons, placemats, salt & pepper shakers, order pads, etc. They also have a doctor box, a "beauty shop" box, a construction box, etc. They do zillions of art projects, they learn songs, they do puzzles.... Daycare/preschool just has way more resources than I have!

When they were younger I did sometimes worry that they wouldn't know who their parents really were. As you said, we spent only a couple of hours with them on weekdays, and that time was mostly spent getting ready for daycare or getting fed and into bed at night. Now that they're older, they go to bed later -- and although that cuts into our adult time, it also means we have some real playtime at home before & after dinner. And they definitely know (and have always known) who Mommy and Daddy are.

We try to do activities on the weekends, but the kids also just like being with us even if we're just running errands. And they need some downtime too, especially since school is so stimulating.

Some things do have to go. One thing I regret is that I don't have time to make many "mom" friends. Our next-door neighbor is a SAHM and I totally love her, but our schedules don't mesh at all. I also can't do most of those classes like Gymboree, swimming, etc., because they're mostly on weekdays, and our weekends are chock-full already (though we did finally start ballet on Saturday mornings).

But like PP said, this is the life I chose and I would not really want to do anything differently.

 

I wanted to add a few things (agree with all pp)

** Don't underestimate the value of just letting them keep you company. Talk to them while you get dressed or while you make dinner, etc. It doesn't all have to be about structured activities
** As they get closer to 2, they will be able to stay up a bit later, you will probably start a family meal and that will be good opportunty to spend time together.

Some days are harder than others

 

Thanks ladies - I needed to read this today! I know I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel so different from the other moms in my neighborhood, DD's school etc. because I work and very few of them do. I work because I like to work not because I have to, which makes it worse sometimes. I know my family is doing really well and everyone is happy. That's all I could ask for I guess.....Anyway - THANK YOU!

 

I'm a lawyer who is lucky enough to have a nanny at home so she takes care of laundry and cooking for the kids. I'm also a single mom so I can't imagine doing it all myself. I just wanted to comment on the teaching aspect. First, a toddler's work is play. That's how they learn about the world around them, how things work, etc. They don't need flashcards or exercises. Second, I know a few kids who are in daycare and they are heads above my boys in terms of knowing things. Daycares are great for teaching. Now that mine are older, I do sometimes say "oh, you are playing with the megablocks, that's a nice orange megablock" or something like that. Sometimes I count things with them. Lately I use my finger under the words when I read to them because I suspect one of my sons is figuring out the whole letter thing, but, generally, it's all led by them.

Yours are just baby babies. Let them just explore. And get used to the guilt. I went for brunch on Sunday and it was mostly during their nap and I felt awful I took "us" time away when we don't have much of it at all.

 

We don't have a lot of time either. I'm up at 5, eat a quick bfast, do a quick chore (or get dinner ready) then get the kids up (2 2yr olds & a 6 month old) get everyone changed, dressed and hair done. Then myself. We're out the door NLT 645 on good days. I technically have to be to work by 7, but had to adjust my schedule to 7:30 becuase I couldn't make it out the door in time. We drop everyone off and then it's off to work for the day.

I do all the getting ready myself and usually drop all the kids off by myself too. DH just moves to slow for me! LOL

I get off at 4:30, rush home and finish making dinner, plate it up so it's cooled off enough for them. Leave and go get everyone at 5. We're home by about 5:30, they eat while I BF the baby. Every other night is bath night for the girls (older two) and they go to bed about 7. The baby follows close behind, usually between 6:30-7:30 for him. After that, it's chores, chores chores.......

We really just make the most of the little bit of time we do have. At the age your two are, we didn't do a whole lot of 'learning' and I was actually working till 7:30 at night, so DH always put them to bed. I never got to read them any stories or anything. Now, at just over 2, they will bring me books to read, and we'll read them. Usually they are short, 5-10 minute long books (about all the attention span they have right now) but we'll go through maybe 5-10 books some nights (of the shorter ones)

As for learning, take advantage of every little minute. I'll ask "what color is your coat/shirt/shoes, socks" and so on with sister and brother too. We'll sing the ABC song while we're getting dressed in the morning, and count to 10 every chance we get, or higher if they feel like going higher.... I'll ask them to count how many brushes mommy has while I'm doing their hair in the morning, etc.... Just little things like that. They're learning all the time. I'll give one of them a certain amount of crackers say, and tell them "okay, now go give your sister two" or Three, or however many. Generally they just have to divide the crackers up, but it makes them think "okay, how many do I have and how many do I get to keep". and they usually will get it right.

So while our schedule is mucho hectic, we just make the most and do what we can. They seem pretty smart to me! And they learn all day long at daycare too don't forget.. Ours go to a daycare that is based on learning. We pay extra for them to be taught, so I hope they are learning! LOL Not a montessori school, but just a step up from regular daycare.

 

Thanks for all the encouragement! I'm glad I'm not alone on this whole guilt thing. Our daycare is great. Right now the girls are in the second infant room where they are the oldest ones. They should be moving up soon to the room where they eat the daycare lunches, etc. They may already be there but we were a little late moving to this room because they just weren't ready developmentally.

I guess we'll just keep taking it day by day and doing what we can! (Those of you who said you can't do it all are absolutely right. It took us nearly two days to clean up after their birthday party, lol!)